Taking control back

[Lunarvilly]

Hi guys.

I feel like sharing my experience, or at least part of my experience in 'awakening' to my spirituality.

I've always felt that there was something more to life.

Over the past year or two (17-19), I have been making huge changes in my life. I suffered a period of severe depression and suicidal feelings for 2 years (15-17) which stemmed from the 'heartbreak' of my first 'true love'. This lead to anxiety and such. I don't think it's necessary to go into detail, but I eventually got past the feelings and I am sure it was this particular experience which led me to where I am now.

I used to lie quite often, to myself, to others. Most of the time I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Being a Scorpio, I used to thrive on the control of situations and of others. It wasn't until quite recently that I came to better understand this 'control' and henceforth my 'ego'.

I thought I had figured my ego out, what the ego was, but I hadn't.

At that moment I could see and think with perfect clarity and I was able to step back and realise how I was behaving, and how it was effecting my friend. It was a major progression in my spirituality. I have been meditating almost daily for the past month now, but I felt there were still 'blocks' and I wasn't able to clear my mind at all. I think I now see my ego for what it really is.

During the experience, I found that I could communicate with my higher self. It freaked me out - in a good way - at first. I was meditating by a stream in the middle of the wood with two of my friends. I closed my eyes and found that my mind was perfectly clear and I couldn't even try to populate it with thoughts - when I heard 'I've been waiting for you'. I opened my eyes and started telling them what I'd just experienced, but I can't even be sure now that it was my higher self.. Or whether it was just me talking to me.

I left it for a bit, to let it sink in. Then later on I tried again and found that I was getting responses. He told me that he was sending me information, but what sense I made of it would depend on my current level of awareness. I really can't decide whether it was just me making this up, but it seemed so real and the 'voice' even told me that I would find it hard to believe when I woke up the next morning. The voice is still there, but the connection seems much weaker.

Either way, now I feel so much more free, more able to relax, without expectations. I've had a couple of incredible experiences whilst meditating where my whole body was 'flooded' with a very intense feeling of what I assume to be love, or energy.

I've been experimenting with binaural beats and have been getting some awesome results and I feel that my chakras are becoming more balanced/active, bit by bit. I'm becoming much more aware of my ego and learning to separate that from my 'self'. Though I have had some feelings of being 'lost' and almost as if I don't know what I'm doing or meant to be doing, I'm staying in a positive and optimistic mindset and making the most of each moment :).

I'm excited for the future and *can* wait to see what it will bring. Now that I can stop my 'ego' from controlling me, I can use that 'need' for control to control myself and channel the energy into something more productive and beneficial for all - if you understand what I mean.

I have a couple of questions regarding the 'higher self' I was talking to. I'll say that the drug I took was pretty much an experience of 'pure love', existing in a higher vibration. My mind was very clear and the ego was dampened but not completely diminished (as I discovered). It was taken purely with the intention of learning more about myself/the universe.

- What exactly is the higher self? Is it just a much more aware version of me who I'm yet to become?

- How do I know for sure if I'm communicating with my higher self, and if I'm not just making it up - though I assume it will feel like that at first for everyone.. I'd just like to get some more insight from others who may have experienced it.

Thankyou.

Love <3

--- edited by SF Staff

[good day]

Hi guys.

I feel like sharing my experience, or at least part of my experience in 'awakening' to my spirituality.

I've always felt that there was something more to life.

Over the past year or two (17-19), I have been making huge changes in my life. I suffered a period of severe depression and suicidal feelings for 2 years (15-17) which stemmed from the 'heartbreak' of my first 'true love'. This lead to anxiety and such. I don't think it's necessary to go into detail, but I eventually got past the feelings and I am sure it was this particular experience which led me to where I am now.

I used to lie quite often, to myself, to others. Most of the time I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Being a Scorpio, I used to thrive on the control of situations and of others. It wasn't until quite recently that I came to better understand this 'control' and henceforth my 'ego'.

I thought I had figured my ego out, what the ego was, but I hadn't.

At that moment I could see and think with perfect clarity and I was able to step back and realise how I was behaving, and how it was effecting my friend. It was a major progression in my spirituality. I have been meditating almost daily for the past month now, but I felt there were still 'blocks' and I wasn't able to clear my mind at all. I think I now see my ego for what it really is.

During the experience, I found that I could communicate with my higher self. It freaked me out - in a good way - at first. I was meditating by a stream in the middle of the wood with two of my friends. I closed my eyes and found that my mind was perfectly clear and I couldn't even try to populate it with thoughts - when I heard 'I've been waiting for you'. I opened my eyes and started telling them what I'd just experienced, but I can't even be sure now that it was my higher self.. Or whether it was just me talking to me.

I left it for a bit, to let it sink in. Then later on I tried again and found that I was getting responses. He told me that he was sending me information, but what sense I made of it would depend on my current level of awareness. I really can't decide whether it was just me making this up, but it seemed so real and the 'voice' even told me that I would find it hard to believe when I woke up the next morning. The voice is still there, but the connection seems much weaker.

Either way, now I feel so much more free, more able to relax, without expectations. I've had a couple of incredible experiences whilst meditating where my whole body was 'flooded' with a very intense feeling of what I assume to be love, or energy.

I've been experimenting with binaural beats and have been getting some awesome results and I feel that my chakras are becoming more balanced/active, bit by bit. I'm becoming much more aware of my ego and learning to separate that from my 'self'. Though I have had some feelings of being 'lost' and almost as if I don't know what I'm doing or meant to be doing, I'm staying in a positive and optimistic mindset and making the most of each moment :).

I'm excited for the future and *can* wait to see what it will bring. Now that I can stop my 'ego' from controlling me, I can use that 'need' for control to control myself and channel the energy into something more productive and beneficial for all - if you understand what I mean.

I have a couple of questions regarding the 'higher self' I was talking to. I'll say that the drug I took was pretty much an experience of 'pure love', existing in a higher vibration. My mind was very clear and the ego was dampened but not completely diminished (as I discovered). It was taken purely with the intention of learning more about myself/the universe.

- What exactly is the higher self? Is it just a much more aware version of me who I'm yet to become?

- How do I know for sure if I'm communicating with my higher self, and if I'm not just making it up - though I assume it will feel like that at first for everyone.. I'd just like to get some more insight from others who may have experienced it.

Thankyou.

Love <3
What exactly is the higher self? Is it just a much more aware version of me who I'm yet to become?

Hi
Just want to say, your questioning is the beginning searching for the higher self.
"Hunger and thirst after righteous" and the answer will occur in it's own time. This is a process of self understanding.
We make our mistakes in life to learn from when the time is right.
Just be aware of your thoughts without getting caught up in the thinking process as if you were sitting at the edge of a flowing river, just let them flow by.
Don't concern yourself with what you will become. The higher self is God in your soul and will make the changes as your heart begins to let go and let God do the works.
Louise

[Ivy]

It's great what you are doing and I'm glad that you've written it down. If I could make one suggestion, it would be to keep yourself a journal of 'moments' that are meaningful. because you are young, and you will experience many joys, but probably some heartache again too. It's at those difficult times, when you can't see so clearly through the emotion, that your 'moments' will help you to get through.

The higher self is the space that connects you with the inner knowing/universe or whatever name you choose for it.

As for how do you know you are communicating with higher self. It's a subtle feeling that you will get to know over time. By trusting yourself and listening to whatever voice you feel, you will sometimes realise that you've listened to your fears or your expectations...but that's ok too...because that's how you learn to distinguish them from your higher self.

[silent whisper]

Hi guys.

I feel like sharing my experience, or at least part of my experience in 'awakening' to my spirituality.

I've always felt that there was something more to life.

Over the past year or two (17-19), I have been making huge changes in my life. I suffered a period of severe depression and suicidal feelings for 2 years (15-17) which stemmed from the 'heartbreak' of my first 'true love'. This lead to anxiety and such. I don't think it's necessary to go into detail, but I eventually got past the feelings and I am sure it was this particular experience which led me to where I am now.

I used to lie quite often, to myself, to others. Most of the time I wasn't even aware I was doing it. Being a Scorpio, I used to thrive on the control of situations and of others. It wasn't until quite recently that I came to better understand this 'control' and henceforth my 'ego'.

I thought I had figured my ego out, what the ego was, but I hadn't.

At that moment I could see and think with perfect clarity and I was able to step back and realise how I was behaving, and how it was effecting my friend. It was a major progression in my spirituality. I have been meditating almost daily for the past month now, but I felt there were still 'blocks' and I wasn't able to clear my mind at all. I think I now see my ego for what it really is.

During the experience, I found that I could communicate with my higher self. It freaked me out - in a good way - at first. I was meditating by a stream in the middle of the wood with two of my friends. I closed my eyes and found that my mind was perfectly clear and I couldn't even try to populate it with thoughts - when I heard 'I've been waiting for you'. I opened my eyes and started telling them what I'd just experienced, but I can't even be sure now that it was my higher self.. Or whether it was just me talking to me.

I left it for a bit, to let it sink in. Then later on I tried again and found that I was getting responses. He told me that he was sending me information, but what sense I made of it would depend on my current level of awareness. I really can't decide whether it was just me making this up, but it seemed so real and the 'voice' even told me that I would find it hard to believe when I woke up the next morning. The voice is still there, but the connection seems much weaker.

Either way, now I feel so much more free, more able to relax, without expectations. I've had a couple of incredible experiences whilst meditating where my whole body was 'flooded' with a very intense feeling of what I assume to be love, or energy.

I've been experimenting with binaural beats and have been getting some awesome results and I feel that my chakras are becoming more balanced/active, bit by bit. I'm becoming much more aware of my ego and learning to separate that from my 'self'. Though I have had some feelings of being 'lost' and almost as if I don't know what I'm doing or meant to be doing, I'm staying in a positive and optimistic mindset and making the most of each moment :).

I'm excited for the future and *can* wait to see what it will bring. Now that I can stop my 'ego' from controlling me, I can use that 'need' for control to control myself and channel the energy into something more productive and beneficial for all - if you understand what I mean.

I have a couple of questions regarding the 'higher self' I was talking to. I'll say that the drug I took was pretty much an experience of 'pure love', existing in a higher vibration. My mind was very clear and the ego was dampened but not completely diminished (as I discovered). It was taken purely with the intention of learning more about myself/the universe.

- What exactly is the higher self? Is it just a much more aware version of me who I'm yet to become?

- How do I know for sure if I'm communicating with my higher self, and if I'm not just making it up - though I assume it will feel like that at first for everyone.. I'd just like to get some more insight from others who may have experienced it.

Thankyou.

Love <3


When I opened to the inner voice, it was quite profound in the clarity and seperation from my normal mind chatter. It seems you also felt the strong distinction in those moments you have been experiencing.

I have heard others open in this way to you.I am guessing that you have been given a glimpse and now know that the answers and connection is in you no matter the use of drugs or other ways. In the silence of you and your inner voice its all their to access.

When I first opened in this way, it was a little confusing as I tried to integrate all that was occuring. I was receiving messages, very clear guidance and having all my questions answered.Its was confusing initially, because it was all so new in this way. But what I also learned was to trust that inner voice in that opening stage, with more clarity and connection and knowing.

Over time as I integrated that space, it became one with me of course, and now its just an integrated part of me. In the early stages that you are in, I would listen and build trust in this space, allowing yourself to connect and ask whatever you need to ask and then listen for the answers. Feel how it all feels and create a connection for yourself that allows you to understand what is being revealed to you.

One thing I did take in during that time was that the voice I was hearing when it was beyond my mind, was softer, in a quiet deeper place within me..like deep in a well but clear....if that makes sense.

[Lunarvilly]

Thank you for all of your responses, sorry I did not reply sooner. <3

I will definitely start keeping a journal of those meaningful moments :).

[AaronB]

Our higher self can be allowed to come through when we are willing to accept ourselves as being worthy. When we depreciate ourself, we also depreciate our higher self because its voice comes from within. Our higher self is the source of who we really are. It isn't a stranger to us, it is our core. It's what would be left if we removed enough layers of the onion.

In the meantime these layers focus the higher self into a particular form. Form is limited because it is a structure and requires specificity. Depression is common as form recognizes its inability to find satisfaction by adding more form. The moment the form stops its growth in structure energy now expands within the form. Energy must go somewhere, so it is either building a form or filling the form. The most uncomfortable moments precede this transition from building to filling.

While you are connected to your inner being as you describe, every question or concern you've ever had can now be answered to your complete satisfaction. There's no need for loose ends. As you are renewed it is common to get excited again about building new structures. Personally I find it tremendously valuable to let my inner growth keep up with my outer growth. Too many questions with too few answers can be uncomfortable.