Why am I in this pickle.....
 

So even though the title is comical its actually very serious... DONT READ CONTAINS graphic reading....

I am in some weird situation... on 1 hand I haved worked hard and learned many things in order to transform my life.... here I am at the cusp of that transformation.... its only a matter of time... I have grown up within a life of poverty... abuse.. neglect and a loner.....

I am kinda detached but every now and then I contemplate depression... it switches from depression to rage and back and forth instantly... its because of the situation rationally is not a good one... then I get real angry about it... but then i calm down because violence is not the answer and I dont know what to do with my rage and because the timing is not right... One cannot subscribe to mindless rage for he will be the one who is at fault...

So problem number one is... my room mate.... I dont make much but he eats my food..... and he is a liar... he steals my rent money to pay for his expenses and we are always late on the bills..... Every single time he has lied to me about the ordeal... lol he must think i am stupid.. I am not in a good position to just move out.. especially in this town...

but anyways.... maybe a ****** room mate would be all right.... but this one...................... Screws his dog..... He screws his dog daily... maybe even twice a day..... but I cant say anything yet untill i am able to film him... so I not only have to further endure this very awkward and sad situation but I have to further scare myself by taping him just so people will believe me... Im not dumb.... I know the first question will be... what makes me think that... That is exactly with the ASPCA asked me when I called for help.... I have to deal with the smell...................... It makes me really angry.... I can just move away either.. he is sexually abusing this dog... and he is soo dumb for doing it like it is normal.... he had his door open one time... because I was asleep...

I have been waking up subconsciously and with the help of my guardians to find out what time he starts in the morning...

What ever ambitions I had were weakens by this ordeal.. plus my job giving me **** for taking days off... I have no life.. I dont know anyone.. no one calls me to go hang out on the weekend.. and lol if they did I wouldn't go... because a lot of people have bad habits.... not only that but...

The whole QAnon movement with some of these public figures being satanist... and doing things to children.... The whole reason why I am messed up and have anger issues is because of my astral travels as a kid... I would save kids from these things in what I thought were dreams then...........

But to be honest... I dont know what to do.... I know love is the answer.. but the burn of rage fills me... I can feel my body heat up.... but that is another story....

Thats it.. done venting... as my room smells of dog and human....
but why am I in this situation?

Is this something that will test my courage and ensure that I dont get comfortable and live a "normal" life....

I see you're venting ... It's your second thread I've just read, and I see you're young (29).

My well meant suggestion ... Learn to reliably get into an altered state of consciousness (I recommend self-hypnosis, bot you can also meditate, ...), and ask questions like: what is my life lesson? why do humans incarnate? why am I now in this situation?

Don't waste your life with anger! Love isn't the answer. Knowing yourself, your life lesson, evolve ... those are a few answers.

Yeah :)
I dont like using hypnosis to alter my consciousness haha meditation all the way... hmm... I will see but of course it wont be a straight answers which means its open to interpretation which means im basically at square one... yeah... I learning to love more and I have been watching my thoughts... i think positive 95% of the day... I just have to keep reminding myself what is reality..."Love"

the anger part is whenever i am visited by a negative being... do I attack or do I send love... either way they leave when I realize they are there... but I have been doing well lately with this grid I made. But I am just to hard on myself.... 1 small thing is a big thing and learning how to relax is another thing..

thanks for replying...

When I ask questions, under self-hypnosis, I keep a neutral attitude of mild curiosity, and an expectation for a meaningful answer. It pops up in my head as knowledge, no words, and it is clear, concise, strikingly meaningful. If I don't get the answer immediately, I discard anything delayed. I never interpret what I get, and although I keep coming back thinking about it, I always come back to the original formulation, without any changes.