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Miss Hepburn
13-12-2015, 03:38 PM
Nothing is really what it seems...that is 1 reason out of others
why there is no reason to ever have the burden of judgment of another...
a burden we were advised to give away...and what a freedom that is.:hug3:

Let's say, a friend is taking a bubble bath...the mind can say,
"Boy, is she indulgent when she has so many other things she needs to get done.
She's kinda self-centered and lazy."

While what is really happening may be that she never takes care of herself and finally is taking action
to feel better so she can start spreading some centered peace and love.

A simple example...but it is the nature of mind and the ego thought-system to chatter this nonsense to humans.

It is something to observe and stop.
After awhile, it becomes second nature to realize we know very little of what is really
happening and we are free of that manifestation of the egoic mind or lower ego-self.


Practice makes perfect. :smile:

7luminaries
13-12-2015, 05:22 PM
:wink: Another way to say it is, there are many things we'll never understand.

I am just now really giving myself permission to be honest about how I was burdened with my father's seething resentment and hostility, and likewise how I was burdened past the breaking point with a friend's seething resentment and hostility. In both cases, there was an underlying resentment toward me and my existence, and a seething resentment toward me being me.

Which is to say, I tried to engage them personally and with a basic honour and respect for their presence, but that was intentionally not ever returned in kind. I didn't know why, but it was made clear to me repeatedly that it was intentionally not ever returned in kind. I long ago accepted my father as he was and without any true understanding, because it was a survival issue.

With my friend, for whom I always felt a real soul love as a person, I never expected this same behaviour because I thought that was only applicable to my father & his situation. I only have one father, so how could anyone else feel such irrational resentment and hostility toward me? Things should make sense, right? (lol).

So for ages, I just assumed my friend was having a hard time in his life and venting on me. I just accepted his resentment too, again without understanding, because surely it wasn't truly about me. How could it be when it was only friendship and we were long-distance pals, at that ? Though he said he spoke to no one else like me, and we shared years of personal thoughts on paper. I really felt he was a friend of my heart and that we had only good intentions and love for one another, and that carried me through a lot of hard and confusing times in our exchange. I thought it would all come through in the end, because I believed he thought the best of me, just as I did with him. That's what friendship is.

But when I couldn't bring things to a better place, a place of real and grounded friendship on both sides, I finally just set down the burden of his resentment and his apparent distaste for me as a person. I am setting down my feelings of failure and my utter confusion and lack of understanding. His resentment was never mine to carry but I did so for several years (probably out of of habit from childhood which I'd not even connected). I never knew his reasons for acting the way he acted, and he never explained. I just kept assuming surely all that is not meant for me...

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words break your heart. And written words linger...worse when perpetually repeated. I did my best to forget most, and I forgive all. But I just couldn't forget everything...some things were forgotten in mind but buried deep in the heart, like splinters...and periodically they worked their way to the surface. I was always torn, wounded, and trying to heal whilst constantly struggling with his impervious barrier to a real-world, grounded friendship, which always further wounded me. I could never get my footing but after a while I had become used to it, and I noticed the numbness in my heart was becoming more ever-present.

I worked hard to get things to a place of basic courtesy and kindness. Where we both (not just me) asked after one another and wished each other well, just basic pleasantries but they were critical. Because pleasantries acknowledged me as a person and showed me the kindness of a stranger. Even on paper. Which is the least you expect from someone who says he's your friend. I was acknowledged with courtesy on paper (how are you?) for the last year, and that was a very small but meaningful step forward. But one small step forward is not a grounded friendship.

Eventually I was spent and exhausted, tired of hearing how I was just never anyone he would ever want to meet or speak with live or in person. I couldn't follow how a friend would not want to ever meet or speak, or value your whole person, your whole presence, nor how a friend could continue to say such callous things to someone he truly valued or cared for. I don't think I've ever said those things to those I truly dislike, and as time passes, I hardly truly dislike anyone...more just don't resonate.

We resonated deeply but I think he resented that too. If only he'd said he was sorry for the cruel words. Or just simply that he did value me, my whole person, my presence...and not just my thoughts on paper. That he would be willing to ground the friendship in reality and send me a picture or chat once in a while, things would be different. But that has not yet happened.

I realised the soul connection (i.e, connection in Spirit, or, in the spirit realm), the space where we exchanged real love and real conversation in the direct presence of one another, was nothing he valued in the waking world and nothing he even acknowledged. I feel soul family connections are great gifts, to be honoured. But he saw it as a burden. He saw me as a burden, much more so than as a treasured friend, and that was clearly reflected in how he treated me. The love was always there in spirit...and I could feel it.

But for several years, it was sadly drowned out by the resentment and detachment I heard and felt from him, by his words, his impersonal manner. And yet because of the love in spirit, I always felt that there was a love of me just as a person and as a friend under there somewhere. That healing and true friendship was possible...and that it was in reach with just the smallest of steps forward. It's so much better just to be in the love and kindness within the circle of friends. To just share the love, respect, and support in friendship, and not constantly get kicked in the gut for reaching out.

I have come to see that even someone who should have no reason at all to resent you can still do so...and that nothing I can do matters or will make it better, because frankly I'm just words on a page really, and in the end, that's not much, is it? Even on paper he resented the hell out of me and really ground my face into the dirt for years. I just didn't see it for what it was, because I was blinded by the simple soul-to-soul love I felt and I thought I could be there for him, just as a person and as a friend. I thought that maybe one day soon, he will work through his stuff & we will finally have a normal friendship, where we are both kind and where he values me and I value him, and we can talk or phone on occasion and he can finally send me a pic. And the sad thing was, for the last year, I did feel he was kind (said how are you, asked after me & wished me well) and so for the first time in all the years I've known him, I actually did feel he valued me as a person, at least in a basic sort of way, and I had hoped as a real-world friend too.

But I had to accept that there was nothing further that I could do. Short of sacrificing my well-being and continuing on just as we were, nothing else about me mattered or was valued. I had to accept that it WAS me that he resented and that's why he couldn't stand to ever meet or speak with me...and that I would just never understand why. :confused:

I feel that authentic love is the only response to anyone you meet but especially to someone you've spoken with (on paper) weekly for years on every conceivable topic, and I also feel that I've failed because who I am and what I can offer was not enough even in a simple friendship of the heart. But it's only partly in my hands.

I had to accept that I had no options or ways to better the situation, except to set down the unfair burden of resentment and either ask for what I needed...personal acknowledgement and a real, grounded friendship with some occasional live, personal contact (phone, vid, a pic, etc), or else leave off and wish him well.

There is still so much we don't understand and never will.
The avoidance or blame, unkindness, resentment or even abuse that we take throughout our lives is never rational or deserved, but when we can't transform it with love...and when we have the option to step away... then that is often the most loving thing we can do for all parties. Perhaps in time, they too may seek to reach out. Or not.

All we can do is send our most heartfelt love and blessings, and that's ok...all is known and seen in Spirit, even though we can't know and see all.

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

MIND POWER
13-12-2015, 06:22 PM
:wink: Another way to say it is, there are many things we'll never understand.
7L

Never say never, sweet cheeks.

Ultimately life is just a quest to know ourselves and become better. Some people take this more seriously than others, which is good!

I believe that in the future when, the other aspects of ourselves are made clearer. We will look at how are lives are now, the things we get angry about! the things we desire, or worry about and..? we will laugh, when it becomes abit more clear just how magical and vast our lives can be! and will be.

Miss Hepburn
13-12-2015, 06:54 PM
:wink: Another way to say it is, there are many things we'll never understand.

I am just now really giving myself permission to be honest about how I was burdened with my father's seething resentment and
hostility, and likewise how I was burdened past
the breaking point with a friend's seething resentment and hostility.
In both cases, there was an underlying resentment toward me and my existence, and a seething
resentment toward me being me.
Ah, my life story! Hahaha...Father and a friend....
Well, guess what...I was blessed with profound sudden insight.
(In the last 3 years.)

I know exactly who they were in past lives now...and what I did and how I was.

And lemme tell ya....Nothing was what it seemed...in my little pea brain from the view right here.
I am so humble and I brought on everything from my very last life.

Lesson learned...took decades, tho.

7luminaries
13-12-2015, 06:58 PM
:) That's a nice post and I generally agree. I appreciate the positive thoughts too, MP.

I don't think I'm going to worry further about understanding the why's when others themselves may not understand the why's, lol. I have always tended to take on the blame of others and most times it is unwarranted. I have to say to myself, sod it...it's not my burden nor my fault that I am resented for existing or for being who I am.

But you're right about never say never. Who's to say about tomorrow or next year or next lifetime?

Setting down the burden of others' dislike or resentment is more just about giving myself permission not to feel like a failure for simply being who I am. And not worrying further about why you were resented for existing or for being who you are. As my best mate says, basically for breathing and taking in oxygen that your betters could be using :tongue: Who can understand this sort of thing? And we shouldn't have to, really.

I don't think we are called to do anything but engage with authentic love and reason or equanimity. With faith and grace as well, yes...but that supports acceptance that some things are just not meant to be understood or dwelt upon. Some things can only be loved, accepted, and transformed.

What we offer in authentic love, support, and friendship is all we are, all we have, and all we can do. If that's not enough for a simple and personal, real-world friendship...then it's not a friendship as I understand it.

Peace & blessings,
7L

7luminaries
13-12-2015, 07:01 PM
Ah, my life story! Hahaha...Father and a friend....
Well, guess what...I was blessed with profound sudden insight.
(In the last 3 years.)

I know exactly who they were in past lives now...and what I did and how I was.

And lemme tell ya....Nothing was what it seemed...in my little pea brain from the view right here.
I am so humble and I brought on everything from my very last life.

Lesson learned...took decades, tho.
That's a very powerful and intriguing teasing, Miss H :D

By any chance, would you be willing to share? At least in broad strokes?
Or could I PM you?

I don't want to pry, but it would be very meaningful to hear your story, and not just for me, I'm certain.
I feel this is (sadly) a fairly universal sort of experience...

In particular, I wonder if anything has come to a better place or to some healing or resolution...???

I can share further too, briefly...I've certainly done what I can for the time being, and every little bit helps.

Peace & blessings :hug3:

naturesflow
13-12-2015, 09:39 PM
Nothing is really what it seems...that is 1 reason out of others
why there is no reason to ever have the burden of judgment of another...
a burden we were advised to give away...and what a freedom that is.:hug3:

Let's say, a friend is taking a bubble bath...the mind can say,
"Boy, is she indulgent when she has so many other things she needs to get done.
She's kinda self-centered and lazy."

While what is really happening may be that she never takes care of herself and finally is taking action
to feel better so she can start spreading some centered peace and love.

A simple example...but it is the nature of mind and the ego thought-system to chatter this nonsense to humans.

It is something to observe and stop.
After awhile, it becomes second nature to realize we know very little of what is really
happening and we are free of that manifestation of the egoic mind or lower ego-self.


Practice makes perfect. :smile:


Observe and listen...

Perfection is a state of mind.:wink:

Practice on the other hand is really something we can grow through in so many ways of practice in ourselves.

Touched
13-12-2015, 11:30 PM
Nothing is really what it seems...

:notworthy:

7luminaries
13-12-2015, 11:36 PM
Well...here is something interesting...despite that I miss him very deeply, and that it doesn't seem right under God that we should never be true friends..despite all that, it seems I am making some progress in healing my wounded heart after all...just by letting it recover and taking it easy...

I've just been noticing a few things over the weekend...
I have been off of eharmony pretty much all year.
I was just so burnt out, tired of going on 1-time coffee dates with gents who didn't call back after I said very nicely (just like my profile) that I don't have sex without love and some meaningful level of commitment.

I have been trying to force myself to get back on for months and I finally did it just yesterday...and I feel like I did when I very first started out...several years back. Confident in myself and completely unperturbed. Not easily hurt, offended, or heavily engaged in defending myself, which is where I often found myself when under attack on a coffee date.

Now I am calm and centred about it once again. And if anyone tries to throw me off-course, I'll just leave or disengage, immediately. No more just sitting through it and taking garbage just to finish my coffee. Sod the coffee, I can make another myself!

I am back to my old self, but even better :wink:, because I am finding my footing again in my private life. I really and truly like where I am at and have no reason to be anything other than who I am and where I am :D

AND re: coffee date scene...I also know all about all those 1-timer gents who clearly were not looking for "something serious" as they'd said previously. Boy did some of those gents get nasty after I confirmed my no love-no commitment-no sex policy! And most of the others were at least somewhat rude after that, if nothing else.

So, going forward, I won't need to even meet the vast majority of them for a single coffee date, LOL! And I will definitely hit that point a bit more strongly up front on the phone, and really make sure they're ok with it before I even proceed further. Not just discussing it via email where they were all supposedly ok with my position. And if they all decline, it's no sweat off my back. That's time I can spend on other things and with people I truly enjoy -- friends and family who do love me and who do value me -- the whole person...my whole presence...in person.

After all, if my dear soul friend can't tolerate me in "real life" and took years to even manage being kind and courteous on paper...well, that's something anyway, and something is better than nothing or never trying.

And if lemonade can be made from those round yellow things in my life, I've already been on that for years. Aeons really :D
It's toughened me up for the crass and brutal coffee date scene, and now I am a spiritual warrior of finesse and grace and great strength who can tolerate it in controlled doses, hahaha!

And like Miss H says...nothing is really what it seems in this life anyway....

Peace & blessings all :hug3:
7L

Miss Hepburn
14-12-2015, 01:16 AM
Public sharing? Sure...I have done it before here....here it is again...
My father ridiculed and shamed me from the hospital, my birth,
till the day he died.
I prayed earnestly and went to therapy to forgive him.
I was raised Catholic and knew it was the right thing to do for my soul to forgive.
But I could not...I expressed anger and tears in therapy and alone talking to him, his spirit.
"Why? Why? Did you even have children?"

Believe me, I was an adorable blue eyed blonde innocent .... his treatment made no sense...
I can still feel his ridicule at age 4 and 6 and so on.
I didn't know how to handle it...it made no sense. I did nothing!
I swallowed the emotions and my throat chakra closed...what an abused child I was.

When suddenly 2-3 years ago ( he had been gone 30 years) after working hard to forgive him...
out of nowhere....I stopped suddenly in the middle of something..
I was struck with a vision...
I was stunned, a dear in headlights.


I saw....the 'in between life'...when in front of a Council...my
terrible father was one of my closest and dearest friends and
said, "I will
be your father and you will be my daughter...and I will treat you the way you have treated women...so you
will learn what it feels like and will stop this already! Once and for all."

So, this 'ogre'...was really my best friend...I had been a handsome gambler in the 1840-90s...a womanizer
and liar, 2-timer...even to the women that adored me...I poo-poohed their hearts, tossed them aside.
WELL, did he show ME what it felt like to be minimized and hurt.

So there...... nothing in this life is what it 'seems'.
No forgiveness necessary any longer...just humility on my part...and shame and gratitude.


Gee, someone loved me that much. God loved me that much to create this perfect System of
teaching in a Family/ Soul Group....and
at the same time blaming them and hating them.

What a God...what a perfect System.

Mr Interesting
14-12-2015, 08:16 PM
But it is still something and then is wonder a creditable investment?

I liked the stuff yeshee Carner did but then he disappeared. I liked it because I didn't know what it was and I just had to let myself feel what it might be and that was a bit spooky 'cause it seemed then to go deep and tickle my little un-resiliant parts of me.

And I hear on TV quite often American's saying it is what it is which it's good to hear but at the same time I wonder if what it is even what it is they think it might be or do they just let it be whatever... interesting.

I was at a festival a few weeks back and I was there to sell my wares but my wares are quite unsaleable to most so I went for lots of walks and on one of those walks I came across a display of stationary engines, and I love stationary engines... especially when they are going and making noises and whirling strongly... all that little boy in wonder stuff, and they had a safety barrier put up but somehow it just wasn't worthy of me recognising and so I just simply stepped over it as I felt required in myself to do so. And the much older men running the show didn't mind in the least.

It seemed these cast iron monstrosities were beautiful and it seemed they had a safety barrier around because they might seem to be dangerous but it also seemed I could step over the barrier and not fall into a machine and when I did this multiple times it seemed none of the older men were bothered and it seemed that when I asked they did actually have an old fashioned membership form and it was given to me.

So it seems that what I seemed to believe was actually true and when I seemed to do what actually seemed to be it became what I hadn't realised it was. So it seems the seam you seem to see it is often the seam that suits you... it seems.

naturesflow
14-12-2015, 08:33 PM
But it is still something and then is wonder a creditable investment?

I liked the stuff yeshee Carner did but then he disappeared. I liked it because I didn't know what it was and I just had to let myself feel what it might be and that was a bit spooky 'cause it seemed then to go deep and tickle my little un-resiliant parts of me.

And I hear on TV quite often American's saying it is what it is which it's good to hear but at the same time I wonder if what it is even what it is they think it might be or do they just let it be whatever... interesting.

I was at a festival a few weeks back and I was there to sell my wares but my wares are quite unsaleable to most so I went for lots of walks and on one of those walks I came across a display of stationary engines, and I love stationary engines... especially when they are going and making noises and whirling strongly... all that little boy in wonder stuff, and they had a safety barrier put up but somehow it just wasn't worthy of me recognising and so I just simply stepped over it as I felt required in myself to do so. And the much older men running the show didn't mind in the least.

It seemed these cast iron monstrosities were beautiful and it seemed they had a safety barrier around because they might seem to be dangerous but it also seemed I could step over the barrier and not fall into a machine and when I did this multiple times it seemed none of the older men were bothered and it seemed that when I asked they did actually have an old fashioned membership form and it was given to me.

So it seems that what I seemed to believe was actually true and when I seemed to do what actually seemed to be it became what I hadn't realised it was. So it seems the seam you seem to see it is often the seam that suits you... it seems.

Uhuh.

This is a bit like reverse psychology on the self..:wink:

naturesflow
14-12-2015, 08:37 PM
For some strange reason my quote box wont let me box in your share..funny dat.

7luminaries
14-12-2015, 09:22 PM
I saw....the 'in between life'...when in front of a Council...my
terrible father was one of my closest and dearest friends and
said, "I will
be your father and you will be my daughter...and I will treat you the way you have treated women...so you
will learn what it feels like and will stop this already! Once and for all."

So, this 'ogre'...was really my best friend...I had been a handsome gambler in the 1840-90s...a womanizer
and liar, 2-timer...even to the women that adored me...I poo-poohed their hearts, tossed them aside.
WELL, did he show ME what it felt like to be minimized and hurt.

So there...... nothing in this life is what it 'seems'.
No forgiveness necessary any longer...just humility on my part...and shame and gratitude.

Gee, someone loved me that much. God loved me that much to create this perfect System of
teaching in a Family/ Soul Group....and
at the same time blaming them and hating them.


MissH - thank you so much for sharing :hug3: ...and that is quite an insight about your father. You endured a lot and it's brutal to endure it so young, when you have no defenses and your heart is innocent and defenseless.
About the past lives, did you receive a similar insight regarding your friend?
It's the part of blaming and hating that I don't understand. For example, your father blamed and hated you, and you had to endure it until you could leave. My father blamed and resented me too. I don't know if hated is the right word, but loathed feels right.

But why is that the typical reaction? Why could they not choose a different route? We always have a choice. We may choose to heal and love one another rather than to behave either as our fathers have, or as we could have...by blaming and hating them in return.

I know it may be predictable to hate or blame those who have hurt you in the here and now...but yet you didn't hate your father despite his vile behaviour. And likewise, while I have also felt anger, frustration, and pain when my father lobs another low blow or jab at me (LOL), I've never blamed or hated him.

It may be natural enough to blame and hate. But it's also natural enough to let it go. Either way, it's a choice. You and I chose to detach until we could forgive, rather than to hate, blame, and continue to cycle.

My father & I have a courteous relationship and we are friendly enough but of course we're not nearly as close as we might have been. Still, I consider that a success, all told :tongue:

I do feel a lot of compassion for dad because he is very limited in many ways...and I suspect he has begun to realise that. The same way I never understood why he resented me (why not just enjoy your blessings?), he doesn't understand why he is different regarding his emotional and spiritual limitations or obstacles. I have always felt like his emotional parent, and when I was younger and my mum was less together, I often felt the same toward her as well.

Re: my soul friend, I've certainly never blamed or hated him, though (as with dad) I have and do feel anger, frustration, and pain at times. Here, I feel like I have failed :confused: but maybe the story's not over yet since it goes on forever, really.

But aside from that, really, I can feel only a great love and compassion for him, and I want him to be happy, centred, and at peace always...all the usual good things.

I can share some past life stuff too, but first I wanted to hear a bit more about yours...if you had more insights on your friend as well...and about your reactions to all of it...before I say anything more about me.

Peace & blessings,
and much love & light! :hug:
7L

A human Being
15-12-2015, 12:53 AM
For some strange reason my quote box wont let me box in your share..funny dat.
It's because when you bolded the last paragraph of the post you quoted, you also accidentally bolded part of the 'quote' bit at the end. It's easily done.