Changing the record

[Belle]

So, I'm watching my thoughts and there are easy and hard ones. The easy ones involve pointing the finger of blame to others for how they wronged me, how I am a victim or such and they should dance to my tune. I watch the thought and see myself getting quite worked up.

As I watch it the internal dialogue pipes up, whereby I know I'm in error myself and i start to reason this through and how things aren't as simple as they seem - and towards a position of higher and more kindly and unconditional love.

It's hard, as I'm looking at my mother with all her dysfuncationality and how that has created a dysfunction within me -not irreparable I believe. And all I want to believe is she was so horrible and poor me etc - but that's so lazy and it isn't - well loving.

I'm not saying i have to like my past, but it served me in some way at the time and I'm desperate to re-write the script so that the past is now part of my story in a positive way rather than something that needs to be undone.

does anyone have any clues?

[IsleWalker]

Belle--

I suffer from exactly the same kind of thoughts--often. What's most useful to me is realizing that I always had/have choice as to how I reacted to being in situations--with dysfunction or not.

And then, in my own belief, I set up this life--the players, the location, etc. So what I went through was again my choice, and meant to pull out those things I do have difficulty with. And I've been successful!

Just comments from a fellow sufferer!

Lora

[Mr Interesting]

I got some clues... and clues is what they are.

I spent a few years building amplifiers and effects pedals after spending a few years longer ago building guitars. Then this minor pop star got me to build his recording studio so all of this means I have somewhat of an inside track on electricity and using it to make sound and then what that sound does in structures.

I only say this because you called this changing the record and when I look at what's been said I kinda wanna figure out whether it is in fact changing the record... it might be just twindling with the tone knobs to more suit the room, it might be changing the needle that's worn out or it could be simply closing ones eyes and hearing alone.

What I'm saying could also be totally irrelevant but I reckon you're happy with what's developing and that's a good thing but you also are somewhat on the verge of seeing a bigger picture, a more holistic approach, but by the same token you have the patience and have accrued enough wisdom to let it come when you're ready.

So my hat's off to you. The adventure that is ourselves is always the best one.

[kris]

I'm not saying i have to like my past, but it served me in some way at the time and I'm desperate to re-write the script so that the past is now part of my story in a positive way rather than something that needs to be undone.

does anyone have any clues?I think there are ways to understand past other than the most obvious way. People we tend to blame for our problems act the way they do because they don't see any other way. Sure that leaves us more of a challenge to face in our lives than we like to, but challenge is also our opportunity.

[Gracey]

So, I'm watching my thoughts and there are easy and hard ones. The easy ones involve pointing the finger of blame to others for how they wronged me, how I am a victim or such and they should dance to my tune. I watch the thought and see myself getting quite worked up.

As I watch it the internal dialogue pipes up, whereby I know I'm in error myself and i start to reason this through and how things aren't as simple as they seem - and towards a position of higher and more kindly and unconditional love.

It's hard, as I'm looking at my mother with all her dysfuncationality and how that has created a dysfunction within me -not irreparable I believe. And all I want to believe is she was so horrible and poor me etc - but that's so lazy and it isn't - well loving.

I'm not saying i have to like my past, but it served me in some way at the time and I'm desperate to re-write the script so that the past is now part of my story in a positive way rather than something that needs to be undone.

does anyone have any clues?

so what did you learn from your past? how has it changed your behavior in today's time period?

i have had some troubles in my past. for my new years resolution, i decided to let it go. it no longer serves me in todays living. i have learned to stand up for myself and i have learned what it is i do not want in my life and what i do want in my life. since my resolution i have lost 16 pounds of baggage (weight). i still think of the past at times, but it does not affect my emotions any more. from victim to survivor to being healed. it is all a process, but you truly have to want it.

how is the past pain serving you today?

[Belle]

so what did you learn from your past? how has it changed your behavior in today's time period?

i have had some troubles in my past. for my new years resolution, i decided to let it go. it no longer serves me in todays living. i have learned to stand up for myself and i have learned what it is i do not want in my life and what i do want in my life. since my resolution i have lost 16 pounds of baggage (weight). i still think of the past at times, but it does not affect my emotions any more. from victim to survivor to being healed. it is all a process, but you truly have to want it.

how is the past pain serving you today?

The past pain got me to where I am, kept me safe etc but it no longer does. Letting go is something I find hard, the old habits are entrenched. And when my mom rang up and told me about someone who had really wronged me and was pretty unkind to me when dad died - and mum said this person's dad had died. I instantly felt the raging "why should I care" and all those memories of her pushing me away at the funeral surfaced and the monosyllabic me emerged.

It's not victim to survivor that I'm looking for, it's victim to acceptance. Acceptance that that is how it was and who knows what was going through her position at that time (and for the others) and just to accept that that is how it is.

I catch myself and change the record and I do want this as I can see life expand in front of me getting bitter and twisted and grumpier if I don't!

[silent whisper]

The past pain got me to where I am, kept me safe etc but it no longer does. Letting go is something I find hard, the old habits are entrenched. And when my mom rang up and told me about someone who had really wronged me and was pretty unkind to me when dad died - and mum said this person's dad had died. I instantly felt the raging "why should I care" and all those memories of her pushing me away at the funeral surfaced and the monosyllabic me emerged.

It's not victim to survivor that I'm looking for, it's victim to acceptance. Acceptance that that is how it was and who knows what was going through her position at that time (and for the others) and just to accept that that is how it is.

I catch myself and change the record and I do want this as I can see life expand in front of me getting bitter and twisted and grumpier if I don't!

I remember many years ago approaching someone who was bitter and angry in this way, his reaction in these emotions was playing out at those closest to him. I said in this nature of reacting this way around those you care and love, you will end up alone because people wont want to move closer to you, but be removed from that space. That was a turning point for him. Acceptance is crucial really.

[Gracey]

The past pain got me to where I am, kept me safe etc but it no longer does. Letting go is something I find hard, the old habits are entrenched. And when my mom rang up and told me about someone who had really wronged me and was pretty unkind to me when dad died - and mum said this person's dad had died. I instantly felt the raging "why should I care" and all those memories of her pushing me away at the funeral surfaced and the monosyllabic me emerged.

It's not victim to survivor that I'm looking for, it's victim to acceptance. Acceptance that that is how it was and who knows what was going through her position at that time (and for the others) and just to accept that that is how it is.

I catch myself and change the record and I do want this as I can see life expand in front of me getting bitter and twisted and grumpier if I don't!

that is great you dont want to be a survivor, a lot of people get trapped there and never heal. one stepped that helped me is that i empathized with the ones who hurt me. i felt bad for them because i knew their pain, even though they gave that pain to me. and when i realized that they do not want to be any other way and i do, well that made all the difference to me. i found acceptance and that set me free to be me. i trust you will put the needle on the record to happier tunes and that needle will stick. :hug3:

[Mr Interesting]

One thing I've noticed is with my Dad and my nephew, who both have problems being who they are as in they are both very sensitive but haven't been so fortunate in coming to terms with it, is that when I might become concerned for them I do these little comparisons where I see myself at the age I was, for my nephew, and how my Dad was at the age I am now.

I suppose that's empathy and it helps me somehow to allow them their mistakes in my eyes.

For my nephew I remember that I was a complete idiot too, back in the day, and that he now is, in many ways, more mature than I was and this helps me to be a lot more forgiving towards him.

For my Dad I see that when he was my age he'd actually already done so much, had such a full life of problem solving, and had so many right decisions that I'm far more humble towards his current predicaments.

It's like I put my own life aside and allow them the full scope to mistakes that I allow myself and often that swapping of allowance gives them back the full persons they always were but I'd forgotten about.

[Belle]

ALLLLLLLLL these posts are so interesting and helpful and I've been singigng the changing the record song all day very very happily - THANK YOU

So, yes I wonder if it is a change of record or may be move onto the next tune, or turn the record over - or add in the base or trebble or remix slightly to get a better tune ? All of which are part and parcel of the same thing.

Gracey - I am so proud of the way you just released! I think i'm more of an evolving person so I morph slowly and painfully and noisily from phase to phase to phase. Complaining all the way but nevertheless getting there.

I had also the sense of a record, stuck, a little scratch and probably one day someone will come along and lift the needle from A to B, or remove the dust or bump so it plays properly.

And, perhaps it is the same tune that i have been playing with the layers of acceptance creating the perfect harmony or now playing in tune. Because that past makes me what I am now.

Intrestingly - my time as a victim was shortlived - I spent most of the time feeling guilty for being so messed up and feeling guilty for being an awkward teenager (like I ever went off the rails - no just a bit stroppy at times). But I felt so guilty. And only in the last 18months have i felt the victim - cf 20 years of feeling guilty. And those positions no longer serve me. I'm not a survivor any more than any one else is, it all is - and was - perfect.

Mr Interesting yes indeed I have to look at other people's life and walk for a fraction of a second in their shoes and understand where they came from and perhaps - rather than thinking with blame or frustration or disappointment - think how well they actually did given the circumstances. That's lovely. May that sentiment be part of my new tune.

kris yes challenge is opportunity and that's why I want to ride the crest of this little wave. And interestingly, more things reveal themselves to me ,little grumps and dissatisfaction or niggles.

Thank you alllllllllllllllllllllllll.

[Belle]

Strangely I think I have changed the record. I couldn't say if it is permanent (!) I know how fickle I am but at least I have a sense of the tune, the beat, the rhythm, the resonance. And these posts are so helpful in getting there. And perhaps I was so very ready that it took the right words and the right thread to get me there, to be the little push over the edge.

You see, i see how my horrible horrible mother isn't horrible but just a hurting and sad person and yeah maybe she did do the best she could and perhaps I can afford to be a little bit proud of how she managed - despite her own issues. And so on.

I feel free of really harsh trappings that were just holding me back and not serving me. There are all sorts of ways of seeing things and sometimes - the thing you've been searching for is under your nose.

[Native spirit]

:smile: What you go through in life makes you what you are the lessons we learn to the people we meet.but you cant live in the past you have to live in the hear and now,yesterday has gone tomorrow is the future.you take one step forward and make the most of your life,


Namaste

[Belle]

Yes exactly and it is seeing them as - just as it is. Not as people who made me stronger, or taught me but people who are in my life or were in my life with their own personal journeys.

[silent whisper]

Strangely I think I have changed the record. I couldn't say if it is permanent (!) I know how fickle I am but at least I have a sense of the tune, the beat, the rhythm, the resonance. And these posts are so helpful in getting there. And perhaps I was so very ready that it took the right words and the right thread to get me there, to be the little push over the edge.

You see, i see how my horrible horrible mother isn't horrible but just a hurting and sad person and yeah maybe she did do the best she could and perhaps I can afford to be a little bit proud of how she managed - despite her own issues. And so on.

I feel free of really harsh trappings that were just holding me back and not serving me. There are all sorts of ways of seeing things and sometimes - the thing you've been searching for is under your nose.


Yes the view changes dramatically when you change where you view from.

I read something today..

RESPECT YOUR MOTHER with the earth picture behind it. In the connection of myself, my mother and mother earth as one..no matter what I think,when I respect myself it all comes together as one in my view.