diary of my gradual awakening.....

[Bess]

Hi i'm Bess,
Thought I would try to share a vague example of how the last year or so has been for me.....

I have found my self without seeking or asking for it, in the mists of what I would call my 'awakening' there are good and bad days(although ultimately all good)

heres an idea of a good day....

Waking fresh n raw to a new day, feeling good, smiling within. Perhaps dancing wildly round the kitchen.Really enjoying my healthy food. Strutting the mutt while chatting to the universe about how gratefull I am for the beauty of the day, giving thanks for the things that have touched my heart, thanks for the difficult times that help me to learn and grow, thanks for my gifts, my friends, family, talents, the smiles of strangers. Wishing well for all beings. Feeling warm. Doing some painting, feeling immersed in the colours and patterns I create, feeling blessed for having this creativity. Enjoying a meal with family or time with a friend and 'hearing' them. Taking time to reflect or meditate and then sleeping a sweet and easy sleep.

heres an idea of a not so good day.........

Waking to a grey day "why can I not see the beauty in grey?", feeling foggy, feeling blue, thinking about some thing negative I'd said about some one the previous day "and why did I have to vocalise that negativity?, I'm so crap". Looking at the lines that have formed on my face and feeling insecure and vain and then trying to reason with myself "they're the traces of many smiles"
Going to work and feeling really negative towards it"because I'm not being in the moment" feeling impatient,"get present!!".Going home and watching hours of nonsense on the telly"do some thing creative,use your talents!" procrastinating "but I'm not really good enough, I'll never be accepted", imagining flicking the devil from my shoulder, sighing, sometimes crying, feeling alone "I really need to meditate more, or do yoga, or go on a retreat, or read another book full of positive affrimations or....." go to sleep eventually, have really wierd disturbed dreams possibly about the apocalypse.

As a result of this change in myself I have taken up a healthier lifestyle, I have actually become a bit reclusive as I don't want to take drugs, smoke, drink too much and I don't relate so well to some people I know so I feel quite alone with this stuff.
I just want to be lighter and brighter and accept not resist.
Writing this down helps me make a little more sense of it, Thanks if you've journeyed through this ramble and bigger thanks if you respond as I am open to ideas, like-minded struggles, free minded suggestions or just some thing that might make me smile.
Peace and love BESS x

[dreamer]

Hi Bess,

I was listening to radio 4 earlier and some music critic was lambasting Keanes new album (and their last one too) saying that the lead singer put too much effort into the words he sang, that the band tried too hard to be something that they were not and that them being public school educated would probably grate with the music buying public.

Before that I had heard another literature critic questioning the author of brick lane about the style and vernacular she had adopted in her new book, was she trying to make a point with this style blah, blah, blah, blah.

It is true there is a lot of **** talked in all seriousness to provide comedy for those who can see it and to anger those who are sensitive to it and encourage those who enjoy a bit of a *****, I just thought keanes last album was nice to listen to and brick lane was an interesting story and does there need to be ant more than that - well it would seem yes, and thats the entertainment - eternity would be pretty boring without it i suppose.

Anyway Bess, peace and love to you too, i enjoyed your ramble very much, if you enjoyed this ramble a tenth as much as i enjoyed yours you will be five times better off in terms of enjoyment than you would have been if you enjoyed it a fiftieth but twice as much if you had enjoyed it a fifth which coincedentally is the same amount of enjoyment that the nightingale gets when it is singing it's dusk song, twittering away, high on life and bird crack.

[peteyzen]

Hi bess,
great ramble, the thing is, if you think that your different to the rest of us think again. The good day bad day thing, inspite of what we know, despite our efforts to level things out, we are all the same.
As for relating to people about this stuff, I don`t even try. I have spiritual friends, folks who know that side of me and me them, then I have other friends, great friends, still nice people but our conversations are more down to earth, and I love them for it. Dont be reclusive if it feels wrong, just accept that some folks are not interested in it and have fun with them on the stuff they do like. Well that works for me anyhow
thanks again for the post Bess

[Glorymist]

Bess - -

There is a very simplistic yet much overlooked view of balance when considering days / weeks / months like the experiences you described. The concept of balance is often misunderstood to mean that - - when in balance - - nothing bothers you. You are on an even keel - - always. Alas - - in these worlds - - such cannot be the case - - even by actual and viable Masters.

The concept of balance is likened to balancing a pencil on your finger. It can rock back and forth quite a bit and not fall off. That - - is balance. If it vascillates so much that it falls to the floor and you leave it there for a noticeable / extended length of time - - that is losing balance.

It is much more important that you simply give yourself a break. The ups and downs of life in these worlds will go on and on and on. NO one has conquered them completely - - in spite of what some might claim.

On the tough days - - slow down - - do your best. Find an anchor - - within or without - - and hold to it gently. Drop the extra issues. Don't pile stuff on yourself. When things ease - - move forward again.

Much of the ease of living in these worlds is just recognizing the cycles that these worlds follow - - like the tides of the ocean or the rise and fall of the waves. When it is moving against you - - drop back a bit while holding to an anchor that will not let you totally lose your focus. When things ease up - - and they will - - move forward again. Ease is NOT gained by continuing to pound against the wall in front of you. Stand back - - assess the wall. Figure out how fast the situation is moving - - ie - - if it's here for a LONG time or just here for a week or two. Then - - focus elsewhere and let the cycle run its course. Then - - return to your main focus.

It's all a game. Treat it as such.

HeH

[Mart]

Hi Bess,

I don't know why you are being given so much advice on this thread it sounds as though you pretty much have things covered, and the problem with advice is that it is pretty much horse **** 90% of the time which can be good for fertilising your garden but not so good when consumed under the guise of it being nourishment. I liked your ramble, sometimes i like to ramble too and sometimes I ramble **** just for the sake of it and it then becomes turned into a topic of hot debate and judgement and pity, well i just enjoyed your ramble, no advice or pity from here, just enjoyment.

Cheers dude.

[Bob23]

On the tough days - - slow down - - do your best. Find an anchor - - within or without - - and hold to it gently. Drop the extra issues. Don't pile stuff on yourself. When things ease - - move forward again.

Much of the ease of living in these worlds is just recognizing the cycles that these worlds follow - - like the tides of the ocean or the rise and fall of the waves. When it is moving against you - - drop back a bit while holding to an anchor that will not let you totally lose your focus. When things ease up - - and they will - - move forward again. Ease is NOT gained by continuing to pound against the wall in front of you. Stand back - - assess the wall. Figure out how fast the situation is moving - - ie - - if it's here for a LONG time or just here for a week or two. Then - - focus elsewhere and let the cycle run its course. Then - - return to your main focus.

It's all a game. Treat it as such.


Every now and then I come across something which really resonates deep within and I just stop and recognise what has been repeatedly whispered to me...Glorymist's post has been instrumental in pointing out something so subtle and yet powerful in the game of life. Your words are strickingly familiar to me and sound like the loving guidance of a very close friend of mine. It's almost as if you are the same person in different quises.

I'll have to go now as there's something in my eye!

Thank you,

Bob23. :icon_cyclops:

[tlcmel]

As a result of this change in myself I have taken up a healthier lifestyle, I have actually become a bit reclusive as I don't want to take drugs, smoke, drink too much and I don't relate so well to some people I know so I feel quite alone with this stuff.

I know exactly what you mean Bess. It's very difficult to affiliate socially with friends who are on a different level so to speak. As long as your happy and feel content with this "change" then I don't see it as a problem. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to totally exclude yourself from "some" people that you know, but I can understand how difficult that may be. Would you be happier associating with them, (assuming you wouldn't be)or has this "change" led to some fulfillment?(which I'm assuming).