nobody cared about me, not once. you didn't either.

I hate this situation.

I know I’ve dreamt you
A sin and a lie
And I have my freedom
But I don’t have much time
Fate has been severed
And tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we die

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away
Wild horses, we’ll ride them someday
Away....

if you are curious I do remember how mean you are whenever I am needy, so, we wouldn't get along right now.

Besides, I'm getting very tired of the endless emotional bashings I get from you.

But I wish I could just stop what I'm doing and have a normal life sometimes. Sometimes all the drama is a bit much.

Enjoy... Cowboy Junkies Blue Moon Revisited...
youtu.be/vJ6EGsZdxpE

I just wanna cry tonite...

This is so simple. So silly. So true.
Enjoy your life with best feelings. Make all as simple as possible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRsewOKnWg8

Liar.

:'(

You're a fool for inviting me to "Like" your page last night after that flat behind message. I unliked the page because I was doing too much, anyways. If you want me to go, fine I will.You're a confusing mess.

Valentine's Day is coming anyways. I get it. Go to sleep.

By the way, I know you like Tom Brady & the Patriots. Go Eagles. :)

PS.. I will support & relike your page. One of us has to be the bigger spirit.

I dont want or need to say anything to her. Im rebuilding my life from the ground up. Whatever it was its gone. I fell out if love with her. Sbe was probably just a karmic soul mate. Anyway im learning a lot about myself and how to be who i need to be. How to be happy. Less pressure on me, more freedom here. I cant believe i loved her for ten years. At least now i know what love is and i dont settle for less than that with another and with myself. I have been single for a while but its better than being with liars cheaters and thieves. I wont ever date someone again i cant truly respect and love. I guess if i had to say just one thing to my twin flame, it might be like "i loved you, and now i dont and Its all good now. No more pain. No more balme hurt sadness or questions. Ive let you go. So i wish you well through your life.

Anyway this journey has taught me a lot. That life goes deeper than meets the eye. That lessons are persistent until you learn them the right way so its better to have a good head on you. That no matter how deeply loved someone is by another it cant make them stay. And if love is true almost nothing will make that go away.

oh why mess with a good thing? you're there, wherever you are, and I'm here and we sorta relate,,,,,,,,,,,

TBH I hadn't really thought of the 14th... too busy with the rest of life I guess. Not like there is ever an 'us' to celebrate together though so it isn't much of a deal.

Made a little mistake today, and now my parents are upset with me. Ok so it was a big mistake! Shame on me!

But this was good for me if only to see my parents reaction and understand why my life went the way it did. Well things like their reaction wasn't so much the cause of my problems as the means by which God wanted to smite me for doing wrong by you but still interesting lol!

I read one of your ads and then got to think about the sign of jonas (since as a member of a wicked and adulterous generation, apparently that is the only sign I am allowed to see). Well I sorta understand it now, at least better than I did in my last life, but I might have to work at heeding it some more sigh.

Hey love, thank you for hanging out with me, so much lately. Speaking to the (hopefully) human physical you now, of course, since the spirit you already know how grateful Iam. I'm wondering if you know. I know I sometimes do things go to people etc in my sleep...

I'm grateful for all this new energy color that you showed me... It's amazing, so close to everything in it...

But I'm worried that you being so close in spirit, means you are not ever coming. It's so heavy this human life of mine, I know I always clear the debris, but seems I'm in a house where the hurricanes just keeps coming. I don't particularly like being superwoman, and I imagine having you here would mean I could lean on you in just the right moments so it wouldnt feel so impossible. Then I wouldn't have to be superwoman, just a normal woman doing things that are actually just plain simple possible :D

I do love you though, so whichever way things go - if you're on your way, in an entirely different dimension or time - I'm so glad for you.

CPTSD - that is what it is.

I tried to reach through the fog to you anyway but you were having none of it. Having none of me.

[edited but never mind about the rest of what I had to say]

i think i'm back to wanting to cry.

I haven't felt you lately as much. Part of it, I've been sick and was out of commission for a few days. I wouldn't have wanted you to feel that. My husband brought you up the other day. I hate it when he speaks poorly of you. He doesn't know the history we had or the connection we still have. It would have been easier had we all not known each other...not that he really knew you from the nasty things he says.

that is the second or third time you've said that which is weird because I never hear you repeat! Is that really the way you see it?

Never a day passes without me thinking of you. Actually, that's an understatement. Barely an hour passes without you haunting my mind at some point or other.

The crazy thing is - all this time I have spent thinking about you, I bet you I haven't crossed your mind in years. But I guess I will never know.

Some days I feel the urge to contact you so strongly. But I just can't.

After becoming conscious I lost the idea of a type. I don't have requirements that need to be filled. If I start catching feelings for a heroine addict I'm still going to at least attempt it. Maybe she'll sober up and be the best thing For me. I would never disregard how my heart and soul feels because of issues that my mind made up. Nothing ever comes how I want, but it always ends up being exactly what I need and by being open to that I'm able to receive it. I'm going to love unconditionally for however long I can and enjoy it each and every time. Every chance given to me is a chance to perfect loving another without expectation. Each failure is showing me I wasn't ready and how to continue growing.

The universe will always offer you coal. It's your perspective that sees an ugly rock or a potential diamond.

There is this mirage of you in everything, words spoken by others, acts of kindness from your heart, my leaning into the image of you that is not even there...

Meeting of man in this rather clumsy existance, bound by matter and time where not all things are so easily accomplished, where we stumble and fall.

So you are in human costume - maybe if I'm lucky - and this costume fits you about as well as mine fits me, right...? And I will have bleed-over from my human existance and you will have bleed-over too.

In this, my love, to arrive at a balance is the goal. Setting the physical clumsy boundaries for what is physical and vulnerable in us now. Keeping open the doors to the light, allowing it in - but not ignoring the matter of time we are in.

We are.
Here.

Well, at least I am ;)

Seeya

must be nice, for those that have a 'real' twin flame, to be discussing terms and conditions!

Anyway I see we are back to name calling. Not that I don't see a certain shall we say utility in using that particular name at this particular time :biggrin: But on the other hand give it a couple of weeks and the situation is likely to change dramatically :icon_eek:

edit -

btw i wasn't looking for your help. THAT would be a disaster :biggrin:. FWIW I most likely have a parachute though... knew that going in...

edit -

besides, it isn't like I chose this. A lot of times I can choose not to do stuff but this time I was kinda guided into something and didn't have much choice other than to just ride what happened. It is not like it has been all fun and games sitting through this either:icon_eek:

now you've got me lost in memories of that old horrid reality where I'm always trying to manipulate you again. I really really tried to let you know in advance I didn't have any intention of pulling that stuff on you but you didn't catch on I guess. Or didn't believe me. But who could blame you for doubting? Sometimes I don't even believe myself any more. Sigh.

I suppose I just have to live with my memories of what was until whatever comes next. Good thing for me is I have every hope it will only be a couple of days.

hi sweetie -

things going good I should get over myself by the end of the week :smile:

today for the first time I realized exactly how toxic my birth family is for someone like me. Probably just as well I didn't see it until now though, as I wouldn't have known not to worry about it until just now. Now I understand, inasmuch as I sometimes want to go screaming and running to the hills in an attempt to escape reality gone bad, all there is to do is put one foot in front of the other and try not to harm others. I wish I would remember that when it matters!

there is something else I also wanna say but I don't have words for it right now. Maybe I will try to pen something tomorrow night...

i started seeing people more as they are instead of how I want them to be. Illuminating, but depressing.

I guess I'm wanting to quit this. It is clearer than ever we cannot be together - you are just going to hurt me ad infinitum and as usual I'm tired.

Wish the others were any better but they aren't, not really. Sigh.

edit - i guess I don't want to keep *trying* to adapt to others when all it brings me is pain, but it isn't fair to ask others to try to adapt to me either. So I'm feeling, if there really is no way to be 'together' then I just have to accept that.

another edit - now my family has me feeling crazy again. I just wanna scream. I just hope the spirits aren't fooling with me...

How cruel it is that the universe once brought us together only now for it to conspire to keep us apart.

I wish I could see you just one more time. And soon.

Unmistakable.... in the chest. You felt it too...

i suppose cooking bacon is wildly different from eating it. If only I too could live the careless life of a connesuir!

I can't believe I made that so complicated when I already knew better. :rolleyes: Must have been the so-called 'human' part of me. HA!

sometimes I say and think things I shouldn't say

well things going good... only one more hurdle. This has been amazing! Just waiting to see if it is really meant for me :smile:

(shyly) happy valentines day

hi honey yeah i miss seeing you around, or is it just you've finally gotten below my thresholds? I dunno. Doesn't really matter I suppose.

you get lots and lots of latitude though, I'm not hinging my life on seeing you again anyway. If you are just taking a vacation or something or even if it is more permanent again, well I miss you but I definitely have to let you do things your own way.

Anyway, I've been wanting to say, I heard something recently about some gesture you had made to someone in your last life and was so dismayed - no not because the gesture wasn't magnificent in itself but because of the way I tried to treat you back then. That was horrible! I was so sad that day. Good thing we have God around and on your side! Because really, I can be a bit much when I start demanding things I want. Sigh.

What the heck

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hi honey hope things are going well!

I'm petrified but otherwise in good spirits :biggrin:

I've been thinking lately of what I would do if I saw you again. I would like to think we could talk and have a conversation...assuming you act like you acknowledge that you remember me this time. But, a part of me feels like if I'm that close to you again, I'll just panic like usual and run the other way. I don't want to run. If you approach me, it will be easier.

oh well... between my own panic and your own propensity to never be somewhere I can find you I don't see it happening. Interesting idea though...

I had another dream with you last night. I held on to you so tightly. Did you feel me? Thank you for defending me. And for coming to face my fears with me.