Needing to get it 'right'

[Emmalevine]

One issue that I have always struggled with is this fear of taking the wrong turn. Sometimes I am caught in conflict between my needs and desires (which may be the result of ego-attachments) and what appears to be the 'right' way, which comes apparent through synchronous events and a general feeling that it's the way I 'should' go.

However, sometimes I fight what I feel is right because I long very much for what I desire and need. I end up choosing what I want/need at the expense of what I think life may be showing me, and I end up anxious and miserable because I think I'm making a mistake.

This sounds so silly written down but the fear is very real.

If life truly does show us the way forward and we ignore it, what then? Will things only get worse? Do I have to deal with short term pain to gain long term peace?

I'm so scared of getting it all wrong and I know where this feeling stems from. I don't believe in a punishing God yet I torture myself over doing my life wrong. I want to take the 'right' path now and I listen to the messages I'm getting, but I don't want to let go. I don't feel I can.

So will I end up ultimately more unhappy for listening to the voice of my needs rather than my soul?

This make any sense at all to anyone?

[Kapitan_Prien]

Makes sense to me as I've experienced it myself with the changes that my life has gone through since the soul exchange.

For me it is mainly great deal of confusion at times with the new path I'm on, but I've experienced those sorts of feelings you have as well because of these radical changes.

So - you're not alone. :-)

[Sammy]

One issue that I have always struggled with is this fear of taking the wrong turn. Sometimes I am caught in conflict between my needs and desires (which may be the result of ego-attachments) and what appears to be the 'right' way, which comes apparent through synchronous events and a general feeling that it's the way I 'should' go.

However, sometimes I fight what I feel is right because I long very much for what I desire and need. I end up choosing what I want/need at the expense of what I think life may be showing me, and I end up anxious and miserable because I think I'm making a mistake.

This sounds so silly written down but the fear is very real.

If life truly does show us the way forward and we ignore it, what then? Will things only get worse? Do I have to deal with short term pain to gain long term peace?

I'm so scared of getting it all wrong and I know where this feeling stems from. I don't believe in a punishing God yet I torture myself over doing my life wrong. I want to take the 'right' path now and I listen to the messages I'm getting, but I don't want to let go. I don't feel I can.

So will I end up ultimately more unhappy for listening to the voice of my needs rather than my soul?

This make any sense at all to anyone?
I would say your "growing" in your life quite normaly. The urges of physical wants will always fight our will of mind. I have found with these two in particual (mind, and body) there is opertunity to achieve a comprimize (or middle ground).

Perhaps the thoughts your missing is how what your doing now is a path worthy of you. You are fullfilling your destiny by every breathe. Knowing in yourself the reasons you do what you do, can make the path much more clear. Its just being able to get over our self-conditioned wants thats an issue if one side needs to be dropped for a "better you". I will add though if you are placed in a possition of need, its best to follow through (karma is a b****).

I put importance on connecting thoughts because, if you have run down through all your options for a scenario. At the worste case you could still say "I did the best I could at the time". Even if to yourself an important process. Learning what we dont know is usualy encouraged.

[andrew g]

Hi Starbuck,

I can very very much relate to what you are saying. Really I can. I used to worry so much about making the right decision that it would literally incapacitate me. I would just spin in confusion. I used to often say on the old forum I hung out on which was one in which we shared a lot of our experiences of the healing, balancing, integrating process, that this process of acceptance is one in which we basically fumble through, very much like groping in the dark.

In my humble opinion, within two years you will be someone who is considerably more at peace and in trust than you are now. Just keep going, one step at a time. Im fumbling too, but Im kind of at ease now WITH the fumbling process because Ive been doing it for what seems like a long time! Just keep exploring, keep using the tools you have learnt, forgive yourself when you need to, be as open as you can to new understandings and new experiences, and be patient. Your time will come, but it just takes time. You really are doing fine in my opinion, your mindset is great.

All the best,
Andrew

[Sammy]

Hi Starbuck,

I can very very much relate to what you are saying. Really I can. I used to worry so much about making the right decision that it would literally incapacitate me. I would just spin in confusion. I used to often say on the old forum I hung out on which was one in which we shared a lot of our experiences of the healing, balancing, integrating process, that this process of acceptance is one in which we basically fumble through, very much like groping in the dark.

In my humble opinion, within two years you will be someone who is considerably more at peace and in trust than you are now. Just keep going, one step at a time. Im fumbling too, but Im kind of at ease now WITH the fumbling process because Ive been doing it for what seems like a long time! Just keep exploring, keep using the tools you have learnt, forgive yourself when you need to, be as open as you can to new understandings and new experiences, and be patient. Your time will come, but it just takes time. You really are doing fine in my opinion, your mindset is great.

All the best,
Andrew
Great post and overjoyed you have found a center. Not sure if you have seen this post in science and spirituality section, but this tool has helped me emensely and thought it might help starbuck..
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=9747

[andrew g]

Great post and overjoyed you have found a center. Not sure if you have seen this post in science and spirituality section, but this tool has helped me emensely and thought it might help starbuck..
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=9747

Thanks Sammy, I just read your thread and found it very interesting. I am now pondering the question you asked....hmmm.....

[aser's homie]

If right versus a struggle pangs against, thing is, sometimes someone does not have enough education yet about self control or self respect in soul searching that anything that may endeaver obtaining a something can be in a need for balance and self mastery.

What my aim is self mastery, I enjoy not having to tip out things that make me feel sad or unconsciounce or uncomfortable, thing is that I put responsibility to blame my mistakes at the core of responsibility, and do enjoy coping out my own dumb tasks if any and not having dumb tasks at all. Seems simple. Can be applied to anything of passion.

My apology.

[Emmalevine]

Thanks so much everyone for your kind replies. Sammy the thread looks very informative and I will read it thoroughly tomorrow when my son is away and I have more time.

I just want to relierate that it isn't about physcial or sexual desires. I think what I'm basically saying is my soul seems to want me to let go of certain things whereas my mind really does not right now. I think I've translated this into a sense of 'right' and 'wrong' way - and the fear of what may happen if I hold onto what I feel my soul wants me to let go of. I guess I live in fear of making the wrong choice in life.

Prien I'm sorry you struggle with this too..

Sammy thanks for reminding me of the phrase "I did the best I could at the time" I think it's very important and one I need to remember more often!

Andrew by acceptance do you mean acceptance of self whatever path we choose, or acceptance of what our soul may be saying, or both? Thanks I do feel as though you understand what I'm saying.

Aser's - No need to apologise for anything. What I'm getting at is not really a lack of self control though. It's more a lack of being able to let go. Self control is different imo as it involves different processes. I think acceptance of sadness and uncomfortable things is good though.

[andrew g]

Andrew by acceptance do you mean acceptance of self whatever path we choose, or acceptance of what our soul may be saying, or both? Thanks I do feel as though you understand what I'm saying.

.

Both really. When we are worried about getting things right/wrong, its actually really a wanting approval. The more we accept all potentials and possibilities of who we are the less we worry about the approval of others, and the more we just get on with things. We listen less to that part of our mind which frets and worries and says 'what if' and we respond more intuitively and responsively. We listen more to the inner voice of our soul than we do the worry in our minds. If Im honest, my mind still frets and worries and says 'what if' but the energy of it is less domineering. I still fumble my way through each day but its with less concern at every turn that Im making the wrong decision.

A couple of years back me, my wife and kids followed our guidance and we travelled around Europe in a car. Without a map. We made very very little plans. We just went with the flow and stopped when we stopped and drove when we drove just looking at sign posts. We got to the edge of Europe and went into the Middle East. We got to the edge of the Middle East and went through North Africa. We got to the west coast of North Africa and flew to South America. We spent some time in Peru then flew to Canada and finally back to England. It was a HUGE thing for us to do, it was really hard at times, and we were pushed really hard to trust in our intuitive voice, but I think the experience really changed us because we faced a lot of fears every day, and had to forgive ourselves a lot.

Trust is a process though, its something I am still working towards. I still seek approval and I still worry about stuff but there is another energy which is stronger and which guides my actions these days. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we trust in self and the more spontaneous everything becomes.

[Kapitan_Prien]

AndrewG: but there is another energy which is stronger and which guides my actions these days. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we trust in self and the more spontaneous everything becomes.

That's how it is going with me...the 'other energy' would be my energy, not the 'residual stuff'...and it keeps growing stronger second by second. This is why my life has been settling down more into its 'new groove' and the old falls away.

I fully agree with the last part of your statement there Andrew :-)

[Emmalevine]

Both really. When we are worried about getting things right/wrong, its actually really a wanting approval. The more we accept all potentials and possibilities of who we are the less we worry about the approval of others, and the more we just get on with things. We listen less to that part of our mind which frets and worries and says 'what if' and we respond more intuitively and responsively. We listen more to the inner voice of our soul than we do the worry in our minds. If Im honest, my mind still frets and worries and says 'what if' but the energy of it is less domineering. I still fumble my way through each day but its with less concern at every turn that Im making the wrong decision.

A couple of years back me, my wife and kids followed our guidance and we travelled around Europe in a car. Without a map. We made very very little plans. We just went with the flow and stopped when we stopped and drove when we drove just looking at sign posts. We got to the edge of Europe and went into the Middle East. We got to the edge of the Middle East and went through North Africa. We got to the west coast of North Africa and flew to South America. We spent some time in Peru then flew to Canada and finally back to England. It was a HUGE thing for us to do, it was really hard at times, and we were pushed really hard to trust in our intuitive voice, but I think the experience really changed us because we faced a lot of fears every day, and had to forgive ourselves a lot.

Trust is a process though, its something I am still working towards. I still seek approval and I still worry about stuff but there is another energy which is stronger and which guides my actions these days. And the more we accept ourselves, the more we trust in self and the more spontaneous everything becomes.
Andrew thanks so much for this, it makes a lot of sense to me and has made me think deeply. I am worried about wanting approval, but from whom? It seems mad and perhaps deeply ingrained. I was told a few years ago that certain things had happened to me due to mistakes I'd made and I think this has left a terrible mark on me. Now perhaps it is way out of proportion.

I love what you say about self acceptance and I can see how that would make us worry less about others approval. I think this is what it's about - accepting myself and doing what feels right for me at the time, regardless of what other people think or what I imagine I 'should' be doing instead. Living in the presence is part of all this.

I can imagine how life-changing the experience of travelling was for you and your wife, and the extent to which this made you face up to certain issues.

Yes, trust and spontaneity are key issues here :smile:

[aser's homie]

Well yes, letting go is a matter of heart my friend.
Matter of heart because it is the root of impulses, you see where the vains originate from such organ so.

'Heart is what wins battles' said a typical little video game hero. You see, heart is the power vessel to ignite the fuel of passion by it being the most important organ, yet this is a metaphysics.

A letting go takes steps of reflexion and triggering the theme so you're going to have to modify something you're doing wrong. Believe me when I say you have to try out the correct pair of shoe when you would not give up what works and what doesn't work in letting go. I've been there but because of my deliberate weakness to conquer I was blown away by my own motive, so letting go will actually be taken into a form of fact and solution based idealistic rehersal. Look at letting go as a party at play of what makes us celestial persons. No big deal, at all anything, as long as cooperation.

Sometimes a strong so grip on one's hand will actually break the unwanted vessel.

I was trying to cope too, maturity is nice for that.

[andrew g]

Andrew thanks so much for this, it makes a lot of sense to me and has made me think deeply. I am worried about wanting approval, but from whom? It seems mad and perhaps deeply ingrained. I was told a few years ago that certain things had happened to me due to mistakes I'd made and I think this has left a terrible mark on me. Now perhaps it is way out of proportion.

I love what you say about self acceptance and I can see how that would make us worry less about others approval. I think this is what it's about - accepting myself and doing what feels right for me at the time, regardless of what other people think or what I imagine I 'should' be doing instead. Living in the presence is part of all this.

I can imagine how life-changing the experience of travelling was for you and your wife, and the extent to which this made you face up to certain issues.

Yes, trust and spontaneity are key issues here :smile:

Hi, you're welcome, Im glad it made some sense. With regard to the wanting approval thing, this is something I have explored and reflected on a lot in the last few years. I could probably talk about how we want society's approval, and the approval of our peers and family, and I could probably trace this wanting approval back to our very early years. But actually I think it goes even deeper than that. A few years ago I did several sessions of Theta Healing, which is a modality which clears core limiting beliefs (its pretty cool). To my great surprise, most of my core limiting beliefs were linked to God, and fears around God. I was surprised because I can count on my fingers the amount of times Ive been to church and I dont think I met a practicing Christian until I was at university! Religion had never been a conscious part of my life. But having explored this issue with some depth, I really think that these deep fears of God are in the cultural, if not global consciousness, and I think these fears and beliefs have been passed down for hundreds of years and are stored in our energy and in our bodies.

So I think when it comes down to it, when Im worried about doing something wrong, at a superficial level I can see that its my family or peers that Im wanting approval from, but at a deep level, I think its a fear of being punished by God, or abandoned by God, or of being judged by God, or something along those lines.

I really think that using simple tools when we are stressed can help us to release our limiting beliefs, even if its just forgiving ourselves and finding compassion. EFT is cool, the Sedona Method also good, and Theta Healing is also very good (though its not cheap I dont think). I also tend to pull an online angel card each day for guidance, and thats a nice thing to do.

[andrew g]

That's how it is going with me...the 'other energy' would be my energy, not the 'residual stuff'...and it keeps growing stronger second by second. This is why my life has been settling down more into its 'new groove' and the old falls away.



Yes, that makes sense to me, and settling into a 'new groove' is a nice way to put it. I think that actually has some biological links as well, because as we start to trust the inner guidance and not the fretting voice in the mind (the residual stuff), we actually open new neural pathways in the brain, and the old ones begin to die. Its a whole new joyful groove :)

[Emmalevine]

Well would you believe it, I went to sleep and dreamed of myself taking a photo of reams of seaweed. I looked up seaweed and it says "trust your intuition." If that isn't an answer I don't know what is!

Andrew, I actually have a book on theta healing after I very good medium I went to see thoroughly recommended it to me. I haven't read it all but you've encouraged me to look back at it.

Yes, I share the same feeling of being punished by God or the Divine. On the face of it I don't believe in that sort of judgment, but deep down I must do. I am scared of doing my life wrong. This stems from life events that I've experienced and sudden decisions I made which ultimately turned out badly, and an alternative therapist telling me the consquences are a result of me not doing what I should have done.

What you say about ingrained fears rings true.

Thanks for the tips and advice.

[Greenslade]

One issue that I have always struggled with is this fear of taking the wrong turn. Sometimes I am caught in conflict between my needs and desires (which may be the result of ego-attachments) and what appears to be the 'right' way, which comes apparent through synchronous events and a general feeling that it's the way I 'should' go.

However, sometimes I fight what I feel is right because I long very much for what I desire and need. I end up choosing what I want/need at the expense of what I think life may be showing me, and I end up anxious and miserable because I think I'm making a mistake.

This sounds so silly written down but the fear is very real.

If life truly does show us the way forward and we ignore it, what then? Will things only get worse? Do I have to deal with short term pain to gain long term peace?

I'm so scared of getting it all wrong and I know where this feeling stems from. I don't believe in a punishing God yet I torture myself over doing my life wrong. I want to take the 'right' path now and I listen to the messages I'm getting, but I don't want to let go. I don't feel I can.

So will I end up ultimately more unhappy for listening to the voice of my needs rather than my soul?

This make any sense at all to anyone?

There is no such thing as a right and wrong Path, right and wrong are judgements. Every Path has its own experiences and lessons, always something to make it less wrong if you open your eyes wide enough to see that. Perhaps your Heart or your Inner Self or Higher Self is leading you down a Path your head believes is wrong but it isn't really. Maybe it's the Path you're supposed to be on and you can't see that because your head is so full of the fear of screwing up. Right and wrong is only bringing you so much baggage that you don't need - worse than baggage it's filling you full of fear and your head can't see anything else.

There is no wrong Path, there is only your Path. And who knows? Perhaps the Path will lead you to your needs, to the place where they can happen.

[Emmalevine]

Thanks Greenslade, really glad you wrote that. I tie myself in knots over this issue yet I think it's very simple, it's just my worries and insecurities are getting in the way.

[Ciqala]

I am struggling with something similar, but I am pushing through and succeeding! Every new change that happens, I am usually so worried that I am making a mistake, doing something wrong, especially when I lose balance, and do make mistakes. But that is normal! My biggest fear, is that I will mess up, and lose my success, my spirituality will abandon me, or I will relapse, go backwards, and that is kind of illogical! After my awakening, I am now trying to balance out my spiritual side with earthly things, getting back out into the world…

What helps me greatly, is to just go back home.

I mean… going back into my heart, into the silence beyond my mind, going back home where I feel comfortable connected to source energy, and I align myself back up with trust. I take some time off from the world, and become connected back to my higher power, and that is when I truly know, where to go, where my path is, and where to follow. I just pick myself up, and find my path again.
I used to spend every second of the day, weeks going by, not accomplishing much on an earthly level, just being connected to the spirits, but now, is the time, that I have to learn to stretch that ability into doing earthly things again, and I know it’s not going to come easily.

I have had a few very hectic days, doing earthly things i despise (trying to embrace spiritual love on the earth plane of everything) of not being very connected to my higher power, and the absence stresses me out. But I know now, I can always just come back home, and I have today, I had a wonderful time being connected again, and I got more realizations and goals sent my way, from my higher power, telling me what I should truly accomplish next. (because seriously, if i follow my own desires, i don't exactly do things that are beneficial, because i'm learning how to find balance at a very low level)
The only place, I feel comfortable and right at home, is with my higher power and spirit guides.
I may not be able to keep connected while doing earthly things quite yet, though that is my goal. To be able to do daily things, while being connected to oneness. I am not there yet, but I am striving for it. I have so far, been able to follow my heart, and follow my truth, though the last two days I kind of messed up. Yet, i never messed up, i just learned more. I didn’t beat myself up about it, I just accepted it, and got back onto my path with more knowledge this time. I knew this journey wasn’t going to be easy, trying to find balance.
But when I am connected, I know exactly where to go, exactly what to do. I know when I am getting it right, because I only follow the higher plan for me.
And of course there are those days, or seconds, when i don't listen, and i end up doing something that is not for my higher good, but those are learning lessons anyways! And nothing truly, will ever, kick me off of my journey.
i don't believe in wrong paths even, because, every obstacle, and every fall, helps one to climb higher!

[Emmalevine]

Wow great post Cigala, thanks so much for sharing.

Lots there that resonates deeply with me and that I can take on board.

I also find that when I'm more connected to my 'home' I recieve guidance in the way of dreams, spiritual experiences and all round general intuition. It's when I lose myself in fears and worries that, ironically, I lose touch with this natural instinct.

I can see how important it is for you to remain connected and I think the same is true for me because looking back at days where I've gone downhill emotionally I've clearly lost that focus. However, when i have sat and asked for help from the spirits I have recieved it in some form or other as stated above.

Your post has been very helpful to me, thanks :smile:

[Greenslade]

Thanks Greenslade, really glad you wrote that. I tie myself in knots over this issue yet I think it's very simple, it's just my worries and insecurities are getting in the way.

You're very welcome, Starbuck.

Everything is very simple if you choose to see it that way. And keeping it simple, the best place to find anything is on your Path, where one day you'll find it lying at your feet. Everything looks different in retrospect, and perhaps one day you'll see past your insecurities and even laugh at yourself for having them.

I used to teach computers for a living, and there was always one question that came up time and again. "What if I get it wrong?" The answer was always the same. "You know you're going to screw up, I know you're going to screw up. So screw up, learn and move on." The bigger the screw-up the more we learn from it.

And it's not an obstacle, it's a Path :-)

And no, I don't have all the answers. My guides very often just sit back and let me get on with it. If we are Spirit on a human Journey, then surely all this human stuff is Spiritual in its own way? There are so many thing I would like to do but can't, because the human part of me has to get on and do what what it needs to do. Still, there are moments when I feel 'the kids' head-banging away with the rock music or standing beside me when I'm up to the shoulders in dirty fish water :-)