In my 77-years of living I have been through hell many times, and sometimes it was so unbearable that I wanted to take my own life, but that was not meant to be. The pain started very young for me, and I do not like pain, so I strived to find peace and comfort within myself, still often blaming others for my anguish and misfortune.

It was not until I was in my forties that I realized I was making myself a target for pain and blaming others, playing the victim did not help. I had to take responsibility for my feelings, or said another way, develop the ability to respond to myself on many levels. It took a lot of work, and I realized that the work, or lack of work, that we do on ourselves is what we give to others.

I love the sweetness of love which I feel inside of me, but a good portion of my human life I did not feel that sweetness. It is there within all of us, regardless what we have done or been through. I discovered fulfillment inside of myself that had nothing to do with money, material goods, or even being in a loving relationship. In my opinion, at our core we are love. It took some time and a lot of bruises for me to come to that realization.

In recent years, I like reflecting back at my life; especially my childhood. My Father died when I was 3. When my Mother remarried, it would seem we became one big family.... but we didn't. My step-Father was 'mean'. As for me, the whippings began when I was 5. By the time I was about 8/10 years old, I had developed on my own some martial arts techniques so I didn't feel the pain. What helped the most is when I was 7, I would disappear and go exploring. In my growing years, nobody ever expected I was doing that.

And today, I look back at all the things I did and experienced that others never got the joy of doing.

As for the "Hell cycle"......
Some would say I experienced it when my first marriage came crashing down upon me. The divorce was a nightmare. But as I look at it today, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Strange as it might be, virtually every day I think about her but in an erotic way. Will I ever get back with her? No.

We all have our portion of hell, some more intensely then others, but it is not a competition about who has suffered the most or the worst. For me I have realized that even my demons were my teachers; teaching me about myself and pain. I felt I could have done without those kind of lessons but evidently not. Even at a very young age, things which happened to me put me on a path which contributed to my further journey. Life is definitely for learning and some learn quicker than others, and some do not learn at all. The thing is what have we learned about ourselves from our misfortunes? Spirit is more resilient than the mind can imagine; that is what I have learned. I am also learning not to take things so personally, not even my own death.

Peace and Good Journey To All

This could be the most poignantly human comment I've ever read on this forum.

SF needs a proper Namaste emoji, for moments and posts like this.

Baile, in members only forum, in "members cafe" there is a thread called "Quotable SF members " to contribute quotes like this that have inspired you.
It's about the 12th thread down.
Hope that's helpful.

Thank you so much AngelBlue, that was incredibly thoughtful of you.

Namaste emoji!

Most welcome.
I'm an angel ! It's my job to be helpful and guide people on the right path haha.

Hell is different to a lot of people Like Starman I have lived through Hell. but the turning point for me was when I was in school I had long hair. one girl we were in pottery I made a figure which won firs prize, this certain Girl was jealous of it and smashed it,
Then she committed the ultimate sin she yanked my hair. my foot was on the potters wheel I grabbed her and put her face down on the wheel and kept it spinning, didn't she scream she never touched me after.

I gave her a warning but she wouldn't listen I was very shy when I was in school and so was picked on not just because i was different I was a target,
I went with my friends to Karate and I did that ,no one ever touched me after
it was no good telling my parents they didn't care because I wasn't my siblings

In every stage of my life I have had to face something someone asked me one day why so I said I was put here to suffer for everyone, because that is how it felt


Namaste

Oh Native I laughed my head off with the girl and the pottery wheel. Good on ya lol.

Funny enough, I remember spinning a lovely dish on the wheel and left it there overnight. The next morning I came in and found someone had smashed it. I was gutted. Jeez where do these hateful people come from. Just can’t relate to that kinda behaviour.

Most of my life I have experienced jealousy from many people and have had so many betrayals that I’ve lost count. But hey, who cares. That was then and this now, and I don’t let those things define who I am and I’m just thankful for the exciting life that I’ve had and the beautiful friends I have today.

Evil does exist because I’ve encountered it with a few people way back.

Just my opinion tho.

People use Hell in all kind of expressions such as "What the Hell?, Who the Hell? Where the Hell? Go to Hell!, Colder then Hell!, and Hotter then Hell!"

I tell people it is all my fault!

And then I tell them when I was a boy, I used to 'catch Hell all the time ......... and let it go!"