Do you think that people are exempt from being toxic just "because they're family?"
 

Hi everyone. This time of year really gets me thinking about this. In my case I have an aunt (my mother's sister in law.) She's super Catholic but in a zealous way. She tried to convert me. This is why I removed her from my life about 7 or 8 years ago.
I'll just keep the story short but I consider her toxic. I don't respond to any of her emails. Do you think just because she's family that exempts her from being toxic? In my opinion any relationship that requires you to compromise yourself isn't worth it. There may be people who say "Well sometimes you have to compromise." I personally don't agree though.

You do not get to choose your family, but you do get to choose who associate with. Family does not get a pass, just because they are family. There are members of my family that I see on holidays only, and that is more than enough. There are a couple I do not want to see that often.

I think I am quicker to cut off family now because when I was younger I was forced to compromise - I realized I do not have to do that. My mental health, and my feelings, are more important than "keeping the peace" with toxic people.

Hi. They absolutely do NOT get a free pass because they are family. We are dealing with a very toxic person in our family just now but she is an in law and not blood thank goodness and hopefully we will have her out of lives soon. I cannot even begin to describe what she has put my brother through with her lies and deceit to all of us.
There is NO excuse at all for this type of behaviour from anyone, let alone family.

No one gets a pass on being toxic. Even family.

I agree.

As a child, it is very difficult to accept this because you depend on your family.

That's why children from dysfunctional families always suffer.


We need to build a world that protects children from harm - but, we also need to create a better world that can help damaged adults.


I think I want to add one more thought - if you are a creature that always wants to see the good in other creatures then it can also be very painful to accept that some creature doesn't have empathy and compassion. Some people are born that way (I see them as handicapped) and therefore they can't help themselves, but you still have to protect yourself and others from their harm.

ReturningM. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back.

In my opinion, you owe her nothing and she owes you nothing. You just happen to be born in to the same family. So what!

I always say Friends are the people you pick yourself family are not



Namaste

In my opinion “family” is much more than blood. Blood makes us related but trust and a connection makes us family. Maybe you are struggling with this because of your concept of “family.”

There are all sorts of families; step-family, blended family, extended family, same-sex family, foster family, etc., and our in-laws who are not blood related are also considered family by marriage.

Often I think of the human race as one big dysfunctional family. But in my opinion our true family are those we trust and feel connected to. Your aunt will most likely continue until someone confronts her.

I have to agree with that


Namaste

I don't know I can't I'm just one because the only time my dad's family speak to me is a funerals because they've got to say hello to me because if it's certain funeral directors doing a funeral there are nice to me but anyone else they don't know me any time I've got nobody in the dawn care the excuse says I've got nobody they don't want me to impart is Armin and bothers me to look at was my size or I've been pretty a beautiful look at because I don't reimbursed By Me by photos being disgusting and viled through a cut of only a realised I'm a nice person to me it's what inside the person that comes away my mom and dad brought me up
But the only time my dad said a family speak to me is a funerals and they were time they want nothing to tell me and that's a really upset my sister the way they treat me and I add my eyes opened up and that lot and my sister is right the army time is spoke to me it's a few and most and they were time they can't get away cook it for me but I think it's my psychic ability I've had since it was born they're scared in case I mentioned things because to it because spirit will give it things won't realize now give it off

I Was very shy when i was younger ridiculed because of my gifts.

When my dad passed my cousin came up to me, and said this is my brother

your first cousin, I didn't know him and he didn't know me,

and he wasn't the first either yet he knew my siblings


Namaste

That's just a new definition of family, which makes the word ''family'' kinda pointless.

They like to loosen definitions of words including 'family' because it creates ambiguity which opens the door to saying things that have no bearing on reality.

There might be a family member who isn't trustworthy (usually there is), but you're stuck with it because they are family. You have a friend you trust with your life, but he isn't your family and he has his own mob. Family has nothing to do with trust.

If adopted, you can then say your family has no blood relation, but when we say 'we raised him as our own', we're talking about blood. Adoption is modeled after blood offspring. It's in lieu of 'your own children'. The adopted ones know that, so they tend to be curious about their own ancestry.

Ya gotta watch out because people will pretend they are your family, like your gang, or a cult, or that Twin Flame Universe thing etc. One cult I know of was literally called "The Family". It's not.

'Family' regards your bloodline. Even if they are a bag of rotters, you know they are your mob because you know who begat whom. You can even hate your parents, but they are your parents because birds and bees make it so.

I had a step father (deceased), but if my parents broke up, it's later gator to him. I'm with mum, and he'd go back his own mob. My siblings' exes were also 'part of the family' via marriage, but since the divorces I haven't seen them, and I don't want to see them!

The same-sex thing is only couples, not families, because procreation is male-female. They might adopt or something, but as I pointed out before, that is a child in lieu of the one that they can't have together. Their 'family' is modeled after how males and females make children. The male-female-child dynamic is primary reference for 'Family' simply because that's how nature works.

'Family' regards how males and females make brothers and sisters, and therefore aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc. The word 'family' refers something real in nature. We know how that works, and exceptions to the rule do not change the rule.

Yes, I agree with Gem here. There are other ways to mimic a 'family' but that's not what family means. Calling your best friends ''the family you choose'' is kinda nonsensical. It just means you're changing the meaning of the word. Why do that? Why is ''best friends'' not enough, why call it ''family'' if actual family is less important to you, or perhaps a disappointment? I mean.. just think about that for a sec. Why do you actually choose to call a friend your ''family''? Why not another word?

It's like saying you're an atheist but you just believe in 'God' anyway and turn it into something non-spiritual or something because you are attached to the word.

I see your point Altair and Gem. Good comments.

However, I do call my best mate of forty two years my “soul sister” cos it feels right to me. Actually Sparrow Guide kinda confirmed it for me.

But as you say, it’s only a word and whatever FEELS right with others is ok with me.

As for toxic. For me personally, you do not let them into your life whether family or not. But that’s just me.

My point is, why do some use the word if the word doesn't mean all that much to them to begin with? If someone has negative connotations with the word ''family'' because personal issues, then why keep using it affectionately to the point a good friend is viewed as ''family''? This makes no sense.

I love both of my brothers, they don't love me. I recognize that the whole thing is toxic, I just don't want to give up trying to get along with them. They get along with each other. I'm schizotypal which means I think a lot like a child might and I totally believe in magic but there is no compassion or empathy in my brothers. There is no excuse for the way we act to each other, they are toxic to me and they have to go. No exemptions even for family. It's a real shame.