dodecagonagon
18-10-2013, 05:27 PM
Hello :) I'm new to this forum site and I hope to meet some interesting folks/learn some new things!
I'm half Native American, my father was full blood native (although he wasn't traditional nor did he live on any reservations or anything. His mother [my grandmother] was traditional, though. I guess my dad just wasn't interested in his culture so he left it behind.) However, my dad left my mom and I when I was quite young, and I never met any native relatives. But to show me where I came from and who I was, my mother used to take me to powwows and other festivals/celebrations when I was younger. She wanted to keep that half of me alive as best she could, even though she wasn't native herself. I have very fond memories of receiving a spirit feather from an elderly native woman with very kind ancient eyes (I have it hanging in my room still), and I remember she wrapped her shawl around me and sent me out to dance around a fire with another man while he chanted something. I also received a necklace with the Thunderbird on it, and a dream catcher she made for me out of bone, twine, and pretty small pebbles. I was only about 6 or 7 though (I really miss her. I don't know her name, but for some reason I feel as though she's still alive even though she was quite old when I first met her). I stopped going to powwows once school started (since most powwows were about 3 hours away from my town) and soon forgot/ignored half of who I am, which I regret. It's been about 10 years now, I'm 17 and recently I've become very interested in my people and their culture again. I find them to be beautiful and fascinating, and very connected with everything around them (I always found them beautiful, though. There was never a time where I wasn't proud of my heritage. I just wish I could've experienced more of it growing up with the guidance of my grandmother).
What really struck me a few days ago though, was a short video a young lady in my class at school showed me. It was very powerful to me... and I can't really describe it. I feel almost foolish that it hit me in the way that it did, but it definitely changed something within me. The video was just a collage of pictures/paintings/drawings of native people while a song in the background played, but the video left me in such awe. Because growing up, my classmates always teased/bullied me for how I looked and shouted racist remarks at me (and often confused me for being Asian for my almond eyes). But this video showed men and women who looked like me for once, with the same eyes and cheekbones and facial structure in general. Same dark hair and eyes. I felt like I had a sense of belonging?? If that makes any sense. They all looked so proud and fierce, it gave me goosebumps. And I started to really listen to the song that was playing, and it definitely rang many bells for me and I was flooded with memories of going to tribal ceremonies when I was younger. They were memories I had forgotten, unfortunately. And as I was sitting there absorbing all of this, I could feel my heart beat speed up and I could feel the blood course through my veins and I just felt very alive. It brought a few tears to my eyes, actually. I just felt as if something in me wanted to come out, and I thanked that woman personally for showing us that video/song.
Anyways, I've been researching a lot on Native American culture and our history (I want to know more than the tragedies portrayed in most history textbooks at my school) and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions to any good books? Or if I could speak to you and maybe you could enlighten my life to the half of me who was never fully embraced :) I'm very interested in the spiritual beliefs of the Natives, but from what I've seen on this forum and other places online, they're very protective of their beliefs and don't often share them. I can understand why, so I don't wish to be forceful or disrespectful in anyway. But I'm just very curious, and it seems like something I would like to pursue (although I've only seen minor glimpses into the spiritual ways/customs). I have no one in my life currently who I can ask questions, because all I have is my grandmother's first name and not her last (I wish I knew her tribal/nickname too). So I can't find her anywhere, nor can I locate my dad. But if anyone had any information they would be willing to share from personal experiences or if they could point me in the right direction (because I have so many questions) I would be very grateful! I hope you all have a lovely day :)
I'm half Native American, my father was full blood native (although he wasn't traditional nor did he live on any reservations or anything. His mother [my grandmother] was traditional, though. I guess my dad just wasn't interested in his culture so he left it behind.) However, my dad left my mom and I when I was quite young, and I never met any native relatives. But to show me where I came from and who I was, my mother used to take me to powwows and other festivals/celebrations when I was younger. She wanted to keep that half of me alive as best she could, even though she wasn't native herself. I have very fond memories of receiving a spirit feather from an elderly native woman with very kind ancient eyes (I have it hanging in my room still), and I remember she wrapped her shawl around me and sent me out to dance around a fire with another man while he chanted something. I also received a necklace with the Thunderbird on it, and a dream catcher she made for me out of bone, twine, and pretty small pebbles. I was only about 6 or 7 though (I really miss her. I don't know her name, but for some reason I feel as though she's still alive even though she was quite old when I first met her). I stopped going to powwows once school started (since most powwows were about 3 hours away from my town) and soon forgot/ignored half of who I am, which I regret. It's been about 10 years now, I'm 17 and recently I've become very interested in my people and their culture again. I find them to be beautiful and fascinating, and very connected with everything around them (I always found them beautiful, though. There was never a time where I wasn't proud of my heritage. I just wish I could've experienced more of it growing up with the guidance of my grandmother).
What really struck me a few days ago though, was a short video a young lady in my class at school showed me. It was very powerful to me... and I can't really describe it. I feel almost foolish that it hit me in the way that it did, but it definitely changed something within me. The video was just a collage of pictures/paintings/drawings of native people while a song in the background played, but the video left me in such awe. Because growing up, my classmates always teased/bullied me for how I looked and shouted racist remarks at me (and often confused me for being Asian for my almond eyes). But this video showed men and women who looked like me for once, with the same eyes and cheekbones and facial structure in general. Same dark hair and eyes. I felt like I had a sense of belonging?? If that makes any sense. They all looked so proud and fierce, it gave me goosebumps. And I started to really listen to the song that was playing, and it definitely rang many bells for me and I was flooded with memories of going to tribal ceremonies when I was younger. They were memories I had forgotten, unfortunately. And as I was sitting there absorbing all of this, I could feel my heart beat speed up and I could feel the blood course through my veins and I just felt very alive. It brought a few tears to my eyes, actually. I just felt as if something in me wanted to come out, and I thanked that woman personally for showing us that video/song.
Anyways, I've been researching a lot on Native American culture and our history (I want to know more than the tragedies portrayed in most history textbooks at my school) and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions to any good books? Or if I could speak to you and maybe you could enlighten my life to the half of me who was never fully embraced :) I'm very interested in the spiritual beliefs of the Natives, but from what I've seen on this forum and other places online, they're very protective of their beliefs and don't often share them. I can understand why, so I don't wish to be forceful or disrespectful in anyway. But I'm just very curious, and it seems like something I would like to pursue (although I've only seen minor glimpses into the spiritual ways/customs). I have no one in my life currently who I can ask questions, because all I have is my grandmother's first name and not her last (I wish I knew her tribal/nickname too). So I can't find her anywhere, nor can I locate my dad. But if anyone had any information they would be willing to share from personal experiences or if they could point me in the right direction (because I have so many questions) I would be very grateful! I hope you all have a lovely day :)