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silent whisper
19-12-2013, 07:33 PM
Where do you fit in the greater picture of yourself and one with your life?

Having a sense of belonging in the world and your own life is important to the stepping stones of creating a life that you want and feel your deserve/

In my early years I never fitted in at all. I always felt like a black sheep, alien to the world of others. I had some sense of belonging, but it was never really enough to propel me to embrace my life and expand myself in ways I felt like I had a real sense of belonging.

Of course over the many years of struggle, the whole fitting in, came undone through the many realizations I had about myself, what I was holding in, keeping separated in myself. And of course as each one was faced and opened up to see myself, I deepened my sense of belonging along the way.

As time has gone on, I realize that I was actually trying to fit the pieces of myself together, to create a *feeling* within myself of belonging. A connection that felt real, and gave me that sense of belonging both within and outside of myself.

And of course with that feeling in me realized, I feel I belong anywhere I want to be. There is no limit to taking myself and that feeling out into the world wherever I go.

To have found this space in me, now I feel like I am being propelled in ways I never imagined before.

Doorways I have opened in me, now naturally open doorways for me in the world and my sense of belonging or fitting into the world, don't require much effort now, just the feeling awakened and the willingness to embrace it all.

Belle
19-12-2013, 08:10 PM
Silent whisper this one resonates. When you realise that you don't fit in, then you realise that all situations and all circumstances are going to feel ok, the perceived threat becomes your friend.

And yes, I know about being propelled. What was yes for yesterday is no longer so. Things change so fast, the doorways are there where I was once held static.

Mr Interesting
19-12-2013, 08:17 PM
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"

This became my favourite saying as soon as I found it and was all the explanation I needed to explain what I am... not that I was ever overly perturbed by my uniqueness, but it served to validate what I unconsciously felt anyways. I'd kinda read about clever people before that and was on my way to understanding that the nature of being valid within oneself depended on this sort of risk taking selfishness where the requirements of a curious nature followed up by a will to experiment are the motivating force despite what others may think and do within their own lives.

But that was all many years ago and I've gone out and proved to myself I can basically do what ever I choose is basically reasonable, within the available constructs of abilities and tools, while also pushing forward the boundaries that might exist... I'm well past that now and have absolutely no need to prove anything anymore; to myself or others.

It's funny looking back and seeing all this stuff I achieved and how much of it, at the beginning, was about getting to the end but then, over time, realising it was about being right there in the moments within any building of whatever and then whilst the moments became the thing then the need to build things dwindled and now it's more about just pottering about.

And what I like now is that I don't go out and have this retinue of past and future achievements to define myself in the world... I'm just whoever I am and nature of being without ambition is humbling and I really like it.

Subatomic
19-12-2013, 08:25 PM
Silent Whisper, you're on the path, and that's so wonderful. You've made peace with so much. I envy you because I have yet to do so. I never fit in anywhere, not even in the groups of "outcasts" and subcultures I was a part of, and it was painful. I still feel the same way, and I'm quite a recluse. There was a stretch that I didn't go out of the apartment for FOUR years- not a foot. i felt as if the world outside were a foreign, hostile planet. Even now I don't leave my apt more often than twice a month at the most. People seem strange to me, in the sense of foreign and different. I enjoy my own company most and feel overwhelmed by other people. This could have a lot to do with my autism. I don't feel as if I'm missing out, either....I just get slightly lonely from time to time. It's not a shyness or confidence thing, either....I just don't enjoy people's company much.
Oh well, that's my story. maybe it'll change when i move back to NY....I really hope so.

silent whisper
19-12-2013, 08:43 PM
Silent whisper this one resonates. When you realise that you don't fit in, then you realise that all situations and all circumstances are going to feel ok, the perceived threat becomes your friend.

And yes, I know about being propelled. What was yes for yesterday is no longer so. Things change so fast, the doorways are there where I was once held static.

Very nicely said Belle..:hug3:

silent whisper
19-12-2013, 08:53 PM
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"

This became my favourite saying as soon as I found it and was all the explanation I needed to explain what I am... not that I was ever overly perturbed by my uniqueness, but it served to validate what I unconsciously felt anyways. I'd kinda read about clever people before that and was on my way to understanding that the nature of being valid within oneself depended on this sort of risk taking selfishness where the requirements of a curious nature followed up by a will to experiment are the motivating force despite what others may think and do within their own lives.

But that was all many years ago and I've gone out and proved to myself I can basically do what ever I choose is basically reasonable, within the available constructs of abilities and tools, while also pushing forward the boundaries that might exist... I'm well past that now and have absolutely no need to prove anything anymore; to myself or others.
[B]Its funny this year I keep reflecting on my own space and I am saying out loud to myself, its been a year of seeing my own potential and abilities..for this year I am most grateful...to see my own realizatons in this way. Growing up with a suppressed creative core space, one with the layers of fears and pain, to let go and then realize is one step, to awaken and see the realized potential gives you insight into your own capabilities and that is something you have to find yourself when no one nutured your space as child and helped your find it and to see that realized gives you hope to continue your own dreams..

It's funny looking back and seeing all this stuff I achieved and how much of
.it, at the beginning, was about getting to the end but then, over time, realising it was about being right there in the moments within any building of whatever and then whilst the moments became the thing then the need to build things dwindled and now it's more about just pottering about.

And what I like now is that I don't go out and have this retinue of past and future achievements to define myself in the world... I'm just whoever I am and nature of being without ambition is humbling and I really like it.

We only need our own defining Mr I, how we do that is often unique to the journey and process of the one walking through. To embrace the whole self, you have to know it...:)


Thankyou for sharing again, I always love your sharing.

silent whisper
19-12-2013, 08:58 PM
Silent Whisper, you're on the path, and that's so wonderful. You've made peace with so much. I envy you because I have yet to do so. I never fit in anywhere, not even in the groups of "outcasts" and subcultures I was a part of, and it was painful. I still feel the same way, and I'm quite a recluse. There was a stretch that I didn't go out of the apartment for FOUR years- not a foot. i felt as if the world outside were a foreign, hostile planet. Even now I don't leave my apt more often than twice a month at the most. People seem strange to me, in the sense of foreign and different. I enjoy my own company most and feel overwhelmed by other people. This could have a lot to do with my autism. I don't feel as if I'm missing out, either....I just get slightly lonely from time to time. It's not a shyness or confidence thing, either....I just don't enjoy people's company much.
Oh well, that's my story. maybe it'll change when i move back to NY....I really hope so.

Hello subatomic..

Thankyou for sharing so honestly, I was touched by your story, I am glad to understand both sides, it allows my heart to feel how it must feel for you on some level, and the struggle for you in this space you find yourself in. As I was reading a few tears emerged for both of us..I think the world needs some of us who never fitted in, to emerge to let others like us know, not to give up hope, that there is always a chance and change of cycles for us all. I hope your move to NY brings to you what you deserve, everyone deserves to feel a sense of belonging in their world..:hug:

Belle
19-12-2013, 09:07 PM
Actually for me, when I start to listen to my heart, then I fit in. Because, when I breathe and think and live according to the beat of my heart, then I am at home and I am at peace, I am me and I fit in. Or if I don't, then it is not an issue.

It's when I move away from the beat of my heart, then everything becomes angular.

Neville
19-12-2013, 10:00 PM
A peculiarity presented to me as I read this thread, I thought to myself of the old expression "Jack of all trades , Master of none" It occurs to me that spirit is a bit like that in so far as it is omnipresent, The stuff we are made of sans physicality is I am led to understand, Spirit. If this be true, we are not really going to fit in any one place, because we are not only in that one place.

I do hope I am not rambling, as this is only the germ of a concept that has yet to find it's legs for me.:smile: It seems to me that rooted and fixed is anethema to flowing and wandering(exploring,experiencing).

Mr Interesting
19-12-2013, 11:48 PM
Thats really good Neville and it may very well be why some always have creative solutions to where ever they are... because they're accessing other places and bringing that bent to where they are the most!

Subatomic
20-12-2013, 01:12 AM
Hello subatomic..

Thankyou for sharing so honestly, I was touched by your story, I am glad to understand both sides, it allows my heart to feel how it must feel for you on some level, and the struggle for you in this space you find yourself in. As I was reading a few tears emerged for both of us..I think the world needs some of us who never fitted in, to emerge to let others like us know, not to give up hope, that there is always a chance and change of cycles for us all. I hope your move to NY brings to you what you deserve, everyone deserves to feel a sense of belonging in their world..:hug:

Thank you so much....:hug2: The strange thing is, most people who "know" me think I'm very extroverted, because I used to drink when socializing in my most "communicative" times....that was a long while ago, though. It would be much sadder if I simply had no confidence, but hey, that's not it! So don't worry about me....I'm almost never lonely. I'm just a loner.... :) and quite happy with that now! Books are the best!