PDA

View Full Version : It's all about me


Belle
08-09-2013, 02:15 PM
I was thinking of some of the people in my life where there is discord or pain or trouble or disharmony - to various degrees. And I realised, I think, that I am talking about myself.

For example ....

I don't trust her == I don't trust myself
I don't trust her to be kind to me == I don't trust myself to be kind to me
She's mean to me == I'm mean to me
She's manipulative == I'm manipulative

And so on. Every dig, every time I close down because of a wrong of someone else, it's actually me who is closing down against me. And, the other may or many not be kind, mean etc - but actually I'm just recognising an aspect of myself.

I don't know where i'm going with this but wanted to hear the thoughts of others? I felt i had a huge lightbulb moment with this?

IsleWalker
08-09-2013, 02:35 PM
My mom used to say that we can only recognize a flaw in others if we have it.

It's a good reminder, Belle. It's almost always true if I want to face it.

Lora

in progress
08-09-2013, 03:06 PM
Your life is a mirror reflecting back to you your interior life? You can never really reach out to change the reflection. You have to go within.

running
08-09-2013, 03:29 PM
I was thinking of some of the people in my life where there is discord or pain or trouble or disharmony - to various degrees. And I realised, I think, that I am talking about myself.

For example ....

I don't trust her == I don't trust myself
I don't trust her to be kind to me == I don't trust myself to be kind to me
She's mean to me == I'm mean to me
She's manipulative == I'm manipulative

And so on. Every dig, every time I close down because of a wrong of someone else, it's actually me who is closing down against me. And, the other may or many not be kind, mean etc - but actually I'm just recognising an aspect of myself.

I don't know where i'm going with this but wanted to hear the thoughts of others? I felt i had a huge lightbulb moment with this?

I'm not trying to change your view. I'm just gonna say what works for me. People are people. Life is life. Who cares? Its what makes it life. A story has to have things going on. Otherwise there's no story. For me accepting others as they are is awesome. Accepting myself as I am is awesome. Loving myself as I am automatically allows me to be more accepting of others as they are. I love the bad things that have happened to me. That's real love! Because I'm able to accept them even under those conditions. Its been like a boot camp for me in a sense. Rewarding just like boot camp is. I went through boot camp and other things like that. Everyone hates it. But later everyone i know cant stop talking about how awesome it was to go through it. Earth is for the warriors who want to expand there love. Its an awesome place! Sometimes I hate it. But then later I don't. Because I then love it!

Again. This is just my outlook. Were all different IMO. I'm not suggesting anything. Just sharing my experience is all.

running
08-09-2013, 03:47 PM
In another sense I completely agree in a way. I have felt everything I experience I'm actually doing to myself. Which is pretty cool! There are many reasons I feel. For me in my experience it has been about challenges. Letting go as a result of the challenges. Embracing life and letting go of the idea of perfection. To just be me. To be happy. To be here to live.

Thunder Bow
08-09-2013, 03:47 PM
I was thinking of some of the people in my life where there is discord or pain or trouble or disharmony - to various degrees. And I realised, I think, that I am talking about myself.

For example ....

I don't trust her == I don't trust myself
I don't trust her to be kind to me == I don't trust myself to be kind to me
She's mean to me == I'm mean to me
She's manipulative == I'm manipulative

And so on. Every dig, every time I close down because of a wrong of someone else, it's actually me who is closing down against me. And, the other may or many not be kind, mean etc - but actually I'm just recognising an aspect of myself.

I don't know where i'm going with this but wanted to hear the thoughts of others? I felt i had a huge lightbulb moment with this?

You are becoming aware of "Projection". How we project our feelings and our selfs onto others.

IsleWalker
08-09-2013, 05:38 PM
Belle,

Also remember that the goodness, kindness that you see in others--is also part of you. It's both sides.

Lora

Seawolf
08-09-2013, 06:05 PM
The concept is important to me. I had to find a way to stop suffering, and realizing there is nothing 'out there' has been a big part of my healing. It's like in a relationship, where we are actually in love with the way a person makes us feel, the person on the stage of the mind.

It's a big light-bulb! Blame and resentment have nowhere to hide when it's turned on.

Belle
08-09-2013, 06:35 PM
It's a big light-bulb! Blame and resentment have nowhere to hide when it's turned on.


I know, suddenly you realise that all those horrible people out there that you see - well actually the mirror has just been polished. I have known the mirror concept for a long time but this has made it a bit more real and a bit more 3 dimensional. It's a bit shattering in many respects.

Belle
08-09-2013, 06:36 PM
Belle,

Also remember that the goodness, kindness that you see in others--is also part of you. It's both sides.

Lora

That's a very very good point IsleWalker, and something to build on. Thank you.

Nada
08-09-2013, 06:59 PM
Belle,
There are almost 8 billions people.
People move and flow around your own existence through various encounters as you walk your journey.

Not all encounters are for lessons. Some are just passing through your space, nothing more.

It is important to keep your judgements intact for your own survival and success in life and your soul missions.

Those negative characteristics of others are not always the self reflections of you or anything to do with you.

If you notice some people with those negative energy towards you, that is the indication for you to move away and move on from it.

By justifying those negative beings through your own self-blaming, you are moving toward those negative energy beings and becoming codependent to them.
And this perpetuates the cycle of dysfunctions.

Ivy
08-09-2013, 08:42 PM
I find self reflection a really useful tool on my journey. Not so much in the way you mention here anymore, because it can deny you your right to disagree with the actions of others. For someone who's found herself in some dangerous situations, I find I need to be able to recognise what I don't like, without taking it all on board. However, I've learned to distinguish, with work, what is mine and what isn't.

But I still use self reflection on an almost daily basis. So every time I write a thread here, or respond to somebody, I'm looking at feelings, my response and my words for the messages that I need to take for myself.

Seawolf
08-09-2013, 08:43 PM
I know, suddenly you realise that all those horrible people out there that you see - well actually the mirror has just been polished. I have known the mirror concept for a long time but this has made it a bit more real and a bit more 3 dimensional. It's a bit shattering in many respects.
I don't see it as a point of blame at all. Blaming yourself is the same as the former resentment and blaming of others, it's just information inside of us. Whether we blame someone else or blame ourselves, it's just data in the mind that needs love. We have an enormous amount of data inside that occasionally comes up to the conscious mind, and then gives us an opportunity to let it go.

We don't really know what's going on, but part of us does, so we can let go of our understanding. Taking responsibility has nothing to do with being put in danger, etc. That's some other issue that has nothing to do with realizing there is nothing out there. Negative characteristics of others is not them or me, it's just data in the mind. Spiritual practice cleans that data. The problem is most of the time we don't want to take responsibility, so we talk ourselves out of the idea that there is nothing out there.

silent whisper
08-09-2013, 11:19 PM
I was thinking of some of the people in my life where there is discord or pain or trouble or disharmony - to various degrees. And I realised, I think, that I am talking about myself.

For example ....

I don't trust her == I don't trust myself
I don't trust her to be kind to me == I don't trust myself to be kind to me
She's mean to me == I'm mean to me
She's manipulative == I'm manipulative

And so on. Every dig, every time I close down because of a wrong of someone else, it's actually me who is closing down against me. And, the other may or many not be kind, mean etc - but actually I'm just recognising an aspect of myself.

I don't know where i'm going with this but wanted to hear the thoughts of others? I felt i had a huge lightbulb moment with this?


Yep! Self reflection...amazing isn't it!

silent whisper
08-09-2013, 11:24 PM
The nature of connection is to see ourselves reflected....asking yourself what you see and how it fits in that reflection says a lot about you not only in what is, but how you feel about what is....when you let go of your own judgement on yourself, you have no reason t judge others, you can view others as they are in accceptance and reflect your own acceptance of your self and your own path..

*Being the change you wish to see* regardless of what others choose to see and be...

Belle
09-09-2013, 06:05 AM
Thanks for the input and support everything.

Nada - no it's not about everyone and everything. For example a conversation about the annoying girl who is very loud with a cough - well that was not a whole reflection on me (I don't have a cough) but then again, some people find me annoying and so be it. I don't have a problem per se with that.

I think I've got over the horror and i'm now looking at it with a great deal of hope - that things can turn around given the way people help me - by showing me myself!

CraigSmith
09-09-2013, 08:22 AM
It is a great reminder, Belle. If I need to face it it's more often than not true.

A human Being
09-09-2013, 11:36 AM
What's really great, Belle, is that you're willing to be honest with yourself. Honesty's so important on the spiritual path. Of course you're right, and we all do it - we all project our prejudices, neuroses, etc., onto the world, which colours our perception of it. The remedy to this, is to see - to simply see, with clarity, and without judgment.

Belle
09-09-2013, 11:40 AM
I like the aspect of "without judgment" - just to see it as "interesting" and "oh".

And also - when talking unkindly perhaps about other people - discussing their flaws, you are actually talking unkindly about yourself? It puts a new slant on a lot of behaviours. Which can be turned around. It creates an exponential for growth.

Seawolf
09-09-2013, 01:01 PM
And also - when talking unkindly perhaps about other people - discussing their flaws, you are actually talking unkindly about yourself?
It's talking unkindly about God.

I don't believe in the mirror theory because there is nothing out there to be mirrored. We're not seeing ourselves in someone else, we're just seeing information in our own mind. We don't see anything outside of our own mind. It's not 'them' or even 'us' we're seeing, we're just seeing information.

If I actually believed that what I saw in the world was really me, I think I would blow my own head off. But it's not me, it's information. We can't 'be' the information, it's just random stuff that gets accumulated, how could a person be the information inside them? That's like saying the data in a computer is the computer, but it's not, because the data can change or be anything, whatever gets put in it.

Belle
09-09-2013, 01:05 PM
Ahhhhhhhhhhh yes Seawolf. This is all becoming richer. Talking unkindly about God.

The mirror thing, I am not liking the word so much of "mirror" for some reason. Sometimes it works but other times - it is just as you say "information". It works to a degree.

Talking unkindly about God, thinking unkindly about God. This takes it to a new level. Also, not forgetting the point about when you recognise a positive - there is the talking / thinking / perceiving a wonder of God.

Seawolf
09-09-2013, 01:32 PM
The person I'm talking bad about is actually perfect. I'm just seeing the information. When I let go of the information, I have what Buddha calls enlightenment, and then I can see the other person as God.