Being okay with conflict

[Raven Poet]

Hi everyone. Had a rough day in that I experienced conflict with a person in a park ... let's say it was about "park politics". :disgust:

I feel emotionally wiped out right now. I am regretting what was said to me, and what I said in return in anger.

How can our spiritual practice/strength/focus help us be "okay" with conflict? I am a pretty deep feeler - I guess you could say an empath. Okay, I'll own it - I am an empath. I feel deeply. I also am challenged with irrational thought habits (making a big thing out of a small incident) and depression (I manage this with therapy, meditation, and talking to trusted friends.)

I am reaching out here today for some caring guidance and encouragement from my SF relatives. I am sitting deep in my hurt and discouragement and can't see any light right now. I am not in crisis - just feeling low.

Anyone have any suggestions for how I can be okay with conflict the next time I find myself in it? Cuz you know it happens to all of us and more than once (unfortunately).

A lot of it has to do with feeling disempowered and discriminated against. I am pretty sensitive to discrimination, sometimes my perceptions blow others actions out of proportion - I know this. But I'd like to be able to face conflict in a spiritually-inspired way that is more dignified and peaceful (toward myself - I rarely blast my anger out toward others - isn't that depression - anger turned inwards?) I don't want to carry this heavy, dark feeling of negativity from the conflict anymore.

Thanks for any encouragement or guidance you can share! I can feel the Light, right there ... on the other side of this experience. Thanks!

[Clover]

There is this quote I really love that says,"How people treat you is there Karma;how you react is yours".

Can you tell me why you feel dis empowered and discriminated against? Maybe I can help offer perceptive....

[Saggi]

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_inLJOHF3VkDUjTd10pUhOxVeR_6HP aWCwvv_KEl74fS6kzNAxg (http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_inLJOHF3VkDUjTd10pUhOxVeR_6HP aWCwvv_KEl74fS6kzNAxg)

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[silent whisper]

Hi everyone. Had a rough day in that I experienced conflict with a person in a park ... let's say it was about "park politics". :disgust:

I feel emotionally wiped out right now. I am regretting what was said to me, and what I said in return in anger.

How can our spiritual practice/strength/focus help us be "okay" with conflict? I am a pretty deep feeler - I guess you could say an empath. Okay, I'll own it - I am an empath. I feel deeply. I also am challenged with irrational thought habits (making a big thing out of a small incident) and depression (I manage this with therapy, meditation, and talking to trusted friends.)

I am reaching out here today for some caring guidance and encouragement from my SF relatives. I am sitting deep in my hurt and discouragement and can't see any light right now. I am not in crisis - just feeling low.

Anyone have any suggestions for how I can be okay with conflict the next time I find myself in it? Cuz you know it happens to all of us and more than once (unfortunately).

A lot of it has to do with feeling disempowered and discriminated against. I am pretty sensitive to discrimination, sometimes my perceptions blow others actions out of proportion - I know this. But I'd like to be able to face conflict in a spiritually-inspired way that is more dignified and peaceful (toward myself - I rarely blast my anger out toward others - isn't that depression - anger turned inwards?) I don't want to carry this heavy, dark feeling of negativity from the conflict anymore.

Thanks for any encouragement or guidance you can share! I can feel the Light, right there ... on the other side of this experience. Thanks!


The nature of resolve for an empath who sees and feels it all, is to see and open to feel how it feels, allow yourself time to process, let go and recentre..

Every opportunity in conflict that awakens you to feel something is showing you that you *FEEL*...feelings alllign us toletting go and finding clarity for the next time or level in us that is calling us to bring love and light to that space.

In your willingness to open and feel, you can choose next time to take a step back the moment you feel emotion arising. You can run it out, walk away and pound the pavement, or you and breath through that feeling right there and then. YOur response or action in the way you responded may have been not fully feeling an emotion and projecting it rather than fully owning it, and speaking from clear space of empowerment instead,

As you learn through each connection that there is an imbalance in you of some kind calling out to be listened to, its an opportunity to find your centre and in time those big hurdles are just little tiny skips in the moment...until eventually you just keep on keeping on.

My sense is that you didn't like yourself through this space of confrontation..half the battle is accepting it and be ok with what happened. Sometimes in being aware of how you wish to be we loose sight of how we need to be in moments like this..so the next step and time we have moved closer to that knowing awareness of how we wish to be..:hug3:

[silent whisper]

AT times we need these kind of mirrors to see how we open and resist to emotions how we feel about certain things life and how tight we hold onto both our ideas and our values as one.

Holding your space with light of touch works on all levels. The fight works on all levels. Peace is offered on all levels when you reach it within you.

[Raven Poet]

There is this quote I really love that says,"How people treat you is there Karma;how you react is yours".

Can you tell me why you feel dis empowered and discriminated against? Maybe I can help offer perceptive....
Hi, BlueClover. Thanks for your support.

It has to do with the awareness I feel every day about the gap between the have's and the have-nots. I guess I carry my politics wherever I go. In the bigger picture, I sometimes feel so powerless when I see many people who have all these material possessions act like they are more entitled to whatever it is they desire.

The conflict involved a man who said I could not walk with my dog on a certain trail in a park because it's for skiiers and dog sledders only. He insisted there were signs posted about specific use - but there were not. And I know that park like the back of my hand (I go there for ceremony and picking plant medicines and have explored nearly every trail in it). And then this woman let her dogs bark and lunge at me as I walked past her. I would never let my dog behave like that to others - it's scary to have a large dog lunge at you.

I kept thinking, what gives these people the right to chase me off that trail? Because of their fancy skis and fancy winter gear and purebred animals and fancy cars? Because they got to that trail today first? It is a park, for heaven's sake - a free natural space that is supposed to be accessed by everyone regardless of social status and material possessions. So I sensed all this arrogant self entitlement energy and got very angry.

I am fortunate to have a nice home and a vehicle to drive to parks with. But it never gives me the sense that I get to treat others like garbage or less-than. To me, as long as you are kind and considerate, I don't care if you have a Ford economy car or a shopping cart or a Mercedes benz.

I know there are many people in this world who think their material wealth make them the cat's pyjamas, and those who wish to see the world a kinder, safe, more egalitarian place must be the change they wish to see in the world. I just wish I could've stood in a place of peace and calm today - but instead I got really angry ... and makes me feel they "won".

[Raven Poet]

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_inLJOHF3VkDUjTd10pUhOxVeR_6HP aWCwvv_KEl74fS6kzNAxg (http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_inLJOHF3VkDUjTd10pUhOxVeR_6HP aWCwvv_KEl74fS6kzNAxg)

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx
Awww, thanks Saggi. Such a cute picture!

[Raven Poet]

The nature of resolve for an empath who sees and feels it all, is to see and open to feel how it feels, allow yourself time to process, let go and recentre..

Okay, I will let this move through me, give it time, then hopefully let go.

Every opportunity in conflict that awakens you to feel something is showing you that you *FEEL*...feelings alllign us toletting go and finding clarity for the next time or level in us that is calling us to bring love and light to that space.

Okay, this is good - I will let my feelings help me let this go.

In your willingness to open and feel, you can choose next time to take a step back the moment you feel emotion arising. You can run it out, walk away and pound the pavement, or you and breath through that feeling right there and then. YOur response or action in the way you responded may have been not fully feeling an emotion and projecting it rather than fully owning it, and speaking from clear space of empowerment instead,

I did react quickly - I never breathed through it. My thought was, "I need to get away from this jerk because he is making me really mad!"

As you learn through each connection that there is an imbalance in you of some kind calling out to be listened to, its an opportunity to find your centre and in time those big hurdles are just little tiny skips in the moment...until eventually you just keep on keeping on.

what was calling out to me today? That I had a right to be there too - but also maybe that the park is big enough for the both of us. I am glad I went to another trail - I did choose to resist the urge to engage in further conflict.

My sense is that you didn't like yourself through this space of confrontation..half the battle is accepting it and be ok with what happened. Sometimes in being aware of how you wish to be we loose sight of how we need to be in moments like this..so the next step and time we have moved closer to that knowing awareness of how we wish to be..:hug3:
You are so right! I cried during the hike I took when I left the conflict. I felt so hurt - I think a big part was that I disappointed myself. I wanted to be graceful and loving and calm and rooted in my spiritual power - instead I just got mad!

Thank you for this!

[Raven Poet]

AT times we need these kind of mirrors to see how we open and resist to emotions how we feel about certain things life and how tight we hold onto both our ideas and our values as one.

Holding your space with light of touch works on all levels. The fight works on all levels. Peace is offered on all levels when you reach it within you.
Silent whisper, thanks - but what do you mean by your last paragraph? with light of touch? The fight works on all levels - meaning, that is why I feel so drained and worn out? How do I get to that peace place? Breathing in the moment? Will that help me open to peace instead of anger?

[Raven Poet]

Forgive me if I am annoying with how I am drawing this out ...but I am a little excited about all your responses.

Today's experience is a pattern for me - and I feel really close to unlocking the answer about how to stop (or at least lessen) this pattern I have of reactive aggression/anger in the face of ... bullying? That's the word that comes to mind right now. Where someone overpowers someone else, not so much physically but politically/mentally (ie, this person's mental attitude of entitlement leading seemed to lead him to justify his actions of coercing me off the trail with his words.) His words were not mean - but I could feel him psychically pushing me away - he made threats saying I'd get fined if I walked on that trail, which had no signs indicating that I would face punishment. It was ugly!

And I know this won't be the last time a human faces ugly behaviour from another human in this world!

[silent whisper]

Silent whisper, thanks - but what do you mean by your last paragraph? with light of touch? The fight works on all levels - meaning, that is why I feel so drained and worn out? How do I get to that peace place? Breathing in the moment? Will that help me open to peace instead of anger?


Light of touch, is kind of a figure of speech, meaning if you hold onto that emotion really tight in fight mode, and do not open fully to feel and let go, you can end up in reactive fight mode, where as opening fully to feel it, you get to that empty space beneath it that then responds with conviction of feeling felt and assertive strong presence. Its lighter, yet stronger in its response.


You are getting to the peace place through this entire process. The confrontation, was the trigger, the walk and cry was releasing, the sharing here to process and release and seeking new ways to deal. All this is a process. As long as you accept it all and focus on opening to the process it will lead you to exactly where you need to be to find peace.

If it happens again, you have gained new awareness and you may see that next time the reaction may be less in fight mode and more aware of yourself mode.
When others are coming at you with anger and fight, if your clear in you there is less chance you will be thrown of balance. You wont be reacting through your own anger, but more centring and aware and more open with clarity to respond to others.

[silent whisper]

Forgive me if I am annoying with how I am drawing this out ...but I am a little excited about all your responses.

Today's experience is a pattern for me - and I feel really close to unlocking the answer about how to stop (or at least lessen) this pattern I have of reactive aggression/anger in the face of ... bullying? That's the word that comes to mind right now. Where someone overpowers someone else, not so much physically but politically/mentally (ie, this person's mental attitude of entitlement leading seemed to lead him to justify his actions of coercing me off the trail with his words.) His words were not mean - but I could feel him psychically pushing me away - he made threats saying I'd get fined if I walked on that trail, which had no signs indicating that I would face punishment. It was ugly!

Yes look deeper in you and how you may have been treated as child in the face of others angry or even bullying in some way. Often unresolved emotional charges can have old past emotions connected that have never been fully felt or expressed.

Just as an example someone might have said something really nasty when you were a child. You may have been quite timid or introverted, unable to stand up for yourself, so you suppressed anger or hurt in the face of those times, bowing down to others and having your personal boundaries inflicted upon. As the adult, these experiences can occur to show you your own unresolved emotions to deal with now.

And I know this won't be the last time a human faces ugly behaviour from another human in this world!

As you learn to let go of this issue in you, the confrontation issues become less in this way, and more in new light of your new space.

[Saggi]

Awww, thanks Saggi. Such a cute picture!

:smile:

What if you weren't 'meant' to go that way?

What if your presence was required the other way?

What if you weren't listening and the confrontation was actually a way of you hearing what was needed to be heard?

You saw perhaps what the skiers were doing to a place you consider sacred,,, and your heart jumped in and decided that weren't gonna be allowed without you being there,,,,

When, in actual fact, let them be and you'll get to do what's in your heart after and without the need to keep going over and over it until the season finishes,,,

The bit that needs repairing now, is probably the bit you were sent along,,,, so go do it,,,,, :tongue:

There may well be a whole new discovery waiting for you :wink:

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Gem]

Maybe there are no dogs allowed, and you were just being informed of that, and the woman did keep her dog restrained, didn't she?

[Raven Poet]

To Silent Whisper:

Thank you so much for expanding that. Your words hold much promise for me moving through this in a spiritually empowered way. I appreciate that so much!

To Saggi:

Wow. you have offered up many things that I will need to look at. And in an way that feels empowering - which is what I hope to work toward. Thank you so much!

To Gem:
Thank you for posing the bare-bones possibility. Sometimes I get so bent out of shape I miss the obvious. I did go back and could not see any signs indicating who (two-legged, four-legged, no-legged) was "allowed" to be there. And I had never heard about this trail only being for skiiers/dog sledders and I've been going to this park for years. But yeah, rules can change...

Please know I am not insisting to be "right" here. This is me processing my emotional reaction over others' confrontational and dictatorship actions. If no dogs are allowed because the park (the true earthly authority here) says so, I can live with that (but wish there had been signs posted). But I was not okay with people coming along and setting rules for their own benefit.

And the other woman with her dogs - yes, she restrained them. But barely. I got the sense she was letting her dogs intimidate me so I'd be chased off, which I think is totally inappropriate. These people claimed that hikers' dogs had intimidated and bitten them - and here she was allowing her dogs to intimidate me. Talk about irony.

There's a saying "Is this a hill to die on"? In a way it is - this place is sacred to me and is the last place I'd expect conflict and aggression. But do I really want to put negative energy into a space that I find sacred? Again, I thank you for your response - it's making me explore my process more deeply.

[running]

Being less critical of myself helps. And less critical of others. Being less attached. In a way not caring. It is what it is. I use to take things strongly. Doesn't do much good for myself or others. So I pretty much let things be. When the warrior in me comes oit and I speak or act strongly I accept myself when doing so. Right or wrong its okay. I'm here to do both. I'm a human being and without some drama life wouldn't exist. Lol

[Gem]

To Silent Whisper:

Thank you so much for expanding that. Your words hold much promise for me moving through this in a spiritually empowered way. I appreciate that so much!

To Saggi:

Wow. you have offered up many things that I will need to look at. And in an way that feels empowering - which is what I hope to work toward. Thank you so much!

To Gem:
Thank you for posing the bare-bones possibility. Sometimes I get so bent out of shape I miss the obvious. I did go back and could not see any signs indicating who (two-legged, four-legged, no-legged) was "allowed" to be there. And I had never heard about this trail only being for skiiers/dog sledders and I've been going to this park for years. But yeah, rules can change...

No legged? Lolz

Please know I am not insisting to be "right" here. This is me processing my emotional reaction over others' confrontational and dictatorship actions. If no dogs are allowed because the park (the true earthly authority here) says so, I can live with that (but wish there had been signs posted). But I was not okay with people coming along and setting rules for their own benefit.

And the other woman with her dogs - yes, she restrained them. But barely. I got the sense she was letting her dogs intimidate me so I'd be chased off, which I think is totally inappropriate. These people claimed that hikers' dogs had intimidated and bitten them - and here she was allowing her dogs to intimidate me. Talk about irony.

There's a saying "Is this a hill to die on"? In a way it is - this place is sacred to me and is the last place I'd expect conflict and aggression. But do I really want to put negative energy into a space that I find sacred? Again, I thank you for your response - it's making me explore my process more deeply.

Yea, I like the park too, nice one here, goes on for miles and miles and miles, even better when no people around.

[Emmalevine]

Sorry no advice but just wanted to offer hugs and support as I am exactly the same as you describe. I am badly affected by conflict and feel disempowered by it. I have found this thread helpful so thanks for sharing.

[12meadows]

I think that Running put things well. this "incident" served as an eye opener for you. you saw a piece of yourself that you are not fond of. that is ok. you know that it is there now and will pay attention. I think that when someone learns to be ok with who they are, they tend to see less conflict. you learn not to look at every difference of opinion as a conflict and see it as a learning experience. I wish you well :)

[Raven Poet]

Sorry no advice but just wanted to offer hugs and support as I am exactly the same as you describe. I am badly affected by conflict and feel disempowered by it. I have found this thread helpful so thanks for sharing.
Starbuck, hugs and affirmation work just as well! Thanks so much. Ever think we'll get to a place where people are more in tune with each other and can treat each other with more empathy and kindness? Or have I been off dreaming in la-la land again! I know this conflict I experienced is teeny-tiny compared to the wars and violence going on in a much bigger scale. I see this experience as a microcosm of the bigger picture, and I just think it would be so cool if we lived in a more empathic way - not saying we all have to be BFF's, but just recognizing we are all sharing this earth and our way may not be the way of others but to respect their feelings and needs. And I apply this attitude toward my own piece of the conflict!

[Raven Poet]

Being less critical of myself helps. And less critical of others. Being less attached. In a way not caring. It is what it is. I use to take things strongly. Doesn't do much good for myself or others. So I pretty much let things be. When the warrior in me comes oit and I speak or act strongly I accept myself when doing so. Right or wrong its okay. I'm here to do both. I'm a human being and without some drama life wouldn't exist. Lol
Hey, running. Yeah, less self criticism - a big lesson for me. So yes, I shall apply that to this experience and see if the icky bruised feeling inside starts to heal.

Oooh - "the warrior in me" - I love that! I think sometimes we do have to stand strong in what we believe. So what do I believe here? hmmm

To be honest, my friend, I could so do without the drama! :tongue: but that's me - the psychic energy of drama is too intense for my system and truly makes me ill. Besides, I have enough drama of watching these two squirrels squabble over the best position on the bird feeder outside my window right now! (c'mon, guys - share and share alike!)

[Raven Poet]

No legged? Lolz



Yea, I like the park too, nice one here, goes on for miles and miles and miles, even better when no people around.
Hey, Gem. Yeah, no legged! worms, people with amputations, snakes - let's welcome everyone to feel free to enjoy the trail!

But yeah - way nicer when no other two-legged around. Just me and the dog and the sky and the birds. Mmmm!

[Raven Poet]

I think that Running put things well. this "incident" served as an eye opener for you. you saw a piece of yourself that you are not fond of. that is ok. you know that it is there now and will pay attention. I think that when someone learns to be ok with who they are, they tend to see less conflict. you learn not to look at every difference of opinion as a conflict and see it as a learning experience. I wish you well :)
12meadows, what a lovely user name. And your avatar picture looks like it has prairie sage in it - one of the plant medicines I harvest at this park in question!

Yeah - I do not like the part of me who gets so affected by conflict. I wish I didn't take things to heart so much. Did that all my life - I think it is a part of my personality ... but I can work on that.

with all the wonderful wisdom offered here, I feel I can do some growing and practicing. But please, Creator - don't send me tons of more conflict all at once as a crash course, okay?! :wink:

[A human Being]

Hey, running. Yeah, less self criticism - a big lesson for me. So yes, I shall apply that to this experience and see if the icky bruised feeling inside starts to heal.

Oooh - "the warrior in me" - I love that! I think sometimes we do have to stand strong in what we believe. So what do I believe here? hmmm

To be honest, my friend, I could so do without the drama! :tongue: but that's me - the psychic energy of drama is too intense for my system and truly makes me ill. Besides, I have enough drama of watching these two squirrels squabble over the best position on the bird feeder outside my window right now! (c'mon, guys - share and share alike!)
Some of that energy is yours, though, and your contributing your own energy to the drama no doubt makes you feel drained. I think what us sensitive types tend to do is shut down, instead of letting the energy flow (it's the 'fight or flight' instinct, I think).

So here's my mantra for today - 'Resistance Is Futile.'

[Saggi]

To Silent Whisper:

Thank you so much for expanding that. Your words hold much promise for me moving through this in a spiritually empowered way. I appreciate that so much!

To Saggi:

Wow. you have offered up many things that I will need to look at. And in an way that feels empowering - which is what I hope to work toward. Thank you so much!

To Gem:
Thank you for posing the bare-bones possibility. Sometimes I get so bent out of shape I miss the obvious. I did go back and could not see any signs indicating who (two-legged, four-legged, no-legged) was "allowed" to be there. And I had never heard about this trail only being for skiiers/dog sledders and I've been going to this park for years. But yeah, rules can change...

Please know I am not insisting to be "right" here. This is me processing my emotional reaction over others' confrontational and dictatorship actions. If no dogs are allowed because the park (the true earthly authority here) says so, I can live with that (but wish there had been signs posted). But I was not okay with people coming along and setting rules for their own benefit.

And the other woman with her dogs - yes, she restrained them. But barely. I got the sense she was letting her dogs intimidate me so I'd be chased off, which I think is totally inappropriate. These people claimed that hikers' dogs had intimidated and bitten them - and here she was allowing her dogs to intimidate me. Talk about irony.

There's a saying "Is this a hill to die on"? In a way it is - this place is sacred to me and is the last place I'd expect conflict and aggression. But do I really want to put negative energy into a space that I find sacred? Again, I thank you for your response - it's making me explore my process more deeply.


All the very best to you :smile:

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[linen53]

You are so right! I cried during the hike I took when I left the conflict. I felt so hurt - I think a big part was that I disappointed myself. I wanted to be graceful and loving and calm and rooted in my spiritual power - instead I just got mad!

Thank you for this!

Number 1: You experienced rejection. And what we all want is to feel acceptance. Even if it is a passing person with whom you exchange a smile as you pass one another. You allowed this person to disrupted your harmony.

Don't we all want to be vessels of light and love all the time but it usually doesn't work out that way. The reason we attract disharmony to ourselves is because we have a lesson to learn. We will continue to attract the disharmony (in whatever field you need) as long as we have not learned our lesson. Ain't it a dozy? I feel like this :cwm21: when it's lesson time. And I am seldom cooperative even though I know it is lesson time.:laughing1:



*edited by staff

[Moonglow]

Hello Raven Poet,

This thread brings some thoughts to me.

Anger is an energy from the emotional part of us, IMO.

When anger turns to rage then, to me, it then becomes out of control.

Rage may not be shouting or being violent with another, it can also be beating oneself up for feeling such and going over and over what has passed in ones mind or being or what one may not have any control over, yet wish to have.

Sounds to me you are on the path of coming to terms with your anger.
I hope you find continued strength in this part of your journey.

My words are not meant to be a lecture, but just reflecting some of my thoughts here and feelings.

I know anger and have been enraged in the past. The anger has served to take action, the rage has served to recognize that side in me and to learn that what results from it is not the way to go.

People can be annoying (if one allows them to annoy) and caught up in their own world, without regards or even awareness of others feelings. They seem to just act and not think.

At times been startled by the rash behavior of others and this has placed me in a defensive mode and being offended.

Found that giving myself the space to see through the offense and sort what is mine and what is theirs helps me. To gently send back what is theirs and to look at what has surfaced that is mine.

Adjust as best I can at the moment and move on.

Also when the dust settles, give thanks for the experience and what it has brought to me.

[12meadows]

That was nice Moonglow :)

[Gem]

Hey, Gem. Yeah, no legged! worms, people with amputations, snakes - let's welcome everyone to feel free to enjoy the trail!

But yeah - way nicer when no other two-legged around. Just me and the dog and the sky and the birds. Mmmm!

Yep, no legged ones too. Lolz

Solitude in peaceful and natural surrounds is so nice, and a dog is such great company, and wish you every happiness + wags for the dog.

[Raven Poet]

Hello Raven Poet,

Rage may not be shouting or being violent with another, it can also be beating oneself up for feeling such and going over and over what has passed in ones mind or being or what one may not have any control over, yet wish to have.

Sounds to me you are on the path of coming to terms with your anger.
I hope you find continued strength in this part of your journey.

My words are not meant to be a lecture, but just reflecting some of my thoughts here and feelings.

Found that giving myself the space to see through the offense and sort what is mine and what is theirs helps me. To gently send back what is theirs and to look at what has surfaced that is mine.

Adjust as best I can at the moment and move on.

Also when the dust settles, give thanks for the experience and what it has brought to me.
Hi, Moonglow. Mmmm - your post made me glow! Thanks so much!

And hey! How did you know that a significant part of this life path has been to understand my anger/rage? That is definitely a part of me I have struggled with all my life - either I'm blasting people or skulking off and blasting myself. Either way, my heart takes a beating (not that kind, ha ha) from the intensity of this emotional reaction.

Mmm " gently send back what is theirs " I like!