View Full Version : Spiritual Awakening, Transgenderism, Reincarnation, Heaven, and/or Hell?
TheDivineOne
07-04-2016, 06:30 PM
So after an episode of depression, I'm on this spiritual journey.
First, I should note that I am a male-to-female transgender in mid-transition. For most of my life, I've identified with being a female. On a few occasions, it has gotten to a point where I nearly committed suicide. I am glad that I failed because committing suicide will either land me a one-way ticket to Hell or reap very bad karma.
I recently had a long conversation with someone who seems very strong on her faith in God (I prefer to call The One whom many refer to as "God" "Source" and with gender-neutral pronouns based on my very-strong belief that God is neither male or female), during which time, she showed me a few bible verses stating that men should not act or dress as women; they're both sins as the bible has a verse that forbids a man having relations with another man and a woman with another woman. For the purposes of this forum post, let's call this woman "Edna." I don't practice any particular religion and neither does Edna. She just has a deep relationship with Source.
Mind you, Edna seemed like a very nice lady and she was. Edna made it a point to frequently remind me that it wasn't her duty to judge me, to condemn me in any way or to talk me out of my transition, but to "warn" me of the consequences of not doing what God intended for me to do and kept encouraging me to seek a relationship with God. Edna managed to convince me that God doesn't make people transgender, that she'd seen people who were transgender and with God's help were able to start identifying and feeling comfort with the gender they were born without transitioning. She even said to me that the reason why I've struggled with doing "guy things" and that it had been so painful for me trying to be masculine is because God is not helping me with such, or something to that effect. I will say again, she did show me a bible verse that says a man shall not be effeminate, and another that men should not wear women's clothing. Edna — despite how kind much of a kind lady she was — seemed like a conservative person who lives her life and raised her children in accordance with the word of God.
The thing about it is — and this just dawned on me at the time I typed all this — even as I undergo my transformation into a woman, I am still genetically a male, granted I would like for society to read me as a woman and refer to me with "she"/"her" pronouns whether or not they are aware of my being transgender. After that long talk with Edna, I feel a lot... different. I'm now having mixed feeling about having my sex reassignment surgery. Before 4/6/16, I was 100% sure that I wanted to have my genitals changed but now, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I am kind of feeling like I'm afraid to fully transition. I am afraid of going to Hell forever and for all of eternity. I firmly told Edna that I'm still going through with my transition and I stand firm behind my reasons to do so. However I've been feeling sick with worry about it. Here's how I've been feeling:
I'm still not comfortable with being a male but my desire to be female has only slightly decreased.
Am I losing my desire to be a woman? I don't ever want to lose my desire to be a woman. What if many years down the road I don't want to be a woman at all? I hope that doesn't end up being the case.
Having my genitals surgically altered to resemble female genitals feels like a sin and I'm not sure if I want to do it because I'm afraid I will go to Hell if I do it.
I'm feeling like Source is changing me so that my desire to transition into a woman is not having such a strong and damaging hold on me — and that my desire to transition into a woman is more of my own will rather that Source's... because it is.
I only want to do Source's will for my life so that I don't end up going to Hell but what if doing Source's will means reversing my transition altogether and not become a woman at all? I'm not ready to do that. I'm not ready to give up any of my desires for Source.
I hope my transgender status and my desire to be a woman is NOT the work of Satan.
It seems like Source is trying to deliver me from what seems like a sinful desire to be a woman but it's like I'm willfully fighting to hold on to my desire to be a woman, choosing to stay in my sinful state, because I really want to transition. I don't want to waste the work I put into my transition
As much as I really want to do this, I'm afraid of going to Hell.
I want to know that reincarnation exists but I'm choosing to believe in a Heaven and a Hell to stay on the safe side.
Everything I've italicized above are thoughts and statements that'd been running through my head like crazy, scaring me like crazy, driving me crazy. But I am constantly reminding myself with these questions that make me feel somewhat at ease:
What if Purgatory exists and that by transitioning, I go to Purgatory, not Hell?
What if reincarnation really is a thing?
But why is it that... the world's population has people who can, without any divine help, naturally identify with the gender which they were born and others not so much? Hmm? Why is it that my mannerisms and gender identity are that of a female? Hmm? Why is it that a bible which was typed and printed (much like this Internet post, sans the printed part) seems to forbid against males being effeminate but not females being masculine or people being transracial (to my knowledge at least). Get this: being female is my soul's desire! Don't any of you reading this think that there's a reason for that? As some say, everything happens for a reason. So maybe... just maybe... it is my soul's desire to be female for a reason! I believe and respect the notion that Source made me male for a reason and that Source doesn't make people transgender.
For example, let's say if you're taking a train ride or a flight from San Francisco, California to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, during which trip you discover your wallet, credit card, and $10,000 cash all happens to turn up missing. You then later found out that a security officer or a TSA officer stole such valuable articles from you. It's to my understanding that Source did not tell individual to steal your belongings but had a very good reason for allowing him/her to do so. Wouldn't any of you agree?
I could really use a spiritual lawyer right about now. Or maybe I already am one! LOL LOL :D :biggrin:
Overall, I feel a lot more at ease with being male-appearing person. I still desire to transition but that desire isn't as strong, and I'm afraid to go through with it. Just before, when my transgender feelings got so out of hand, I desired to not live past 40 or 50. Now, I do plan to live out my entire life, whether I live beyond 40, 50, 80 or to 100 and wait until it's actually my time to transition to The Other Side as again, committing suicide will only reap punishing consequences whether or not reincarnation exists. I still never want to lose my desire to be female. In fact, I could never see myself being a cis straight macho man and I'm sure I don't have to be. Even as I typed that last sentence, note that I still feel a tinge of discomfort with being called a man or me calling myself one. I put a lot of work and money into my transition. I cannot see myself de-transitioning to start living the rest of my life as a man. I just cannot do it. In fact, despite all the emotional stress, pain, and turmoil being transgender has brought me, I would much rather be born male and be a male-to-female transgender than to be born male and be a cis (not transgender) straight male.
Also according to Deuteronomy 23:1 in the bible, "No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD." Mind you, that verse does not directly state that a man whose genitals are removed are going to Hell. It just states that they won't enter Heaven. Also the bible seems to reject the idea of reincarnation altogether. There are some people who based on their religious beliefs welcome and reject the idea of reincarnation. I believe in it... want to anyway. My cisgendered female friend (who was born, and identifies with being, female) with whom I'm very close with tells me she isn't sure if or not reincarnation exists. For argument's sake let's just say:
You only get this one life.
You did not exist before you came here.
You will not exist after you die.
When you die, you are judged and then go to either Heaven or Hell.
I was born Black, I was born male. That's it. This is the only experience I get. I'm transgender, I never will know what it's like to be any other gender or race according to such notions. No! I feel very strongly that I have lived before, that I've been a female before and will again; not because I want to believe I will be born female in a future lifetime, so to speak, but because of where I come from in my firm connections with spirituality, Abraham-Hicks, and things of that nature. I refuse to give into notion that there is "no reincarnation." Even with the notion that Source made me male for a reason, I also happen to believe in these things for a reason. Maybe looking to prove them is not in my best interest right now. Maybe perhaps it would behoove me to go through with my transition (hormones, ***, hip implants, voice training, hair removal) and do the whole male-to-female transformation process without having the surgery to remove my genitals, just to stay on the safe side.
I have tried only one past-life regression meditation to see who I was in a prior lifetime. I got just one vision. It wasn't really a vision, so to speak, it was more-so three jumbled messages and these are the three messages I've acquired:
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
female, African American
1959 (or 1957)
Mind you, I have not attempted another PLR since then. I don't know if I was born or died in Philadelphia, if the late 1950s was the era I was born in or died in, but I do have the strong feeling that I was indeed a female in that incarnation. I felt very strongly (and still do) that I should've been born a female... in this life. I would have liked to have been born female. I find myself wondering what it's like to have been born female. So maybe perhaps I don't know what it's like to be female. Maybe I've never been female before in any life. Could my vision wrong? Could it be that I've forgotten what it's like to be female? It's funny because according to that vision, I was African American in that life and I'm African American in this life too.
It's also starting to dawn on me now that even as being transgender is not an act of Source, being transgender is more or less a genetic thing that involves science. Since science has yet to prove what exactly "causes" people to be transgender, I'm thinking the reason they haven't yet is because transgenderism is more likely soul-involving than genetic involving but that's just my theory. Based on my personal experiences with my life, I feel as though it's my life's purpose to be an inspirational speaker, a life coach, a law of attraction guru and teacher, a motivational speaker.
Thank you to you and all others who have taken the time to read my post and reply to me. I understand that I most likely won't get any definite set-in-stone answers from merely an Internet forum on this subject but I would just love to hear others' opinions on this topic and what people think I should do. :smile: :hug3:
Thunder Bow
07-04-2016, 06:48 PM
You post is an excellent example of how Religion Controls People. First, you are made to feel guilty by going against the "Word Of God". Then they install Fear in you by telling you you are going to go to "Hell". You are being Controlled by others, it is just that plain and simple.
Religion is all about control and social order and has nothing to do with with the universe and all its power. It is time for you to find an spiritual alternative. You do not need to be controlled by others, or by the god they created to suit their needs.
Transgender is a Medical issue. Please consult with your doctor and with a professional Psychologist or Therapist to help you with this issue. You do not need to be around people who will judge you.
Imzadi
07-04-2016, 07:42 PM
Thank you so much for bringing this topic to the forum and for baring your heart and soul with such vulnerability and honesty. It pains me to see that while your friend Edna appears to have good intentions, it seems her own fear, ignorance, and personal worldview has become damaging to your mental health and well being by creating fear, doubt, and confusion. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but ultimately what truly matters is the path that YOU and the one whom you called "THE ONE" decide to take together.
I resonated with what you said that even with all the hardships that you experienced as a transgender person, you would still much rather be born as a transgender biological male as oppose to a male identified biological male. That speaks volumes and very SOULFULLY. I feel that you intuitively realize that experiencing being transgender here on Earth was not a mistake. I bet that there was much growth, compassion, wisdom, patience, tolerance, understanding, and empathy to be learned because of your current circumstances that your SOUL desired and set out to learn. And by overcoming your fears and doubts to become your fullest and highest spiritual potential (whatever that may look like), you have the capacity and the gifts to inspire and uplift more people as well. :)
It is absolutely tough when you are not of the typical binary gendered spectrum. I recently realized I am a non gender binary person. Although I am born a biological male, I don't identify as a man or a woman in a psychological gendered context. So I made up a new term, "Spirit Gendered!" :)
But anyways, I digress, since you mentioned that you are already along the way in your transition, I imagine that you have a regular doctor and/or therapist that is helping you? It seems like what you mentioned would be something that should definitely be discussed with a therapist assisting you with transition. In addition, bless Edna's heart because she really does mean well (at least I hope), but I really hope that you can find some friends that are spiritual to offer more support. Perhaps there are LGBTQ Christian ministries where you live for you to seek spiritual and emotional support? Perhaps you could discuss the theological fears with some of their pastors and ministers? And please bear in mind there are plenty of other avenues to cultivate your spirituality outside of a traditional Christian setting as well. :)
Good luck on your journey and trust that 'THE ONE" has always got your back, will always LOVE you, and will never forsake you. :)
P.S. Have you seen the show "Orange is the New Black?" Laverne Cox is such a beauty, inspiration, and a talented actress.
http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2015/06/22/22-laverne-cox-chatroom-silo.w190.h190.2x.png
FallingLeaves
07-04-2016, 07:52 PM
I find that society is very against anything I would rather do. I think there is a reason for that. I think the lesson is I'm not supposed to go around garnering support from others for attitudes and things that I want to be or do.
The gay community has the same problem: they want the approval of society and for a long time didn't come close. It is much better for them now.
Knowing what I know today I question whether trying so hard for approval and support is really a good idea. It seems desirable yes, but I really really am not sure it is a good idea.
But, trying to do things you want to do when others don't want you to is also very hard for a variety of reasons.
I'm glad you realize the karmic burden suicide would bring. That is a very good thing to understand. Here is a thought: maybe 'hell' is just having to live in a place or as a being that is undergoing severe karmic penalties for past actions. That certainly seems appropo to my own life.
I've done the trans thing in other lives. I 'resonate' as a female as well... and mostly hate what I have to do being male. But, when I was deciding whether to try it again I made the personal decision not to, at this time. Don't get me wrong it was wonderful and freeing for the times I did it, but now I think 'form without substance'. And I do get tired of fighting with everyone who doesn't like me lol! So I decided to content myself in little ways, trying to educate myself in some ways not to keep acting like a guy all the time even though I am one... if that makes sense. I don't push it like a trans would... but just little things like, I know I'm not going to ask a girl on a date now because I'd rather be female and be asked :smile:. But anyway I have to live with the consequences, realistically since I'm a guy noone is going to ask me so it is more alone time. Still, any more that seems better than the alternative.
And that is basically what it is, you choose what is right for you here, now, and then you live with the fact it isn't all going to be peaches and cream, isn't all going to be exactly how you want it, and some people are going to be quite vocal about not supporting you. But if you choose well, what really fits in with where you are here, now, it can be rewarding. And by little steps you get closer and closer to who you really are.
I hope that made some sense :hug2:
Lorelyen
07-04-2016, 08:15 PM
You should do what you think is right and to heck with religious dogma. This
god story is fine but it's only one view - a view that may have a huge
congregation but far from the only one.
There's nothing wrong with faith and, ok, the Christians are a proselytising lot
but they have no right to raise your doubts under the guise of "I'm not judging
you but... the but that's always a denial of the statement just made. In this case,
coming in with emotional blackmail drawn against their god.
Neither this woman, nor anyone else - not even the Pope, sorry about that
your excellency or whatever - is in any position to talk about what god wants
or expects. She / they simply don't know.
If you were able to read the teachings of Jesus you'd question loads of the
stuff in the Bible - because what's in the Bible is pretty different from Jesus' teachings.
The Bible was set up by a Roman emperor as an extra arm of
control over a sprawling empire. If his enforcement was failing, control
by priests seemed a good idea. He selected scriptures that gave credence
to the god-in-the-sky story so priests could demand obedience
and if you don't obey you'll go to hell or get burned at the stake or some such...
Sorry if I sound angry but I live in a Cosmopolitan town and know a few transgenders.
And d'you know what? They are beautiful people.
The internal struggle they've been through has given them a greater maturity of spirit
and emotion that most set-gender people.
Just stop, now. Retrieve the feelings that brought you to your decision
- and ask yourself honestly if they're still valid. They probably are.
Yes, second thoughts, doubt, may grip your mind - and if you need more time
the medics will surely wait - they'll be as concerned as you! But, thinking back
if you feel its right to finish the process, do it.
But don't take any notice of god botherers. Pay them the respect of their
faith but that's it. Their god is supposed to be a god of love and forgiveness
not that you need that. You don't. Plain silly. How would it badly affect reincarnation?
You have committed no sin.
Just think how the "church" has changed,
now welcoming homosexuals - unthinkable 20 years ago. They change
their minds according to how the wind is blowing. We now have women priests,
even bishops in the UK which is totally useless in a religion founded on
solar-phallic stuff. And transgender people would not be turned away
from the pews.
In the closest thing I have to a faith, we'd be holding a party for you.
Do your thing. Be you. And the best of wishes whichever you choose.
:hug:
.
And my apologies if I've insulted anyone who follows the Christian doctrinaire.
Mr Interesting
07-04-2016, 08:23 PM
I haven't read all the way through your post but I will afterwards, as in when I've written this, simply because it feels like the ideas of what to write about needs to come out now and somehow not be too influenced by what you've actually written.
Yesterday a friend of mine who seems incredibly interested in ideas of transgender shared a post on facebook of a 'they' who is biologically female but dresses as a man and 'they' went to a barber to get a haircut 'short back and sides' which is a traditional male cut... and the female barber refused to cut 'their' hair. Now the interesting thing, for me, was that it was stated that this particular form of transgenderism wasn't about being accepted as specifically male or female but as a 'they' as if the idea was to go beyond he or she depictions held forth... yet there was a kind of active stance that this biological female could do 'male' things.
For me then this was interesting as it kind of defines a set of ideas which go beyond being either male or female in an identifiable way to somehow allow freedoms to do whatever irrespective of what might be defined as pre-determined roles but then again it seems somewhat counter intuitive to somehow need the re-definition to be actively defining when the supposed outcome would be about non-defining.
And I think this leads on from a kind of insight I got from one of my own past life things where I realised that within a certain group of individuals playing something out over lifetimes that in one specific scenario I wasn't the male I thought I might be but was actually the female lynchpin... in a two males and one female kind of marriage and an intervening lover thing... interesting. But then again this particular female I would have been, whilst entirely female, did actively play with roles of feminine and masculine... to the extent that she did sometimes wear suits!
So back a bit to this friend of mine who's a modern dancer and after giving her a copy of the 'Power of Now' she read a chapter or two then realised it was a perfect subject for her masters degree and did her thesis and performance centred around this idea of being the watcher... and passed!
And it's as if, and bless her heart because she is lovely and I do very much love our time together, but now she's back as a role playing modern dancer all about advocating transgenderism... she's somehow got lost in the wrapping paper of it all and forgotten the spirit of just being whoever she is.... simply because whatever hangy bits anyone may or may not have there's absolutely nothing you, or anyone else, can't physically do which is dependant on what style of hangy bit's you might not, or might, actually have... except when those hangy bit's are somewhat larger than average.
Okay, some past stuff. At about 13 or 14 engineering was what did it for me but then for some reason Art came forward and I think it was the Cool kids thing, though given the nature of where I was brought up it was that this Cool sat in rebellion, and I wasn't to know at that age so Art was where I went. It's all a very long time ago but it just so happens loads and loads actually went on when I was 17, which was quite surprising when a few months ago I realised so much of the defining of me went on back then. Though a little prior to that I'd figured I wanted good clothes and I was lazy and didn't have much money at all but Mum had always sewn our clothes so it was entirely natural for me to get sewing my own... and I also kinda experimented with very loose clothes and had long, long hair and then got this kinda scathing stuff where I was a Nancy boy or somesuch... which I thought was weird. And I thought it was weird because I'd be sitting in front of a sewing machine and wondering why it could possibly be construed that doing such was a feminine thing, it seemed to have absolutely no constructive basis.
But before that all even occured I was a pro skateboarder, except the notion of being a professional didn't occur to me... what occurred at about 15 was that I trained myself to do something and was good enough for other people to pay me to do it but what was interesting, looking back, was that it was an extremely physical set of actions but because it too was the early days of this sport it was still very much tied to surfing and in that the cutting edge was all about doing it with style and grace... all about an effortlessness which again looking back was about a mixing and redefining about masculine and feminine... wow, lucky me huh?
Lucky me really because when this jeering came I was already somewhat entrenched in not giving a toss how others might define me... it did hurt for a bit, the callousness of it, but it was only ever words and no sticks or stones ever appeared... food for thought more than anything.
So I'm guessing I just got lucky and started telling stories about who I might be long before the stories started telling me what I was.
TheDivineOne
07-04-2016, 11:44 PM
You post is an excellent example of how Religion Controls People. First, you are made to feel guilty by going against the "Word Of God". Then they install Fear in you by telling you you are going to go to "Hell". You are being Controlled by others, it is just that plain and simple.
Religion is all about control and social order and has nothing to do with with the universe and all its power. It is time for you to find an spiritual alternative. You do not need to be controlled by others, or by the god they created to suit their needs.
Transgender is a Medical issue. Please consult with your doctor and with a professional Psychologist or Therapist to help you with this issue. You do not need to be around people who will judge you.
I'm already seeing a doctor.
Plus, she isn't a religious person, just had a deep connection with her version of God. But I do feel like I've been brainwashed!
Yesterday a friend of mine who seems incredibly interested in ideas of transgender shared a post on facebook of a 'they' who is biologically female but dresses as a man and 'they' went to a barber to get a haircut 'short back and sides' which is a traditional male cut... and the female barber refused to cut 'their' hair. Now the interesting thing, for me, was that it was stated that this particular form of transgenderism wasn't about being accepted as specifically male or female but as a 'they' as if the idea was to go beyond he or she depictions held forth... yet there was a kind of active stance that this biological female could do 'male' things.
Did he sue her? He should've sued her because that is discrimination. Why would she turn away a paying customer?
Neither this woman, nor anyone else - not even the Pope, sorry about that Your Excellency or whatever - is in any position to talk about what god wants
or expects. She / they simply don't know.
By "she" were you referring to God/Source? I always found it interesting when i hear people call God/Source "she" or "her", probably because it's rare.
If you were able to read the teachings of Jesus you'd question loads of the stuff in the Bible - because what's in the Bible is pretty different from Jesus' teachings.
The Bible was set up by a Roman emperor as an extra arm of control over a sprawling empire. If his enforcement was failing, control by priests seemed a good idea. He selected scriptures that gave credence to the god-in-the-sky story so priests could demand obedience and if you don't obey you'll go to hell or get burned at the stake or some such...
But I'm still scared though. See below.
Just stop, now. Retrieve the feelings that brought you to your decision
- and ask yourself honestly if they're still valid. They probably are.
Yes, right now anyway.
Yes, second thoughts, doubt, may grip your mind - and if you need more time
the medics will surely wait - they'll be as concerned as you!* But, thinking back
if you feel its right to finish the process, do it.
It doesn't feel like it right now. I'm still shaken with fear. I'm not ready for the notion that Source is trying to sway me from transitioning to protect me from going to Hell and that being the reason why I'm losing my desire to be a woman.
But as a consolation prize at least being transgender has become easier to deal with. I feel a lot better and more at peace with being transgender and have never been so at ease with it as i now am.
And that is basically what it is, you choose what is right for you here, now, and then you live with the fact it isn't all going to be peaches and cream, isn't all going to be exactly how you want it, and some people are going to be quite vocal about not supporting you.** But if you choose well, what really fits in with where you are here, now, it can be rewarding.* And by little steps you get closer and closer to who you really are.
I hope that made some sense :hug2:
You should do what you think is right and to heck with religious dogma. This
god story is fine but it's only one view - a view that may have a huge congregation but far from the only one.
There's nothing wrong with faith and, ok, the Christians are a proselytising lot but they have no right to raise your doubts under the guise of "I'm not judging you but... the but" that's always a denial of the statement just made. In this case, coming in with emotional blackmail drawn against their god.
But don't take any notice of god botherers. Pay them the respect of their
faith but that's it. Their god is supposed to be a god of love and forgiveness
not that you need that. You don't. Plain silly. How would it badly affect reincarnation?
You have committed no sin.
Just think how the "church" has changed,
now welcoming homosexuals - unthinkable 20 years ago. They change
their minds according to how the wind is blowing. We now have women priests,
even bishops in the UK which is totally useless in a religion founded on
solar-phallic stuff. And transgender people would not be turned away
from the pews.
In the closest thing I have to a faith, we'd be holding a party for you.
Do your thing. Be you. And the best of wishes whichever you choose.
It's somewhat comforting to hear... or in this case see you guys say those things but please allow me to reiterate that my desire to transition to a woman is not as strong and i take it to mean Source/God is doing that to me.
I feel like I'm fighting to hold on to my desire to be a woman but at the same time worried sick about going to Hell
I can't chance that. I'm scared of risking rotting in Hell forever and ever and for all of eternity because I do desperately wanted to hold on to my desire to be a girl. I will not have that!
I mean, i feel like i'm being brainwashed! It's something i deeply feel.
I'm glad you realize the karmic burden suicide would bring.** That is a very good thing to understand.** Here is a thought:* maybe 'hell' is just having to live in a place or as a being that is undergoing severe karmic penalties for past actions.** That certainly seems appropo to my own life.
As a consolation prize, my dad committed suicide when I was 7. He was bipolar. He was mentally ill and therefore his free-will was compromised. He should not be in Hell and hopefully is not there. A year later, my mom was in sssssoooooooooo much grief and pain over his death that something came over her. She was taken into another world, a rapture of some sort. I remember her telling me she was flying over some bridge, but someone was carrying her. It was my dad. She asked him if he were okay to which he replied, "I am now." Before she knew it, she was transported back into this physical reality. So I don't think my dad is in Hell, reincarnated maybe. I understand if he was in his right mind, he committed a heinous act and then killed himself thinking he'll get away with it so he wouldn't have to suffer the consequences for it. THEN he should be in Hell.
I don't mean to use that story to condone suicide. I don't. In fact, i still think he still paid some sort of karmic price for taking his own life but I have a hunch, my dad is on Earth again, as someone else. Edna firmly informed me my dad is definitely in Hell because he killed himself. My mind being as weak as it is, i believed her and didn't fight back because I'm so submissive like women traditionally are. But I would really like to reverse her effects on me and avoid contact with her.
I've done the trans thing in other lives.** I 'resonate' as a female as well...** and mostly hate what I have to do being male.** But, when I was deciding whether to try it again I made the personal decision not to, at this time.** Don't get me wrong it was wonderful and freeing for the times I did it, but now I think 'form without substance'.** And I do get tired of fighting with everyone who doesn't like me lol!** So I decided to content myself in little ways, trying to educate myself in some ways not to keep acting like a guy all the time even though I am one...** if that makes sense.** I don't push it like a trans would...** but just little things like, I know I'm not going to ask a girl on a date now because I'd rather be female and be asked :smile:.*** But anyway I have to live with the consequences, realistically since I'm a guy noone is going to ask me so it is more alone time.** Still, any more that seems better than the alternative.
So wait. Are you transgender or no? If so are/did you transitioning?
I resonated with what you said that even with all the hardships that you experienced as a transgender person, you would still much rather be born as a transgender biological male as oppose to a male identified biological male. That speaks volumes and very SOULFULLY. I feel that you intuitively realize that experiencing being transgender here on Earth was not a mistake.
Yeah, well, mind you that's because my femalehood (if that's even a real word but I'm sure it isn't but for the purposes of this post let's stick with that) means so much to me and I hold it so near and dear to my heart. I still would love to be a female-identified, biologically human female.
It is absolutely tough when you are not of the typical binary gendered spectrum. I recently realized I am a non gender binary person. Although I am born a biological male, I don't identify as a man or a woman in a psychological gendered context. So I made up a new term, "Spirit Gendered!" :)
Do you know if or not you were female in the last life?
But anyways, I digress, since you mentioned that you are already along the way in your transition, I imagine that you have a regular doctor and/or therapist that is helping you?
Yes.
It seems like what you mentioned would be something that should definitely be discussed with a therapist assisting you with transition. In addition, bless Edna's heart because she really does mean well (at least I hope), but I really hope that you can find some friends that are spiritual to offer more support. Perhaps there are LGBTQ Christian ministries where you live for you to seek spiritual and emotional support? Perhaps you could discuss the theological fears with some of their pastors and ministers? And please bear in mind there are plenty of other avenues to cultivate your spirituality outside of a traditional Christian setting as well. :)
I'm actually an anti-Christian. I'm anti-any-religion actually because like Thunder Bow said, religions tend to control people, brainwashing people into following their ways of life and threatening people with Hell if they don't. That and religions tend to contradict each other with their beliefs.
Good luck on your journey and trust that 'THE ONE" has always got your back, will always LOVE you, and will never forsake you. :)
It used to utterly frustrate when in dealing with transgender issues, people kept telling me "God loves you" like that helps me. But what good is that love for people who are rotting in Hell? It's too risky.
I hope that means that Source loves me enough that She won't condemn me to Hell for changing my body to female.
Have you seen the show "Orange is the New Black?"
I wish I could watch OITNB. I like that show a lot. If I do something bad, please send me to a women's jail. LOL
Somnia
07-04-2016, 11:58 PM
I have a feeling it's not "Source" swaying you from your desire to transition but rather the opinions of "Edna" and her pushing religious dogma on you...
Imzadi
08-04-2016, 12:12 AM
To answer your question, I've been both male and female in my other lifetimes, but this is definitely the first where I don't identify psychologically with the typical gender binary. I feel more like a non gendered Spirit in human form than a man or a woman. Maybe I am now at a place where my SOUL is resonating more on an energetic level.
It's great that you are breaking free from the harmful dogmatic religious brainwashing! I did the same and it was a hard battle. It was very traumatizing and it took me a long time to find peace. I would like to say that there are people who identify as Christians who are kind, non judgmental, wonderful, and deeply spiritual people. They are the ones whom I generally refer to as "true Christians."
With that being said, you are free and open to explore and find a path to Spirituality and to Source that resonates and fits with your Soul's purpose! This forum has a wide variety of people from all different paths and you can take a look to see what is most suitable for your journey.
Lastly, for what it's worth, I do not think you are going to hell for changing your body or wanting to change your body. However, I do know that being in such a profound state of fear, conflict, and doubt is hell enough already. I truly hope that you are able to work through these issues with your therapist and let go of the toxic poison of Edna's words because you deserve to feel like Heaven and Divine. And I do sincerely believe that Source LOVES you unconditionally no if's, and's, or but's. :)
Imzadi
08-04-2016, 12:21 AM
[EDIT: Oops, a glitch caused an accidental double post. Sorry!]
H:O:R:A:C:E
08-04-2016, 01:38 AM
TheDivineOne, your higher self, the aspect of you which is in
unfiltered communion with Source, is fearless.
(it appears that) you have incarnated in your present circumstances
[being on the low end of the strata of social acceptability] because
you have known that you are strong enough to face that challenge.
Source energy is purely loving, and it does not contain an ounce of
'punishment'. the hells that we might imagine are fabrications built
through fear using misdirected creation/love energy.
peace-to-you, H:O:R:A:C:E
TheDivineOne
08-04-2016, 01:49 AM
Yeah but what about the people who claim that there is a Hell and that they experienced it? There are YouTube videos about people who say they briefly experienced Hell, some of which after suicide attempts.
Imzadi
08-04-2016, 02:12 AM
Yeah but what about the people who claim that there is a Hell and that they experienced it? There are YouTube videos about people who say they briefly experienced Hell, some of which after suicide attempts.
Hell is a state of mind, a dimension, and a belief that one is separate from Source. Source is Universal Oneness and Complete Unconditional LOVE and Wholeness. If a Soul believes in the conceptualize illusion that they are separate from Source then they will experience the pain of separation or in other words "hell." It is a spiritual torment and a deep unbearable pain. What some people report from near death experiences and the hellish imagery that they perceive is a spiritual representation of their pain from believing and thinking they separated from Source. This understanding has been my own personal Spiritual journey and Truth. I know this to be reality not from a conceptual level but at the very core of my being. And please keep in mind this is just me sharing my experience and I have no scientific basis to back up my claim and I do not expect and wish to impose my views on anyone else either. :)
Somnia
08-04-2016, 02:12 AM
I have read/watched accounts of individuals who experienced NDE and they report seeing the deity/afterlife that mirrors their current belief or beliefs that are pressured onto them...
So a Christian may see "Jesus" or "God" while a Buddhist may see the "Buddha", while another might see "Allah" and another may see the afterlife as being "Valhalla" or "heaven", etc....To elaborate, I believe this happens because their consciousness is interpreting such visions in a way that is familiar to their personal beliefs to make sense of their "separation from Source" as Imzadi referenced...I could be completely wrong though, it's only my perspective on things :)
*EDIT*
Imazdi - Haha! We posted at the same time! : D
Imzadi
08-04-2016, 02:42 AM
I have read/watched accounts of individuals who experienced NDE and they report seeing the deity/afterlife that mirrors their current belief or beliefs that are pressured onto them...
So a Christian may see "Jesus" or "God" while a Buddhist may see the "Buddha", while another might see "Allah" and another may see the afterlife as being "Valhalla" or "heaven", etc....To elaborate, I believe this happens because their consciousness is interpreting such visions in a way that is familiar to their personal beliefs to make sense of their "separation from Source" as Imzadi referenced...I could be completely wrong though, it's only my perspective on things :)
*EDIT*
Imazdi - Haha! We posted at the same time! : D
You make good points that I resonate with. Also, we are always clamoring to respond to the same posts, LOL. =P
Somnia
08-04-2016, 02:44 AM
Also, we are always clamoring to respond to the same posts, LOL. =P
Haha, so I've noticed... xP
FallingLeaves
08-04-2016, 02:57 AM
I feel like I'm fighting to hold on to my desire to be a woman but at the same time worried sick about going to Hell
I can't chance that. I'm scared of risking rotting in Hell forever and ever and for all of eternity because I do desperately wanted to hold on to my desire to be a girl. I will not have that!
I mean, i feel like i'm being brainwashed! It's something i deeply feel.
I've found that sometimes I'm placed in a state of fear to see which I will choose: overcome my fear at all costs in an attempt to get what I want, or just listen to my female self and live within my means. Any more I'm like, well fear is kind of fun after all!
As far as being brainwashed I think if someone wanted to at this point I would just let them. I am so tired of fighting with everyone all the time. It would be so nice to go along with someone else's idea of a good time even if it meant I have to quit thinking about the things I love.
FWIW I personally don't fear hell...
So wait. Are you transgender or no? If so are/did you transitioning?
not physically. No plans to transition physically. I've chosen to work on the spiritual side even though the body isn't right on the basis that whenever I get to be a female I am so used to acting like a male I can't really enjoy it.
Yeah, well, mind you that's because my femalehood (if that's even a real word but I'm sure it isn't but for the purposes of this post let's stick with that) means so much to me and I hold it so near and dear to my heart. I still would love to be a female-identified, biologically human female.
me too. And I've used femalehood as well so don't feel bad lol! But I am thoroughly tired with chasing around after myself sigh. I guess I'm trying to say that all things told, I don't think it is always about having the things I cherish, immediately.
Do you know if or not you were female in the last life?
I don't remember if this question was directed to me or not but I feel like answering... yes I was. Kinda nice. I was still tormented but would rather be there than here :smile:
[/QUOTE]
wolfgaze
08-04-2016, 03:59 AM
Yeah but what about the people who claim that there is a Hell and that they experienced it? There are YouTube videos about people who say they briefly experienced Hell, some of which after suicide attempts.
These claims are not what they seem on the surface level. I just finished reading a book about Distressing NDE's and which goes into significant detail about the nature of such experiences as reported by various individuals... There is a lot of misinformation out there about this subject matter. The bible in its earliest scriptures (Hebrew & Greek language) does not even speak of any such 'eternal hell' place as commonly believed. This notion came about centuries later due to various mistranslations of the earliest scriptures, due to outside influences (stemming from ideology rooted in Pagan mythologies), and through possible intentional manipulation/corruption for the purpose of psychologically controlling the populace. As far as the NDE subject matter I would encourage you to go to the near-death.com/ website and explore some of the content hosted on that site.
For those that do not believe in a location such as a hellish area of spiritual teraferma, which might be dark, rocky, without any spiritual vegetation/trees, bushes ext ext.
You might consider the light realms that are created & maintained by the loving desire of creator/god.
They are full of never ending wonders. Of green vegetation, crystal clear reviving waters of streams lakes & oceans, beautifully structured homes & buildings.
& these locations are of a certain strength of the love energies, that lead to another area/realm higher in love energies than the preceding location, & so & so on.
& each area growing stronger in love energies as each area gets closer & closer to souce energy/creator.
& residing in these locations are people who through their soul qualities, they vary in forms of love morals, from one location to the next & allowing these person to move closer to source as they improve in their soul qualities, they are able to feel physically comfortable in the areas of higher love energies closer to source/ creator/ god.
So now think about those persons who have newly arrived in the first sphere of the light realms....they do not have the energetic construction of the soul to move close to creator so untill they do they stay where they are....BUT if they "say" start to act out of harmony with love they will through the "LAW OF REAP AS YOU SOW" start to deplete in soul qualities....& because their spiritual body is an emanation of their soul qualities they will grow darker & uglier & will more than likely feel very uncomfortable in the presence of more loving beings, which will see them gravitating away from those areas that are more beautiful, & lush & abundant.
Now as these darker beings move to a locations further away from more loving beings, & since location/areas do reflect the qualities of the souls of the persons that reside in any one location, (beautiful soul quality..beautiful location).. (poor dark soul quality...poor dark location).
Now if you have any idea of how dark, ugly, disfigured of appearance & of personality that some spiritual beings have become then you would start to see that as they move further away from source energy/creator,
Then you start to get an idea of how grossly dark ugly cold & seemingly unhabitable some areas can be, which does reflect their soul quality.
& I am led to believe these dark locations have deep dark cavernous areas that come straight off of very sharp jaggered precipice.. (rockface, sheer drops) from way way above.
& in these areas, these dark beings use their spiritual abilities to creat havoc & torment on one & other until they run out of strength to carry on with their unloving acts.
Which by the way creates even more of a darker quality within their souls, which then creates even worse conditions of there locations. & so on & so on & sooooo oooonnnn.
You can also read about what I have written, in biblical and non biblical texts, and also there are a few very credible channeled messages from celestial and higher more loving spiritual beings that can shed some light on the subject of dark spiritual beings & the hells.
And of course, believe me or not, I honestly do not mind.."SMILES".
Please do feel free to reply to this post.
Neil..."SMILES"
wolfgaze
08-04-2016, 06:01 AM
Neil, what you're describing is very different from what the OP is alluding to (a singular 'place' that you get sent to forever)....
States of Consciousness corresponding to experiential realities/environments in ethereal dimensions is plausible and sensible. Being banished/condemned to some singular 'hellish' location/reality with no possibility of ever changing one's condition or experience is certainly not...
Oceansofawareness
08-04-2016, 06:57 AM
Hey Gorgeous :)
I would recommend firstly to remove all preconceptions about reality and belief systems behind you. Drop them completely out of your being, let each thought that is clouding/filling your mind melt away from you. Like meditation, you have to drop all thoughts and go back to source, back to basics, which is feelings, feel this issue out, feel it truly take it as deep as you can go. Trust that first initial feeling about the very first fleeting but very significant feeling/emotion.
To make a decision like this one, you have to let everything else go, your ideas about god, about religion about everything, if you can do this for even a second you will have your answer. The more you know about something by reading, the less you allow yourself to experience sometimes. This is a huge step not to be taken lightly so you are so onto it for sharing this here. Trust your very first feeling, it always leads to something new, to our next lesson in a synchronicity kind of way. Let go of the judgement from outside sources , let it go. Your longing for the opposite in yourself is not a solo feeling, we all wish to experience being the other, so that we can somehow better understand the bigger questions in life, like how are we here? and why are we here? why am I here? These questions can lead people down some beautiful path ways but they can also be taken advantage of and are swept out into the abyss, one day to wake up and think what have I done? And where have I been?. So to take away the complications one needs to recenter themselves get really grounded meditate on the decision choice at hand be very aware of the initial reaction feeling about the matter and then act on it immediately.
No regrets and no fear because you are trusting you for once and not anyone else no matter the title, no matter the reputation. This is about you darling no one can tell you what to do, you will simply know if you follow your heart. I will say that reincarnation to me is very real, is at the essence of every moment before life and after death. We are infinite travelers through all the realms of possibility, you could very much be missing a previous life, the most recent of them. It is effecting your mind and your being at the core, so there is something you need to figure out it is a solo journey of the souls consciousness , you must find a way to tune in to that and you will have your answer. Thanks for sharing, good luck with your decision, no matter what you choose total acceptance will then be needed so you are not being held back this one thing for the rest of this short life we're given here. Love, light and clarity to you xxxx
Shaunc
08-04-2016, 07:10 AM
I don't know much about Transgender people. But I do know that we are what we are.
2 of my 3 boys are left handed. They can't help it. They had no choice in it. I find it quite annoying when I have to do Manual work with them but we've all had to learn to live with it and work on the off side of each other.
What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to change yourself you may just have to change the way you go about things.
Sorry that I can't be more helpful.
Lorelyen
08-04-2016, 09:27 AM
Yeah but what about the people who claim that there is a Hell and that they experienced it? There are YouTube videos about people who say they briefly experienced Hell, some of which after suicide attempts.
Take no notice. People have agendas. There are many reasons someone would commit suicide but there are even more why they'd make failed attempts to do so. I dare say if we could put some kind of experiential probe into their minds, the hell they experienced was the wranglings with some interior failure in themselves.
There's a case for Earth being another world's hell. Look at the plight of refugees on the Macedonian border. Did the Creator bring them into the world to suffer as they do?
I reckon you have to break out of this conditioning. Hell is a religious construct to keep you toeing the line. What you want to become is what you want to become and there's no sin in that. It's reaching your selfhood.
One of the inspiring things about a forum like this is that it gives people a chance to break away from the chains of religious conditioning. It saddens me that so many still fall for the claptrap, ingrained from their day 1. (It isn't the worst. There's at least one other faith far more oppressive than Christianity.)
There is nothing wrong with believing there's a god up in the sky, call it what you like - source, god, elohim, True Creator...and that there's a heaven and hell out there somewhere...(i.e not within you or on this earth) as long as you arrive at the conclusion through spiritual development as a free-thinking person.
Indeed, if you have, then they're your beliefs and you have every right to them. If however they're baggage you've inherited then you really need to examine it before you take further steps. The last thing you want is a new you clouded with dread. Or more to the point, YOU as you are, clouded with dread.
...
wolfgaze
08-04-2016, 09:33 AM
There is nothing wrong with believing there's a god up in the sky, call it what you like - source, god, elohim, True Creator...and that there's a heaven and hell out there somewhere...(i.e not within you or on this earth) as long as you arrive at the conclusion through spiritual development as a free-thinking person.
Indeed, if you have, then they're your beliefs and you have every right to them. If however they're baggage you've inherited then you really need to examine it before you take further steps. The last thing you want is a new you clouded with dread. Or more to the point, YOU as you are, clouded with dread.
Well said...
Lorelyen
08-04-2016, 10:01 AM
I don't know much about Transgender people. But I do know that we are what we are.
2 of my 3 boys are left handed. They can't help it. They had no choice in it. I find it quite annoying when I have to do Manual work with them but we've all had to learn to live with it and work on the off side of each other.
What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to change yourself you may just have to change the way you go about things.
Sorry that I can't be more helpful.
They're ordinary people many of whom have had a heck of an emotional tussle awakening to the error imposed on their lives. There was once a study at the Maudsley hospital involving the hormonal content of people and I remember a bit about the conclusions of men with extremes of oestrogen and women with extremes of testosterone. The question of psychological gender didn't match the biological one.
The town I live in is considered England's liberal capital re sexual orientation! so one encounters people coming from all angles!
As I re-read the original post I reflected on people I met when playing gigs in clubs and in the wake of the pride marches that go along the sea front. Among them transgenders, some transvesters.
I’m straight but remember once being taken as a transvester and so probably a lesbian during the time my hair was cropped and I turned up to play at a reception in a suit with trousers. It's stuff that never bothers me.
After the gay pride marches groups congregate at different bars. Sometimes they mix and there’s always a laugh at a joyous day. It’s easy to be drawn into the colour and excitement. But behind it there can be great sadness, fear sometimes at public reaction. I know one transgender from college days. I think back to how he was truly candidate, beautiful even in looks, ravishing gaze, disarming smile, the warmest of people but it came out in temperament, gestures, symbols. In supportive company he could be a woman. But he was frightened. Men would look on him as a femme gay man. He ran into some harrowing trouble over that; his warmth as a person. Turned him quite reclusive for a while.
Anyway, he eventually changed over, happier now, more relaxed for assuming her natural state though the scars of events prior still haunt her I think. Curiously, relationships beyond friendship don’t seem to preoccupy her. We still talk music and as she’s a musician of some attainment she's joined me in gigs. (There are plenty of stories about those!) She befriended the other transgender I know well who transformed in her middle age. Social acceptance was a problem. It sometimes is but it’s something to be borne.
It does feel though as if they’ve put something right at last.
It's surely an additional burden thinking that one could get spiritually damaged by just wanting to be themselves. When you've done nothing wrong I can't imagine it would be marked against you in the reincarnation market.
...
naturesflow
08-04-2016, 10:26 AM
So after an episode of depression, I'm on this spiritual journey.
First, I should note that I am a male-to-female transgender in mid-transition. For most of my life, I've identified with being a female. On a few occasions, it has gotten to a point where I nearly committed suicide. I am glad that I failed because committing suicide will either land me a one-way ticket to Hell or reap very bad karma.
I recently had a long conversation with someone who seems very strong on her faith in God (I prefer to call The One whom many refer to as "God" "Source" and with gender-neutral pronouns based on my very-strong belief that God is neither male or female), during which time, she showed me a few bible verses stating that men should not act or dress as women; they're both sins as the bible has a verse that forbids a man having relations with another man and a woman with another woman. For the purposes of this forum post, let's call this woman "Edna." I don't practice any particular religion and neither does Edna. She just has a deep relationship with Source.
Mind you, Edna seemed like a very nice lady and she was. Edna made it a point to frequently remind me that it wasn't her duty to judge me, to condemn me in any way or to talk me out of my transition, but to "warn" me of the consequences of not doing what God intended for me to do and kept encouraging me to seek a relationship with God. Edna managed to convince me that God doesn't make people transgender, that she'd seen people who were transgender and with God's help were able to start identifying and feeling comfort with the gender they were born without transitioning. She even said to me that the reason why I've struggled with doing "guy things" and that it had been so painful for me trying to be masculine is because God is not helping me with such, or something to that effect. I will say again, she did show me a bible verse that says a man shall not be effeminate, and another that men should not wear women's clothing. Edna — despite how kind much of a kind lady she was — seemed like a conservative person who lives her life and raised her children in accordance with the word of God.
The thing about it is — and this just dawned on me at the time I typed all this — even as I undergo my transformation into a woman, I am still genetically a male, granted I would like for society to read me as a woman and refer to me with "she"/"her" pronouns whether or not they are aware of my being transgender. After that long talk with Edna, I feel a lot... different. I'm now having mixed feeling about having my sex reassignment surgery. Before 4/6/16, I was 100% sure that I wanted to have my genitals changed but now, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I am kind of feeling like I'm afraid to fully transition. I am afraid of going to Hell forever and for all of eternity. I firmly told Edna that I'm still going through with my transition and I stand firm behind my reasons to do so. However I've been feeling sick with worry about it. Here's how I've been feeling:
I'm still not comfortable with being a male but my desire to be female has only slightly decreased.
Am I losing my desire to be a woman? I don't ever want to lose my desire to be a woman. What if many years down the road I don't want to be a woman at all? I hope that doesn't end up being the case.
Having my genitals surgically altered to resemble female genitals feels like a sin and I'm not sure if I want to do it because I'm afraid I will go to Hell if I do it.
I'm feeling like Source is changing me so that my desire to transition into a woman is not having such a strong and damaging hold on me — and that my desire to transition into a woman is more of my own will rather that Source's... because it is.
I only want to do Source's will for my life so that I don't end up going to Hell but what if doing Source's will means reversing my transition altogether and not become a woman at all? I'm not ready to do that. I'm not ready to give up any of my desires for Source.
I hope my transgender status and my desire to be a woman is NOT the work of Satan.
It seems like Source is trying to deliver me from what seems like a sinful desire to be a woman but it's like I'm willfully fighting to hold on to my desire to be a woman, choosing to stay in my sinful state, because I really want to transition. I don't want to waste the work I put into my transition
As much as I really want to do this, I'm afraid of going to Hell.
I want to know that reincarnation exists but I'm choosing to believe in a Heaven and a Hell to stay on the safe side.
Everything I've italicized above are thoughts and statements that'd been running through my head like crazy, scaring me like crazy, driving me crazy. But I am constantly reminding myself with these questions that make me feel somewhat at ease:
What if Purgatory exists and that by transitioning, I go to Purgatory, not Hell?
What if reincarnation really is a thing?
But why is it that... the world's population has people who can, without any divine help, naturally identify with the gender which they were born and others not so much? Hmm? Why is it that my mannerisms and gender identity are that of a female? Hmm? Why is it that a bible which was typed and printed (much like this Internet post, sans the printed part) seems to forbid against males being effeminate but not females being masculine or people being transracial (to my knowledge at least). Get this: being female is my soul's desire! Don't any of you reading this think that there's a reason for that? As some say, everything happens for a reason. So maybe... just maybe... it is my soul's desire to be female for a reason! I believe and respect the notion that Source made me male for a reason and that Source doesn't make people transgender.
For example, let's say if you're taking a train ride or a flight from San Francisco, California to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, during which trip you discover your wallet, credit card, and $10,000 cash all happens to turn up missing. You then later found out that a security officer or a TSA officer stole such valuable articles from you. It's to my understanding that Source did not tell individual to steal your belongings but had a very good reason for allowing him/her to do so. Wouldn't any of you agree?
I could really use a spiritual lawyer right about now. Or maybe I already am one! LOL LOL :D :biggrin:
Overall, I feel a lot more at ease with being male-appearing person. I still desire to transition but that desire isn't as strong, and I'm afraid to go through with it. Just before, when my transgender feelings got so out of hand, I desired to not live past 40 or 50. Now, I do plan to live out my entire life, whether I live beyond 40, 50, 80 or to 100 and wait until it's actually my time to transition to The Other Side as again, committing suicide will only reap punishing consequences whether or not reincarnation exists. I still never want to lose my desire to be female. In fact, I could never see myself being a cis straight macho man and I'm sure I don't have to be. Even as I typed that last sentence, note that I still feel a tinge of discomfort with being called a man or me calling myself one. I put a lot of work and money into my transition. I cannot see myself de-transitioning to start living the rest of my life as a man. I just cannot do it. In fact, despite all the emotional stress, pain, and turmoil being transgender has brought me, I would much rather be born male and be a male-to-female transgender than to be born male and be a cis (not transgender) straight male.
Also according to Deuteronomy 23:1 in the bible, "No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD." Mind you, that verse does not directly state that a man whose genitals are removed are going to Hell. It just states that they won't enter Heaven. Also the bible seems to reject the idea of reincarnation altogether. There are some people who based on their religious beliefs welcome and reject the idea of reincarnation. I believe in it... want to anyway. My cisgendered female friend (who was born, and identifies with being, female) with whom I'm very close with tells me she isn't sure if or not reincarnation exists. For argument's sake let's just say:
You only get this one life.
You did not exist before you came here.
You will not exist after you die.
When you die, you are judged and then go to either Heaven or Hell.
I was born Black, I was born male. That's it. This is the only experience I get. I'm transgender, I never will know what it's like to be any other gender or race according to such notions. No! I feel very strongly that I have lived before, that I've been a female before and will again; not because I want to believe I will be born female in a future lifetime, so to speak, but because of where I come from in my firm connections with spirituality, Abraham-Hicks, and things of that nature. I refuse to give into notion that there is "no reincarnation." Even with the notion that Source made me male for a reason, I also happen to believe in these things for a reason. Maybe looking to prove them is not in my best interest right now. Maybe perhaps it would behoove me to go through with my transition (hormones, ***, hip implants, voice training, hair removal) and do the whole male-to-female transformation process without having the surgery to remove my genitals, just to stay on the safe side.
I have tried only one past-life regression meditation to see who I was in a prior lifetime. I got just one vision. It wasn't really a vision, so to speak, it was more-so three jumbled messages and these are the three messages I've acquired:
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
female, African American
1959 (or 1957)
Mind you, I have not attempted another PLR since then. I don't know if I was born or died in Philadelphia, if the late 1950s was the era I was born in or died in, but I do have the strong feeling that I was indeed a female in that incarnation. I felt very strongly (and still do) that I should've been born a female... in this life. I would have liked to have been born female. I find myself wondering what it's like to have been born female. So maybe perhaps I don't know what it's like to be female. Maybe I've never been female before in any life. Could my vision wrong? Could it be that I've forgotten what it's like to be female? It's funny because according to that vision, I was African American in that life and I'm African American in this life too.
It's also starting to dawn on me now that even as being transgender is not an act of Source, being transgender is more or less a genetic thing that involves science. Since science has yet to prove what exactly "causes" people to be transgender, I'm thinking the reason they haven't yet is because transgenderism is more likely soul-involving than genetic involving but that's just my theory. Based on my personal experiences with my life, I feel as though it's my life's purpose to be an inspirational speaker, a life coach, a law of attraction guru and teacher, a motivational speaker.
Thank you to you and all others who have taken the time to read my post and reply to me. I understand that I most likely won't get any definite set-in-stone answers from merely an Internet forum on this subject but I would just love to hear others' opinions on this topic and what people think I should do. :smile: :hug3:
I am glad you offloaded all the stuff bothering you through the activation of your friend because obviously you had a great deal on your mind over this. In some ways she has offered you a point of reconciling all this before you take the next step, which can be a good thing in such a life changing shift for anyone.
When we are transitioning through the natural choice and movements of our life and what wish to create for ourselves, often what arises is all those feelings that are making us unclear, yet within you, clarity is often seeking itself to ensure you know what you want and are ready to embrace/embark on this journey and process.
While you fear the repercussions of god and hell and all things related and cannot own source as yourself, this will be a living torment in you deciding and not being clear about what you want.
Aside from all the other stuff, I would imagine in time, you will be more clear and know exactly when that moment feels just right. This may turn into a longer process than you originally thought. So I guess you don't have to rush but more trust you will work it out for yourself and find the right answer in you exactly when you are ready.
Curious-one
08-04-2016, 02:15 PM
I was touched by God thirty years ago, that told me God existed and the feelings from that told me he existed. (I believe my mind is my spiritual side and the word soul totally confuses me greatly. I have had a personality change which I like, but how does that work?
Can my subconscious explain what happened to me? I have doubts about the Holy spirit within me because I do not feel worthy of him. Pride was Satan's downfall and Adam and Eve as well. How can I thank God for saving me and feel unworthy at the same time? Curious-One :confused:
Baile
08-04-2016, 04:08 PM
I have had a personality change which I like, but how does that work?You experience life, it changes you, and your personality changes as a result.Can my subconscious explain what happened to me?I wouldn't know if your subconscious can, but your consciousness can.How can I thank God for saving me and feel unworthy at the same time?Understanding that thanking God is productive and healthy, whereas feeling unworthy is a waste of time and an ego exercise, would be a good place start your inner reflection as you try and figure this out for yourself.
Mr Interesting
08-04-2016, 07:14 PM
I know there is a passage in the 'power of now' where Mr Tolle describes the idea of becoming homosexual as as way to create distance in oneself and see the nature of identification with ego as a defining characteristic of modern societies which is to say that any fairly dramatic choice to stand aside from the proscribed roles within society is advantageous for us to be able to see the function of ego identified roles in society in a way that is good for making the break from those roles as subconscious identifiers.
But then he goes on to say that choosing to keep identifying with that role makes the whole exercise meaningless because the chance to see beyond ego is not taken but embraced merely on a new level of activity.
And at the moment I'm re-reading his second book ' A New Earth' and it's digging even deeper into the role of ego as identification with mind to the extent, and especially with this particular thread, where I'm seeing how simple the role of Guru is... to the extent that it allows us a way to quote from a de-personalised position.
So honestly I'm here faced with two quite interesting subjective ideas and the first is that gender is basically a misnomer in spiritual terms in the sense that we're somehow getting lost between it's objective sense as an egoic role and it's subjective sense as a metaphorical idea. The second is that a kind of false empathy seems to predominate whereby this choosing to go out on a limb in some sense whether it be handicapped in some societal conceptualism is wrapped in the cotton wool and bandaids of caring to the extent that our normal and reasonably strident ability to show up ego for what is is is sidelined as we all dash in to be caring and understanding.
Yet our Guru's, in their books of lore, aren't speaking to one individual who is suffering under illusion, but to us all, and so they can call something pathological and we can see the truth in it... simply because we are isolated within the context of reading these tomes and are not in direct evidence of the suffering.
Case in point is something like re-cycling which was originally advocated as a way to address the ridiculousness of consumerism but over the years the concept itself has been appropriated by consumerism and become just another prop to hold it all up.
Transgenderism is just the same. It is a way to get beyond concepts of gender as meaningless constructs which sit within society and have people unquestioning of what roles are and how they are supported by egoic identification sitting comfortably within the unquestioning mind but this concept, which of course is only a concept, is now being unquestioned itself and almost advocated as a spiritual benefit, a default way of being somehow above normal and average being.
Spirituality too it seems has become politically correct.
Thunder Bow
08-04-2016, 08:12 PM
There is no hell. All that implies is punishment. People use punishment to control others. Punishment whas never solved any problems, and it never will.
Mr Interesting
08-04-2016, 08:14 PM
Originally Posted by Spirit Guide Sparrow
Dear Floatsy,
Accepting all that you are is twofold. It is accepting the highest and best vision you can perceive of yourself, acknowledging the very many gifts and qualities you possess. Secondly, it is accepting the lowest and worst faults and failures you have committed, acknowledging the freedom and compassion to be able to make mistakes and poor choices.
In your highest wisdom understand there are no such things as mistakes or poor choices. There only exists that which you have always been, being expressed. This does not require judgement. This does not require choice; for when you choose to be true to yourself, no other choice is required. You simply be that which you are.
Identify within you that which persists and pervades, regardless of fault, fall or failure; that which cannot be taken away from you by person, place or predicament through persecution, predominance or pressure. This is who you are.
-Sparrow
This was copied and pasted from the Common questions thread.
This for me then kinda illustrates the good cop bad cop scenario which somehow cannot help but be played by me... both roles.
I am not free of ego, sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Such a thread as this lets me know this simply because my need to react in some way is basically a message to myself to heed my own place... as it were.
If then there were a ladder we all climbed where enlightenment was at the top and un-enlightenment was at the bottom I might just be a little over halfway up and so I can still see the bottom and the clouds are somehow clearing at the top.
It's almost sometimes alike being between a rock and a hard place because whilst I can understand what Spirit Guide Sparrow is saying I can also understand that it being halfway up that allows me to give my sense of understanding to it but that in passing down the ladder the willingness to see this somehow must be modified, translated even, towards the perceptions available from the bottom of the ladder.
And then what is our responsibility?
RyanWind
08-04-2016, 09:38 PM
Really, on a soul level, there is no male and female. I have read about souls though that prefer to be born into one or the other sex though while incarnating into a human body. I have also read about souls that will have many many lives as one sex then when they try the other sex, they still carry traits of the previous sex. Like a soul will have 1000 incarnations as a female then they try to be a male. While a male they may find they are still attracted to males because this pattern is carried over from all of those previous lives. The reverse would be a soul who has 1000 lives as a male then they try a incarnation as a female and still may carry the pattern of being attracted to females.
Something else is attraction or identity can be more than traits carried in the soul, it can also be incarnation experience and conditioning from the present incarnation and brain chemicals hormones etc. Then also, it can be a result of cultural conditioning. I mean who can say a male or female needs to be this or that inside. Like say you are a female who feels like you are a male inside. Why do you call these feelings male? You are a female and you have the feelings, so they are female feelings. Yes maybe the majority of females feel differently or act differently but that doesn't mean they are more female than you or you are less female than them. The body is just a costume. It does not determine what is inside. It doesn't state what the inside needs to be or think or feel.
But yea, culture tells people what should be inside and outside.
TheDivineOne
08-04-2016, 09:46 PM
Really, on a soul level, there is no male and female. I have read about souls though that prefer to be born into one or the other sex though while incarnating into a human body. I have also read about souls that will have many many lives as one sex then when they try the other sex, they still carry traits of the previous sex. Like a soul will have 1000 incarnations as a female then they try to be a male. While a male they may find they are still attracted to males because this pattern is carried over from all of those previous lives. The reverse would be a soul who has 1000 lives as a male then they try a incarnation as a female and still may carry the pattern of being attracted to females.
Something else is attraction or identity can be more than traits carried in the soul, it can also be incarnation experience and conditioning from the present incarnation and brain chemicals hormones etc. Then also, it can be a result of cultural conditioning. I mean who can say a male or female needs to be this or that inside. Like say you are a female who feels like you are a male inside. Why do you call these feelings male? You are a female and you have the feelings, so they are female feelings. Yes maybe the majority of females feel differently or act differently but that doesn't mean they are more female than you or you are less female than them. The body is just a costume. It does not determine what is inside. It doesn't state what the inside needs to be or think or feel.
But yea, culture tells people what should be inside and outside.
As i like to think about it, i'm female from a mind and spirt standpoint (even though you established you don't think souls have genders) but male from a biological bodily standpoint.
I still want my soul to be born into a female body though.
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