Detachment vs. numbness

[White Wolf]

Please bear with me, because explaining this question / issue is akin to unraveling a ball of yarn a kitten has been playing with.

I believe that in order to manifest something, a person needs to feel positive about it, while also remaining detached - up to a point - from the desire / need for it.

Remaining detached is relatively easy for me (after years of practice) when it's a small matter, however, when the matter is urgent and/or a big problem, that all goes out the window.

I currently have two massive problems - and I do realise that describing them in those terms isn't helping, but please bear with me anyway.

One of the issues is a financial one, and so much depends on my ability to overcome the mess that I can no longer tell which way is up. The pressure is consuming me, and causing writer's block - which is a major problem as I am a writer. It's a vicious circle. Stress > less creativity > more stress > even less creativity.

I have addressed the feng shui of my home; brought my best glassware / china / linen / ornaments out of storage, and now enjoy them daily; give thanks for all I have; do my best to give attention only to the things I do like, such as expensive cars and beautiful homes. (I am genuinely happy for the folks who own them, too.) I am trying to maintain awareness of any avenue that could improve my finances, (IE I'm not just focusing on a pay rise or different job). I'm trying to remain open to creative ideas, generally. Even so, things go from bad to worse.

The other issue is with a relationship. I'm finding it all but impossible to differentiate between a healthy "if you love someone, set them free" feeling and just being plain numb from the pain & frustration of it all.

So, my questions is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome, while still maintaining a healthy level of wanting that creates the magnetic attraction needed to draw whatever it is to you?

Any and all thoughts / advice will be gratefully considered.

White Wolf

[Adrienne]

:hug: White Wolf, I will start with this for now and get back to you with a few ideas

blessings,
Dream Angel xx

[Xan]

So, my question is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome,


You learn how to release negative feelings and desperate desires, rather than either getting caught up in them, struggling with them or denying them (which people often think is detachment).

The best way I know to release negative emotions and change emotional patterns is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's an article about it at: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fshowthread.php%3Ft%3D4478)


Xan

[Roselove]

I struggle with this myself, as xan suggested eft is great for negative emotions as are bach flower remedies to deal with under the surface emotions.. medidation helps in detaching as does visualzing already having it.. it's about getting in the flow, don't think you lack, get into the feeling of already having it.. easier said then done i know, i would start medidating and look at ways to raise your vibration to attract, focus on doing things you love and try to keep yourself in that mood, if you do have negative emotions don't push them down that will only repress them further, talk them out, journal etc.

[Xan]

So, my question is:

How do you detach from a state of negative, freaked-out, desperate desire for a certain outcome,Wolf... Detachment doesn't mean not feeling, but you can become detached by simply watching your feelings as they come and go... with allowing and accepting... and conscious breathing.

And you can learn how to release negative feelings and desperate desires, rather than either getting caught up in them, struggling with them or denying them.

The best way I know to release negative emotions and change emotional patterns is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's an article about it at: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478 (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fredir.php%3Flink%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww .spiritualforums.com%252Fvb%252Fredir.php%253Flink %253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.spiritualforums. com%25252Fvb%25252Fredir.php%25253Flink%25253Dhttp %2525253A%2525252F%2525252Fwww.spiritualforums.com %2525252Fvb%2525252Fredir.php%2525253Flink%2525253 Dhttp%252525253A%252525252F%252525252Fwww.spiritua lforums.com%252525252Fvb%252525252Fredir.php%25252 5253Flink%252525253Dhttp%25252525253A%25252525252F %25252525252Fwww.spiritualforums.com%25252525252Fv b%25252525252Fshowthread.php%25252525253Ft%2525252 5253D4478)


Xan

[Adrienne]

Xan, this EFT must be quite powerful, between that and mediation, those two seem to be a cure all ! Just wondering, do you ever recommend anything else ? LOL ! :D

Dream Angel xx

[JEN]

Hi White Wolf and everyone

It is probably the hardest thing I ever had to learn - "detachment" and "being"! The main problem is that I dont really know how I got there! But I do think it has something to do with KNOWING you will overcome all hurdles that might be placed in front of you...... and that everyone has their own life's journey (eg my kids).... and I can do no more than assist them when asked.

I am afraid my 'advice' tends to come in the way of stories from my life, so please bear with me! In the last eon, was unhappily married with 2 small children and just wanted out, but I didnt work, didnt have anywhere to go, etc..... One day I just thought, that's it... I just need freedom to be me: we are out of here, packed up and went to stay with parents. You know within a month, I was living in a nice house, people had provided me with furniture, I was getting the sole parent pension, and found it was more than enough to get by. I was offered a part time job which I hadnt applied for, and met heaps of new friends. The point of that sory is, the "urge" was so strong that I now see it was my soul telling me to move. I had no idea what was going to happen to me, but I knew I HAD to do it. (BTW my husband was quite a nice guy, but we just weren't good together).
This, I think, was my first important lesson in detaching from the outcome of my action, but just KNOWING I was doing the right thing, even though at the time I felt terribly selfish because I was doing this for myself alone.

I find, when faced with an anxiety, to work out the worst case scenario of that issue. Most often, you will think, "yeah, if I have to, I can live with that". Now, for instance, as you live in good old Oz, the worst case scenario (money wise) is that you will have to do some other menial job to provide an income or receive Centrelink benefits (about $300 pw), and get free medical etc.

So I would raise the question of ego....... sorry to do that!! Does writing provide your "ego self" with a sense of status, being productive and worthwhile, being acknowledged, etc? If this is the case, perhaps it is these aspects of your self you are being asked to examine. Just a thought of course. We are all brought up in a culture built around providing for ourselves, being productive, being useful, having things, being important, being well educated, being "someone".... well you know what I mean. It is my experience that once you have released the need for all of those aspects (in other words, everybodies opinion of you), you are half way there.

The only other thing I would like to ad to this is, I believe you manifest things and experiences when your SOUL is animated (excited), and not your ego.

Thanks for letting me ramble!
JEN:hug2:

[JEN]

Sorry White Wolf....... just thought of one more thing.

You talk about "improving" your finances....... in other words, you are really focussing on the LACK of finances........ if you get my drift. If you focus on what you are lacking, that is exactly what you will draw towards you...... more lack.

So, just put everything away that is causing you anxiety and go for a picnic! Glory in the world around you, and as you say, give thanks for what you have, where you've been, the experiences you have had (both good and bad) which have made you the person you are today, the people that have come and gone in your life, and life!

Hell, I might just do that too....... sounds great!

Love JEN:hug3: :hug3:

[White Wolf]

Thanks so much everyone. :hug3:

I have worked out a Plan A, (and if that fails, a Plan B).

At the risk of sounding like I'm ignoring everyone's suggestions - I'm not - the things that normally work for me just aren't working this time / in this situation.

For the record, Jen, I see your point about the worst case scenario, but Centrelink is not an option for me, (and that's not an ego thing - it's a matter of because I didn't have a "normal" job before, they don't recognise me as being "unemployed" now.) Anyway, $300- p/w doesn't even cover my rent, and before anyone says, "move house", I have to stay where I am due to familial responsibilities.

Yes, I am STILL having my self-pity party...

*****

I'll try the EFT and the Bach flower remedies. :D

White Wolf

[White Wolf]

Hi JEN and everyone. :D

Just thought it best to clarify something, since I haven't been a member here long enough for anyone to know what I'm really like.

I mentioned being a writer simply because a lot of folks write, therefore writer's block is a nuisance to them - but writer's block for a professional writer is akin to a sprained ankle for a pro-athlete.

Anyway, I've had more than my share of menial jobs, and as for the ego thing ... put it this way, my job is as glamorous as that of a garbage collector, and less useful to society. (I don't put any store in societies idea of which jobs are worthy and which aren't. It's simply a case that I've put in the hard years to get to where I am, and watching it all fall apart is tough.)

I hope that makes some sense. (Feeling particularly inarticulate today.)

hugs all 'round,

White Wolf

[JEN]

Hi White Wolf
I am truly sorry if I caused you any angst! I am afraid I have a habit of projecting onto others what I have had to deal with, and process, myself. AND it is so difficult isnt it, knowing what kind of words would be of assistance to anyone. But you have given me a valuable lesson, and for that I thank you so much.

I do hope plan A works out for you. I still think a picnic sounds good.... dont you? Meet you half way...... where would that be..... Alice Springs?

Kind regards, JEN

[Gerryh]

Dear White Wolf!
I would start by trying to stabalise the financial situation first.Write down how much you need and how far short you are from that.Use whatever talents you have to make up the difference.The essential message from the LoA is that the more alive and happy you feel the more in the flow you will be.Stop looking at what is occurring that is negative in your life and start focussing on what is good about your life.Live with passion and joy and good things start to happen.Get rid of the fear.Challenge yourself to improve your self esteem and selfworth.All successful people have a healthy respect for themselves.Imagine god is at a certain radio frequency( like 95Fm) When you feel down you can't hear the channel because you are tuned into a different frequency.The Universe has brought you to these places for a reason,learn to listen with your heart and soul for answers and if it feels good then DO IT.Action is always required to change the results.A simple question that helps writers block is to ask yourself now what happens?Then answer it on paper.And then again and again.Then slowly but surely your life will begin to move onwards and upwards higher and higher until you can smile at what you have achieved.
Best wishes Gerry

[White Wolf]

Hi White Wolf
I am truly sorry if I caused you any angst! I am afraid I have a habit of projecting onto others what I have had to deal with, and process, myself. AND it is so difficult isnt it, knowing what kind of words would be of assistance to anyone. But you have given me a valuable lesson, and for that I thank you so much.

I do hope plan A works out for you. I still think a picnic sounds good.... dont you? Meet you half way...... where would that be..... Alice Springs?

Kind regards, JEN
Hi again JEN :hug2:

Not to worry, you haven't caused me any angst.

I've just hit one of those times in life when the Universe and/or my own soul has decided I need to grow, or change direction, or something!

But what??? :confused:

I'm also quite literally in the middle of the process of legally handing over the website I started to a new owner-administrator. It's not a happy time, so I've come here seeking comfort - and instead dragged my negativity in to this lovely place. :icon_eek:

It just feels as though everything I've worked for - personally and professionally - over months and years is all being taken away from me. Everything that normally works, (such as mediation, writing it all down, positive thinking, feeling gratitude, adjusting the feng shui, or just pulling myself up by the bootstraps), just isn't working this time.

*bangs head on desk*

The stakes are just sooooo high, I can't seem to disengage from the negativity.

I'm very glad to have helped you with a lesson, anyway. *hugs*

And a picnic sounds lovely. :D It's just a little late in the day, today - but tomorrow, who knows? There is a lovely little park nearby that's usually filled with either dogs or birds...

hugs,

White Wolf

[White Wolf]

Dear White Wolf!
I would start by trying to stabalise the financial situation first.Write down how much you need and how far short you are from that.Use whatever talents you have to make up the difference.The essential message from the LoA is that the more alive and happy you feel the more in the flow you will be.Stop looking at what is occurring that is negative in your life and start focussing on what is good about your life.Live with passion and joy and good things start to happen.Get rid of the fear.Challenge yourself to improve your self esteem and selfworth.All successful people have a healthy respect for themselves.Imagine god is at a certain radio frequency( like 95Fm) When you feel down you can't hear the channel because you are tuned into a different frequency.The Universe has brought you to these places for a reason,learn to listen with your heart and soul for answers and if it feels good then DO IT.Action is always required to change the results.A simple question that helps writers block is to ask yourself now what happens?Then answer it on paper.And then again and again.Then slowly but surely your life will begin to move onwards and upwards higher and higher until you can smile at what you have achieved.
Best wishes Gerry
Hi Gerry,

Thank you.

I love the radio channel analogy. :wink:

It's the financial situation that is at the heart of the vicious cycle. If I could just get a break from that for five minutes, I'd be able to fix a few other issues, too.

Yes, I do understand that I need to stop worrying and raise my vibrations before anything will change for the better. I'm actually not as stupid as this thread makes me seem. :icon_frown:

FWIW, I have taken all kinds of action - it's just that things that have worked in the past aren't working this time, and I still can't figure out why.

hugs,

White Wolf

[Adrienne]

I'm also quite literally in the middle of the process of legally handing over the website I started to a new owner-administrator. It's not a happy time, so I've come here seeking comfort - and instead dragged my negativity in to this lovely place. :icon_eek:

It just feels as though everything I've worked for - personally and professionally - over months and years is all being taken away from me. Everything that normally works, (such as mediation, writing it all down, positive thinking, feeling gratitude, adjusting the feng shui, or just pulling myself up by the bootstraps), just isn't working this time.

*bangs head on desk*

The stakes are just sooooo high, I can't seem to disengage from the negativity.


Dear White Wolf :hug: ,

Life can be so frustrating at times, and this seems like one of those times for you.
I think frustration would be a more appropriate word than negativity, and I don't see your posts as bringing negativity here.

I can relate to your comment about " everything that normally works.... just isn't working this time ". I have also had moments like that, and the last thing one wants to hear is to do any of those things. Then perhaps it is time to do something different, take a " leap of faith " and do something totally out of character, totally new and something you would normally not do, step out of that box !

This could be a " new opportunity " waiting to happen for you .... anything is possible :smile:

Easier said than done... but perhaps leave all this for the moment, give your worries and frustrations to God and the Angels ... and change your focus, take a class, learn something new, try something you have always wanted to do, but haven't taken the time to do so...

or ... just put on some music, either a favorite or go buy a new cd... and just do NOTHING !

:hug2: Dream Angel xx

[Gerryh]

Exactly as dream angel says. You have to let go of the old to make way for the new.This experience you have had is just the universes way of forcing you into a new situation.Old ways won't work, but magnificent new ways will.
They will work quickly and easily if you allow them to.Surrender yourself and let go and let your higher self be the pilot.It will guide you and look after you magnificently.I was where you are now and todayI am better than ever before so just know in your heart things will get better. Everything starts by using your creative intelligence.
Good luck and best wishes Gerry

[Celeste]

While in the bathtub (which can be morning or night or both) soaking in the tub, pretend you are floating on a clear body of water. Relax in the movement of the gentle water rhythm. Relax, and tell yourself that at the end of journey, you will have a wonderful relationship (or financial gain; new home, car, whatever you want). You don't know how it will happen, but you have faith that at the end of the river, you will have what you desire. You don't worry about anything. You don't have to do anything but do this exercise. This is the gist of it. It is called dreamflowing. Maybe you can google it and get some clarification and more info. I think it is a prime example of wanting something, but letting it go, so it can be manifested.

[White Wolf]

Dream Angel, Gerry, Celeste - I'm a bit pressed for time, so I hope you'll accept a "collective" thank you. :hug3:

Xan - I tried the EFT technique [every half-hour for many hours] and my anxiety level over my finances has gone from an eleven (on a scale of one to ten :icon_eek: ) to around a three, today.

I haven't been offered a million dollar publishing contract (yet :wink: ) but the soul-shattering stress has eased up to an incredible level.

Now I believe I'll be able to apply the other good advice I've been given, (about just letting go, etc.)

Thanks everyone for (a) allowing me to vent and (b) offering such good advice. I'll keep everyone posted when I have good news. :D

White Wolf

[Adrienne]

You are most welcome White Wolf ! :hug3:

Looking forward to your Good news !

blessings to you,
Dream Angel xx