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kindheart
18-12-2013, 09:51 PM
I just came about thread with very insightful replies, along the lines of, "taking your power back"... which prompted me to post this thread, in hopes of more practical advice/insights on the topic :smile:

Basically, my question is: How, in concrete, practical terms, do you find and experience self-love? When you feel people take advantage of you (most often because you unwillingly let them walk over you) and you end up getting hurt, how do you find your power? How do you find self-confidence?

It's easy to say "learn to love yourself", "be more confident", "believe and trust in yourself!", but how does one do that? How do you achieve that place or way of thinking/living/feeling?

:hug3:

(Thread which inspired this one: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=60606 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D60606)

love9
18-12-2013, 10:09 PM
I just came about thread with very insightful replies, along the lines of, "taking your power back"... which prompted me to post this thread, in hopes of more practical advice/insights on the topic :smile:

Basically, my question is: How, in concrete, practical terms, do you find and experience self-love? How do you stop becoming a "victim" (well, how do you stop seeing yourself as a victim)? When you feel people take advantage of you (most often because you unwillingly let them walk over you) and you end up getting hurt, how do you find your power?

It's easy to say "learn to love yourself", "be more confident", "believe and trust in yourself!", but how does one do that? How do you achieve that place or way of thinking/living/feeling?

:hug3:

(Thread which inspired this one: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=60606


Hey Kindheart, interesting question, I would think that the first thing you need to work on is «RESPECT YOURSELF».

How do you come about respecting yourself? It should of been given while conditioning in the Family! But if not, you know that you have to do it, so you start to establish a mindset along that line.

You think of what it represent to you, establish ways to attain it, it won't come easy if you need to work at it. Leave yourself time to come at it. I hope this help, if not, best of reflexion on your part toward that great goal of yours.

The best to you!

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/images/smilies/hug3.gif

BurningBush
18-12-2013, 11:22 PM
What about going the other direction with it? What about accepting your view of yourself as being a victim and also accepting your view that you should not be a victim? What about allowing yourself to fully feel the conflict between the two?

Disclaimer: I'm just making this post to get my post count up. Only you can determine what is right for you. I can only express advice to you in the form of a concept and, in my opinion, if you want to overcome the feeling of victimhood, you have to escape it as a concept about yourself. What you should do to escape whatever you deem to be a problem should come from the part of you that is beyond concepts, but again, I'm expressing this as a concept. It's not the real thing.

kindheart
19-12-2013, 12:10 AM
Thanks burning bush...
Although I don't necessarily see myself a victim... and actually have a hard time sometimes figuring out if I'm in the "wrong", or the other person is in the "wrong", or if both of us are... which causes me to be quite confused and to go back and forth between emotions (from guilt and frustration with myself, to hurt and frustration with the other, and back to guilt, etc.), which is pretty draining! And it seems that until I've fully understood what happened (so that I can learn from the experience and avoid it happening again, whether it's by changing my ways, and/or by not accepting certain behaviours from others) then I can't find peace of mind (and sometimes, the answer never truly comes). And if I just let it go, I'm in no better position because I still don't know what to do when faced with the situation again lol.

I kinda deviated... but people, feel free to add to this also haha

loopylucid
19-12-2013, 08:42 AM
Thanks burning bush...
Although I don't necessarily see myself a victim... and actually have a hard time sometimes figuring out if I'm in the "wrong", or the other person is in the "wrong", or if both of us are... which causes me to be quite confused and to go back and forth between emotions (from guilt and frustration with myself, to hurt and frustration with the other, and back to guilt, etc.), which is pretty draining! And it seems that until I've fully understood what happened (so that I can learn from the experience and avoid it happening again, whether it's by changing my ways, and/or by not accepting certain behaviours from others) then I can't find peace of mind (and sometimes, the answer never truly comes). And if I just let it go, I'm in no better position because I still don't know what to do when faced with the situation again lol.

I kinda deviated... but people, feel free to add to this also haha
Just some thoughts :)
Try doing everything for a while that your heart/intuition tells you, if it feels wrong, then accept you feel that, act accordingly and also with respect, dont get swayed with others idea of wether it is or not, if someone wants you to do something that you feel you dont want to/should do etc, dont, explain respectfully your reasons, dont argue about it even if the other person does, allow them to also feel how they need to about the given change of approach to situations, see how that feels, observe its outcome, then reflect, reflect, reflect! Do something that makes you smile and is totally your own choice, no matter how small, everyday, give yourself that moment daily.
I found the way to being true and loving myself, was infact by simply not dismissing my heart and gut on things, that doesnt mean i stopped doing much atall, but it means what i did do came from ME and my heart openly and not attached to an outcome, this alleviated alot that got in the way of my progress, we forget that saying no is ok, and if your anything like me you assume you have to do everything all the time everyone needs, not hurt anyones feelings along the way and always get it right, well we dont always (and thats ok!) and trying to is a big block!
Start small, baby steps, keep the emotions in check as much as you can, even when you feel like fluffing, recognise it, let it go and carry on, you may find even the first time you manage this, you actually feel pretty good and empowered. Your heart will be happy you listened to her and from this builds a kinda trust and then everything which comes from it is more vibrant more alive, more pure in intention.
Self love for me comes from acknowledging and honouring your own heart as much as you do other peoples, so what you do for them, if its selfless, unconditional love, you do for you also, imagine yourself as your own best friend, treat yourself accordingly, your as important, we wont get everything right but thats ok!
Im just in process of learning this myself, a big lesson throughout my whole life, i take responsibility for most of it, as essentially i created these patterns allbeit with good intentions, but all that happens and if you listen to nothing else i say please just think on this, is you and your heart get worn out and then what happens is you cant really love anything properly because you dont have the energy left to... thats where the real tragedy hits in my humble opinion. Self love takes time to nurture, its a daily thing a minute by moment thing, working out who we really are comes as part of its territory, so its a ongoing journey of learning and balancing, just as we learnt these patterns in our life, so we move onto learn others :)
Taking your power back to me also means sometimes allowing people to take there power back when you think of it, so its theirs and they have to own it, take responsibility for it and its not down to you what happens, it was only ever down to you to let them go through whatever they need to with your love. Its harder than it sounds, but its not as hard as going through this :)
I was lucky enough to have a very good friend point these kind of things out to me recently,((lora:hug2: )) I dont know if any of that will help you, but thought id share it as it helped me very much :)
Your precious and a blessing to this beautiful universe in all that you are and all you will ever be, A wise fellow on here wrote in a post once along the lines of, your strength is not determined by how much you can carry, but by the strength and quality in which you heal, always stuck strongly with me that :) (Thanks Thunderbow!) Go ahead, give your heart a hug hehehe!
May the path be tread gently on its way back to your heart.:hug2: :love2:
Loopy

God-Like
19-12-2013, 09:05 AM
I just came about thread with very insightful replies, along the lines of, "taking your power back"... which prompted me to post this thread, in hopes of more practical advice/insights on the topic :smile:

Basically, my question is: How, in concrete, practical terms, do you find and experience self-love? When you feel people take advantage of you (most often because you unwillingly let them walk over you) and you end up getting hurt, how do you find your power? How do you find self-confidence?

It's easy to say "learn to love yourself", "be more confident", "believe and trust in yourself!", but how does one do that? How do you achieve that place or way of thinking/living/feeling?

:hug3:

(Thread which inspired this one: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=60606 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D60606)

Hi Kindheart ,

Coming into your own ... is a well known saying and it means exactly what it says on the tin .

Coming into your own is being within your own power that is of self love .

How does one come into their own .. You can’t choose to even if you stamp your feet and hold your breath .. cos it comes when it comes ..

There does seem to be a process of this transpiring through self work, self reflection, self discovery, self enquiry .. The inner process will reflect outwardly .. it appears therefore that one’s inner strength for example shines through to the outside .. so when one is self assured it will be because of internal contentment and not rather through an exterior egotistical mask (If you get my meaning) .

x dazzle x

A human Being
19-12-2013, 09:56 AM
Just some thoughts :)
Try doing everything for a while that your heart/intuition tells you, if it feels wrong, then accept you feel that, act accordingly and also with respect, dont get swayed with others idea of wether it is or not, if someone wants you to do something that you feel you dont want to/should do etc, dont, explain respectfully your reasons, dont argue about it even if the other person does, allow them to also feel how they need to about the given change of approach to situations, see how that feels, observe its outcome, then reflect, reflect, reflect! Do something that makes you smile and is totally your own choice, no matter how small, everyday, give yourself that moment daily.
I found the way to being true and loving myself, was infact by simply not dismissing my heart and gut on things, that doesnt mean i stopped doing much atall, but it means what i did do came from ME and my heart openly and not attached to an outcome, this alleviated alot that got in the way of my progress, we forget that saying no is ok, and if your anything like me you assume you have to do everything all the time everyone needs, not hurt anyones feelings along the way and always get it right, well we dont always (and thats ok!) and trying to is a big block!
Start small, baby steps, keep the emotions in check as much as you can, even when you feel like fluffing, recognise it, let it go and carry on, you may find even the first time you manage this, you actually feel pretty good and empowered. Your heart will be happy you listened to her and from this builds a kinda trust and then everything which comes from it is more vibrant more alive, more pure in intention.
Self love for me comes from acknowledging and honouring your own heart as much as you do other peoples, so what you do for them, if its selfless, unconditional love, you do for you also, imagine yourself as your own best friend, treat yourself accordingly, your as important, we wont get everything right but thats ok!
Im just in process of learning this myself, a big lesson throughout my whole life, i take responsibility for most of it, as essentially i created these patterns allbeit with good intentions, but all that happens and if you listen to nothing else i say please just think on this, is you and your heart get worn out and then what happens is you cant really love anything properly because you dont have the energy left to... thats where the real tragedy hits in my humble opinion. Self love takes time to nurture, its a daily thing a minute by moment thing, working out who we really are comes as part of its territory, so its a ongoing journey of learning and balancing, just as we learnt these patterns in our life, so we move onto learn others :)
Taking your power back to me also means sometimes allowing people to take there power back when you think of it, so its theirs and they have to own it, take responsibility for it and its not down to you what happens, it was only ever down to you to let them go through whatever they need to with your love. Its harder than it sounds, but its not as hard as going through this :)
I was lucky enough to have a very good friend point these kind of things out to me recently,((lora:hug2: )) I dont know if any of that will help you, but thought id share it as it helped me very much :)
Your precious and a blessing to this beautiful universe in all that you are and all you will ever be, A wise fellow on here wrote in a post once along the lines of, your strength is not determined by how much you can carry, but by the strength and quality in which you heal, always stuck strongly with me that :) (Thanks Thunderbow!) Go ahead, give your heart a hug hehehe!
May the path be tread gently on its way back to your heart.:hug2: :love2:
Loopy
Great post, Loopy! I would echo this, give your attention primarily to how you feel, your body loves attention so be in tune with it. As another poster said, forget about concepts if you can, they have no reality on their own.

And I know it's not very original, but - meditate, if you aren't already. Sit still and quiet and relaxed, and allow anything that arises in your consciousness to fall away, don't give it extra energy by hopping on a train of thought. Find what's left when you allow everything that's impermanent to pass.

Ascension
19-12-2013, 10:39 AM
If one know himself, he shall never perish
even when he has been told the contrary.

love9
19-12-2013, 03:05 PM
Hi Kindheart, here is a link you might like to read on «taking back your power....life», hope it helps.

The best to you!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/take-back-your-power-and-start-loving-your-life/

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/images/smilies/hug3.gif

linen53
19-12-2013, 04:31 PM
Accept yourself for who you are, right now. Not for who you want to be.

Stop thinking you are a victim. You went through bad experiences because you had things to learn....period.

Be humble. You are not some super human here on a special mission. You are here to learn just like the rest of us.

Stop trying to be perfect. It won't happen. So allow yourself to make mistakes. And when you do make mistakes, get up, brush yourself off and continue on your journey.

Stop being afraid of "sin" or "karma". You don't know enough about either to make a difference. All they do is frighten you and motivate you to freeze in your tracks afraid to do anything.

Take each day, one at a time. That's all you have.

And I might suggest also, that you read books on the hereafter. It will give you knowledge and peace of what will happen to you after you die. When I was ignorant of the hereafter I was frightened of retribution. Now that I know where I will go I have no fear. In the Books section of this website there are many great suggested books.

love9
19-12-2013, 04:53 PM
Hey Linen53, I loved what you wrote, very interesting!

linen53
19-12-2013, 06:08 PM
Thank you love9. It is my personal experience. I used to be afraid, and very arrogant.

linen53
19-12-2013, 06:15 PM
Hi Kindheart, here is a link you might like to read on «taking back your power....life», hope it helps.

The best to you!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/take-back-your-power-and-start-loving-your-life/

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/images/smilies/hug3.gif

thank you love9. I expecially found this statement enlightening. When we continue to make excuses and blame others, we are actually giving our power away.

love9
19-12-2013, 06:34 PM
thank you love9. I expecially found this statement enlightening. When we continue to make excuses and blame others, we are actually giving our power away.

Hey thanks Linen53, and yes you are so right!, love that!

BurningBush
20-12-2013, 03:07 AM
Accept yourself for who you are, right now. Not for who you want to be.

Stop thinking you are a victim. You went through bad experiences because you had things to learn....period.

Be humble. You are not some super human here on a special mission. You are here to learn just like the rest of us.

Stop trying to be perfect. It won't happen. So allow yourself to make mistakes. And when you do make mistakes, get up, brush yourself off and continue on your journey.

Stop being afraid of "sin" or "karma". You don't know enough about either to make a difference. All they do is frighten you and motivate you to freeze in your tracks afraid to do anything.

Take each day, one at a time. That's all you have.

And I might suggest also, that you read books on the hereafter. It will give you knowledge and peace of what will happen to you after you die. When I was ignorant of the hereafter I was frightened of retribution. Now that I know where I will go I have no fear. In the Books section of this website there are many great suggested books.

I can't say what's right for the OP, but let me offer a different opinion. I think this is highly dependent on where you are in the process, so for some people, your advice might be perfect, but for many, it might not be.

To the OP, I think that attempting to accept yourself when you perceive that you have flaws is not freeing, but repressive. It is essentially an act of stifling your hopes and accepting a second rate version of yourself and your life. Why do that? None of us know through any "rational" means why we're here - one day we woke up and we were here. The part of your mind that would accept what it perceives to be the rules of life when those rules seem to be more powerful than your desires does so because it assumes that it knows something about this place that it really does not know. That part of your mind doesn't know jack about this place. It simply organizes what it sees to the best of its power to protect itself. If you have a desire, follow it. If the universe puts obstacles in front of you, get mad at the universe. There are times when acceptance is the next step in the path, but I find that it takes massive frustration to get there.

If you are past the point of hope, then you should probably accept your hopelessness in full. If that is the case and you still find yourself stuck, might it be that you have an aversion to hopelessness? I'm just tossing out ideas. Overcoming these issues is partially about creativity. You have to find new answers to old questions and new questions that you should have already been asking.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, if you accept the full reality of your situation, you have two seemingly conflicting perceptions, a desire and a perception that that desire is not being fulfilled. If you repeatedly accept the power of these perceptions as long as they are relevant, eventually one (or both) will crumble.

linen53
20-12-2013, 01:04 PM
Burning Bush, I agree with your comment that my advice might not be for everyone. It is what worked for me.

I do respectfully disagree that I am accepting a second rate version of myself and my world. I do feel very free and not repressed, disappointed, or depressed at who I really am and what I can accomplish. I am accepting what is real. Hopes and dreams are for the young. I'm 60 years old and happy to put one foot in front of the other and I am living a very content life.

I read in another thread of someone who had parents who have been married 40 years. And she said she knows her father had to tuck away some dreams he may have had to raise his family properly. I was pretty much like that too. I was a single mom and didn't have time for chasing dreams or rainbows, and at the time I resented it. Now that I am older, I see that those dreams were just that. They were material and immaterial and wouldn't have made me any happier. And I don't have those desires anymore now that I am older. I am satisfied that I did the best I could at the time.

I've answered all those questions of "why I'm here" and what is my purpose so there is no more mystery. I'm solid in my reality.

But, again, I say I respect that some people are young and full of hopes and dreams and want to see life how they want it to be rather than how it is. And that is okay. We are all on our own journey to the same place(s).

BurningBush
20-12-2013, 03:39 PM
Hopes and dreams are for the young. I'm 60 years old and happy to put one foot in front of the other and I am living a very content life.

I've answered all those questions of "why I'm here" and what is my purpose so there is no more mystery. I'm solid in my reality.

I think that these two quotes explain the difference between our viewpoints. I can say with extreme conviction that giving up on my hopes is not the right step for me at this moment. It has been fully acknowledging my hopes that has saved me (or at least begun to).

But, again, I say I respect that some people are young and full of hopes and dreams and want to see life how they want it to be rather than how it is. And that is okay. We are all on our own journey to the same place(s).

One thing that I think is worth pointing out is that wanting life to be a certain way is part of how life is. I think that saying that hopes and wants are separate from life is missing the connection between the hope and other perceptions about life.

I also think that this conversation evidences the fact that only the individual can determine what is best for him or her.

linen53
20-12-2013, 03:56 PM
One thing that I think is worth pointing out is that wanting life to be a certain way is part of how life is. I think that saying that hopes and wants are separate from life is missing the connection between the hope and other perceptions about life.

I also think that this conversation evidences the fact that only the individual can determine what is best for him or her.

Yes, when I was young I had many aspirations, hopes and goals. Nothing happened the way I wished and now I am glad of that. There is nothing wrong with having hopes and wants. It's all a part of life. Just for me, anyway, life has taken all my sharp edges off and I'm worn down a bit. Nothing wrong with that. It just is what it is.

Yes, absolutely, we are all different and each has our own belief system. Who is right? Why, both of us!!

kindheart
21-12-2013, 02:18 AM
Thank you so much guys! There are helpful :) Especially you, Loopy, Love9 and Linen53!! I think these are just what I needed to hear :)

For some reason, your comment, Linen, to "stop being afraid of sin and karma" especially stuck with me too. On top of feeling very remorseful afterwards, I do get scared when I say hurtful things back to others out of hurt and anger, or if I have negative thoughts or think negatively about others who have hurt me (I never grudge for long at all though). But these feelings and thoughts scare me (especially if I have them a lot): I fear I'm manifesting exactly what I don't want with these thoughts.... But it would feel much better if I could feel free to experience anger, like a normal human being, without fear of it backfiring simply by having those thoughts. (Mind you I also try to forgive them, and send them (visualize) love so we can all have inner peace and forgiveness... and I don't do it out of fear but because I truly hate feeling resentment and conflicts).