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Deepsoul
17-10-2015, 06:46 AM
I feel like Im getting closer to the person I want to be so that is great, sometimes though Im still in that sorta numb distant state where i might blurt out something to

my kids thats insensitive not super but like they might say im starving as kids do and I say well havent got much cash this week so there wont be much ,but then

immediately correct myself and say thats not a very nice thing to say to someone thats hungry ,now what can i put on the grocery list that you might like and lets see what we can rustle up now ,anyway not

just that but I know when I grew up it was sorta like keep them down a bit ,not consciously ,they obviously were projecting from there own pain , but it was sorta like you were made to feel

inferior in ways anyway, I love all my kids so much and Im excited to have a day out tommorrow with 4 of them and my 2 grandkids,and my Dad, Im sure we'll all be in

fine form and praying that Love and Fun prevail.......:hug3:

naturesflow
17-10-2015, 10:47 AM
Reality of life, means you feel and don't feel, you might be tired, stressed, worn out, you have ups and downs, project, react any number of things.. Children learn through many ways of you being you, you have the best of both worlds now so that is the most important thing for you and them. Life in the big wide world, isn't always rosy and obliging, so learning in lots of ways teaches children more resilence and acceptance in the many ways life presents itself to them as they explore and create their lives.

Enjoy your day with family. x

Deepsoul
17-10-2015, 11:10 AM
Thanks Naturesflow, I just want what most Mummys want to see them happy and well and Yes resilient ,but in a positive, wise and loving way...:)

Lorelyen
17-10-2015, 01:31 PM
How to be a better parent? Treat children as people, as individuals in their own right that you have to nurture all the same.

:smile:

jonesboy
17-10-2015, 02:00 PM
Hi Deepsoul,

If you don't mind I would like to recommend a book that had a big impact in my family and I am the only one that's read it.

Real Love by Greg Baer.

Now I will say it was a tough read for me due to the writing style but the lessons are powerful.

I hope your day was beautiful.

Mr Interesting
17-10-2015, 07:25 PM
Don't worry about it.

My niece was around the other day with her toddler and we were all in my room which has a real steep set of stairs up into it and little toddler went close and niece was all don't go near the edge, keep away from the edge! And I'm ' That's real helpful, and rules and no why's, so I said go near the edge by all means little one but if you fall it'll most likely hurt and that'd mean pain and pain always comes with why did I do that.

But before that, or after I can't remember, she, the little one, wanted to come outside with me and Mummy was all 'I'll put on her shoes' but I'm 'Quick, before Mummy get's you, let's go' and she followed me out in barefeet and then proceeded to actually go off the path and walk on stones... so she has my respect this one, she's connecting. But then her little mind decides she had enough of rough and asks me to carry her... Nah, you got there, you can walk home.

Kid would say I'm starving I'd either ask if there's little shooting pains in their stomach, are they about to fall over from dizziness? So I'd most probably get them to admit they are merely hungry and as that would likely be the case then they weren't actually very close at all to dying, which is what starving actually is in which case I would most likely be boring them so much they would leave in search of easier prey.

Children are hunters, they are learning to hunt and it behoves us as adults to either get them used to being scavengers who are too lazy to find fresh meat and feed on rotting carcases or teach them how to realise what they actually are. If children are at the edge of bored decisiveness they are being taught to be blind to opportunity.

The other side is that if they do indeed use starving and it does hit a guilt you have then they are clever little creatures who understand the use of tools... so give them real ones.

Deepsoul
17-10-2015, 07:54 PM
Great posts guys Thanks ,will look into that book too jonesboy...:)

PassionOfHybrid
17-10-2015, 08:25 PM
Reality of life, means you feel and don't feel, you might be tired, stressed, worn out, you have ups and downs, project, react any number of things.. Children learn through many ways of you being you, you have the best of both worlds now so that is the most important thing for you and them. Life in the big wide world, isn't always rosy and obliging, so learning in lots of ways teaches children more resilence and acceptance in the many ways life presents itself to them as they explore and create their lives.

Enjoy your day with family. x

being "you" doesn't always help. The ego, is not you(the part of you that gives into your emotions), it's the part of you that loves and cares that is the real you. The part of you that is stressed out, worn out, etc..with you reacting off of those issues is the ego influence.

Being nasty to your children doesn't guarantee that it'll help them.They're beings with feelings as well. Not saying you won't make mistakes, because I've said things that I know comes from a place of anger. It can be challenging.

naturesflow
18-10-2015, 02:04 PM
being "you" doesn't always help. The ego, is not you(the part of you that gives into your emotions), it's the part of you that loves and cares that is the real you. The part of you that is stressed out, worn out, etc..with you reacting off of those issues is the ego influence.

I understand, but you are you regardless of what parts of you are not in alignment with true self. Being you is all you know till you know something new..THe part of you stressed and worn out could be about many things, unrelated to ego. Poor diet, lack of sleep, taking care of others not having time for self....the list is endless. Balance is not always about the ego. Its just about balance and listening.

Being nasty to your children doesn't guarantee that it'll help them.They're beings with feelings as well. Not saying you won't make mistakes, because I've said things that I know comes from a place of anger. It can be challenging.

Children are exposed to much in their lives, its the nature of the world and people raising children. It is what it is. It changes when it does and can. It would be wonderful if all children could be raised by loving, caring balanced adults. But sadly its not the case.

Nasty teaches children nasty. What transpires from their is their path and journey. And no one can guarantee what will come of it.

PassionOfHybrid
18-10-2015, 08:37 PM
[

I understand, but you are you regardless of what parts of you are not in alignment with true self. Being you is all you know till you know something new..THe part of you stressed and worn out could be about many things, unrelated to ego. Poor diet, lack of sleep, taking care of others not having time for self....the list is endless. Balance is not always about the ego. Its just about balance and listening.

[/B]





we make mistakes, but doesn't mean that the mistake we made is "okay to do" because of our own issues.

try your best, is my point. Make NO excuses. What is, is what is.

I've seen nasty.

naturesflow
18-10-2015, 09:40 PM
we make mistakes, but doesn't mean that the mistake we made is "okay to do" because of our own issues.

try your best, is my point. Make NO excuses. What is, is what is.

I've seen nasty.

I personally believe people are who they are until they know more. Mistakes are a part of that growth and awareness building and what flows on from that, will be itself in process as itself knows itself. Nasty is instilled from nasty. In the not *okay to do* someone inflicted with nasty, might not be aware it was not okay for their infliction to come into being originally.
Learned behaviours and emotional traumas from that are often cast through many generational patterns until someone becomes aware to break it and can do so then it is what it is. Trying is fine for someone like you that knows better, it wont come into it until people know and feel something beyond old patterns People live according to what they know, how they are conditioned to be, how aware they are of how things can be other than *that* way.


Nasty is not ok in your view, but reality tells me nasty is not just about trying to not be. That is really one aspect of many aspects in the complex nature of such things at times. Some might be able to with some awareness of themselves over time, some may have no awareness, be suppressed emotionally and conditioned by drugs, abuse, any number of things.

My compassionate side likes to at least consider both sides.

Excuses might be what you see. Understanding the whole complexity of it all from where it began is how I like to view things.

Mainly because I don't believe change comes through telling people to try, but by understanding the deeper awareness of why and how things of this nature can be supported in positive and understanding ways, even as a consequence of itself. At least that is what my compassionate side speaks to me about.

I have found compassion for myself and naturally I extend that to others to understand beyond my idea of what another might need to do in the event of what I might deem as a mistake or excuse.

Nasty requires compassion to understand it complete.

Trying to be better than nasty is ok if you are aware you have choice. Choice comes when we become aware we have choice beyond that moment of knowing. And of course life experiences and changes often reflect much in the unfolding and flow of life.

If your someone who knows nasty, then naturally it would be easy looking into the offender as needing to try to be something beyond that. As the one inflicted, I imagine you would want it to stop and end itself, and at least show change of itself and not make excuses of itself.


Bandaids don't solve the underlying issues. Trying might only be temporary, until the core of the issue is resolved.

PassionOfHybrid
18-10-2015, 10:01 PM
We have no control over what others do. Growing up with a nasty parent is 50/50...the child doing better is not always the result. There's people that know better, but don't do better...it varies.

naturesflow
18-10-2015, 10:30 PM
[QUOTE=PassionOfHybrid]We have no control over what others do. Growing up with a nasty parent is 50/50...the child doing better is not always the case. There's people that know better, but don't do better...it varies.


THe child can grow with awareness beyond nasty parents to learn loving care in other models of care. That will often bridge awareness in the child. Depending on how ingrained the modelling is, much can transpire either way.

How one determines knowing better is complex in itself. Often looking into something and deeming them to know, has a whole host of things unseen, unknown even in the knowing. Judgment doesn't come into compassion in my view. Awareness and understanding does though.


Perhaps, it's just a complex issue.

Yes as I did mention. It most often is.

PassionOfHybrid
18-10-2015, 10:37 PM
Your oversight of the situation is correct. I was just coming from a personal place. That there is where the conflict lies...

personal vs oversight.

Deepsoul
18-10-2015, 10:39 PM
Forgive them father they know not what they do ,I did have a brilliant day with my family yesterday ,so much love ,if I could pick one thing it would be my Dad ever into how things look , whats that on your tooth he said ,ive had a discoloured tooth since I was 14, which i reminded him ,Cant you get something done with ,,,Ah No I dont care about it.... It hardly really touched me considering my entire life was probably skewed by him in my early years ,with My God your chins big ,look at the size of your feet ,your sisters are so small and perfect, lots of physical attack so when I went out there my self esteem was zero not only because I likened my father as a God and loved and believed in him ,but also I wasnt just accepted on for my outside and my inside had no foundation either...Ive come along way ,Ive forgiven my Dad cause he just dosent get it, and I understand his background and way, its been a heck of a ride ,and I am now building a foundation of respect for myself and others as much as I can in unconditional love and compassion and humility ,Luckily Ive never repeated that pattern on my children and I know to build them from the inside as well give them encouragement and love towards there physicality.

naturesflow
18-10-2015, 10:43 PM
Your oversight of the situation is correct. I was just coming from a personal place. That there is where the conflict lies...

personal vs oversight.

I was aware of this, I simply added to your view which of itself is the truth for you as you know it to be and as I know it to be in me.