hard time letting people in....

[bluelove23]

Iv recently come to terms with the fact that i unintentionally push people away when they get too close, and realizing the fact that i some how sabatage any real relationship without realizing it until now. I am trying to work through it, but i dont know where to start. Has anyone been thru this before? And is the reason i do that underlying issues from my past that i dont realize are affecting me now?

[Thunder Bow]

Some times it is best to push some away for your own protection. Trust your Heart at all times.

[someguy92]

Sometimes pushing people when they get too close is a good thing...but in many cases its bad. You need to get people to know you, in order for relationships to evolve. I know how you are feeling, you are afraid someone will break your heart, you are afraid to let someone in, you dont want to feel the pain. Someone had to break your heart badly or you never had enough love in your life...you must understand this, when you wont let people into your life, you wont feel love...we need someone to share our experience in trough hell, it helps alot. We cant live alone, we cant be alone, it will drive you insane. Yes I know people lie, people cheat there are evil people, but there are good people too. There are people who will help you, who will care, who will nurture you, who will stand there when tough gets going. Try to trust others, yes I know sometimes we make mistakes, but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, mistakes are good thing, we must do mistakes, we learn from mistakes. If you dont do mistakes, you are not doing it right, remember this. Yes there will be people who will destroy you ,tear your heart...but you must test waters, before you walk into them. There will be people who will hurt you even, when you were failsafe...there is nothing you can do about it, but its not your fault, its theirs...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

[lily of the valley]

Iv recently come to terms with the fact that i unintentionally push people away when they get too close, and realizing the fact that i some how sabatage any real relationship without realizing it until now. I am trying to work through it, but i dont know where to start. Has anyone been thru this before? And is the reason i do that underlying issues from my past that i dont realize are affecting me now?

I am the exact same way, knowingly "sabotaging" my relationships. It's our fear of getting hurt. I tend to put up a wall between myself and the other person, whether it be a friend, a sibling, parent etc...etc...
The only two people in this world that have not experienced this behavior on my part, are my children. I too am working on letting people in.....easier said than done.

[Terracotta]

None of us have the capacity to tell you why, because we don't know you or your history. The best you'll get is guesswork and opinion. Your history is an avenue worth exploring, though.

[freespirit3317]

Yes a deeper part of you knows YOUR truth.
You only need to learn to listen and not second guess.
Obviously its some sort of fear within you.
Maybe you could be projecting your past onto loved ones?
I know I did this with my partner for 3 years.
Threw not wanting to address emotional issues from my dad and threw fear of abandonment and fear of losing him threw death in the future.
But only you can know for you whatever your personal reasons are.
As soon as you start to WANT to discover, you will.
Maybe meditate and then listen to your inner voice.
Wish you love on your journey.

X Hugs from Spirit X

[Native spirit]

:hug: Hey Bluelove.

You push people away for your own preservation you have answered your own question,by saying this comes from your past ,what you went through is enough,to stop you letting anyone get to close to prevent getting hurt again,i used to do something similar when i was younger but i read people so i knew what their motives were before i let them get close to myself,
counselling could really help you come to terms with your past and enable you to move on.
i will send Healing thoughts to you.

Namaste

[Declan L]

Hey blue,.. i feel like im going through this now too. Where i can be friendly and talk and stuff but,.. i feel scared to death of people when getting close,.. like theres something in me which just will not come down, like a wall, a barrier. Which persistently F's me over and i feel isolated because of it. I say "it",.. im doing it to myself. But i just dont know how to let my guard down anymore. I think thats my main problem, i dont know about you. Sorry i haven't helped whatso ever with this post lol. But i understand the torment you're going through, thats Fo Sho.

[nina1021]

Hello Blue,

I can certainly relate. I am still coming to terms with a lot of past things but believe it or not sometimes when you are unintentionally pushing people away it is due to repressed hurt and anger from past events. There may be some things that you have not let go of that you think you have. I didn't realized there were things that still evoked negative feelings in me because I am so good at compartmentalizing and repressing events. Meditation will definitely help. Also, paying attention and being aware or your body's responses to stimuli. I noticed I would get a lot of pressure in my head, tightness in my chest (after several doctor's visits) and I realized it was negativity, anxioty and stress eventhough i felt perfectly fine and healthy. Pay attention to the signs. They are always there. If you need any guidance let me know! I am quite the empathic healer! Even though I am only 24 I have had to heal myself from a lot of trauma.

Love and Light

[shone]

Yes many times we do some things with thinking twice, any negative this you slowly affects. But always it is graet idea to recite some payers before you cat and if you act, yo u need to double chect cheroot to cause arm ot other people

[bluelove23]

it helps to know someone is going through the same thing and i'm not alone in it. Thank you

[Astral Jane]

Sometimes pushing people when they get too close is a good thing...but in many cases its bad. You need to get people to know you, in order for relationships to evolve. I know how you are feeling, you are afraid someone will break your heart, you are afraid to let someone in, you dont want to feel the pain. Someone had to break your heart badly or you never had enough love in your life...you must understand this, when you wont let people into your life, you wont feel love...we need someone to share our experience in trough hell, it helps alot. We cant live alone, we cant be alone, it will drive you insane. Yes I know people lie, people cheat there are evil people, but there are good people too. There are people who will help you, who will care, who will nurture you, who will stand there when tough gets going. Try to trust others, yes I know sometimes we make mistakes, but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, mistakes are good thing, we must do mistakes, we learn from mistakes. If you dont do mistakes, you are not doing it right, remember this. Yes there will be people who will destroy you ,tear your heart...but you must test waters, before you walk into them. There will be people who will hurt you even, when you were failsafe...there is nothing you can do about it, but its not your fault, its theirs...fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

For just 'some guy' you got a great perspective :hug2:
Practical and honest and tolerant, thanks for sharing this.
I've been feeling just like you, Bluelove, and am probably much older. It has been hard for me to give, to just show interest and love and concern when making new friends. On the one hand I have been hurt by very shallow people, people who hated me for no reason. On the other hand I've had to realize how I come across, and to be more conscious of my real intent and whether I give the same as I hope to receive. Then I find I HAVE to ask for help- in my prayers to (all those entities I pray to), to help me be more conscious and giving, more forgiving and tolerant, to guide me (to change, grow, to GET BETTER), or I just fall back into my old ways. And I have to get realistic too- you know? Like online is great for these very unique experiences we are having, but I have to look at the real effort I make or don't make toward the people I know. We don't give up, that's important.