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12meadows
05-03-2014, 04:08 AM
Right now, I am sitting on my couch missing out on something truly magical ( the birth of my niece) because I didn't do what my gut told me. I really thought I had this lesson down. Part of me is screaming if only I had listened - the other part knows that if it was meant to be it would be. I have been working on mindfulness for a while now and I know that regret is not productive- but it hurts. I'm not sure what the lesson here is. Any ideas? :)

Mr Interesting
05-03-2014, 05:26 AM
Let yourself off the hook, go easy... "Well, I didn't do that one right but it's gone, ain't comin' back so I'm over it." and next time you actually do it, go with the heart/gut whatever, 'cause you're over the makin' pain thing for yourself. Sittin' in regret is sure fire way to have it happen again... it's not what we don't do that counts, it what do do that counts and getting off the regret cycle... well, you get it eh?

Belle
05-03-2014, 06:16 AM
I'm a believer in regret - with the understanding that things are as they are and it will work out in some shape or form for the best. I regret not having children - sure it gives me opportunities for other things etc - and I probably would have made a lousy mother (!) but I think it is ok to regret the no child thing.

And it's ok to regret something that like this - remembering that you did what you did at the time and forgive yourself for the decisions you made and not beat yourself up for it - and ask for perhaps other opportunities. Use the regret as a catalyst for something better.

KevinAdam
05-03-2014, 04:36 PM
First, many people are confused by "meant to be." In this world, even seeming miraculous events all have some physical root. This means that the people involved all made choices at some point that supported the outcome they wanted. In your case, it seems as though you made a choice.

Even if that choice didn't provide the outcome you wanted, it was (hopefully) the best choice you could have made at the time. Missing such an event is unfortunate, but there will be many other events that you won't have to miss if you make choices that support those outcomes. Forgive yourself and move forward.

lemex
05-03-2014, 04:47 PM
Right now, I am sitting on my couch missing out on something truly magical ( the birth of my niece) because I didn't do what my gut told me. I really thought I had this lesson down. Part of me is screaming if only I had listened - the other part knows that if it was meant to be it would be. I have been working on mindfulness for a while now and I know that regret is not productive- but it hurts. I'm not sure what the lesson here is. Any ideas? :)
Who knows why we do things we say we would not do. We know all reasons and lessons but..... Don't beat yourself up about it, now you see the effect and I bet you won't miss another magical opportunity. I tend to have always found the gut is what you always know you should have done. Now it becomes clear in ways you did not see before.

Good luck on the lesson thing.... :smile:

Clover
05-03-2014, 05:22 PM
Ahh,don't feel bad! Your sis could be dosed out and extremely tired,especially after the birth. It's the first few months following the birth that are going to be extremely busy and overwhelming! I don't remember who came and saw me on THE day. The docs pumped me with so drugs and I was out,although, I remember my husband's face and my new babies.I am most grateful for the people that helped me AFTER the birth,those that cane to my home and brought me meals and cleaned my home. Now,that's love.:love7: Maybe you can help in those moments? I bet she would be so grateful.

My only sister was absent on the births of my children. I only received a text message,and she stayed away out of state.She is fighting her battles with infertility,so I understand her pain.But,it sure would be nice for acknowledgement.

12meadows
06-03-2014, 01:55 PM
as it turns out guys, she was in labor for near 30 hours. I was able to be there and hold her hand and help her through the birth which was nothing short of magic. I am so grateful. she isn't actually my sister -she is my best friend of over 20yrs. she was the sunshine that I needed at a very crucial time in my life. I truly am the person that I am today because of her. there was an instance a long while back when she was in an abusive relationship and she needed me, and I felt it, but she said she was ok (and really wasn't). she only told me not to come yet because she didn't want to burden me. I wish I had listened to myself instead of her. this felt just like that. thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot to me. :)

Clover
06-03-2014, 02:23 PM
as it turns out guys, she was in labor for near 30 hours. I was able to be there and hold her hand and help her through the birth which was nothing short of magic. I am so grateful. she isn't actually my sister -she is my best friend of over 20yrs. she was the sunshine that I needed at a very crucial time in my life. I truly am the person that I am today because of her. there was an instance a long while back when she was in an abusive relationship and she needed me, and I felt it, but she said she was ok (and really wasn't). she only told me not to come yet because she didn't want to burden me. I wish I had listened to myself instead of her. this felt just like that. thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, they mean a lot to me. :)

Yay,how wonderful! Congratulations to your family!

12meadows
06-03-2014, 09:43 PM
thanks BlueClover. she is beautiful! :)