HopeForever
02-02-2016, 04:05 AM
I miss the days pre-spiritual awakening, before I met my twin flame. Things were definitely not perfect, and I didn't have a positive experience with other humans, I always felt apart, but then right before my spiritual awakening I made some great friends.
It feels like although most people are nice to me now, I am so spiritually awakened I cannot relate to anyone anymore, not much to my old friends anymore except one or two, and even then it can be exhausting. It's like I can't stand others flaws or even lack of self-awareness. Its like I read people but get angry inside if they can't read themselves. One of my closest friends from the past annoys me so much I can't stand to talk to him. I feel like the only person who I could relate to is my twin flame, but I'm not even sure, and we haven't spoken in 2 years, although his spirit is everywhere.
I feel like interacting with other humans is a chore, but at the same time I want to have friends and be "normal" but then I force myself to do stuff and realize it will never be "normal". It also feels like whenever an opportunity to be friends with someone appears some kind of barrier appears and then the friendship ends or doesn't grow...it feels like I always have to put on a mask because when people talk about things they find fun I don't get "fun". Then I start to feel autistic because the only connection I have is with dogs and it's now the best way for me to connect with others: our dogs.
There is a constant ambivalence: wanting to relate and have friends and do activities but can't stand people a lot of the time. Also, whenever there is something I really really want to do it's like I can't find a friend to do it with, because they don't have that interest.
And I see spiritual signs all the time, especially when I'm actually having fun. Then it feels like it puts a damper on things because I had taken a break from spirituality but it comes back in full force. I feel really depressed knowing that for the rest of my life I will feel this way. I don't see myself having a romantic partner or having children yet I want to so badly. Ambivalence.
Even though I'm writing this it feels like it doesn't come close to describe the strange mixed up feelings I get. All I know is I'm constantly upset with myself and feel like it's my fault somehow.
It feels like although most people are nice to me now, I am so spiritually awakened I cannot relate to anyone anymore, not much to my old friends anymore except one or two, and even then it can be exhausting. It's like I can't stand others flaws or even lack of self-awareness. Its like I read people but get angry inside if they can't read themselves. One of my closest friends from the past annoys me so much I can't stand to talk to him. I feel like the only person who I could relate to is my twin flame, but I'm not even sure, and we haven't spoken in 2 years, although his spirit is everywhere.
I feel like interacting with other humans is a chore, but at the same time I want to have friends and be "normal" but then I force myself to do stuff and realize it will never be "normal". It also feels like whenever an opportunity to be friends with someone appears some kind of barrier appears and then the friendship ends or doesn't grow...it feels like I always have to put on a mask because when people talk about things they find fun I don't get "fun". Then I start to feel autistic because the only connection I have is with dogs and it's now the best way for me to connect with others: our dogs.
There is a constant ambivalence: wanting to relate and have friends and do activities but can't stand people a lot of the time. Also, whenever there is something I really really want to do it's like I can't find a friend to do it with, because they don't have that interest.
And I see spiritual signs all the time, especially when I'm actually having fun. Then it feels like it puts a damper on things because I had taken a break from spirituality but it comes back in full force. I feel really depressed knowing that for the rest of my life I will feel this way. I don't see myself having a romantic partner or having children yet I want to so badly. Ambivalence.
Even though I'm writing this it feels like it doesn't come close to describe the strange mixed up feelings I get. All I know is I'm constantly upset with myself and feel like it's my fault somehow.