How is marriage relevant in a modern world?

[RedEmbers]

I didn't want to put this in the love and relationship section because I wanted a broader range of opinions and it also ties into my spiritual development :)

I've been engaged for about 7 years lol and we plan to have a simple wedding in the next 12 months.
We were never in any great rush because the typical institutional marriage hasn't held much spiritual significance for us. (Plus we have been too poor lol).
The institute of marriage was set up more for practical reasons and has for a long time had specific connotations for women.
I seem to be going through a process of defining what marriage means to me and how it is relevant spiritually. The whole traditional marriage (I feel) is being redefined as our society changes to include broader equality. People seem to be moving to more spiritual type marriages and away from the previous model.

How is marriage relevant to you? What does it mean to you?

[simcau]

I'm not married myself, but my view on what marriage has become is that it's now basically a tax status, and that it's up to the individual couples to find meaning beyond that.

While that is rather pessimistic of me to say, why I have that view is because everyone takes advantage of the tax benefits marriage grants, but nearly half don't keep the promise that they made by getting married. The divorce rate where I live is a little over 40%. Also where I live, the common-law relationships are (legally) viewed as essentially being married once two years have passed. You are considered spouses once those two years of cohabitation have gone by. There are some differences, but for the most part it's the same.

Because of that, I think it's up to the couple's individual beliefs to give marriage any significance. Whether it's binding souls, having a blessed union, or whatever the individual's belief system says about marriage, it will only mean that to them. I don't think society itself views marriage as anything spiritual anymore. As for myself... I truly don't know. I wouldn't have even considered anything related to spirituality not too long ago, but now I do think there's something more to existence than just what we physically experience. If there is something more after death, which I am leaning towards there being, I would think if done properly marriage would have to have some sort of significance in that afterlife. I would certainly only consider it with someone I wanted to be with beyond my life.

[livingkarma]

I see marriage as a personal commitment between two people made by the heart ...
Whatever the outside world thinks about it stays on the outside of the relationship ...
Not sure what "specific connotations for women" you speak of but as an activist for the women's movement I never considered it as part of my decision to marry ...
A marriage license is inexpensive as well as having the ceremony performed by a Justice of the Peace ...

This reminds me of childless couples ...
To sound unselfish, their best answer is they "do not want to bring children into a corrupt world" ...
Which basically says to me, I don't want a family-- my spouse & I prefer our freedom & sole commitment to one another-- we want to use our money for just ourselves ...
That's all fine ...
Others think of having children as bringing souls to earth (incarnation) while others like myself just wanted to have a family w/my husband ...

Over thinking any basic fundamental can enlarge a subject to the point of making it irrational as well as meaningless ...

[7luminaries]

Although marriage provides various important social and legal statuses and benefits, at core and in its truest sense, it is ultimately a spiritual sanctification of the commitment and bonding between two people. Just as God uttered the Word and brought forth the unfolding of physical existence, exchanging vows also encircles and affirms the bond and the sacred space between two souls.

All the rest is just the trappings of society (i.e. all the excess festivities...which are optional), and/or whatever format any particular society may require in order to bestow legal status (i.e., having a celebrant like a priest or a rabbi or a notary etc, who is authorised to legally perform the ceremony).

Peace & blessings,
7L

[7luminaries]

Marriage is ultimately the sanctification of the spiritual commitment and bonding of two souls, and the sacred space they share. Just as Spirit uttered the Word and brought forth existence, so does the exchanging of vows affirm and encircle the two souls in their commitment to one another.

The act of committing to another soul in partnership, at that moment and then going forward, is beautiful and joyful thing, but it also requires great courage and strength...it requires the heart of a lion and is not for the faint-hearted. Unless one possesses the strength and maturity necessary to engage on all levels and to joyfully sustain the effort this engagement requires, then one probably will not have the perspective required to honour and appreciate the level of commitment that one must make to oneself, as well as others, on a journey involving marriage. For those who joyfully and whole-heartedly engage in commitment in every aspect of their lives, however, the work is beautifully crafted of one's own heart and hands...regardless of where the commitment lies.

Practically speaking, marriage solutions are available today for everyone as never before. Accountants can provide arrangements for the prior debts of one partner, so that they do not impact the other partner, if that is an obstacle. Couples can write their own vows and have them legally recognised, even in many houses of worship. Women are not exclusively required "to obey"...those archaic vows are almost unheard of these days. And marriage recognises the core spiritual commitment...which is to love, honour, support, and be faithful to one another -- to "forswear all others", right? To fail to love, to dishonour, to fail to support, to be unfaithful...these are grounds for dissolution of the union, as to engage in these things is to deny, desecrate, and/or undermine the vows we've taken. Frankly, why else would you marry?

And yet if one cannot promise to honour or be faithful to their partner, is that person worthy of any sort of intimate relationship with another? IMO, no, they are not. Marriage simply reflects the level of commitment one already brings to the table. For those who marry with open hearts and full engagement, it is simply both a personal and public reflection of the vows to which they have already committed to within their own hearts and lives.

This tangible recognition on earth (the blessings, the speaking of the vows, and the real intentions and behaviours we promise to live by) of the spiritual aspects of the vows are the most important reasons for marriage, IMO. These concepts underscore marriage as a union of souls, both on heaven and on earth, with real (tangible and intangible) outcomes and implications.

Peace and blessings,
7L

[livingkarma]

Well said 7L ...
Thanks ...

[7luminaries]

:smile: you're quite welcome LK.

I think ultimately it is like anything else in life. We either bring everything to this moment and to the love we choose to share on all levels with another, or not.

Like anything else, it is not the institution, ultimately. It is just US.
And thus, it is all what we bring to it, and it is only what we bring to it.

If our hearts are not full and are not fully engaged in this moment, then marriage seems daunting, and thus we find ways to make it irrelevant.
To justify and rationalise the lack of full commitment and engagement in our emotional and spiritual lives.

If our hearts are full and fully engaged in this moment,
then a commitment of marriage is no more and no less than the life we are already living.

Peace and blessings,
7L

[livingkarma]

I didn't want to put this in the love and relationship section because I wanted a broader range of opinions and it also ties into my spiritual development :)

Hopefully from 7L's reply, the spiritual aspect of marriage (love & relationships) can now be fully recognized & appreciated as one in the same ... :D