Free for all

[naturesflow]

I grew up in a large family with six brothers and one sister. So lots of our family conflict sorting was like a free for all, mainly because my parents were far to busy, taking care in every other way, to worry about things we were fighting about

So naturally their was lots of fighting, cursing, struggles that us kids had to work out for ourselves most often.

In some ways without a lot of parental intervention, us kids were able to vent, yell, curse and deal with stuff upfront, everything was able to be out in the open so nothing much was hidden in this regard. We all had space to let it out and take a stand for ourselves.

As for the outcomes, it got rough at times, not bad rough but rough and ready, to stand up for yourself.. :wink:

When I look at this whole free for all space, I see now my family all grown up and their seems to be a much more stable grounded connection between us all. We rarely fight and we rarely have problems in our adults years. its like we cleared the air early on. When I look at each of us and our connections with the world it seems we also tend to get along with others really easily. Its like no drama or big deal or if it is a big deal we work it out for ourselves.

Its like we sorted things out ourselves and dealt with things in the moment, our parents didn't contaminate our interactions, so their wasn't much siding, who was right, wrong or otherwise etc, so we as children took matters into our own hands and dealt with stuff together and even looking in it might have appeared to be not very *respectful*, *nice* or the way others did things, I do feel long term it actually taught us a deeper and more healthy relating ability for the big wide world of others.


So in some ways I see that this has contributed to our ability to connect more openly and freely with others. And personally I see much freedom for all in this way.

So there in our early days of *free for all's* what became of all that was a freedom for all in more free spirited sense of being in the world and connecting with others.

I suppose in some regard this has given me a greater tolerance of others and how they behave, how sometimes it is important to let the valves and emotions be openly shared to let thing clear more deeper in everyway, not just the right way or the expected way. But a way that much of society doesn't tolerate now days because of deeper related violence and fears.

Opening and not holding in, comes in so many ways, to open and release and let go. Early freedom to be open naturally helped us I am sure, not only for ourselves but in understanding this freedom for more than ourselves..

[Baile]

So in some ways I see that this has contributed to our ability to connect more openly and freely with others.In my day, playing outside with my friends from 8 am til 5 PM. Today, on the PC or on the cellphone all day, all the time. I spent more time in nature in one summer, than kids today will spend during their entire childhood and teenage years combined. My hopefully-relevant-somehow observations.

[DoctorStrange]

I grew up in a large family with six brothers and one sister. So lots of our family conflict sorting was like a free for all, mainly because my parents were far to busy, taking care in every other way, to worry about things we were fighting about

So naturally their was lots of fighting, cursing, struggles that us kids had to work out for ourselves most often.

In some ways without a lot of parental intervention, us kids were able to vent, yell, curse and deal with stuff upfront, everything was able to be out in the open so nothing much was hidden in this regard. We all had space to let it out and take a stand for ourselves.

As for the outcomes, it got rough at times, not bad rough but rough and ready, to stand up for yourself.. :wink:

When I look at this whole free for all space, I see now my family all grown up and their seems to be a much more stable grounded connection between us all. We rarely fight and we rarely have problems in our adults years. its like we cleared the air early on. When I look at each of us and our connections with the world it seems we also tend to get along with others really easily. Its like no drama or big deal or if it is a big deal we work it out for ourselves.

Its like we sorted things out ourselves and dealt with things in the moment, our parents didn't contaminate our interactions, so their wasn't much siding, who was right, wrong or otherwise etc, so we as children took matters into our own hands and dealt with stuff together and even looking in it might have appeared to be not very *respectful*, *nice* or the way others did things, I do feel long term it actually taught us a deeper and more healthy relating ability for the big wide world of others.


So in some ways I see that this has contributed to our ability to connect more openly and freely with others. And personally I see much freedom for all in this way.

So there in our early days of *free for all's* what became of all that was a freedom for all in more free spirited sense of being in the world and connecting with others.

I suppose in some regard this has given me a greater tolerance of others and how they behave, how sometimes it is important to let the valves and emotions be openly shared to let thing clear more deeper in everyway, not just the right way or the expected way. But a way that much of society doesn't tolerate now days because of deeper related violence and fears.

Opening and not holding in, comes in so many ways, to open and release and let go. Early freedom to be open naturally helped us I am sure, not only for ourselves but in understanding this freedom for more than ourselves..

This is one way of doing it :smile:

[Mr Interesting]

Wow... ten in the house including two adults!

I really do mean like big Wow 'cause one of my oldest friends had six kids and that was my favourite place to go for many years! I kinda went off my old friend as time went on and it was definitely the kids I was there for and now there's only two left as they all left as quickly as they could.

But I ain't got no opinions per se as it was just a fun thing to hang with all that vibrancy.

The other thing that got me, and I've been wondering this myself especially now I'm older, was how much stuff I got out of the way when I was younger. Got sick a few times and broke bones and stuff and also got success in things as well but now all that stuff has gone and it's like it's finally catching up with all those I grew up with and within that it's almost as if the best time to deal with the whole material charade was when we were young, as in do it big, do it bad and get out of there.

My father turned 84 yesterday and I went and saw him at the rest home and I haven't seen him for a few weeks after giving him a bit of a telling off last time. I don't mean holier than thou because I'm certainly no more than he is but I'm not putting up with sly innuendo no more but have yet to get to the point where I just let it go and laugh.

So I reflected on my reactivity and it came back to a sense of honour towards my father 'cause he very early decided to do yoga and meditation and encouraged me like when I was 15 or so but then he went nuts which would now be seen as a dark night of the soul and in the interim I kinda got through my own, as in way back, and have gone on to discover all sorts of delights and so in this reflected reactivity I've kinda realised how much I Love my father for having did what he did, a grudging respect as it were that sits within wanting to share but him still resistant... it's complicated.

But yes, we too, as in my family, though there were only five of us it was less a family and five completely distinct individuals thrown together to fuss and fight and struggle and now decades later we have become acclimatised to each other that is really quite comfortable and still enthusiastic even as in we still haven't stopped at all being individualists but we're all more understanding and accepting of each others growth through and within our family unit.

And we are extending too through other individuals somewhat thrown from other families who join ours, the misfits with depths seeking a buoy jutting from a headland under waters somehow...

It's always fun in the big house!

[Mr Interesting]

In my day, playing outside with my friends from 8 am til 5 PM. Today, on the PC or on the cellphone all day, all the time. I spent more time in nature in one summer, than kids today will spend during their entire childhood and teenage years combined. My hopefully-relevant-somehow observations.
Man... I'm still out playing dawn 'til dusk and running inside to grab some water from the tap and a piece of bread before shooting back out for more silliness.

Even yesterday barefoot at the resthome and no cups available so I stuck my head under the tap.

It's like that quote from the father of Gung Ho journalism, opps Gonzo...can't remember, the drug addled miscreant anyways and one goes flipping and sliding and generally covered in the dirt of life into the grave. Yes, Hunter S Thompson.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”

[naturesflow]

This is one way of doing it :smile:

Yes I am one of many ways in this world and I think my early awareness of others helped me understand the nature of life in so many ways, inclusive of others and how they manage themselves in situations. If we take out the manner in which I was able to, even being that open back then, has helped me open up in new ways, because of understanding it wasn't just about me. Different personalities, different needs and all that kind of thing. I suppose in some ways a larger family gave me insight into so many different natures in so many different ways we can be in this world.

So looking into my family with all the struggles and consequences of all this in those moments, where back then it was a free for all, that free for all is what has helped me not be afraid of opening up all sides in myself in reflection of others.

So the upside it has deepened my awareness of others and myself as one and possibly it has helped me to be more real, in the nature of my own abilities to be and see the world.. :)

[naturesflow]

In my day, playing outside with my friends from 8 am til 5 PM. Today, on the PC or on the cellphone all day, all the time. I spent more time in nature in one summer, than kids today will spend during their entire childhood and teenage years combined. My hopefully-relevant-somehow observations.



Yes well this fits my lifestyle too of course. But connection is connection and people do this in so many ways of relating, even pc. You cant beat nature though, its quite rejuvenating in the balance of life's many ways of being in this world. And people, well- many sensitive folk tend to spend more time alone/or limited with a few others and in nature more than with people. Well that is my observation both online and in real life.

[naturesflow]

[QUOTE=Mr Interesting]Wow... ten in the house including two adults!

I really do mean like big Wow 'cause one of my oldest friends had six kids and that was my favourite place to go for many years! I kinda went off my old friend as time went on and it was definitely the kids I was there for and now there's only two left as they all left as quickly as they could.


That's interesting Mr interesting, because the other side of this was that all our friends piled into our home too. How they fitted was quite amazing, our home was so tiny and not much room for us let alone more... My brothers had so many different friends and faces that came into our family home, so it was never limited by just family personalities either, it was like a whole town load of faces..lol..You know the feedback we get now is this very thing you mentioned. A lot of these people now have such fond memories being in our home with all our family. It offered something they couldn't experience like this in their own home. It was definitely the togetherness of kids. The big family and most often we were pretty balanced and happy kids so that probably reflected more so too. Add to that, our mother and father were always a part of everything, because they couldn't find space to be alone, in a house that size. So the interactions were very much everyone involved and being a part of the fun.

But I ain't got no opinions per se as it was just a fun thing to hang with all that vibrancy.

That's cool.

The other thing that got me, and I've been wondering this myself especially now I'm older, was how much stuff I got out of the way when I was younger. Got sick a few times and broke bones and stuff and also got success in things as well but now all that stuff has gone and it's like it's finally catching up with all those I grew up with and within that it's almost as if the best time to deal with the whole material charade was when we were young, as in do it big, do it bad and get out of there.


Yes that can happen, the early years still lingering in some people because of much of what you shared here. I think my early foundation not only toughened me up, it made me break pretty hard, it also opened me to the world before the world opened in me. So yes lots of this comes into the picture of others in their family life and order of things. I suppose this is why I was always doomed to get more real about my own spiritual journey. I can look back at my roots and family life and that makes me wake up to myself and have a deeper appreciation of others and their life.

My father turned 84 yesterday and I went and saw him at the rest home and I haven't seen him for a few weeks after giving him a bit of a telling off last time. I don't mean holier than thou because I'm certainly no more than he is but I'm not putting up with sly innuendo no more but have yet to get to the point where I just let it go and laugh.

That's good if you can let go in this way.

So I reflected on my reactivity and it came back to a sense of honour towards my father 'cause he very early decided to do yoga and meditation and encouraged me like when I was 15 or so but then he went nuts which would now be seen as a dark night of the soul and in the interim I kinda got through my own, as in way back, and have gone on to discover all sorts of delights and so in this reflected reactivity I've kinda realised how much I Love my father for having did what he did, a grudging respect as it were that sits within wanting to share but him still resistant... it's complicated.


I get this and understand much of what your sharing. Its the whole seeing yourself early on in life through those views offered in family that help you as an adult look a little a deeper at your life and theirs and see how things can be settled in peace more so.

But yes, we too, as in my family, though there were only five of us it was less a family and five completely distinct individuals thrown together to fuss and fight and struggle and now decades later we have become acclimatised to each other that is really quite comfortable and still enthusiastic even as in we still haven't stopped at all being individualists but we're all more understanding and accepting of each others growth through and within our family unit.


This is great. I think the early years for us has brought us all closer than I could ever have imagined now, but its like they say about your deepest darkest fears when you enter them, can give rise to your deepest richest life. I think for me this reflects through my family now, well back to them as my earliest beginnings of understanding others at their worse..:D

And we are extending too through other individuals somewhat thrown from other families who join ours, the misfits with depths seeking a buoy jutting from a headland under waters somehow...

Yes that seems to be how the extended family works. :)

It's always fun in the big house!

Fun, painful and crazy all at the same time..hahaha

I was actually classed back in the early days as the super sensitive one. Its funny nowdays, because I look at my brothers/sister and they reflect this back to me most often now. They often didn't appreciate it back then, but it seems now to be the flavour of the house when we get together. So it seems not only have I taken a piece of their nature, but they of mine..Seems to work this way at times..So I guess now coming together our differences and sameness seem to all get along really well, which is great. In fact I look at a few of my brothers and they are so deeply in their sensitivity nowdays its kind of surreal..lol..But nice of course.

[Somnia]

Wow! O_O

Being an only child, I can not fathom what it would be like growing up with so may siblings...I commend you on your endeavors... :smile:

[naturesflow]

Wow! O_O

Being an only child, I can not fathom what it would be like growing up with so may siblings...I commend you on your endeavors... :smile:


:) My partner is an only child so he got thrown in the deep end of my family unit to learn how it all is..haha

I have learned a lot through him in being and only child, it may seem ideal being an only child, but sometimes one can bear the brunt of parental issues, as their is no where else for all their issues to go and it can affect with a deeper conditioning, depending on the relationship of course.

How was your childhood growing up being an only child if you don't mind me asking?

[Somnia]

How was your childhood growing up being an only child if you don't mind me asking?

I feel like I should be laying down on a leather couch now...heh :tongue:

Oh I don't mind sharing at all... :smile:

I was fortunate to have been raised with very loving parents. Sure I got in trouble here and there and I was disciplined for it but they always made me understand the reasons why I got into trouble and made me think about my actions so I could understand why I was being punished.

A lot of people believe growing up as an only child is "ideal" but it was actually very lonely for me. I had to rely on the company of friends, my cousins, and pets to fill in the "sibling" companionship I never had, and this time was limited to school and the occasional play dates...On the other hand, I was extremely imaginative and was very content with entertaining myself....It makes me wonder if this is why I was introverted growing up as a child and had my own world of my own...I was also extremely shy and didn't build self confidence until I was in the 9th grade when I made friends with a very important soul connection who helped me with my shyness issues...

Another thing that I heard all the time was "You're an only child? Wow you must be spoiled!" (LOL)...it was true I did not have to share my material things with siblings, but I had to earn my stuff (not counting gifts I'd receive for Christmas and Birthdays). If I wanted anything extra I had to pull my weight around the house and do chores and I had to keep my grades up.

This taught me the value of not only working to earn "extra" things, but I appreciated and took care of my stuff. It was very rare I would break my possessions because I had worked hard to earn it...

*EDIT*

I forgot to mention I grew up in a military family where we moved frequently (on average every 2-3 years until I entered High School)... I was able to make a few friends but I expected those friendships to end before they began. I believe this is where I got my fear of abandonment issues which in turn caused me to put up mental blocks so I wouldn't get too close to people. It's taken me many years to completely resolve and heal from these issues to where I no longer feel guarded around people. I'm more open, more fluid, and I don't have attachment issues or expectations like I used to before...It's been an extremely powerful transformation for me. :)

[naturesflow]

I feel like I should be laying down on a leather couch now...heh :tongue:

Oh I don't mind sharing at all... :smile:

I was fortunate to have been raised with very loving parents. Sure I got in trouble here and there and I was disciplined for it but they always made me understand the reasons why I got into trouble and made me think about my actions so I could understand why I was being punished.

A lot of people believe growing up as an only child is "ideal" but it was actually very lonely for me. I had to rely on the company of friends, my cousins, and pets to fill in the "sibling" companionship I never had, and this time was limited to school and the occasional play dates...On the other hand, I was extremely imaginative and was very content with entertaining myself....It makes me wonder if this is why I was introverted growing up as a child and had my own world of my own...I was also extremely shy and didn't build self confidence until I was in the 9th grade when I made friends with a very important soul connection who helped me with my shyness issues...

Another thing that I heard all the time was "You're an only child? Wow you must be spoiled!" (LOL)...it was true I did not have to share my material things with siblings, but I had to earn my stuff (not counting gifts I'd receive for Christmas and Birthdays). If I wanted anything extra I had to pull my weight around the house and do chores and I had to keep my grades up.

This taught me the value of not only working to earn "extra" things, but I appreciated and took care of my stuff. It was very rare I would break my possessions because I had worked hard to earn it...

*EDIT*

I forgot to mention I grew up in a military family where we moved frequently (on average every 2-3 years until I entered High School)... I was able to make a few friends but I expected those friendships to end before they began. I believe this is where I got my fear of abandonment issues which in turn caused me to put up mental blocks so I wouldn't get too close to people. It's taken me many years to completely resolve and heal from these issues to where I no longer feel guarded around people. I'm more open, more fluid, and I don't have attachment issues or expectations like I used to before...It's been an extremely powerful transformation for me. :)


Wow.. I enjoyed reading this. Glad I took the leather couch out of the picture, to hear your story.

I am always interested in how the other half live, it helps me build awareness of different backgrounds. So its nice you shared your own views about how it was for you with your upbringing.

My h and I have an only son together, so I can relate your story through his journey with some similarities as a parent to him. I actually believe it would have been easy to give in to him and do everything for him, raise him a spoiled child in this way, but I actually took the way your parents did and probably was a little too hard on him at times. I suppose their was a fine line between not being over protective and allowing him some freedom, something that was often difficult for me, but I was aware of my own failings when things didn't work out and tried new ways, more often than not.With one it is easy to make them the totality of focus so I had to become more conscious of my own balance with him as a parent to allow him to blossom himself. The difference with him, is he is an extroverted nature, my h and I are more introverted, so he pushed us in the direction of his needs more externally as most extroverts tend to do with external processing. Which of course makes him more vocal and more heard if he is not feeling validated.

I am glad you have resolved your own personal issues around abandonment, it can be most debilitating as I learned as well. It was a major core issue for me and breaking through that has certainly helped build a deeper connection with myself and the world.

[Lorelyen]

Interesting.

My background was austere and I suppose in today's terms abusive. Only when I escaped it did I learn a few things about myself -

- it taught me to stand on my own feet

- that I was an "inner rebel". In situ I'd distanced myself from my parents enough that I believe their influence ceased to have much effect by the time I was in my teens. My "true colours" were intact the whole time. They awaited the chance of free expression.

- being forced to be "alone" a lot gave me independence, some might say aloofness. Independence has proved valuable. There's a marked difference between being lonely and being alone.

- while I hated my parents while with them, they became irrelevant once I left the parental home.

In some ways the view of current psychology (bless its little white socks) might speculate about maturing early because one learns self-reliance and an ability to play the system. Or possibly the opposite - that a missed childhood represents an aberration in one's development, producing a freak. Three things I did arrive with are a sense of humour, optimism, and the belief that we're responsible for our actions so I can't cope easily with neurotics who blame others for misfortunes arising from their actions. Perhaps a fair bit of that came from the change of circumstances in my early teens.

So a slightly different slant on "free for all."
"Free to be" seems nearer the mark.

That's some sharing - interesting in its own right that I can talk about it openly now with little discomfort about pre-adolescence. I no longer have nightmares over how things might have been if they didn't turn out the way they did. There are so many nice, warm stories about those days. They might never have been with just a slip in the timing of events.

I'll share anything.... except my Little Scarlet strawberry jam.
:wink:

....

[naturesflow]

Interesting.

My background was austere and I suppose in today's terms abusive. Only when I escaped it did I learn a few things about myself -

- it taught me to stand on my own feet

- that I was an "inner rebel". In situ I'd distanced myself from my parents enough that I believe their influence ceased to have much effect by the time I was in my teens. My "true colours" were intact the whole time. They awaited the chance of free expression.

- being forced to be "alone" a lot gave me independence, some might say aloofness. Independence has proved valuable. There's a marked difference between being lonely and being alone.

- while I hated my parents while with them, they became irrelevant once I left the parental home.

In some ways the view of current psychology (bless its little white socks) might speculate about maturing early because one learns self-reliance and an ability to play the system. Or possibly the opposite - that a missed childhood represents an aberration in one's development, producing a freak. Three things I did arrive with are a sense of humour, optimism, and the belief that we're responsible for our actions so I can't cope easily with neurotics who blame others for misfortunes arising from their actions. Perhaps a fair bit of that came from the change of circumstances in my early teens.

So a slightly different slant on "free for all."
"Free to be" seems nearer the mark.

That's some sharing - interesting in its own right that I can talk about it openly now with little discomfort about pre-adolescence. I no longer have nightmares over how things might have been if they didn't turn out the way they did. There are so many nice, warm stories about those days. They might never have been with just a slip in the timing of events.

I'll share anything.... except my Little Scarlet strawberry jam.
:wink:

....


Thanks for sharing your *sweet* story. I say sweet because I thought I saw you sharing sweet earlier but it seems to have turned into a jam pot. Or the pot changed the sweet and the jam ran away with the spoon maybe? hehe

Seems like your one of those who endured and left the home base quite early in life. I am glad you managed to survive and get through a relatively half decent person lol...(joke)..I would put you in the majority brilliant person category..:cool: I have been around a few close connections who had to divorce their family for their own personal reasons. Also walked with a few who struggled with this shift in those feelings of letting go of the people you think should care the most. I have supported a few through this and coming from a big family, who are supportive, moving into this type of experience with others, it helped me learn some important aspects of those caught up more deeply in this way. Opened my eyes you might say, but not only in the encouragement for them to get out and get on with life and see their own value and choices to do so, but also it deepened my own appreciation of my family and all my minor little niggles, seemed unimportant, in comparison.


Yes seems that free to be comes in many guises. My free for all days lead me to a place of inner freedom to be. So it helped me and yours helped you. Aren't we lucky to feel this way now.

You of all people should be very proud of yourself for coming this far and being so independent so young and surviving a rough start in your life.


As for Scarlet. I recall wearing that kind of face when young. It was a nightmare. Scarlet face they use to call me. Blushing at every sign of attention on me, I got over that one thank goodness.

I hope you stay sweet and this personal disclosure doesn't see you run to the corner sweet store and buy all day sour suckers. The might spell, D I S A S T E R..."Daring Illogical Sour Attitude Straight Towards Everyone Recriminating"

[Lorelyen]

Thanks for sharing your *sweet* story. I say sweet because I thought I saw you sharing sweet earlier but it seems to have turned into a jam pot. Or the pot changed the sweet and the jam ran away with the spoon maybe? hehe
Sighing.... well, I can't write too well so rely on the edit button. I don't know about the site "appearance" on your screen (or whether I could change mine) but it's a kind of pleasant pale green colour and it's a little conducive to mesmerism so I have to check back after posting. Indeed I'd hidden my sweets and always worry someone may find out I have some but the strawberry jam diverts attention. It's a posh strawberry jam, pretty expensive but SO nice. I think it's made from alpine strawberries... Nice though. I'll send you a sandwich once I've got the teleporter working again. It got a little burned with the sunshine you sent...but here it is, a most pleasant day today. Thank you.
:wink:

Seems like your one of those who endured and left the home base quite early in life. I am glad you managed to survive and get through a relatively half decent person lol...(joke)..I would put you in the majority brilliant person category..:cool: ....but which was the joke? LOL or both maybe.
I have been around a few close connections who had to divorce their family for their own personal reasons. Also walked with a few who struggled with this shift in those feelings of letting go of the people you think should care the most. I have supported a few through this and coming from a big family, who are supportive, moving into this type of experience with others, it helped me learn some important aspects of those caught up more deeply in this way. Opened my eyes you might say, but not only in the encouragement for them to get out and get on with life and see their own value and choices to do so, but also it deepened my own appreciation of my family and all my minor little niggles, seemed unimportant, in comparison.Though my experience doesn't equate, I can appreciate that and the interchange of feelings about it.


Yes seems that free to be comes in many guises. My free for all days lead me to a place of inner freedom to be. So it helped me and yours helped you. Aren't we lucky to feel this way now. Yes, I was very lucky and that was the source of nightmare. Just the thought that if things happened maybe a day earlier or later... even now...well no nightmares but a shudder to think... Luck for you? Maybe, but you had that stable foundation on which the rough and tumble could play out. And now it comes to harvest, sort of thing (not that I'm trying to be corny with the allusions). Sometimes luck in the "accident of one's birth" too.

You of all people should be very proud of yourself for coming this far and being so independent so young and surviving a rough start in your life. Never quite thought of it like that. Young? I don't know. I'm getting on a bit now but that has given me the thought... I don't feel young - perhaps it is that "lost childhood" thing emerging. I suppose I have a few silly ways. But these things are relative. I know of young people far wiser than myself and I know of old folk who have never lived. You come across as someone who's done a great deal, thought a great deal, charitable, engaged and oriented in life. A beacon of equanimity. And pretty tolerant of the bizarre (I'm still not on your ignore list). LOL.


As for Scarlet. I recall wearing that kind of face when young. It was a nightmare. Scarlet face they use to call me. Blushing at every sign of attention on me, I got over that one thank goodness.But somewhere you crossed the Ruby-con. You, ruby? Is that a con? :D Tell me about your avatar. Please. Come onnnn......

I hope you stay sweet and this personal disclosure doesn't see you run to the corner sweet store and buy all day sour suckers. The might spell, D I S A S T E R..."Daring Illogical Sour Attitude Straight Towards Everyone Recriminating"LOL. Thank you and that sums me up to a tee. LOL. I'll need time to respond. :D

[Mr Interesting]

Next doors cat has decided it prefers living here and I think it was yesterday morning I decided to check on her standing and she isn't a she at all but a him and a him retaining the ability to make more pussy cats whilst the two which decided years ago to live here are both hers, and sisters too, and haven't the instilled need to recreate the feline populative index and so this may be quite indicative of the type of lazy struggle which seems to be have happening as these three sort out a pecking order with me somehow part of the process as I deal out the food and the petting.

It's all quite entertaining really as this family decides how this family that already is a family decides how it will be a family. The newest edition whom I call blackie and offhand as No3 is quite the expensive variety and was somewhat obviously brought for breeding and the sleekness of musculature is alike all those racing horses and tall dogs where there seems to be some regality or purpose and then there is the two of long already who are plain and simple tabbies but of such individuality that it somehow sings a louder song and so blackie, and he seems to be hearing this, realises that these are the tickets held for entrance into this particular family.

And almost like that human family dynamic where the lone son follows on from a cache of daughters this fellow is learning to wait on the ladies.

Of the neighbours I have yet to talk with her over the fence about this yet it seems we all know whats happening and I think she knows me well enough that if her cat chooses to live here it's not at all of any coaxing on my part and This has just occurred to me that from years ago when they found a huge nest of rats in their garage who had been feasting on their huge Macadamia tree unharvested by humans that when they cleared them out the plague of them drifted across my shores for quite some time and so it is almost fitting in some weird predator and prey sorting out thing that the predator they got should actually choose to live here.

As if life were the seashore then the family is the high tide line and the rubbish and the treasure will mix therein as the sea throws it.

[naturesflow]

[QUOTE=Lorelyen]Sighing.... well, I can't write too well so rely on the edit button. I don't know about the site "appearance" on your screen (or whether I could change mine) but it's a kind of pleasant pale green colour and it's a little conducive to mesmerism so I have to check back after posting. Indeed I'd hidden my sweets and always worry someone may find out I have some but the strawberry jam diverts attention. It's a posh strawberry jam, pretty expensive but SO nice. I think it's made from alpine strawberries... Nice though. I'll send you a sandwich once I've got the teleporter working again. It got a little burned with the sunshine you sent...but here it is, a most pleasant day today. Thank you.
:wink:

Now you have bought my attention to the green, I cant shake myself from seeing it, lol. I didn't realize it was like a very fading subtle background, not really doing much for me, aware of it all the same..hahah I seem to immerse more deeply into the yellow aspect of this little box while typing. Speaking of teleporter, I was at the pub last night with a group and found myself wandering over to a table where a gentleman was sitting alone drawing. He is a regular guest in that spot apparently, who brings his little bag of goodies/tools along to the pub, sits in this one spot and starts drawing. His main creation over and over on numerous pieces of paper are Dr who's tardis and daleks, with a little caption, his name and date beside all this. I was fascinated by his art so we chatted a bit and he offered me one to take home for a friend who loves Dr who, telling me he has thousands upon thousands..lol. Anyway I came back later where he had made me a fresh one done there and then on the spot that night. Posh Jam, sounds interesting. I am pretty fussy about the kind of Jam I buy so you could see me buying that one if I lived in the UK. :wink:



....but which was the joke? LOL or both maybe.
Though my experience doesn't equate, I can appreciate that and the interchange of feelings about it.

Look I am pretty generous and give my all, in my observations of others, so why not take both...lol


Yes, I was very lucky and that was the source of nightmare. Just the thought that if things happened maybe a day earlier or later... even now...well no nightmares but a shudder to think... Luck for you? Maybe, but you had that stable foundation on which the rough and tumble could play out. And now it comes to harvest, sort of thing (not that I'm trying to be corny with the allusions). Sometimes luck in the "accident of one's birth" too.

Yes I often think about why we land where we do into circumstance that we do. Of course lots comes into that view if I take myself there, but I think staying more present with what is allows me to deepen into all life as it is more so and not make it be something more important or less important but all important in me. This as part of my experience, then shows me that life reflects itself in everyway and so the enrichment of life through these connections somehow can and will, when one is willing, bring us closer to the purpose of all life as one. The other aspect of this is that, when closeness has not been felt through those early foundations naturally as one might perceive they should be, life and others, then becomes the nurturer and love when we open to life and others.

I guess being a part of a bigger clan or family, even though I didn't feel loved or love was not openly expressed in the way I felt I needed, in the busyness of that life, I had a sense of belonging to the family unit in so many ways other ways of being with it all. My needs were taken care of in ways that helped to ground me deeper in that sense of belonging. It also helped me to naturally open to a greater sense of belonging to the world when the time came to open to it and myself in this way. Once I was able to understand and let go of the fears that flowed through to me, from my parents, from their own unresolved grief spaces and fears, it was much easier.

I guess in some ways thinking some more over this, being a large family and a busy lifestyle that comes with this, even though I was a very sensitive empath who felt every ones emotions and took on lots in that confined space of feeling and seeing others, I had lots of space to be myself. The lack of interference in this way, from my parents, allowed me space, because everyone was so busy just surviving and doing what was necessary to tend to the basics, that their wasn't time to focus on taking over my space entirely.



Never quite thought of it like that. Young? I don't know. I'm getting on a bit now but that has given me the thought... I don't feel young - perhaps it is that "lost childhood" thing emerging. I suppose I have a few silly ways. But these things are relative. I know of young people far wiser than myself and I know of old folk who have never lived. You come across as someone who's done a great deal, thought a great deal, charitable, engaged and oriented in life. A beacon of equanimity. And pretty tolerant of the bizarre (I'm still not on your ignore list). LOL.

I sense this in you. You hold a maturity that I often don't feel in people here your age. It feels older, like your wise/aware self leads more so and it feels very grounded and strong to me. Sometimes (and I do this too) we can be too strong and stand too much alone, because the inner child hasn't quite had a chance to shine and feel her own essence, one with the adult in this way, to soften and allow in a more balanced presence in this way. The more you integrate yourself in this way, the less you need to stand alone and be the strong one, opening more to being playful and free to let go into all of you, which naturally opens up the abundant self. Allowing you to be in everyway you can be naturally and letting more of life in, to that shared space. Your right about the differences in each of us, again the mystery of life in its own unfolding shows people just being what they know, or don't know and of course age is irrelevant to that picture. Certainly when the unknown door awakens to us, it is an opportunity that can expand us in so many ways as I have learned. I think if your open, curious and want to explore more, it serves you. But if you content and happy just to let that opportunity be there and fall away into nothing but an opportunity itself, it makes no difference. We find our way, our own way. I am pretty tolerant of the bizarre..lol. ARE you really on my ignore list? You sure, that's impossible??? lol


But somewhere you crossed the Ruby-con. You, ruby? Is that a con? :D Tell me about your avatar. Please. Come onnnn......

What is my avatar again? I Cant for the life of me remember which one it is, I cant see it while typing here so alas I cant tell you anything right now. I change it that often its crazy, but then I change often and am crazy at times too, so even that fits me..:D



LOL. Thank you and that sums me up to a tee. LOL. I'll need time to respond. :D

Ok I am waiting. Your not that kind of disaster surely? If you are, lets play disasters together and see what kind of disaster that creates of itself.

[Nameless]

I grew up with three brothers and three sisters. My parents divorced when I was 9 (I am #6) and then remarried my Dad's best friend (although I didn't know that at the time LOL). So the "steps" created a lot of chaos, as an already large family, after a few years of being single, Dad remarried. Both steps had children - my step mom had 4 very truly delinquent children (even when young they were holligans) and my step dad had 5 very hurt children who never forgave him for marrying my mom. But us kids had to interact with all of their children, and it was sometimes very difficult to do.

As the 7 of us, we fought a lot (having no adult supervision) and went places we probably shouldn't have, but we had the freedom to go wherever we wanted, and we most always had bikes to get there, and feet to walk, so we were much more outside than inside, and played after dinner until dark, and sometimes played at night with all the neighbor kids - hide and seak - that is really kinda of creepy and fun and then creepy and fun. So there were a lot of fun times with my brothers and sisters, a lot of fights as there were no restrictions and no boundaries, and we all pretty much worked it out ourselves.

As adults, we were all very close in the sense that no one moved away very far. Get us in a group, and no one could get a word in edgewise, we could finish each other's sentences, and truly love each other.

We don't, however, always get along, and don't always like each other from time to time, but we usually get over it.

One of my brothers passed away last year, and while I was sad, I was happy for him not to be in pain anymore (cancer) and because of my spirituality (that we shared, even though he was basically a scientologist at heart there are a lot of similarities in the spiritual aspect of what we each believed) I know that he is still around, still with us, still laughing and having fun. Sometimes I see someone on the street that looks like him from the side, or even like him front the front, and I heard recently that they can "match" us like this with these people that remind us of them, to basically say "Hey".

Growing up in such a large family, with my mom and dads having lots of brothers and sisters, and the numberous cousins and aunts and uncles, you lose track of people after awhile, but you attend a lot of funerals over the years, and one thing about that is, although it doesn't get "easier" and each one is different, I feel like I have this crowd on the other side cheering me on and watching out for us, and helping us along the way.

So there are pluses that far outweight the minuses.

Being extraordinarily shy as a child, I was able to be "myself" with the clan so while it didn't help me overcome my shyness, I sort of had a dual personality, so my shyness was situational LOL, but deeply ingrained.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world...

Oh and PS - it does sort of qualify you instantly for a Psychologist degree, being around so many people and their issues, you tend to see it all at some point....

And the children, and now grandchildren, are such a blessing