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Ciqala
03-12-2010, 08:40 AM
i just need to talk to someone, or at least get this out.

I just recently had a huge spiritual awakening, I finally got my spirituality back over many long unbearable years, and I am so happy. But I am so scared, no, TERRIFIED, and extremely devastated thinking that it will be taken away from me again.
Many years ago, I used to be very strong and on my way to be a healer. I found what made me happy. My spirituality was the only thing I cared about, the only thing I lived for. I still do not know to this day, what happened.
But I had a Mentor a very wise and respected medicine man, at the time, and something very bad happened between us. I trusted him, I respected him with all my ability, but he was into bad medicine, and tried to control me, when I decided to leave, everything was taken away. I thought my life and fate had slapped me in the face and ditched. I didn’t know at the time he had put an unbearably strong block on me. Every time I went back to him, it would come back, but I did not want to be anywhere near him, I wanted to die. On the day I tried to kill myself, was the days leading to my arrest and probation, and beginning of being an alcoholic, and more addictions, because I couldn’t deal with my life. My life was lonely, and horrible from there on, accepting I had to be ignorant with no life purpose anymore.

At the same time, when I was doing healing work with my mentor, he told me I had bad spirits in and around me, and I believed him on that much. I was never able to release the darkness, and I think that may have played a part in my spirituality being blocked from me for so many years, but mostly, I think he blocked me, and he was more powerful than anything or anyone. A year ago, I even hated the aspect of spirituality, whatever had a hold on me, was pure darkness, and not me at all. I know it was NOT me, because when I forced it out of me, I felt it. It was worse than what they call possession, it put thoughts in my head that I did not think up, it made me hurt myself, but worse, it made me despise the thought of ceremony, made me flinch every time I went near my sage, so I couldn’t even bring myself to cleanse. The only thing powerful enough against it, was fire, and then I was able to strengthen myself again.

Just recently, I managed to get through everything I have ever suffered from. But NOW, I am terrified I will lose it again. I am so scared. I have been doing so well, and I have been trying to let go of fears, and everything in order to live in the moment, all zen and stuff, but this morning, I woke up asking my spirits “what do I do next”, they told me to trust in the plan of the divine, that I am worrying too much, and my fear only escalated through the whole day, I went out and hung out with a friend, attended an AA meeting, but it only made me feel worse, it hurt my soul to do those things, because my friend isn’t exactly healthy and I only want to surround myself with the spiritual now, and the AA meeting was depressing and full of horrible energies that I can feel now, and ive been doing so well on my own, I was planning to just get my coin chips to celebrate my months, and leave, but some depressing guy had to tell me I couldn’t get multiple coin chips for different addictions, and I didn’t belong, well I can deal with that, but it hurt because I had hoped to celebrate my recovery for all my addictions tonight, and that just lead to me being fearful of going backwards,
at least now I know where it originates from. I’ve been going through my crown chakra opening, and this morning I woke up feeling better and grounded, and I guess it scared me, because I’m used to feeling my chakras, feeling sick, and feeling it working. I get so scared, that if the symptoms change… I am going backwards… I also haven’t been able to succeed in talking to my guides in vivid visions for a few days now. I am terrified I am going to lose this amazing goodness. I am terrified I am doing something wrong. That I will make a mistake. That’s why I post so many questions on here. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know my spirits told me to trust, but I am still afraid.

Also today, I meditated, and was sent an image of my grandma, she came to me, with my grandpa, after asking for things to work on and let go. I went to see her after years of refusing to, she has Alzheimer’s, but what I saw was grotesque, and she was so agitated, can’t even talk, she looks in pain, whatever healing method I did, to calm her, it did not work, I just DON’T UDERSTAND what she is going through, and it bothers me. I have come to grips on letting her go, but I still can’t stand seeing her alive and suffering. She looked so terrified, like she could see something there, something evil, something horrible, she looked scared. She kept trying to talk, but it was murmurs, agitated, scared, murmurs. What am I supposed to do about that? The weird thing is I am DEFINITE she has come to me in spirit form, like she is not alive, and we have said our goodbyes, and she is always with my grandpa who has passed. She is happy there. But here, the shape of her body, is scary to witness for me. I just don’t get it. What is in there? It’s not her, but it is, and what the hell is Alzheimers and Dementia? it's freakin evil.

I don’t know how to deal with this fear, but I do know that I had to get it out and tell someone. I can’t keep it inside me. All I do know, is the things I keep inside keep me from growing. Does anybody know what I am going through? Is everything going to be okay? I feel like I messed up today, like I did things that hurt me, made me feel bad, or maybe these things I have to deal with in order to grow further? How? How do you deal with things like this. I don’t want to go backwards and lose it all. I’m scared. I’m serious, that I will take my life if my spirituality abandons me AGAIN, I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Not worrying doesn’t cut it for me, I can’t stand to live my life without it, I just can’t. How do I get through these things, and the fear of messing up?

thanks for reading this, or commenting, or anything really, i know it's not happy and all, but i'm really having a hard time with these new things that have come up, and i don't have ANYONE here, to talk to, or anyone who understands spirituality at all.

Lostgirl
03-12-2010, 09:36 AM
It sounds like you have had a rough time of it and for that im so sorry! Im always here if you want a chat either by pm or on this thread :) And so is everyone else, they are great.

You will learn from all the bad things that happened and you will be able to protect yourself from these things happeneing again. It sounds like you are on the right track once again so just learn from past mistakes and dont let them happen again - i know easier said then done. You will know when you are heading back there and you will be able to stop it. Self Belief.

I had a few bad years where i completely lost who i am. I was in an abusive relationship, my home life was awful and i was depressed. I thought there was no way out, thought the world would be better without me. Now looking back there was a moment where everything became clear, this is where my spiritual awakening happened and i ended the relationship, moved out of home and got myself out of depression - none of which were easy. I then met my boyfriend and soul mate and have been amazing since. Now although i still sink into depression - i know when it is happening. I can feel myself going there and as soon as i do i do something about it. I talk to people, ask for help and get it all off my chest and amazingly it all helps.

You learn from your life lessons and they help you cope and make you a stronger person.

You sound so happy and i think that will stop you from loosing everything you have worked for :)

John32241
03-12-2010, 12:21 PM
Hello,

Your bad experience with that particular Mentor has caused you many concerns. When your inner guide tells you that you "worry too much", listen!!!

A good mentor encourages self empowerment. Since healing is your area of interest, then self healing is of primary importance to you.

I have had good experiences assisting others to become self empowered. There are even examples of that posted at this forum. I would be happy to provide my insights on any specific questions that you may have.

John

Native spirit
03-12-2010, 12:31 PM
:smile: Hey Ciqala.


You need to ask Arc Angel Michael to cover you in his cloak of protection and cut the cords of negativity,
you are coming through a rough patch, like we all do but seeing your grandmother in spirit then going to see her and cant face seeing her like she is now, is a hard thing when people go through dementia they loose reality of life they reverse to childhood in a lot of cases,
i have seen the spirit of people before they have actually passsed its like people in comas, they are inbetweeen both worlds they are sill here in the physical but mentaly they are no longer with us,
you need to have counselling this will help you put things into perspective. and speaking to a complete stranger may help you as its easier to speak to someone who doesnt know you.
i would keep away from spiritual work whilst feeling like you do.
you are fighting many demons at the moment and you are so low. spirirt will only work with you when they know you are ready,
you can also help yourself by covering yourself in a cacoon of pure bright white light.
hope this helps you in some way.

Namaste

Mind's Eye
03-12-2010, 03:34 PM
First of all, I certainly know what it feels like to have someone you trust and respect do spiritual damage to you. But what you need to do right now is sort your thoughts out. Put the past in the past and leave it there. Realize that the person who damaged you, did so out of pure ignorance. Bless and forgive the person, write an angry letter that you will never mail, whatever you have to do to purge the shadows of what once was from your consciousness. Just dump all of the mental and emotional trash out of your system.

Secondly, when things like this happen to us, it can be very hard to walk the road we once traveled. It can cause anger, fear, confusion and anxiety. It might be wise to take some baby steps to try and re invent yourself and your spiritual path. Start making some new memories, quests and direction. Be gentle with yourself, but try to get some positive, nourishing spiritual things in your life that are yours... listen to your heart. When a bomb is dropped on our lives, we do not go back and live among the wreckage... we cleanse and rebuild.

Thirdly, and this is just my opinion; I might reconsider a spiritual path that involves speaking with spirits and all that kind of thing. People who get involved with this sort of thing usually find themselves traveling a scary road at one point or another. Just read these forums and see how many people believe they are under attack from negative entites. Most of these "spirit communications" are just our own deeper mind speaking back to us anyway.. so maybe just commune with your own subconscious mind where infinite itelligence dwells, and leave all the spirits and bleak entities to the old wives tales where they belong. All the best to you, and much luck friend.

eraser
03-12-2010, 05:23 PM
Keep it simple.

One day at a time.

Ciqala
03-12-2010, 07:54 PM
It sounds like you have had a rough time of it and for that im so sorry! Im always here if you want a chat either by pm or on this thread :) And so is everyone else, they are great.

You will learn from all the bad things that happened and you will be able to protect yourself from these things happeneing again. It sounds like you are on the right track once again so just learn from past mistakes and dont let them happen again - i know easier said then done. You will know when you are heading back there and you will be able to stop it. Self Belief.

I had a few bad years where i completely lost who i am. I was in an abusive relationship, my home life was awful and i was depressed. I thought there was no way out, thought the world would be better without me. Now looking back there was a moment where everything became clear, this is where my spiritual awakening happened and i ended the relationship, moved out of home and got myself out of depression - none of which were easy. I then met my boyfriend and soul mate and have been amazing since. Now although i still sink into depression - i know when it is happening. I can feel myself going there and as soon as i do i do something about it. I talk to people, ask for help and get it all off my chest and amazingly it all helps.

You learn from your life lessons and they help you cope and make you a stronger person.

You sound so happy and i think that will stop you from loosing everything you have worked for :)

Thank you so much, some positive things to help me through, it's good to hear you overcome your depression, i feel better getting it all out indeed, but still want to make sure i've dealt with it all

Ciqala
03-12-2010, 07:56 PM
Hello,

Your bad experience with that particular Mentor has caused you many concerns. When your inner guide tells you that you "worry too much", listen!!!

A good mentor encourages self empowerment. Since healing is your area of interest, then self healing is of primary importance to you.

I have had good experiences assisting others to become self empowered. There are even examples of that posted at this forum. I would be happy to provide my insights on any specific questions that you may have.

John

Wow, thank you John :) I have read some of your posts and greatly respect your insights.

Ciqala
03-12-2010, 08:08 PM
:smile: Hey Ciqala.


You need to ask Arc Angel Michael to cover you in his cloak of protection and cut the cords of negativity,
you are coming through a rough patch, like we all do but seeing your grandmother in spirit then going to see her and cant face seeing her like she is now, is a hard thing when people go through dementia they loose reality of life they reverse to childhood in a lot of cases,
i have seen the spirit of people before they have actually passsed its like people in comas, they are inbetweeen both worlds they are sill here in the physical but mentaly they are no longer with us,
you need to have counselling this will help you put things into perspective. and speaking to a complete stranger may help you as its easier to speak to someone who doesnt know you.
i would keep away from spiritual work whilst feeling like you do.
you are fighting many demons at the moment and you are so low. spirirt will only work with you when they know you are ready,
you can also help yourself by covering yourself in a cacoon of pure bright white light.
hope this helps you in some way.

Namaste

Thank you, this has been helpful, I am going to see a therapist today to try and work through these things. Thanks for explaining dementia, it really freaked me out.

Ciqala
03-12-2010, 08:12 PM
First of all, I certainly know what it feels like to have someone you trust and respect do spiritual damage to you. But what you need to do right now is sort your thoughts out. Put the past in the past and leave it there. Realize that the person who damaged you, did so out of pure ignorance. Bless and forgive the person, write an angry letter that you will never mail, whatever you have to do to purge the shadows of what once was from your consciousness. Just dump all of the mental and emotional trash out of your system.

Secondly, when things like this happen to us, it can be very hard to walk the road we once traveled. It can cause anger, fear, confusion and anxiety. It might be wise to take some baby steps to try and re invent yourself and your spiritual path. Start making some new memories, quests and direction. Be gentle with yourself, but try to get some positive, nourishing spiritual things in your life that are yours... listen to your heart. When a bomb is dropped on our lives, we do not go back and live among the wreckage... we cleanse and rebuild.

Thirdly, and this is just my opinion; I might reconsider a spiritual path that involves speaking with spirits and all that kind of thing. People who get involved with this sort of thing usually find themselves traveling a scary road at one point or another. Just read these forums and see how many people believe they are under attack from negative entites. Most of these "spirit communications" are just our own deeper mind speaking back to us anyway.. so maybe just commune with your own subconscious mind where infinite itelligence dwells, and leave all the spirits and bleak entities to the old wives tales where they belong. All the best to you, and much luck friend.

Thanks, i can really relate to this, you gave me a lot of information i can use, thank you so much, i'm going to do those things. :)

Mind's Eye
04-12-2010, 12:45 AM
I'm glad it was helpful. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to post or PM... Many blessings to you.

Ciqala
04-12-2010, 04:50 AM
I'm glad it was helpful. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to post or PM... Many blessings to you.

Yes, I usually respond in more detail, but there was a lot to process, and i worked on things right away, and i've managed to work through some things, I also went to a therapist today, and he surprisingly gave me some amazing advice on how to get through the fear (he was surprisingly okay with hearing about spiritual problems, not at all what i expected).
I think my underlaying fear is of the unknown of my future, kind of weird to admit. Well I was terrified of two things, having my control stolen from me, and losing control myself, both were pretty evident.
But I think i have come far enough to be aware of if i start to lose control, so it shouldn't bother me, though i still fear.
I'm more worried that someone will be more powerful than me and steal it, but from what you gave me to work on, i came to an understanding.
All i know is it may take me awhile to even trust that i won't get hurt or hurt myself, but meanwhile i can reassure and strengthen myself.
I really like the advice you gave me, blessings to you as well, and thank you.

Mind's Eye
04-12-2010, 11:56 AM
I had those same concerns years ago. After I was damaged spiritually by a friend, I also found out that some of my mentors were dishonest and not even real spiritual people. Everything seemed to be such an illusion, and I my spiritual life, which was my greatest joy in life, much like yourself was seemingly gone.

When I tried to get back on my spiritual feet, I too was afraid. I was afraid that I might get damaged again, of get involved with someone or some group that was nothing more than a lie an and a con. It was a big fear for a while.

I took my time and took small steps with my spiritual path.. it was not always easy, and not without a few pot holes and anxiety riddled days. But in the end I came across thr metaphysical path. I started reading old authors like Joseph Murphy, Emmet fox, Ernest Holmes and others. I even rersearched the authors, though many of them were now gone from this earthen plane. They were honest, sincere people who truly did their best to live what they believed. I was pleased about this, because I had had my fill of religious con men.

To make a long story short, the metaphysical path has blessed me in many ways since I found it some years ago. I feel stronger and more positive than I ever felt before. And I have no fear of being betrayed, damaged or lied to. Because I truly found out that in my life, my own thoughts and spiritual perceptions are the law of the land. I am the one who demonstrates and manifests my own reality. There is no witch doctor, con man or fear spewing individual that can take anything from me. I am the most powerful being in my universe.. and other people only have power over me if I give them that power by believing in their negative nonsense. And I surely will never do that again.

I think you perhaps need to come to the same basic conclusion. And realize that no person, or spirit or self proclaimed powerful individual can do anything to you unless you allow them to. Neither can they take from you or put blocks on you unless you believe in their egotistical threats, that are actually little more than hollow words backed by the ego. Believe me, karma will be visited upon those who try or think they can harm others through spiritual means. I have seen it happen more than a few times. Your greatest task right now is to know that you are the only thinker in your universe. And nothing can befall you unless you give it permission to take root in your life. Because that is the whole truth of the matter.

Racer X
04-12-2010, 06:48 PM
Every Fear must be faced.......no way around, only THROUGH!

Yes, these Awakenings come and go, in a manner of speaking...

Each builds upon the last until....

We are what we are and KNOW IT!

Eckhart Tolle recently commented on a book dealing with what you fear. He called it "The Most important Spiritual book to be written in some time." The book "Waking From Sleep: Why Awakening Experiences Occur and How To Make Them Permanent; by Steve Taylor"

Give yourself this book

Ciqala
05-12-2010, 03:57 AM
I had those same concerns years ago. After I was damaged spiritually by a friend, I also found out that some of my mentors were dishonest and not even real spiritual people. Everything seemed to be such an illusion, and I my spiritual life, which was my greatest joy in life, much like yourself was seemingly gone.

When I tried to get back on my spiritual feet, I too was afraid. I was afraid that I might get damaged again, of get involved with someone or some group that was nothing more than a lie an and a con. It was a big fear for a while.

I took my time and took small steps with my spiritual path.. it was not always easy, and not without a few pot holes and anxiety riddled days. But in the end I came across thr metaphysical path. I started reading old authors like Joseph Murphy, Emmet fox, Ernest Holmes and others. I even rersearched the authors, though many of them were now gone from this earthen plane. They were honest, sincere people who truly did their best to live what they believed. I was pleased about this, because I had had my fill of religious con men.

To make a long story short, the metaphysical path has blessed me in many ways since I found it some years ago. I feel stronger and more positive than I ever felt before. And I have no fear of being betrayed, damaged or lied to. Because I truly found out that in my life, my own thoughts and spiritual perceptions are the law of the land. I am the one who demonstrates and manifests my own reality. There is no witch doctor, con man or fear spewing individual that can take anything from me. I am the most powerful being in my universe.. and other people only have power over me if I give them that power by believing in their negative nonsense. And I surely will never do that again.

I think you perhaps need to come to the same basic conclusion. And realize that no person, or spirit or self proclaimed powerful individual can do anything to you unless you allow them to. Neither can they take from you or put blocks on you unless you believe in their egotistical threats, that are actually little more than hollow words backed by the ego. Believe me, karma will be visited upon those who try or think they can harm others through spiritual means. I have seen it happen more than a few times. Your greatest task right now is to know that you are the only thinker in your universe. And nothing can befall you unless you give it permission to take root in your life. Because that is the whole truth of the matter.


Thanks so much for all of this, sharing your life experience with me, totally bringing me back down to simplicity in a way, everything seemed so freakin complex and scary like usual, but after reading that, I know what I have to do.
Yeah, I want to follow what I believe in my heart, and through intuition, not what some random man who claims to be a medicine man tells me to.
He broke my intuition. But I have it back now. He basically taught me to doubt myself. I stayed with him for years and I always had horrible bad feelings, bad instincts about him, got so bad it made me sick, but he knew right away when I doubted him, and would say in his wise voice, “Oh, I sense there are bad spirits here now, and they are trying to tell you that we should be apart, and they will try that because I am so powerful, and you are so powerful, they don’t want us to be together.” I believed him, stupidly, well it was believable. Slowly down the road, he tried to rape me, and he would never stop talking about his and my sexual issues. When he found out he could not control me physically, he realized the only thing I cared about was my spirituality. At first he thought I was vulnerable and scared of men, but he then found out the only way he could ever control me. It was horrible, I’ve been raped before, I don’t care about that, but no one is ever going to touch my spirituality.
He was very powerful, for example if I thought of calling him, he would call me a second after, saying “You want to talk to me? You were going to call me weren’t you?” I never found out how he knew, at first I enjoyed how he could read my mind, but later, it scared the **** out of me, because I could never get privacy.
In the recent past, as I was becoming stronger and getting away from him, he would show up out of nowhere, every time I became spiritually strong. I had to hide from him.
Well anyways, I believe I have escaped him now, and he has no hold on me whatsoever. Hopefully I can get to the mindset of knowing I am powerful, well it makes sense, that no one can take your power unless you give it to them. I’ll keep that in mind. I was vulnerable then, and I did allow him to take control of me in the first place, and worst, I doubted my intuition. I will never, or at least try to never do that again. I just remembered a few mini events where I have doubted my intuition lol. But my intuition is becoming so strong, that every simple mistake (like buying a piece of clothing I don’t need) makes my chakras and my energies so intensified that it makes me feel so horrible.
I believe strongly that if a person does bad medicine, it comes back onto them worse, it can even kill. I haven’t seen him at all for many months now, the last I heard, through an acquaintance, is that he is having financial problems, and lost his job, (which meant the whole world to him, that was his life journey goal). But still, you’d think he’d be suffering more. (He has admitted to me that he has controlled and abused other women.) I know so far, I was the only one to get away. I really hope he get’s what he deserves. But at the same time, I do forgive him, I really just hope, he get’s over his issues. Deep inside, I still really care for him, and I still respect him enough to pray that he overcomes it all, and becomes good. But I am still not going near him.
He has a lot of problems with women, yet he devotes his life to healing them. Never made sense to me, but even his native name, has the word moonlodge in it, that stands for women’s menstrual cycles, and frankly, in native traditions, MEN are NEVER supposed to get involved with women’s traditions. It was all so weird. Anyway.
Thanks a lot for your help, I am doing good now, and I really appreciate it. I am going to follow my path and what I believe, and take it in baby steps. :) and I’m going to keep telling myself no one can steal my power unless I allow them to! I'm also going to check out those authors, thanks for all the advice!

Ciqala
05-12-2010, 04:11 AM
Every Fear must be faced.......no way around, only THROUGH!

Yes, these Awakenings come and go, in a manner of speaking...

Each builds upon the last until....

We are what we are and KNOW IT!

Eckhart Tolle recently commented on a book dealing with what you fear. He called it "The Most important Spiritual book to be written in some time." The book "Waking From Sleep: Why Awakening Experiences Occur and How To Make Them Permanent; by Steve Taylor"

Give yourself this book


face fear, as in what they do with phobias, as in if my fear was of spiders,
i would have to force myself to hold a spider?

if that's what you were referring to i was thinking that, the criminally insane psychologist :D i went to, actually gave me some good advice. He said, (getting all spiritual on me) that perhaps my grandma is giving me a gift, to face my fear of the unknown, that perhaps she is still hanging on to this earth plane, to teach me something, and that i should go back and face the fear of unknown (in this case Dementia) i'm not afraid of her passing on, or her spirit, i'm just scared of the state of her body, and the unknowns of the disease. I am afraid of anything i don't know, but perfectly okay with things that are utmost terrifying to most people, but i know about them so it's okay. He also said i should try asking her spirit what she is hanging on for. He was a really awesome guy for a criminally insane psychologist.
Except he worded the whole process in a much more amazing way than I.
Allowing COMPASSION to overtake fear.

but how do i face the fear of having someone control me? Should I let someone take control of me? I mean, they'd have to be trustworthy (i'm guessing i wouldn't trust them one bit and probably punch them in the face) but, they'd have to have my best interest in mind... I don't know about that one. I think what i've been working on is doing just fine for that area.

Edit again: Actually, I came to a realization, that perhaps I can use Compassion to get through that fear. I SHOULD look up a professional healer, and i should use my intuition to guide me on if they are okay and trustworthy, and i SHOULD allow them to do some healing work on me, and i will try to use compassion to override my fears. Perhaps if i have a good experience, in the hands of someone else, spiritually, it will ease my fears!

Thanks for the book recommendation, i'm going to go and get it.
Lol. That is an amazing title, The Most Important Spiritual Book To Be Written In Some Time". I love it, i have to add that to my book collection.

Mind's Eye
05-12-2010, 03:00 PM
Also know that it is not uncommon for two people to have a "mind link" in some cases... such as; If two people are in love or if two people have a common spiritual path. But individuals like this "medicine man" can also be very good at picking up on someone's thoughts and vibes when their victim is confused, afraid, or experiencing any kind of self doubt or negative feelings. That's what makes some people such master manipulaters when they play head games... they have learned how to connect to and read their intended target. This does not make them powerful by any means.. it just means they are good liars and know how to put on a good show upon the world stage.

The man you described in your last reply is obviously mentally off center. The very fact that he tried to rape you, manipulate you and harm your spiritual being shows that his "power" is a front covered by smoke and mirrors.

If you ever encounter him at all, or he calls you with one of his mind reading ploys, tell him he is mistaken. Even if you don't feel powerful, act it. Tell him that he is wrong, tell him that you sence that he has gotten weaker, because his issues have been ruling his spiritual path instead of love and light. No matter what he tried to sell you... STAND YOUR GROUND. Once you do this one or two times, you will see him become angry and frustrated. He will probably try to insult you and belittle you before he storms off or slams the phone down on you. Once you get this reaction, you know that he is angry because he knows his mind games are not working on you anymore... then you will know for a certainty that he is not the powerful medicine man that he claims to be..... he will be shown as the fraud that he truly is.

Always remember... even a con who knows a few card tricks can make himself seem like he is a powerful magic man in front of the right audiance.

Ciqala
06-12-2010, 08:34 AM
Thank you Sphinx! I appreciate that you keep up with me!

Well he always told me he and I were alike, but i am a changed person now, and he is not. The only similarities were that I too used to have some relationship and sexual issues, and that we were both wise ahead of our time, and healers. I do believe he was an important soul mate, although an enemy soul mate, for my life journey. But he used to spend hours, telling me "oh i used to be just like you when i was your age" and he could relate to everything i said, i always hated the possibility i might be like him. It could be both a mind link and he is a master manipulator, but i think it was more than that...
At some point he even told me he "placed me in his ring so HIS spirt guides would always be with me to protect me" and i even argued against such, but he did it anyway. My argument at the time was that it seemed weird, and that i had my own protection and spirit guides.
He was into Cree and Dini traditions, but he lied to me, saying that i had to stay with the CREE way for my whole life, that i had to dedicate my entire life to HIS way and no one else's. That was the whole point of his ceremony to tie me to his ring. Well upon talking to HIS mentor, without ever mentioning his name to this real elder to be respectful (they had a suspicious hatred for each other) the elder knew right away who i was talking about, told me to stay the hell away from him, and that he himself, had learned traditions from so many different tribes, and that it was not true, that you had to dedicate to just one. But even so, i managed to break away from his crazy indian voo doo. But the thing is, I KNOW it is possible, more than just a mind link, and manipulation, to do those kind of things. There are powers in this world that should not be abused.

Yeah, he is a bad man. I ended up calling him on it. He told me "he didn't mean to" but i felt it was a lie. Every time i told him something bad happened to me, his face would have pride and happiness, and every time i lied that i was strong and doing okay without him, i saw him weaken.
There still could be the possibility, it was just a ring of protection, not meant to harm me, but... i find that doubtful.

Thanks for the advice on how to stand up to him. Hopefully he won't show up again, but if he does, i will do those things.

This guy is a con, but he is powerful, messing around with native magic, that everyone should stay away from. Even so, cons and magic users, are the same type of people, and their thoughts and actions are exactly the same.

John32241
06-12-2010, 02:01 PM
Life is very interesting in that what we are expressing is frequently mirrored back to us.

Now in your view, the enemy soul mate or bad man is someone to battle with. This point of view is a result of humanity's conditioning over the last several thousand years. Almost every person thinks and feels this way about one or more people in their life.

However in my view, if you want to find harmony and true self empowerment in your life, one needs to think with the mind of God as well as embrace the feelings of the Goddess energy compassion. This outlook will transform your perceptions and perspectives in a way that will allow for a happy and joy filled life.

I see the lack of compassion as the single essential component holding humanity in the grips of fear and anger. It stifles the potentials of a person and brings them the very grief that they see around them in others.

I hope that these insight are of value to you.

John

Mind's Eye
06-12-2010, 05:58 PM
It is true that "bad people" can certainly do "Magick." But as they now say, magick is more the stuff of the mind than of the ritual. Rituals and tools are just instruments that keep the conscious mind focused, so that our deeper mind can release that certain something that causes the impossible to become possible.

And so if this be true; which I believe it is, based on the many magick books that I have read... Then we come full circle. That nothing or no one can do you harm unless you give it permission, or lay claim to it with your thoughts.

There are true stories of very religious or spiritual people traveling abroad to vists the very primitive tribes of other lands. These "missionaries" tell stories of how village medicine men and voodoo priests preformed bad magick that was meant to kill the spiritual visitor... but the visiting missionary trusted in his or her God, and paid no mind to the curse that was supposedly put on them. And in all cases, karma returned to the one trying to do harm through magick.. and in many cases, the curser was the one to die in a very short order. You might want to do a web search and find some of these true accounts, and read them for yourself.

I know such things are so and can happen.. for several years ago, someone "placed a curse on me." I shrugged the supposed curse off and warned the person of the backlash that could happen for engaging in such practices. To make a long story short, I was fine.. but the person trying to pronounce curses had all of their bad intentions for me manifest in their life.

You are the gatekeeper of your own life... give no one else the key.

papadan
06-12-2010, 07:12 PM
I wish more people could realize that no one can give nor take away the gifts one possessed all along. Only we can weaken or strengthen ourselves.

At least, you had the awareness to reach out to others for positive advice, I commend you on that.

Over the years, I have heard from others, that when they first started on the path to spirituality they were often confronted by negative situations in life. Situations that seemed intent on getting spirituality off their mind.
Persistence in walking the path of spirituality conquered in the long run, with great rewards.

To me, it is obvious the mentor you mentioned had his own weaknesses. He plied upon your weaknesses to gain his strength over you. You allowed this.
It sounds like you will no longer allow this. You will come out of this a far stronger person than he can ever be.

You are as the single blade of grass that splits the concrete.