I can't do this anymore

[Hibiscus]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

[luntrusreality]

I haven't been through what you describe and it sounds really ****, ( edit: I can't say s-h-i-t- in a case like that ? :D thats mean)
But my only advice would be not to try and find freedom in objects or new spiritual techniques.

You said "you have awakend" during this time.

What does that mean for you?
Who is it that experiences that?
(don't just say ME. really look for it. you might find freedom there)
Sorry I don't have any more advice than that, but I'm sure many other people know how to more "practically" deal with this sort of thing.

Still these stories tend to repeat themselves.
The only freedom is to step out of all stories altogether in the long run.

[Revya]

an Awakening could simply be described as the realization of a previously elusive truth. there is nothing spiritually awakening about being in an abusive relationship and to be blunt it would seem quite possible that your addiction is a means of coping with an emotionally destructive relationship

Soulmates don't beat your *** into a bloody pulp. They also don't use emotionally deceptive language and tactics to control you or keep your interest hung on them while they feel free to do as they wish.

And if this is assumptive on my part, I feel I must point out the lack of information I was given.

At any rate no manner of Advice or help from an outsider will change your situation, You have to make the decision for yourself, right here and now whether or not you are content to continue living your life like this.

We cannot find happiness when we throw ourselves into unhappy situations.

[Hibiscus]

Lol thanks luntrusreality :)

To me that means I've awakened to the infinite signs/smbols, etc. that indicate we're all a part of something much larger (and I don't mean Christianity-which is what I was raised with but will never embrace as truth).

[Hibiscus]

@Revya, yes but you don't know my situation. Nothing is cookie-cutter and sometimes enlightening situations come in extremely ugly packages. Thanks tho for your input.. I really am only looking for ways to vent and communicate here so I appreciate that in any way I can find it, ideally at least.

Eta, I shouldn't be getting defensive though, he did destroy my 3rd phone now in a row. Spirituality can only get you so far before your'e ready to go crazy and maybe even cut a b*tch lol

[peteyzen]

Can I ask what on earth makes you believe that someone so abusive, is your soul mate?

Please leave this situation, I don`t believe that any `soul mate` would ever treat you so badly.
Sometimes we are just in the wrong relationship and need to accept that and move on.

When you are more stabily settled then you will find your awakening a lot easier

Whatever you decide, I wish you blessings

[celest]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

Hibiscus you need to get away from anyone who is abusive towards you, that is not love. You feel as if you have no fight left because your using your energy fighting the abuse, try and use it to help yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Look for a way out as soon as possible, if you can't cope alone then go and get some outside advice and help before things get worse, you deserve to be loved and happy even if this means being on your own for a while, love yourself. Take care :hug:

[luntrusreality]

Just out of interest,
You don't have to answer that if you don't want to but I
am just curious how your relationship with your parents is (your father?).
I have heard that a lot of times we look for the same patterns in relationships we experienced at home.

[LadyMay]

Just out of interest,
You don't have to answer that if you don't want to but I
am just curious how your relationship with your parents is (your father?).
I have heard that a lot of times we look for the same patterns in relationships we experienced at home.

Dr Luntrus the Psychoanalyst. Haha.

Good question though, it could be rooted there, as all perceived negative stems from the past.

My own narcissistic step-dad made me attract other narcissists until I started working on and healing myself.

[luntrusreality]

Dr Luntrus the Psychoanalyst. Haha.

Good question though, it could be rooted there, as all perceived negative stems from the past.

My own narcissistic step-dad made me attract other narcissists until I started working on and healing myself.

Haha :D I know I hardly ask these sort of questions but just something that
interested me somehow

[Emmalevine]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

I've been in an abusive relationship and I can tell you honestly that the only way forward is to leave.

Your words say it all 'I can't do this anymore' - I felt exactly the same and no matter how you dress it up with spirituality or try to make excuses for him/the relationship itself, it is abusive. The ONLY spiritual purpose it serves is enabling you to reach a point where you respect yourself enough to walk away.

I walked away after six years and my only regret is I didn't do it sooner. I still have contact with him as we have a child and he has not changed. He makes my life very difficult. However, he makes my life difficult for a short period each week, not 24/7.

I'm willing to bet that once you find it within yourself to walk away, your addiction issues will clear up, or at least will be easier to manage. When you feel trapped by abuse, addiction can become an escape or way to manage painful feelings.

There is no 'soulmate' about it. It sounds like you're trying to make the relationship okay, which is very common (I did this for years). Sometimes it's hard to accept that it just stinks and it's not your responsibility to make right. There is NO excuse for abuse. None. The longer you hold onto the idea he is somehow meant to be in your life or is serving your good, the harder it will be to move forward. The things we are most attached to, be it person, thought or concept, can keep us stuck...you know?

I say again, the only good that can come out of it is finding your self respect and your courage. I did and speak from experience.

We can each be our own soulmate.

[QT Pie]

You don't have to have any fight left. Wanting to have fight left is enough. Hold that if you can't do more. Awakening for me has been a constant struggle and learning process. The lows TO low, the highs TO high. You're in the big leagues!

Awakening does not cure ....well, anything. Your troubles and setbacks are still your own to deal with. <3 push forward on you path, things will get better.

[Lorelyen]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

I've news for you. That isn't a soulmate.

[Lorelyen]

Lol thanks luntrusreality :)

To me that means I've awakened to the infinite signs/smbols, etc. that indicate we're all a part of something much larger (and I don't mean Christianity-which is what I was raised with but will never embrace as truth).

You're part of the cosmos. It is in you just as it's out there.

..

[CrystalSong]

It is said we have many soulmates, I recall someone saying they'd gone to a psychic to ask if the person they were with was their soul mate and the psychic quickly answered "You have 30 currently in body, which one do you mean?"
LOL

Soulmates are someone we've agreed to meet while in body to learn certain lessons, when that is accomplished the relationship likely doesn't serve further purpose and to keep growing we need a new setting.

So perhaps asking yourself why you continue to be with this person might be helpful. Is it fear of being on your own? Fear of the unknown?
Knowing why you are still with the person might help you to sort out whether its time to leave or not and then go about the practical steps to make it a reality if you do conclude that being in the situation is over all more detrimental to you than any further good that could potentially come from staying in it.

It is possible too that the alcoholism is directly related to numbing yourself out so as to survive in the situation you are in and when you leave it you no longer need that crutch and can begin a new chapter, one which doesn't involve having to numb yourself out in order to deal with life.

Whatever you choose, May blessings flow to you Hibiscus.

[Everly]

I've news for you. That isn't a soulmate.

Worth repeating and re-quoting a million times. notNotNOT a soulmate in the terms you mean it, Hibiscus.

If you don't think enough of yourself to create sensible boundaries for yourself, how do expect anyone to help?

[Gem]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

It's never too late so stay safe and reach out for help. Make sure you have a private secure computer and Google abusive relationship help. Help is at your fingertips and there are 'helplines' you can call.

[DayLight1555]

It is said we have many soulmates, I recall someone saying they'd gone to a psychic to ask if the person they were with was their soul mate and the psychic quickly answered "You have 30 currently in body, which one do you mean?"
LOL

Soulmates are someone we've agreed to meet while in body to learn certain lessons, when that is accomplished the relationship likely doesn't serve further purpose and to keep growing we need a new setting.

So perhaps asking yourself why you continue to be with this person might be helpful. Is it fear of being on your own? Fear of the unknown?
Knowing why you are still with the person might help you to sort out whether its time to leave or not and then go about the practical steps to make it a reality if you do conclude that being in the situation is over all more detrimental to you than any further good that could potentially come from staying in it.

It is possible too that the alcoholism is directly related to numbing yourself out so as to survive in the situation you are in and when you leave it you no longer need that crutch and can begin a new chapter, one which doesn't involve having to numb yourself out in order to deal with life.

Whatever you choose, May blessings flow to you Hibiscus.

Based on what CrystalSong said, it may or may not be a soulmate from THIS perspective.

Different people define soulmate differently. Some say that a soulmate is someone who gets you, who you're compatible with.
Others say that a soulmate means - someone who is your spiritual soulmate and who agreed to be with you physically in order for you to learn stuff.

I believe that it's possible to have soulmates in spirit, but not in the body. In other words, they are soulmates, spirit to spirit. But the physical bodies may be incompatible. And it would be very hard for these soulmates (spirit ones) to live together in their incompatible physical bodies.

In any case, there is no one who can tell you for SURE that you HAVE TO stay in this situation. So there is always your right to leave. We have a free will it seems. We are given a right to decide to do what we want. And if someone says that you have to stay because he is your soulmate (of some sort)... well, they can't know for sure. So you could still choose to leave if you wanted to. I think it's our human right to seek happiness and freedom from pain and abuse whenever we can. Surely you've learned enough lessons by now and it's time to make it easier for yourself...

But if not, good luck to you and wishing you strength.

[sea-dove]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

I don't think many here will judge you for the drinking, its probably the way you are numbing the pain but the issue is it also may cause you to stay and put up with this awful situation for yourself longer too.

We aren't supposed to be back with all our soul mates this lifetime. As another said we all have many soul mates, I've come across quite a few of my own this lifetime but I wasn't supposed to be with them (or stay with them).

Unfortunately soul mate situations often have a lot of karma around them and can carry some hefty lessons with a person possibly being ingrained to repeat past actions and past abuse etc or be a victim. You need to break free of this and only you can do it. By leaving him, it also forces the abuser to hopefully start looking at himself.

Ive been in an abusive relationship in the past myself.. which was also on and off due to this abuse. I may understand some due to this how these abusers get a person sucked back in, most of the tricks they use were used on me from guilt (holding a gun to his head and telling me I'd have to watch him blow his brains out if I left) to trying to convince me no other would ever want me and also fearing he could come after me violently. (My abuser had my whole family scared of him cause of his knives).

It's like you may have to also change yourself some to break free of it. You need to find it within yourself to say ENOUGH and end it for once and for all. Do not ever try to even be friends with these types as they will suck you back in. When you leave, cut ALL CONTACT. There are womens shelters for those who have been abused which can protect you.

In my own case I couldn't break free of this form of relationship (I was very young too at the time so that didn't help either) till I had a baby who I didn't want to be witnessing me getting physically and emotionally abused. He'd also by that point thrown me on my head first at the concrete path which neighbours called the police, he could of killed me. I hope you leave him before he badly hurts you.

Please connect to one of the professional groups out there for abused woman to at least talk to them about your situation and find out what is available to help you should you leave. You may also be able to attend abuse counselling while still in this relationship (like to help teach you have to better handle abusive situations).

Also there may be classes somewhere near you which are run to help emotional strengthen woman who get abused and are in these kinds of relationships (they are often run by counsellors or social workers). I attended one of these classes for a while.

Abusers often convince those they abuse that things aren't as bad as they actually are so these classs can really help to kick a person into the real reality of the situation. I understand just how tough it is to leave but you do need to leave him at some point. He WONT change and only you yourself can change this situation by leaving. I've never regreted permanently leaving him though my baby was only 6 weeks old at the time and I was without any help.
........................

I helped someone get out of a terribly abusive relationship about 5 years ago now (the final straw for me was when the guy broke her arm, I was scared for her life, he'd already smashed her computer up and she wasn't allowed to have friends so was secretly in touch with me.. putting the computer secretly back together at times). The guy would drop her off at work and pick her up from there too, trying to monitor her every move. Anyway, though she was still very scared for probably 2 months after leaving that he'd find her (she had to abandon everything she owned, she didn't even have a change of clothes when I did the intervention.. including abandoning her job). Within a year of leaving him (it was probably about only 6mths later), after quite a bit of counselling (she received daily counselling in a womans shelter). She got into a happy relationship with a guy she's still with today, it was such an amazing transformation I watched with her. I can almost guarantee you you wont regret it if you leave him and stay away from him and give yourself a chance to heal. He probably tells you don't deserve anything, but you do.. You deserve to be happy and living free of abuse. If you are awakening you will know this is so.

Pick up that phone and call a few places and have a chat to some professionals about this (make sure its somewhere which specialises in womans abuse). They will not force you to leave, just talk to them.

[Lumen]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

Let go

If you can't fight anymore, give up and be free.

[Deepsoul]

ITs hard when the love is there ,he loves you so much and hates himself so much that this is his only way of controlling the situation ,he dosent probably even know thats what hes doing on a conscious level ,You have probably lost respect in yourself and him ,again unconscious, so much hurt ,until you stand up and say enough it will continue ,I had no fight in me left and turned to Jesus for strength it helped me get through some terrible times ,we are still together after twenty years,he is a beautiful man, alcohol was his trigger ,my Dad was also abusive toward me and my first and second husbands, what I have found is that I need to empower myself daily ,nurture myself ,and understand what I need to do to make myself the best person that I can be...........Gain back your respect ....and let him know that it is not acceptable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ever

[Hibiscus]

I know it's been a long time but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who posted in this thread. I was in a bad place when I wrote it (this guy had just broken my phone yet again for no real or apparent reason and I had no one to talk to about it irl), but yes I recognize how sick it is.... It's not easy for me to be vulnerable or ask for help in most circumstances but I appreciate that all of you here were open to listening.

@luntrustreality, I had issues with my biological father (he was distant and sometimes verbally abusive) but I never experienced this level of dysfunction. I also had a step-dad who mirrored these qualities (alcoholic, was physically abusive with the family dog once) but that's about it.

As for whether or not he's a soulmate, I'm really not sure, I just know it's a "karmic" relationship of some kind. We have a telepathic connection that's undeniable (which of course doesn't necessarily mean it's a positive connection- but it's real and believe me I would deny it if I could).

So idk exactly what will happen from here, but just wanted to say thanks again, I appreciate all the supportive responses...

[Emmalevine]

I really hope you find a way to leave this situation Hibiscus. I know how much it drains your soul. I didn't intend to come across harsh in my other post and hope I didn't, it's just that I get distressed to hear of anyone being controlled/abused as I know how awful it is, plus the sister of my childhood friend was stabbed/killed by her boyfriend. Sending vibes of strength and courage your way. Know you are loved no matter what decision you come to.

[CrystalSong]

We have a telepathic connection that's undeniable (which of course doesn't necessarily mean it's a positive connection- but it's real and believe me I would deny it if I could).


Telepathy is a natural state of being actually and you can have it with anyone you are open to and they can have it back with you if they are open to it also. It's very common among family and siblings, among people who work close together and amount soldiers who fight together, twins, pets and owners... to name just a few.
So please don't stay with this guy because of that, it's just too easily done and common to spend your life with someone who destroys your belongings when they loose control of their emotions.
You can and will have this with others - it comes from having an open heart, trust and time spent together. (Although that is not even nessasarly when you actually consciously develop the talent, then it's possible with complete strangers- through Open Heart is still a prerequisite)

[OtioseDodge]

Hi Hibiscus, first of all, I want to echo what everyone has been saying about seeking help and breaking a pattern of destructive behavior and emotions. It may seem like an impossible road at first, but I've found in my own experience that once you demystify the unconscious patterns that lead to this stuff (ie, make them conscious), then you're better positioned to alter the destructive dynamic. And that'll probably help in preventing any future relapse with drinking. And finally, I want to say that you should seek as much help as possible from the spiritual power in your life. Good luck to you. Love and Light

[Hibiscus]

Starbuck, no worries you didn't come across as harsh, your post actually helped me put things in perspective.. I guess if I'm honest with myself I've seen the relationship as some sort of consequence or punishment for the addiction issues (they developed at the same time).. but maybe that's not entirely true and the addiction is a way of emotionally surviving the relationship.

CrystalSong, it's now possible with complete strangers, I've consciously developed the talent as you say but he acted as the catalyst.. (well actually the dissolution of another relationship immediately before him was the catalyst for meeting him in the first place but that's another story).

OtioseDodge, thanks for your reply, I understand what you're saying and appreciate your thoughts :)

[DoctorStrange]

I'm in an abusive relationship (with a soulmate and I feel very justified describing our status as "on and off", but really it feels never ending.....) I've been addicted to alcohol/drinking... yes I've "awakened" during these experiences, I'm sure many of you feel enlightened without ever having experienced such lows, but please make sure you're not living in a glass house before casting stones....

Anyway on some level I feel like it's too late for me. I never would've come to this place if not for struggling the way I have, but where is there to turn when you feel like you have no fight left? Perhaps this is a ploy for sympathy thread, but I'm really looking for any honest feedback I can get....

There's no judging here :)
Just be good to yourself. If there are harmful elements in your life, remove them.

With regards to spirituality. Begin with the basics. Read up on buddhism and taoism. Those are wonderful starting points for spirituality. Maybe join a support group with regards to the addiction/abuse.

All the best, much love :hug3: