Anxious/Avoidant attachment is falsely labeled as twin flames.
 

So i've been thinking lately about how someone can mistake a person for being a "twin flame".

We all know the same old tired and over played out "story"

Hes with someone else and wont leave that person for me.
He only gives "crumbs" and withdraws again.
Hes a runner

He he he. obsess obsess obsess. hes my twin flame! Ive never felt like this about anybody before.. blah blah blah

For far too long "twin flame teachers" have been enabling too many people who have an anxious/avoidant attachment relationship to think "he's my twin flame"

This is a well documented occurrence that all human being have. It is also biologically hardwired in all humans.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWQ4flhTxkk

I think it is no coincidence that far too many things between anxious/avoidant attachment relationships and "twin flames" are exactly the same.

It is no coincidence that we are seeing the very same happening in the "twin flame" community as what is outlined in the video.

The only difference is one is thoroughly documented and researched while the other is some spiritually branded made up "theory" with no proof of any kind other then "feelings" and "signs"

so what do you think about "twin flames" now huh?

I see so many out there saying there "no logical explanation" for what these so called "twin flames" are experiencing..but there actually is.. anxious/avoidant attachment relationships. And there is nothing "twin flame" about it at all.

Interesting.

However, tired as the stories may be, it's a boon* that people can come here with their successes and failures to talk. The forum comes with a certain anonymity in that people don't have to reveal their "birth certificate" names so those with their stories can pour out to "strangers with some level of sympathy and understanding," which may be a lot easier than talking to so-called friends.

Sometimes they get good advice from both sides.

But I do agree that the label "twin flames" is unfortunate. All versions of the theory come with a dogma that can be so constricting, whether things work out or not. I try to imagine what it must be like for a guy living a reasonable everyday life, not particularly spiritual or religious and can understand why they're suspicious or not interested. Getting them on the twin flame current (unless they're there hanging about waiting for the moment) must be frightening. Think of it: "The universe (i.e. god) demands...this and that... You must stay spiritually married to me for eternity!" Were I a guy I'd say, "On yer bike! God's finger was pointing at the wrong person. It isn't me!"

Is the label necessary at all? I look at many long term happy relationships where it's pretty obvious the people are (figuratively) one soul in two bodies (which I see different from two separate bodies each with a part soul). All metaphorical anyway. These are people who are mutually appreciative; both contribute much to each other's lives, call it spiritual if you want but it also happens on the mundane - they've carved roles for each other, can be relied upon and trusted enough that trust no longer comes into it; and the very first reaction of both in a crisis is support. They are inseparable. In terms of this forum, they are of one spirituality.

To me they are the twin flames, not those living in anxiety and hanging around half a lifetime on the strength of some diktat they picked up on the web.

*boon, not Mills & Boon.

Bests....

Im sure those so called friends are sick to death of hearing about the "story" especially when its all someone talks about nonstop. I actually really hate the term twin flame..i always have it sounds stupid. twin f-LAME The "standard" read about them is equally enlightening as the label.

I have always suspected that codependent women inserted the "universe demands" clause in there. Thats how they behave already. The do this ..or else threat. Obey my unrealistic needs or you shall suffer for it. The psycho girlfriend or ex who meets twin flame theory.

I think you sum it up best.."those living in anxiety and hanging around half a lifetime on the strength of some diktat they picked up on the web. "

Thats exactly what anxious attachment is.

No saying this isn't the case for a majority of people here...

But do you not believe in twin flames at all?

I'd like an explanation for this sign if possible.
I ended up somewhere I didn't want to be one day (wont say where) anyway on the wall was written in this format
"Her full name
My full name
United Under God
07-14-2008"
That was on 07-14-2008. Well in that place I didn't know anybody there,though people were there. No one knew her either as far as I'm aware.

I know a lot of people have signs that are just numbers on the clock, and I write that off to the universe. But what if there's a bigger sign like this?

The real twin flames are the elderly couples who've ironed out any troubles and are now inseparable. When one passes on the other prays to be allowed to join them; or lives on with the deceased's spirit still within them. They both grieve - I mean, who wouldn't if you've spend a lifetime happily with someone, but there's probably never bitterness or angst (except at the injustice of parting).

It would take a heck of a long time in my view for a couple to class themselves twin flames. A shag or two, a bit of romancing for a couple whose separate lives have become humdrum doesn't really make it. There is SO much propaganda and snake oil out there on the web...watch the spiders don't get you.

♥

As I see this relationship from what I have experienced, it is just like every other relationship, it just have that label - twin flames or twin souls (which term I like much more) and it is given because those two people have some similar synchonized energies, bioenergies (similar personalities, life experience) so they are drawn to each other in "mystical" ways while there should be no mysticism at all, because it's just energies, we are all energy beings, just like everything else we get in contact with on this planet (there is energy exchange). People are just conditioned to romanticize such things to give it certain meaning and to feel special, so they call it "phenomenon" and so on.

Now what I think about the same soul mission, I am trying to figure out what it could be. I see that because of the same synchronicities we have same or very similar interests and we are doing similar activities on a daily basis, but not working on same fields of activities. So I am questioning if we supposed to get on the same path eventually, but firstly learn and improve ourselves separately. What I noticed is that if one does some work (that supposedly is linked to what we should do together) the other gets less energy for that, or gets triggered, or something like that. I do believe it's because they are not balanced yet.

My thoughts about the video, about anxious and avoidant attachments in people's personalities. What I got from that mostly I agree, especially on that part that the only way to finally get in balance is to completely cut the attachment by cutting the chords (supposedly, because I heard what can happen after that and it's not just only grief and sadness). And if you don't do that the same cycle continues, you will get in that codependant state over and over again and that is called being stuck. I think that anxious/avoidant behaviour could vary in the same person, it just depends on his state of being, I guess. The key is to balance yourself, but also keep in mind that you can't be perfect, because you're human, so those flaws that are considered anxiety, avoidance or whatever supposed always come to surface every once in a while (unless we all become gods, which I highly doubt, haha).

Another thing that is said about this type of relationship is that it's not about those two people, it's about raising the awareness of the humanity. I think that's why they must be completely separate, so they learn a lot of stuff by themselves, only that way you can give and share your knowledge with others. In that way you also learn how to balance your self needs which are ego driven, but also important and even vital part, with serving of the humanity (balancing it means giving those two parts equal amount of attention).

Now I see that I have a long way before me, especially when I was stuck in literally one place for almost all those years since I met them. I came near my fullest possible potential only at the beggining of relationship which took only few months and all the other years after that were just simply wasted.

As I see this relationship from what I have experienced, it is just like every other relationship, it just have that label - twin flames or twin souls (which term I like much more) and it is given because those two people have some similar synchonized energies, bioenergies (similar personalities, life experience) so they are drawn to each other in "mystical" ways while there should be no mysticism at all, because it's just energies, we are all energy beings, just like everything else we get in contact with on this planet (there is energy exchange). People are just conditioned to romanticize such things to give it certain meaning and to feel special, so they call it "phenomenon" and so on.

Now what I think about the same soul mission, I am trying to figure out what it could be. I see that because of the same synchronicities we have same or very similar interests and we are doing similar activities on a daily basis, but not working on same fields of activities. So I am questioning if we supposed to get on the same path eventually, but firstly learn and improve ourselves separately. What I noticed is that if one does some work (that supposedly is linked to what we should do together) the other gets less energy for that, or gets triggered, or something like that. I do believe it's because they are not balanced yet.

My thoughts about the video, about anxious and avoidant attachments in people's personalities. What I got from that mostly I agree, especially on that part that the only way to finally get in balance is to completely cut the attachment by cutting the chords (supposedly, because I heard what can happen after that and it's not just only grief and sadness). And if you don't do that the same cycle continues, you will get in that codependant state over and over again and that is called being stuck. I think that anxious/avoidant behaviour could vary in the nsame person, it just depends on his state of being, I guess. The key is to balance yourself, but also keep in mind that you can't be perfect, because you're human, so those flaws that are considered anxiety, avoidance or whatever supposed always come to surface every once in a while (unless we all become gods, which I highly doubt, haha).

Another thing that is said about this type of relationship is that it's not about those two people, it's about raising the awareness of the humanity. I think that's why they must be completely separate, so they learn a lot of stuff by themselves, only that way you can give and share your knowledge with others. In that way you also learn how to balance your self needs which are ego driven, but also important and even vital part, with serving of the humanity (balancing it means giving those two parts equal amount of attention).

Now I see that I have a long way before me, especially when I was stuck in literally one place for almost all those years since I met them. I came near my fullest possible potential only at the beggining of relationship which took only few months and all the other years after that were just simply wasted.

I think labels don't really do anyone much good. I use them because it's easier, but labels are just that--ways to put a name to an experience. It's sort of like religion. You can explain things any number of ways, but in the end, it's all the same. Psychology and spirituality are highly connected. Twin flames could not only be explained in part by object relation/attachment theory, but also by behaviorism, Jungian psychology, and many more branches of theory. But, with the exception of maybe Jung who believed in the collective unconscious and archetypes, there are holes in the explanation.
For instance, how do you explain the successful ones, or the ones who have reached acceptance and moved on, but still feel deeply connected? How do you explain the mind training itself to always look at the clock at 11:11 or the insane "coincidences" many of us have experienced?

I don't think the mythology surrounding the twin flame idea is necessarily all correct, but I do think there are people who are experiencing a typical attachment relationship issue and then there are other people who have something different. And whether you want to call it a spiritual name or a scientific name, it's something unique and special. And much like religion, you can choose to accept it, analyze the parts you agree and disagree with, or discard it completely. The choice is for each of us to make on our journey through life.

I dont know what to think. Most info about twin flames is pretty much lies. Avoidant/anxious attachment seems to pretty much fit the bill of what twin flames actually are. a match made in hades that was never meant to work out.

i think the signs and etc are just a manifestation that we do ourselves. The never amount to anything either apparently.