MysticalShaman
30-05-2014, 07:04 PM
Hey Guys! I don't know what I'm really trying to say, but I kinda just want to see if anyone has experienced what I have gone through these past few months...
Basically this year has been spiritually intense for me, I went from not knowing and not really caring about that aspect of life to being thrown at lightning's speed into the deepest waters of spirituality. Alone.
I had no teachers, with the exceptions of OSHO and a therapsit who told me about meditation to begin since 2011.
I started experiencing expanded consciousness, seeing auras and because I had no guidance or experience of these things in my life at all this tended to frighten me quite a bit ( but I kept at it and used fear as a tool for growth ). I also experienced visions, lucid dreams, telepathy and other things I never had experience of. I was in contact with the divine and experiencing a kundalini awakening, with my body rejecting EVERYTHING, and I'm a raw vegan and some of the stuff I couldn't eat anymore either, drink, drugs out of the question! I found it hard to be around other people and I would sit in seclusion in meditation for hours on end ( i'd like to note that this all happened to me after I had the most overwhelmingly intense encounter with the man I now believe is my twin soul connection. I was unaware of all these things until they started happening to me, I did a little reasearch and it all clicked. But my point was I was able to sit in meditation all day because my life was turned upside down, my college place had to be deffered until next september due to finances, I was out of work and I was by myself for much of the time, which I needed. ).
Now while all this was happening I just couldn't get him off my mind, ever since I met him, and I lost my self in that completely. I tried other relationships but nothing ever satisfied or felt right, and he was ALWAYS on my mind.
I got to the point where all I cared about was understanding what was happening to me, I was having diarrhoe for 3 weeks after anytime I ate, I was unable to focus except in meditation and satsang and me day was get up, meditatitate, satsangs, aura cleansings, reading related articles/material, food or fast, sleep. And that was my life for a few months until I got into a short term course, and I tried going out with friends, but it was really just to see him. I even got a job to take my mind off him and a boyfriend to get over him and I just didn't want any of it except to be near him. And yet our relationship was like fire and ice.
The job I got I was working volunteer, my college grant doesn't allow me to work, another thing I was stuck with this year, so it really was a year of nothing. At this job however I worked crazy hours and learned a lot and tried to get involved back in the world a little bit.
Everytime I went out I was still so focused on how He say me and wanted to impress him that I still hadn't learned to care about myself or the people around me who loved me and the people who cared. As a result I was so reckless and so careless and arrogant and hurt a lot of people around me and yet Iwas still so calm as I was COMPLETELY unaware and irresponsible of my actions.
I shut everyone out, unless I had to talk to them. Old issues were cropping up and I just couldn't deal with stuff.
This went on for months, I was like The Fool tarot card, walking around oblivious to the path of disaster all around me and the trail I was leaving behind but in ways I was improving on my own self worth because everytime I interacted with Him I was shown what I had to improve - it really was like a drug addiction, I would see him, get intoxicatedly in love, high on love to FFFk and I would depend on that each week. It was so draining for both of us.
I had also put myself in this state of "waiting" for something to happen, enlightenment or something that would indicate "you've made it". Something that would wake me up, but at the same time I searching for this enlightenment and I was scared of what it was - I thought I was going to die so many nights and then the next few days after that i'd be experience this after glow where life couldn't get any better.
But this was all I cared about, all I focused about. I did yoga and I didn't much and I gained weight but I started to feel more comfortable in my skin. Then I decided to start trying to make positive changes in my life, improve my relationship with my father, try to help. But I was like a bull in a china shop and my intentions were well intented but my methods were arrogant - the kind of "no I promise you THIS will be much better for you" forceful methods, and I didn't ealise my help wasn't wanted and even though I was right I was unfair to their choices, and kinda just implenmented things, just to make things better for people, but i never asked, i just did it.
There was many arguments, lack of respect from all parties because I had all these new views of the world, I didn't want to play people's ego games and didn't partake but that caused problems because they didn't see the games they were playing.
Now I'm at a much better place, I'm learning to take responsibility for my actions, I am living in the moment, living life and letting go to the process and trying to right all those wrongs I hurt and caused for people, clearer out the karma, BUT Is it normal for people going through this to experience what i did ( well, i mean what is "normal" haha ). Like, how could I have created such messes with everyone around me when I'm supposed to have been growing more humble and more aware of things? Is this all just part of the path you have to walk to fully realise humbleness, as I know humbleness for my self but now I have to learn how to bring it to others and life and learn it that way? :dontknow:
I know my path is only my own and I got to a point where I had learnt all I can in solitude and I saw that the real work was to bring that zenness to everyday life.
Maybe you can relate?
Much Love and Thanks!
xxxxxx
Basically this year has been spiritually intense for me, I went from not knowing and not really caring about that aspect of life to being thrown at lightning's speed into the deepest waters of spirituality. Alone.
I had no teachers, with the exceptions of OSHO and a therapsit who told me about meditation to begin since 2011.
I started experiencing expanded consciousness, seeing auras and because I had no guidance or experience of these things in my life at all this tended to frighten me quite a bit ( but I kept at it and used fear as a tool for growth ). I also experienced visions, lucid dreams, telepathy and other things I never had experience of. I was in contact with the divine and experiencing a kundalini awakening, with my body rejecting EVERYTHING, and I'm a raw vegan and some of the stuff I couldn't eat anymore either, drink, drugs out of the question! I found it hard to be around other people and I would sit in seclusion in meditation for hours on end ( i'd like to note that this all happened to me after I had the most overwhelmingly intense encounter with the man I now believe is my twin soul connection. I was unaware of all these things until they started happening to me, I did a little reasearch and it all clicked. But my point was I was able to sit in meditation all day because my life was turned upside down, my college place had to be deffered until next september due to finances, I was out of work and I was by myself for much of the time, which I needed. ).
Now while all this was happening I just couldn't get him off my mind, ever since I met him, and I lost my self in that completely. I tried other relationships but nothing ever satisfied or felt right, and he was ALWAYS on my mind.
I got to the point where all I cared about was understanding what was happening to me, I was having diarrhoe for 3 weeks after anytime I ate, I was unable to focus except in meditation and satsang and me day was get up, meditatitate, satsangs, aura cleansings, reading related articles/material, food or fast, sleep. And that was my life for a few months until I got into a short term course, and I tried going out with friends, but it was really just to see him. I even got a job to take my mind off him and a boyfriend to get over him and I just didn't want any of it except to be near him. And yet our relationship was like fire and ice.
The job I got I was working volunteer, my college grant doesn't allow me to work, another thing I was stuck with this year, so it really was a year of nothing. At this job however I worked crazy hours and learned a lot and tried to get involved back in the world a little bit.
Everytime I went out I was still so focused on how He say me and wanted to impress him that I still hadn't learned to care about myself or the people around me who loved me and the people who cared. As a result I was so reckless and so careless and arrogant and hurt a lot of people around me and yet Iwas still so calm as I was COMPLETELY unaware and irresponsible of my actions.
I shut everyone out, unless I had to talk to them. Old issues were cropping up and I just couldn't deal with stuff.
This went on for months, I was like The Fool tarot card, walking around oblivious to the path of disaster all around me and the trail I was leaving behind but in ways I was improving on my own self worth because everytime I interacted with Him I was shown what I had to improve - it really was like a drug addiction, I would see him, get intoxicatedly in love, high on love to FFFk and I would depend on that each week. It was so draining for both of us.
I had also put myself in this state of "waiting" for something to happen, enlightenment or something that would indicate "you've made it". Something that would wake me up, but at the same time I searching for this enlightenment and I was scared of what it was - I thought I was going to die so many nights and then the next few days after that i'd be experience this after glow where life couldn't get any better.
But this was all I cared about, all I focused about. I did yoga and I didn't much and I gained weight but I started to feel more comfortable in my skin. Then I decided to start trying to make positive changes in my life, improve my relationship with my father, try to help. But I was like a bull in a china shop and my intentions were well intented but my methods were arrogant - the kind of "no I promise you THIS will be much better for you" forceful methods, and I didn't ealise my help wasn't wanted and even though I was right I was unfair to their choices, and kinda just implenmented things, just to make things better for people, but i never asked, i just did it.
There was many arguments, lack of respect from all parties because I had all these new views of the world, I didn't want to play people's ego games and didn't partake but that caused problems because they didn't see the games they were playing.
Now I'm at a much better place, I'm learning to take responsibility for my actions, I am living in the moment, living life and letting go to the process and trying to right all those wrongs I hurt and caused for people, clearer out the karma, BUT Is it normal for people going through this to experience what i did ( well, i mean what is "normal" haha ). Like, how could I have created such messes with everyone around me when I'm supposed to have been growing more humble and more aware of things? Is this all just part of the path you have to walk to fully realise humbleness, as I know humbleness for my self but now I have to learn how to bring it to others and life and learn it that way? :dontknow:
I know my path is only my own and I got to a point where I had learnt all I can in solitude and I saw that the real work was to bring that zenness to everyday life.
Maybe you can relate?
Much Love and Thanks!
xxxxxx