Constant Thoughts of Death for 18 Years.
 

Hi, I am brand new to this forum and when I read others responses; I feel very calm and at peace. Thank you, kind people. I want to please share with you, my story. What I write is a true personal experience that has affected my entire mental outlook thus far and has lingered with me for 18 years.

In the fall of 1998, 4 months after finishing my first college degree, I was helping my parents run a business they inherited from my grandfather. My dad was split from my mom because of the business, so I agreed to come help the business so my dad could go home to mom.

During Thanksgiving week of 1998, I flew home with my dad to my family in California. I got a bad cold on the airplane. I went to store and bought Robitussin Gel Caps for the cold. I took two of them during the day and while sitting at the table with family, my heart started to beat out of control. My pulse was in the 160's-170's and my blood pressure went up to over 200+ / 110.

I felt as if the adrenaline in my body was broken and flowing 10x what it should. I was literally scared out of my mind. I could not sit still. I yelled to my parents to take me to the hospital right away. Once in the hospital, I could not sit still. I was pacing as my heart raced. It was the most miserable scary feeling I had ever had.

The doctor recognized that I had a reaction to the pseudoephedrine in the cold medicine. From that point on, my life was never, ever the same.

All I could think about was death. Prior to this, I was a healthy, fun, wonderful young man. I had so many dreams. I was accomplishing so much. But, after this experience, my life turned upside down.

I could not get the thought of death from my mind. I was so scared and I started to have massive panic attacks. I was having panic attacks during my sleep! I went to numerous doctors and they all said I was healthy and fine.

I even went to the doctor at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio and he did a full work-up. He told me to go out and run a marathon.

However, even though physically I was strong, mentally, my mind constantly, 24/7 thought about my own death. This evil cycle continued up to this point in my life.

I am now 40. I am medicated and doing better, but, I yearn for non-death thoughts. I can't get the thought of death out of my mind. Yes, I have done much therapy as well to try to combat these thoughts.

Am I cursed? I often ask myself... Am I crazy, I ask myself? Or, am I just scared like PTSD from that experience?

In any case, I have gone on to earn two Master Degrees. I am embarrassed to talk to people I know face to face about the experiences I have. I have also developed a pretty debilitating social phobia of people because of this.

I am kindly asking for anyone that has knowledge of death and or maybe has the ability to Astro project or whatever it is that you do; to please try to help me. Maybe I have a negative parasite that has attached itself to me during my time of vulnerability?

I have no idea. I just want to have my confidence back and to be able to go through life not worrying and thinking about my own demise. Any helpful advice, thoughts, etc are much welcomed. Please, no mean or judgemental comments. Thanks kind people!

This may not be something that you want to hear, but I was once where you were. My circumstances were not quite the same, but I had the anxiety and a constant fear of death, as well as an inability to stop thinking about it. So here is my input.

In many spiritual traditions throughout the world, contemplation of death is a fundamental part of practice. Hindu yogis often meditate in graveyards, and it was a common Buddhist practice to have a human skull on your desk. The reason is that deep contemplation on the subject of death has the ability to lead a person to a state where one is open to the ever-changing reality around us, and to deeper spiritual understanding.

You were faced with a situation where you truly thought you were dying. Your Ego was forced to confront its own destruction, and it is having trouble coping with such a fact. This inability of your Ego to cope with death is what is fueling your anxiety. So my advice is this... continue thinking about death. The issue is not that you are thinking about death (contemplation of death is a fundamental part of the spiritual path in my opinion). The issue is that you fear death. Distracting yourself will not help, as you will always have that fear in the back of your mind now. You cannot simply forget about it. Death is not something that you can escape. In order to progress, you must confront your fear. You must face your notions of death, and see it for what it truly is.

I went through an existential crisis which started my fear of death about 3 months ago. What got me through it was discovering topics such as spirituality (this site in particular) which lead me to explore other systems.

Shortly afterwards, I started meditation and it has helped me (and will continue to) to go through it. If you practice hard enough, you may gain insights if you have an open mind.

Fear of death is an important experience but it can be crippling if you let it dominate your life. For a couple of weeks I had become a nihilist, thanks in part to the current nihilistic mentality going on in society currently. However, something in me caused me to seek out information which led me to my current path.

As WabiSabi perfectly mentioned above me, distracting yourself is very counter-productive. I know a person about your age who has a hidden fear of death which leads me to constantly distract himself by purchasing a lot of things and working a lot.

Read Wabi's reply and if you require more information or more resources, I would be happy to help. Having your own experiences would help you tremendously.

You can also read Spirit Guide Sparrow's thread a few posts below your topic.

I agree with what WabiSabi is conveying... Contemplation of our inevitable physical 'death' is important and valuable... Eventually you will come to the awareness and realization that you exist independent of your physical body. The fear/concern/worry that you are experiencing is rooted in the influence of the physical/egoic mind (which stems from your physical body)... There is a deeper/higher aspect of you which is not threatened by the notion or experience of physical death - the key is to uncover that aspect and increasingly connect with it...

GotSpirits - since you say that thoughts on this matter are already on your mind, how would you feel about reading about this subject matter so that you can promote a deeper understanding of this very natural and normal life experience? I would firstly recommend books in the Thanatology field (includes descriptions Near-Death Experiences)... Many individuals who have had NDE's report that afterwards they have shed all fear of physical 'death'... I would imagine there are also books written directly with the intent of helping individuals to reconcile and transcend the fear of 'death'... Respectfully, I don't think you can force these thoughts out of your conscious mind or hide from them. What you need to do is develop an expanded/elevated state of Awareness and then the former anxiety-inducing thoughts will become reconciled and resolved....

Welcome to the forum by the way... Glad to hear that you decided to sign up here and discuss this important matter.

:icon_smile:

~WOLF

Excellent advice
 

WabiSabi, thank you so much for that excellent insight. You stated everything I feel perfectly. You are correct. Death is my greatest fear. I struggle with it constantly. How can I overcome and accept death? Namely, my own death. I am a very educated man. I have had a ton of wonderful and professional experiences. But, thinking of my own demise puts my body physically on edge to the point that I panic. And, the more I think about it, the more I panic. It's a vicious cycle. Thanks in advance for any insight on how to overcome the thoughts of my own death.

Nihilist
 

Hi Kizen, thank you for taking the time to respond to me, a stranger, that you did not need to address, but did, because you have a good heart. I am learning a lot by reading these posts. I learned a new word today. "nihilist" I've never heard of this word. I will reach out and try to discover more about this topic. Meditation is great advice. I need to remember to take the time to do so. I pray as much as I can. I think that making a schedule in my busy life to do these things will be beneficial. You are exactly right. I have made my life so overwhelmingly busy, I try to distract my thoughts from the root problem; thoughts of my own death. Believe it or not, just typing to you has helped me a lot release some of the burdens that I have been carrying.

I will also look for that spirtual post you were referring to. Best regards!

Hi wolfgaze, what a wonderful community I have joined! Thank you for your courteous reply. You point out some very valid points. I have a very open mind. I do not discount anything and believe everything; I mean everything in life contains a perfect balance and perfect cycle; including our oldest stars and solar systems. I kind of like to dabble in theoretical physics; so having an open mind is very important.

I have read about two books on NDE's. I have also read The Celestine Prophecy. I admit that I may not be nearly as advanced in these areas; that is why I have come here :)

Everyone, you are absolutely correct. My EGO is what is getting in the way. No, I do not mean I am conceited or think overly high of myself. Rather, my physical, body thinking has surpassed my spiritual thinking. (Is that correct?)

"Eventually you will come to the awareness and realization that you exist independent of your physical body. " How do I do this Wolfgaze?

"There is a deeper/higher aspect of you which is not threatened by the notion or experience of physical death - the key is to uncover that aspect and increasingly connect with it..." Can you help guide me in unlocking this key?


"What you need to do is develop an expanded/elevated state of Awareness" Wolf, I don't know how....? Please advise.

Thank you so much for your time and kind words!

I find that those who fear death the most are those who are very invested in their lives. Education and material/professional success often fuel this fear, as you know that you cannot take your wealth or your accomplishments in this life with you when you die. You must leave them behind, give them up.

As for what you should do? I cannot really say for sure, as your path is your own to tread. What happened to me was that I finally decided that I was okay with dying. In the midst of an anxiety attack like many others, one where I thought I was going to die (again), I decided that I would rather die than continue to deal with the misery of my constant fear. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to drop dead any second, and so I lay on the ground and let go of everything, let go of my self and everything that I had any attachment to. I wanted death to take me, to take away the pain. In that instant I made a conscious decision to accept my death, and my fear and anxiety dropped away immediately. I didn't die, of course, and I often still think about my death to this day, but my thoughts have no association fear.

This is not necessarily something that you can just do because you want to. I had to be pushed to the brink before I came to accept my mortality. So what can you do? My recommendation is to take up a practice of mindfulness, something that grounds you in the present moment. Start meditating or doing yoga. And continue to think on your death. Try and discover why you are so fearful of it. What are you so scared of losing?

Hi gotspirits...

Welcome to the forums...

Lots of great advice from the posters in this thread...

Another thing that might help ease your fears about death is think of yourself as already being eternal...The only thing that really "dies" is our physical body, but our souls/consciousness remain eternal....So you don't have to wait to experience eternity, You are experiencing it right now! :)

You are not alone in feeling like you do there are many people that can relate to it, having a reaction to anything can bring on panic attacks this is normal, have you seen a councellor for how you feel CBT cognitive behavoral therepy is very good for this, if you go to your doctor he can arrange this for you.

Namaste

Hi Wabisabi,

The fear is, losing control of what appears to be reality. The fear of the unknown. I know I have lead a life in which I have tried to be free of doing bad things. I've really tried to be kind to everyone and everything. The ultimate fear and sadness is dying and then what if there is nothing afterwards. I would be so disappointed. I want to know that working hard in this life to be a good person will have some merit after we pass. No, I am not perfect and far from it. But, my ultimate intentions are being good and spreading kindness.

Material-wise, I do not fear losing posessions. I really could care less.

I think that I need to get in touch with my spiritual being. I am not sure how to go about this. I've gone to church and was confirmed Catholic. I stopped going because I do not believe in supporting an organization that was hiding abuses of children.

I feel a huge pull and connection to Chinese culture. I studied Chinese when I was in college. I've always joked with my family that I believe God made a mistake in making me. God instead should of made me Chinese :) With that in mind, I wonder if exploring a Chinese/Asian spiritual belief system would help with my anxiety of death? I have a very open mind about most anything.

"My recommendation is to take up a practice of mindfulness, something that grounds you in the present moment." Yes, I tend to either live in the past or have anxiety about the future. It has only gotten worse as I've gotten older.

Thanks again for your comments!

Hi Namaste, thank you for your reply. Yes, I have spent years meeting with a counselor. It has helped to some degree. I used a program that the therapist advanced on called Parts Therapy.

However, even with the counselor, I found it difficult to open up about my innermost fears. I feel embarrassed talking about them.

The panic attacks have subsided since being medicated by Dr. Plus, I know if I have a panic attack, it is just my bodies response to fear and it will subside.

Now, I've got to change my thinking that death, although as bad as it seems, may not be as bad as we think?

The only way I will reach this peace I guess is through educating and learning while strengthening my spirit and belief system. By the way, I am part Native American. Not a lot, but my great, great grandmother was Comanche from Texas.

Thank you for your thoughts!

Hi GotSpirits...


You may enjoy reading Michael Talbot's book The Holographic Universe

:icon_study:


Yes that makes sense and I get what you are saying... The egoic identity is rooted in the physical mind & body. It's the aspect of your psyche that influences you to perceive your identity as that of the physical body, as the product of your life experiences and your memory of those experiences, and as a 'being' that is separate from others and separate/disconnected from our external reality/environment which we are currently experiencing. When we are strongly consciously identified with our physical/egoic mind, we are prone to feeling threatened by what happens to our physical body, we tend to be preoccupied with notions of past/future, we are likely to internalize and believe the judgements that others have made about us, and feel that we are our emotions & mental thoughts that we experience (as if they were a source of self-identity).


It's difficult to put this into words but essentially what I'm referencing above is an enhanced awareness that is developed and cultivated as a result of engaging in the process of self-discovery. You uncover a deeper identity within yourself, a deeper sense of 'self'. You end up pushing Consciousness into previously uncharted territory and this opens up a whole new understanding of who you really are and of your reality/existence. As your state of awareness shifts and expands - so does your perception and this is simultaneously affecting and altering the state of being that you experience.

How are these internal changes brought about? Through conducting inner-work (self-refinement, introspection, self-reflection, deep contemplation, emotional release/clearing, quieting your physical mind chatter/activity, etc). This doesn't happen overnight of course. Think of it as a gradual and extended process of unfolding and development. It helps to imagine yourself taking a series of 'little steps' that over time are going to have an aggregate and cumulative effect that will result in significant changes to your state of Consciousness (state of being). You've already been engaging in this important inner-work, but as you continue down the path of evolving your state of Consciousness - you start to reach critical points and cross certain thresholds that result in profound internal changes and developments that have an undeniable & lasting affect on your state of being. Driving this entire process is the conscious intention and desire to 'go beyond yourself' (you current state of being) - to experience something more than you presently are experiencing. Your instincts and intuition will guide you along the way - and you will find yourself drawn to certain subject matters and/or practices that facilitate the expansion of your state of awareness and therefore over time, your state of being. The internal changes that individuals come to experience have a universal nature - but the path by which individuals get there is varied and is unique to each individual. Imagine a vast mountain and everyone is navigating their own route to the summit. The destination is the same - but there are many ways to reach it. Therefore it's important to follow your instincts and allow your intuition to guide you in a manner that will be just right for you - recognizing that others are doing the same.

As far as my personal experience is concerned. I experienced a lot of mental suffering during my adolescence and early adulthood, and the sudden loss of an important family member in my early 20's thrust me into a state where I had to seek out a deeper understanding of life/existence, where I had to explore the nature of 'death', and where I had to find out if I had a deeper/higher identity other than the one I had struggled to live with an accept. This combination of life circumstances and experiences influenced me to engage in a lot of intensive introspection (self-reflection) and deep contemplation over a number of years. A lot of seeking, searching, exploring, questioning. I didn't know this at the time but this inner-work I was conducting would end up resulting in transformative and life-altering internal changes within me (alluded to above)... It took years to play out but it was absolutely worth it.

Sometimes life throws you an event or experience that ends up serving as a major catalyst for you to push yourself in a certain direction that eventually results in profound changes to your state of Consciousness (state of being). For me, the passing of a family member and the effect it had on me was one of those life events. This wasn't clear to me at the time - but I came to realize this in hindsight (10 years later). I can definitely perceive your health scare and perception of 'dying' as having a similar influence on you and your life path/development that is unfolding. This will become more apparent to you in due time. Eventually you are going to transcend the fear of physical 'death' and completely liberate (free) yourself in doing so. Then you will look back and clearly perceive how your life experiences/events were all part of a much bigger picture and serving a higher purpose for you as it relates to your conscious growth & evolution.

:icon_smile:


I highly recommend you get yourself a copy of the book The Power Of Now (Eckhart Tolle) and explore the contents... It very much focuses on addressing the tendency above (bolded).

Here are a couple videos featuring some commentary from the author, set to relaxing music and nature visuals:

The Now
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PkgNIJLpBEI

Death & The Eternal
https://youtube.com/watch?v=_ft1rYcht0c

Regards,
~WOLF

I cannot force you to believe in something that you have not directly experienced, nor can I give you a 'how to' guide on having such a spiritual experience that would dissolve your fears. I can, however, tell you that death is not an end, it is simply a transition, and that there is nothing to fear but fear itself... but even fearing fear is silly, for fear is an important tool, a method of keeping us alive. And so you shouldn't fear fear, you should instead observe it and try and see it for what it truly is, not a thought of your own, not something you give rise to, but a spontaneous happening.

As for death, think of it this way. For much of the Western world, death is scary, because so many people believe that death is an end all of sorts, and that after you die there is simply nothingness, nonexistence. But the thing is, you cannot fathom what an experience of nonexistence would be like, by definition it is not an experience! And so western minds conjure up a prison of sorts in their minds, a dark void like being buried alive, where they still have all of their thoughts and emotions, and they think "that is scary, I don't want to go there. I don't want to die." But if you do really cease to exist after death, then there will be no you to be disappointed! It's a wonderful paradox really, one of my favorites.

When you go to sleep, are you ever afraid that you won't wake up? I mean, you know that a majority of the night will simply be gone, you won't remember it, almost as if you never really experienced it. And yet you are so sure that you are going to get up the next morning. And the same goes for being put under general anesthesia for surgery, one moment you are there going under, and the next moment you are there waking up. You cannot experience the in-between. You cannot experience nonexistence. You could be 'out' for a million billion years, and yet from the moment you went to sleep to the moment you wake up, it would feel as though no time has passed at all.

You see, what we call life is simply a string of present moments, a string of experiences. We can only ever be aware of experiences. And so, in Buddhism, there is a term used to describe this continuity of consciousness called 'mindstream' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindstream). Basically, when you die, you cannot experience the void between death and life, and so the only thing that can happen to you is that you 'wake up'!

I believe this to be very true...

This is an off-topic comment but this reminds me of stories I've heard of people falling into a coma...I remember listening to the radio on my home from work one morning, and this lady said she was in a coma for several months, but to her no time had passed at all...She said one minute she "blacked out" into complete unconsciousness and the next moment she woke up....No time passed for her but several months had passed in the physical world...

Indeed. But the key difference is that in being deeply asleep, being under general anesthesia, or being in a coma, you are still alive and your mind is still functioning, just to a greatly lessened degree. So that in such states we are still experiencing, but such experience is not stored in memory, so that these states are akin to death, but to a lesser degree. There are coma patients who claim that they were aware of every moment of their coma, and that they were aware of everything that was going on around them. In these cases, I believe that their coma was simply not as 'deep' if you will.

Of course...I am aware there are cases where someone in a coma is completely aware of every moment...It all depends on how deep they fall into it...I was mostly focusing on the one story I remember hearing about where the passing of time was non-existent for them and relating that to the topic of the thread of no time passing for individuals who experience such things while still being alive...

Sorry, I didn't mean for it to seem as if I was correcting you. I was simply elaborating for gotspirits.

Oh no worries : )

I didn't feel as if you were correcting me...It might have sounded as if I was defensive but I wasn't at all (no tone in text is a pain ;P)...just clarifying my thoughts for you...

I agree. It's easy enough to misunderstand people when there IS tone. :D

learn to meditate...
 

you will learn to stay in the present moment and to not entertain negative thoughts. start with Vipassana meditation. look for a 'mindfulness meditation group in your area, or a meetup.com group.

Hi. I would like to talk to talk to you more about this.. i think i can help...

wow I recently had a similar experience , I took some Dayquill and something in it caused a reaction with nervousness and I almost passed out at work. this was just a couple weeks ago , and since I have had much anxiety. also the fear of death has been in the back of my mind for a long time. I am now on Lexapro (SSRI) inhibitor and clonazepam(klonopin). it is helping much and I have been meditating. the way I figure it now is at worst there is nothing after death , so you will not miss anything , nor fear anything . I think roger ebert or someone said before they died , "if there is nothing else , I was just fine before I was born and had no issues , so I should be just fine after death and have no isssues" or something like that. if there is afterlife , then it is an entirely different thing. obviously. but in meditation there is a part of you that is an entirely a peaceful state but takes practice to reach. the more you can focus on your love and light and quiet your mind it helps. it is as though inside you somewhere it already knows what you need and you have to let it happen , if you try to direct it , you often can get in the way. you just have to trust. some say that you should accept death as a part of life. once you accept it you can then release it and let it go , and begin healing.

just think of the billions and billions of people that have already been there and done it over the milleniums. everyone and anyone that has ever existed here , all of them . think of people who died young , as children and never had a chance to grow up.

Hopefully I am understanding your above statement.

The above would only matter, if you believed that the infant child soul being, wasn't the same conscious being after the death of the physical flesh, and effectively that being would have to be reborn once more, into another life and different family.
And then missing out on the life that, that child would have had with it's current parents and family.

But, in my understanding, the infant child soul being, that just left the physical fleshly form, would not ever reincarnate, and would now continue on, growing up in the presence of other family members and friends, who are already residing in the spiritual realms.

And the infant child soul being would now have the good fortune, to be growing up in the most beautiful splenderous and fully abundant spiritual realms of constant warmth and light. Without the need to rely on anyone or the need for our current financial way of life, in order to live comfortably.

And the child would still be the same soul being with the exact same genetic appearances with the exact same memories, and without the need to worry about the harshness of the earth physical life....cancers, and any other earthly ddiseases...ext ext ext.

Also that child can visit the earth realms, and check in on family and friends who are still on earth, and learn all about anything possible of the earth realms, without any earthy restrictions and without any earthly neediness. .... Sweet as I would say.

I know where I would rather have grown up...BIG SMILES FROM MYSELF ABOUT THE THOUGHT OF GROWING UP IN THE SPIRITUAL REALMS.
Neil.

I was just speaking very generally there.

Ahah.....ok I understand, but, what a way to live our lives eh.

In the spiritual realms, there is absolutely every possible scenario available to us, that can aid us in learning all about unconditional loving morality and right from wrong, we can live amongst loving people in the first sphere of the perpetual summer lands which is a spiritual location of varying people of different nationalities, who are all newbies to the summer lands and who have varying beliefs of their previous world and life and of the spiritual lands and laws and life ahead of them.

We can also travel away fom the more loving persons in the first sphere, and away from a direction towards god creator, and on into locations of the more unloving people's who inhabit these locations of the twilight zones. The twilight zones have little light and less warmth in the atmosphere because the location reflects the condition of the soul beings that inhabit these areas. And as a person moves further and further away from the more loving locations in the many spheres of the summer lands, the atmosphere and people grow darker and darker and more and more uglier in personality and appearances.

Or we can love and grow and become more and more beautiful in morality and appearances and be able to comfortably traverse further and further on and through the first sphere then moving through subsequent spheres...the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and on into the spiritual realms of creators kingdom of love of the most purest kinds.

Continuously growing more and more beautiful in appearance and loving morality.

So! There is Absolutely no need for reincarnation, or any life on earth, other than receiving our identity given to us by our parents, at conception.

When i was 19 yrs young, My teenage girl friend had no knowledge that she had fallen pregnant, and our unborne creation was accidentally aborted when my then girl friend was administered birth control for the first time in her life..."SO" I have a huuuuge desire to start my journey as a permanent spiritual soul being, in the spiritual realms sooner rather than later.

So much to see and experience within the many varying spiritual realms within the spiritual summer lands, and or god creators spiritual kingdom of pure love.

I have probably gotten of topic, so unless I am asked to write some more, I will stop here.

SMILES ONCE AGAIN FROM MEEEEE.

neil I appreciate this joyful healing spiritual message. So uplifting when compared to the many ugly, demonic fear-based beliefs and lies that spiritual/religious cults would have us choose to embrace. Fear of death is primarily because we have been taught for generations to believe these lies. The soul is eternal and the universe entirely benevolent... this is the Aquarian Age understanding that will lead us all to a healed and enlightened spiritual understanding of both death and life.

Hi ya Baile. ...'yes' the universe it's self, which is an intelligent energy, is entirely benevolent...BUT have you ever, whilst in your fleshly earth form, come face to face with beings, that are totally malevolent, that also reside within this benevolent universe.

And if you haven't come face to face with the types of beings, that I have had, very unpleasant 24/7 problems with, for the entirety of my life
The types of beings that have the upper hand on us, the beings that are responsible for the lies and deceptions that we have been asked to believe.

Baile I wouldn't know where to start, to fully explain what I have become aware of.

I read every word of yours and others....AND I am still waiting earnestly for someone to come, just kind of close, to speaking of what has been made absolutely crystal clear to me, through my experiences.

Even the people on this forum, who have regular out of body experiences haven't come close.

I have tried to communicate with some members about some of it, but I do always hit a brick wall...and the reason for the brick wall, is also known to me.

But here I am again, sounding as if I am, tooting my own horn.
But I have come to realize that know one chooses to consider the info.

Totally sincerely....neil.....SMILES.

neil... I studied esoteric Christianity for many years. I am aware of the "dark and evil" beliefs most spiritual/religious philosophies teach. But something happened to me in a metaphysical experience. I was wakened from a life-engagement slumber of my own creation. I went from fearing life, to loving life. I once chose the former; that was in my slumber. And now I choose the latter because I am wide awake.

Let's stick with Christianity. What did Jesus teach? What was his purpose?

To fill us with fear of demons?
Or to open our hearts to love and the benevolence of Creation?

That's the one and only question for me. A fundamental meaning of life question. In every moment, I have the CHOICE to engage with life from a fear perspective, or from a love perspective. And I always choose love. I don't have to think about or examine those demonic aspects, because they serve no purpose whatsoever when engaging in life. We are here to love. We are here to ascend as Jesus did. He ascended because he loved and lived in the light. And not because he feared and carried darkness around with him.

What anyone says about Jesus being the epitome of loving Ness, I believe would be correct.

No 1.
Jesus was, warning the people of his time, about the nasty beings....(spiritual beings)... that, SO CONSTANTLY SURROUND US AND WHO, DO ENDEAVOR TO TURN OUR THOUGHTS AWAY FROM "GOD CREATORS" ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY OF LOVE.
They endeavor to turn us away from Gods way of love, so that they can fulfill thsir desire to grossly indulge in the temptations of ths flesh, through us.

And the way that they fulfill their desires through us is, by connecting to "SOUL BEINGS" "SOUL TO SOUL" and this process is completely undetectable, and which once they are connected, they can experience every thing that we are able to experience.

And "WE" are "SOUL-BEINGS".

Now No2.
Jesus was "also teaching the people, how they could premptively protect their unborn children from the nasty UNSEEN dark beings...and then once they were protected, those unborn creations could grow and learn how to keep themselves protected.

But the people had to first learn how to rid themselves of the nasty unloving energetic connections that the spiritual beings had over the people, before they could protect themselves and their unborn creations.

"AND" Jesus also strongly suggested that they accomplish this difficult task, IF THEY DESIRED TO BE RID OF THE ""MENTAL EMOTIONAL, AND PHYSICAL""HEALTH ISSUES THAT THESE NASTY UNLOVING SPIRITUAL BEINGS WERE CREATING, WITHIN ALL OF THE PEOPLE, THAT THEY WERE ENERGETICALY CONNECTING TO, SO THAT THESE UNSEEN SPIRITUAL BEINGS COULD DISCREETLY CONTROL THEM, IN ORDER TO FURTHER FULFILL THEIR ILL GOTTEN GAINS.

And he also tried to teach the people, that every single one of them, had spiritual beings, energetically connected to them, "24/7", AND TRIED TO TEACH THEM OF THE ONE AND ONLY METHOD OF ENDING THE CONNECTION.

SO...the question begs to be asked, is it the exact same way for all of us at this very moment.
AND WHY DID YOUR OWN LIFE STEER TOWARDS ALCOHOLISM AND OR ANY OTHER UNLOVING BEHAVIOR THAT WAS DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR HEALTH AND THE WELL BEING OF YOURSELF AND ANYONE THAT HAS BEEN APART OF YOUR LIFE.
You also say that you have recently had a life changing awakening from some kind of mental or emotional slumber..."BUT"...can you honestly say what caused your slumber and kept you in it.

ILL GO OUT ON A LIMB HERE...IN A SENCE THAT YOU AND OTHERS WILL NOT BELIEVE ME, WHEN I SAY, .....THAT I COMPLETELY KNOW AND UNDERSTAND JUST EXACTLY HOW YOUR LIFE BECAME AS IT WAS AND IS NOW.

I am no more unintelligent or intelligent, than anyone else that has ever been born into this universe we are all of the same soul intelegence and can decipher and learn and recall anything that we have come across and or have experienced in our lives.
We also, each and everyone of us, have an incredible and powerful SOUL ABILITY TO DO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT A PERSON IN FULL SPIRITUAL FORM CAN DO....AND YOU WILL BE SO VERY AMAZED WHEN YOU FINALY BECOME AWARE OF WHAT WE ALL CAN DO WITH THE POWERS OF SOUL, BY UTILIZING THE INTELLIGENT ENERGIES OF THE UNIVERSE.
IF ONLY, WE DID NOT HAVE THE DARK ONES, ENERGETICALY STOPPING US FROM BEING THE BEINGS THAT WE WERE DESIGNED TO BE.

I have become aware of what I know,.not because I am more intelligent than anyone else...BUT...only because the spiritual beings that have been discreetly apart of my entire life, un lovingly decided that it would be in their best interest to steer me in this direction....which in effect, turned out to be a disastrous nightmare for them....""HA"" I HAVE TO SMILE WHEN, THE THOUGHT THAT THEY ARE ACTUALY GOING THROUGH, A SORT OF CONTINUOUS....""DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL"", BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN STUPIDITY, BY FEEDING ME WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF JUST EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING TO A SPIRIT WHO IS INCARNATED INTO THE FLESH.
AND NOT ONLY DO THEY TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF, THEY ACYUALY PROVE IT TO ME.

As i have said many times before, you may believe me or not , as I realy don't mind...but you will become aware of it as truth when you are finally without the flesh.

So now I could speak about what happens to these nasty spiritual beings, that are connected to us, when we leave the fleshly form....CAN THEY STILL HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER US AFTER THE DEATH OF THE HUMAN BODY.

Sincerely Neil.

Pw Baile..I mentioned that you struggled with alcoholism, I hope that I didn't mistake you as saying that about yourself when infact it may have been another member....if so I apologize for a untrue statement.

You sound pretty normal to me,I have spent half my life thinking about death and its normal,I have a feeling the psudoephedrine was not the problem,you didn't eat mushrooms that were toadstools by mistake did you,sounds like you had a "trip" you didn't ask for,it's very easy to get super paranoid on even minute quantities of any drug,just like a tiny amount of peanut sets off anaphylactic shock in some folk,I would have some allergy test done before any blood work!

I've been there. And in later life have been confronted with death many times.

I've also known many people with NDE's etc and bore witness to one myself through a telepathic experience.

It takes bravery to face such a fear with a lack of faith in such things but that comes with time and of course 'love overcomes fear'. - If you love enough you will not fear anything, because love cares only for what is right...It stops becoming "what about me" and 'what is right' instead....Like the end of those movies you see where the guy is about to die in some hell-hole cave with rocks falling all around him and tells the girl 'GO! ESCAPE! It doesn't matter about me...You go and live!" ...That's the sort of attitude required...Love and bravery. When you want what is 'right' more than your own life your priority will shift from 'me' to something more important (those you love) and your fear will subside. You don't even know what death is like so why fear it?

In later life when I discovered the nature(al), (ying yang, up down, hell to know heaven, dark to know light, up to know down, death to know life, etc, things become more clearer. We are in a cycle. Winter doesn't last forever and all darkness means is that light is right around the corner and of course lights shine brighter on the darkest of nights and it takes both (ying) rain and sunshine (yang) to make a beautiful rainbow. There is nothing in darkness that wasnt already there when the lights were on. Anything 'negative' is simply there to teach us 'positive'...just teachers, so learn to use those 'bad' experiences.

How boring would a tv show be if there were no love, hate, tears, joy, lifes, deaths, new characters and everything else we experience as life on our current plain of existence. - It is such things that teach us who we are and what we are made of. Remember superman 2 when he lost his powers? - He moped around with a cold, got bullied and beat up and just felt sorry for himself, yet as superman he was saving the world. We could all be superman if we 'had the superpowers', but we don't...and the question is; how well can we do without it...a grovelling clarke kent or a superman? Can we still be superman? You have to fight to be a superman. It's the 'testing' of characters in books and so on that make them special to us..."how will he react to this terrible event", "Can he overcome"...It's all the faults and weaknesses of people that make the beautiful and make them 'them' and make us attracted to them for their spirit and bravery... If we were all born in a perfect heaven with no death we wouldnt appreciate it...in fact we wouldnt even know we were in heaven. We need hell as comparison and life (here) is neutral to a degree (ying/yang) and a great learning school...except the weather in scotland of course where it's usually always raining and cold :)

We need death to have life...it's a cycle, just like we need winter to have summer. Indeed it is death that has taught many how to live.

We don't know enough to be afraid and despite what 'geniuses' like hawkings says It's a friendly universe... trust me. (Love creates/hate destroys), hence love created the 'creation' and human beings can't work properly while in a fearful miserable depressed state. Our bodies were created in love by 'love' and only work properly when one is full of love and joy. - In short; we are designed to be happy.

Fear really is a bully which when faced really isn't all that scary at all and countless experiences have taught me that we never lose anyone to 'death'. They are still very much around.

You just have to kick your own *** and be brave. Test yourself everyday by doing something that makes you afraid...Face it and overcome it. Never let fear get a good grip of you, because it will paralyze you eventually. But if you fend it off day by day in various ways it will stay back.

My father was a so-called born-again preacher in the Lutheran faith. He would scare my brothers and me almost daily that if we do not behave, we would die and go to Hell; we were petrified of dying. At age 16, I had severe pneumonia and a NDE experience that changed my perspective of death. I was surrounded in a spiritual place by the greatest love, beauty and peace. I was told that this spiritual community was really God itself. I didn’t want to leave but I was told that I must go back and still had a mission to complete.

Knowing what comes after physical death is the greatest tranquilizer. Deep meditation is the best way to interact with the same Great Spirit (God) that the American Indians worshipped. I remember a movie where an old Indian went away to the forest to have his life end by praying to the Great Spirit. He died peacefully.