Came back down, now I'm dealing with anger I've never known before. How to vent?

[Seven]

You can skip the first 2 paragraphs if you aren't interested in how I came to be where I am.

So, I reached what I'd like to call "heaven frequency". I'd liken the experience as feeling as though you were made of light and the freshest, cleanest air, you see to the source of all actions effortlessly, you relax effortlessly, you act effortlessly, with immense joy; it's a lot like the sensation of floating up a waterfall. Everything was exactly and perfectly as desired...it was heaven.

Although! Every morning upon waking, I was not there..but it only took me less than an hour's time to find myself back at that frequency, using my intuition...and life's near instant manifestations to bring me everything I needed to experience to come back. One morning I upset my fiancee with something and because I refused to apologize (I simply saw too clearly to feel guilty anymore)... things escalated quickly and she went to the most extreme measures she could come up with to bring me down, including pretending to cheat on me (which is easily one of my top 3 fears)....absolutely nothing phased me because they were all acts of love, distorted. She started packing my clothes and belongings and eventually came to a very calm demeanor in expressing that she no longer wanted to be with me. Now, I must say that although I was at this frequency, my mind still held habits, memories...memories of desires. I thought it would be a wonderful experience to take this path hand in hand with her. So I decided to lower my frequency, in doing so...it was only a moment before I felt "human" again and I cried with great sobs: "I want to be with you more than I want to be god!!!"... and that was that, I haven't been back since. Earlier, I had been manifesting a means in which both of us could "ascend" together, in sync. The past few days have been filled with interesting curve balls from life and I'm happy with the way things are going.

Since coming back down, I have had spontaneous moments of raging anger and hatred. I could be happy and then suddenly decide I wanted to ruin someone's life with my hatred. I'll go ahead and say, up till these past few days, I was terrified of confrontation, as a child I was very very VERY weird and lived in a small redneck town with a class of 11 or so children total. Because there weren't enough kids to really form separate "friend groups" every single one of them followed the one crowd, and that crowd's choice was to make me the class toilet. Up till highschool, every single day, I was treated as sub-human, humiliated in the cruelest of ways, picked on, beat on. But as I never had a father or a mature mother capable of teaching me responsibility or dignity (There were complications with her birth and she pretty much has the mind of a 13year old) I never took action to defend myself, I never fought back verbally or physically, and eventually I died inside and ever since, ATE everything everybody through at me. Eventually I did find dignity, but it was twisted in that I felt self righteous in that I made everyone feel better by being their scapegoat. How the teachers let them get away with this? I'll never know. Anyway, because I ate everything people dished out on me, I have a gigantic ball of negativity somewhere inside that I have yet to deal with. It has been leaking out since I left heaven frequency. I will have moments of incredible resentment, hatred, fury. I've felt resentment and anger before, but they were extremely minor, it wasn't till I was out of school that I started to express these feelings (to memory), before then I only felt depression, sadness. In these emotional outbursts I will think incredibly sadistic and masochistic things. I wanted to kill myself to make Teri feel guilty for not simply forgiving me and letting go (if she would have she would have been where I was, she is....now was very close. I felt the only way I could ever forgive her for using this douche (multiple times) to pretend to cheat on me with (she claims in those moments of anger, she was only inches away from really doing it to get back at me) is if she killed him, I was dead serious, I even told her this lol. I've since been off the walls crazy in moments. The other night we had a fight and something I feel I did in conjunction with her own choice caused her to let go of her fearful attachment to me and she shot up to a frequency I consider only a minuscule step below heaven frequency. Since then she has held unlimited forgiveness and patience with me and an intuition with incredible clarity, she tells me all the right things and is never offset. She claims it's a combination of everything she learned (or remembered) from me and where she was at before she chose to "come down" to be with me when we fell in love. Now you'd think I had a tough childhood...her's was worse, so she was never really far off from where she is now before we were together.

In any case. I don't want to be violent or vent unhealthily, unfortunately, venting on anything other than a person does absolutely nothing at all. I feel stuck. Teri welcomes me to lay it all out on her, that she can handle it, but I don't know how I feel about that... I've become incredibly childish in my behavior and I feel as though I have to be childish to let go of these childish feelings...I don't know what to do, help? lol

[EnlightenedDragon181]

Going out and immediately ruining someone else's life just because you want to that doesn't even deserve it is incredibly childish and shows a complete lack of respect to those people who didn't do anything to you.

You need to find a better outlet to vent instead of destroying people's lives because it will come back to bite you in the behind.

"What goes around comes around" Let me just say the people who made you the class toilet are definitely having their karma paid back to them right now for what they did.

[Seven]

Going out and immediately ruining someone else's life just because you want to that doesn't even deserve it is incredibly childish and shows a complete lack of respect to those people who didn't do anything to you.

You need to find a better outlet to vent instead of destroying people's lives because it will come back to bite you in the behind.

"What goes around comes around" Let me just say the people who made you the class toilet are definitely having their karma paid back to them right now for what they did.

Hence the reason I'm asking for advice. My goal is not to logically control myself as I have my whole life. But to synchronize logic with the will of my heart. Instead of expressing what my heart desired, I locked it up so tight my whole life that I lost sight of it and developed schizoaffective disorder and fabricated a false personality built purely on dead logic, until recently almost all of my emotional expressions in social interaction were almost completely made up, and perfectly fabricated. So it's only natural that, now that I'm healing, I'm expressing myself as a child because that's where a lot of my development halted. I'm confused as hell right now. I'm going to be true to myself, even if that means being detrimental and learning from my mistakes experientially. Detriment doesn't even exist when you perceive from a high enough frequency. It's all relative.

I've experienced for myself that there is no *moral* karma, and I'm already capable of raising my frequency high enough to "take my pain without pain" so, everything is OK on that end.

I'm not actually going to go out and ruin some lives. I just felt that way and tend to lash out at those being rude or manipulative. Logical? No, but I gotta grow up just as any other child does, most of which don't grow up to completion as a result of pinning up their natural, innocent (sometimes cruel) desires, not learning from them experientially and instead do what their parents tell them to (against their desire) and become a hardened, shallow adult. Society will have you believe that right and wrong govern the path to enlightenment, civility and growth but it is simply and utterly doing what you desire, and experiencing through expressing your desire that will bring you to completion in those things. Social and economical culture is built on limited awareness, thus it's expression is born of limited awareness and can only promote limited awareness. Many people may enjoy things the way they are now but with this world wide consciousness shift it is only going to cause pain until it becomes all too apparent through adversity that society's ways of today no longer serve us, unless it doesn't.

[psychoslice]

You have taken the first most important step in admitting your anger, you know exactly what is happening, because of this you are aware and not blind to what is going on, you certainly are not childish and because of this you will soon drop the anger, but don't fight it, this will only give it more power. See the anger for what it is, realize that it can only come from the past, realize where you always are, here, NOW. While you are in the NOW, anger can not survive.

[missrachel300]

I think you may be using these states of 'heaven frequency' to escape from dealing with the real difficulties in your life. Perhaps your problems are in fact growing by not tackling them head on? Do you think you may be emotionally repressed? Please try your best not to harm others.

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences in childhood. They sound deplorable. People can be exceedingly cruel sometimes.

Therapy may be a good option to explore. It can be a great process when you find a skilled therapist that you can really relate to. Also, if you deal with any mental illness, please don't feel any shame in recognizing and treating it. Remember to respect yourself!

I wish you the best in transforming your situation into a more positive existence. And I hope you find many quality people and blessings in your life.

[EnlightenedDragon181]

Hence the reason I'm asking for advice. My goal is not to logically control myself as I have my whole life. But to synchronize logic with the will of my heart. Instead of expressing what my heart desired, I locked it up so tight my whole life that I lost sight of it and developed schizoaffective disorder and fabricated a false personality built purely on dead logic, until recently almost all of my emotional expressions in social interaction were almost completely made up, and perfectly fabricated. So it's only natural that, now that I'm healing, I'm expressing myself as a child because that's where a lot of my development halted. I'm confused as hell right now. I'm going to be true to myself, even if that means being detrimental and learning from my mistakes experientially. Detriment doesn't even exist when you perceive from a high enough frequency. It's all relative.

I've experienced for myself that there is no *moral* karma, and I'm already capable of raising my frequency high enough to "take my pain without pain" so, everything is OK on that end.

I'm not actually going to go out and ruin some lives. I just felt that way and tend to lash out at those being rude or manipulative. Logical? No, but I gotta grow up just as any other child does, most of which don't grow up to completion as a result of pinning up their natural, innocent (sometimes cruel) desires, not learning from them experientially and instead do what their parents tell them to (against their desire) and become a hardened, shallow adult. Society will have you believe that right and wrong govern the path to enlightenment, civility and growth but it is simply and utterly doing what you desire, and experiencing through expressing your desire that will bring you to completion in those things. Social and economical culture is built on limited awareness, thus it's expression is born of limited awareness and can only promote limited awareness. Many people may enjoy things the way they are now but with this world wide consciousness shift it is only going to cause pain until it becomes all too apparent through adversity that society's ways of today no longer serve us, unless it doesn't.

Becoming 100% emotional is the right thing to do? When there's no thinking involved with it, you just do things? What kind of mentality is that? No really, what kind of mentality is that? You'd learn from them if you actually take the two seconds to think about what you're doing before you actually do it. There's these things called consequences to life, especially now that the spiritual world has more than proven it's existence to us ten times over. It will come back to you and is moral karma does truly exist. It's basically the strong protecting the weak from rude, manipulative, selfish people who don't respect anything around them and continue to attack everything around them. Moral karma truly exists, think about that before you start doing things without any thought to it.

Detriment doesn't exist? Of course it exists, no one is invincible. You think that raising your vibration so you don't feel pain will make you invincible? It's like someone destroying your nervous system so you don't feel anything, but still stabbing you. You don't feel the pain, but it's still happening.

But you are right though, taking it out on people who are just rude, manipulative and everything else that is just completely wrong with us as a race is the right thing to do. It's just good stopping evil, always has been always will be. Just make sure you don't start something with someone who doesn't deserve it through spiritual means.

Also, just for example, how would you like me to hurt you? Emotionally, physically, spiritually, your soul, your confidence, your relationship, your job, your thinking, your ideas on life, mentally, theirs dozens of ways to inflict pain and suffering on your fellow man, just because you raise your vibration to a higher point doesn't mean your 100% protected. It's still happening you just don't feel it, but when someone is done the damage is still there. Food for thought before you start walking around thinking nothing can damage you.

[Neville]

I think there are two sides to be considered... Anger can consume us which is not good. on the other hand letting both barrels off creates a depletion in personal energy,

In my experience. catharsis actually has some merit. be that a good work out or indeed blasting alien zombies to destruction in an RPG.. Venting, seems natural enough , especially given the potentially catastrophic consequences of an emotional bottle neck, however with some care and consideration that venting can take place with no harm to anyone and be really beneficial in the liberation to the harbourer of the nest of vipers.


I do fully accept however that circumstances alter cases:smile:

[Niebla0007]

I like Psychoslice's & Missrachel's approach to the issue.

I can relate to anger and destructive notion you have expressed which I went through when I was younger & naive.

As I read your blog up the top, I can't help but think of some image of an angry guy who is losing it (control of himself/his anger) who excuses himself from his associates then goes behind the bush and starts venting, cursing and beating the bushes around him. Lets it all off, gathers himself together-then goes back and resume his place with his friends.
This also reminds me of Japanese placing a board (complete with the picture of the boss or anybody else hated) down the basement or another convenient place where the people having some grievance & frustrations over the character can let off their anger.
Another way I see-like some tenants we had do-is having a punching bag hanging somewhere where they also can let off and direct their anger
although I haven't seen them mount a picture of the main landlord up the top of it :D :D
Ok, over the beating of these bushes,
my point is that it is good to address your anger which you already have anyway, and find a way of letting it off. This is where Missrachel's idea of contemplating and digging deeper to the roots of your issue; in letting all out.
You are lucky Teri:hug: is giving you open arms and is trying to keep some understanding.
Just my opinion.

Hope you find your peace of mind soon over the matters aggrevating you.

[Ivy]

It might be that some basic therapy, such as CBT would give you the tools you need to let your emotions out without hurtning others or yourself.

[tone0728]

Anger/Jealousy overshadow our more feminine energies of acceptance and compassion. The high frequency energies of your heavenly experience are only useful for learning absolute levels of truth. The truth in the absolute can be very freeing and enlightening, but it cannot create the harmony with nature and our surroundings here in life. Your anger/emotional imbalance is what stimulates you to seek the higher truths, but it does so in order for you to bring the absolute truth back into your life and free yourself from the original issue. Which is exactly what you are doing. Here's how the process went for me:
1. Anger/repressed emotions caused a self-destructive imbalance in my life.
2. The imbalance became so great that I moved into the higher frequencies of truth. This gave me incredible feelings of bliss, enlightenment, victory over the world, freedom from suffering etc. The downside was that I became incredibly "righteous". The original anger still existed, but now it took the form of righteous indignation and self absorbed condescention.
3. I was forced to examine my repressed emotions and anger, but this time I had a perspective from the higher truths to help me understand the relative truths of our emotional lives.
4. After much(still on-going) reflection through contrasting higher truth with relative truth I eventually came to a balancing point between my damaged emotional self. This requires developing a compassion for all beings. Forgiving the world so I could forgive myself. Ultimately leading to an acceptance of higher/relative truths as they are.

[Nameless]

Well, if you are asking for things to try, I have some things in my magic bag of tricks...they are just some tools you might like to try.

#1) would be to express your anger with words, the words that you felt you couldn't speak as a child. Open a word document, or get some paper and a pen, and just start writing and write until you can't write any more. Just vent. Give in to the feelings and allow yourself to feel them, no matter what. you are entitled to your feelings, no one can take that from you, and EVERYONE is entitled to anger -it is just a feeling. So stop thinking there is something wrong with anger and just vent. If you do it on paper, it will be much more powerful than taking it out on someone else, and you will feel more in control and connected and it will be easy to focus. This is a process from "Ask and it is Given" - writing yourself up the emotional scale. When you are done and have no more to say, DON"T go back and read it. That does not help. I would suggest you destroy it, because it was for your benefit only, and no one else's. Then, if and when you feel like it, sit and take one of those things that you vented about and see if you can't reach for a little better thought about it. Just something that feels a little better - something honest, that you can feel it honest. There are a lot of examples in that book to get you going...

#2) Once you have vented, maybe a few hours or a few days later, something will occur to you that was the underlying thing about all that. the underlying feeling, the reason behind the feeling. (As an example, in my case it was abandonment of a parent. I vented about something else entirely, and came across this idea a few days later, that I handled what happened because that's the way I always handle rejection - I get angry and I shut off that person that made me feel rejected.

Google whatever comes up - how to deal with X. And read some articles about how to deal with it, how other people dealt with it. Doing that unlocked something inside me, about the third article I read that said the same thing. something will occur to you and you will have an Ah Ha moment. For me, it was how do I deal with rejection when it happens again? And I found a different pattern of behavior to try the next time. And it will come up again, whatever you find, but it is finding the patterns of behavior that you are stuck in that is the key. find the behavior that you always do, and try and change that.

#3) There is a thread on here (sorry, don't know where) about connecting to your inner child. I can tell you what I posted on there, but there was also lots of other posts that were helpful in this regard. You are wanting to connect with your inner child and doing that is a way to help you deal with these emotions by healing the inner child. What I did was find a process in the book "Soul Love" by Sanaya Roman. It is in the first few chapters, and was so very powerful for me, it changed me after only doing it once.

I commend you on dealing with this now, in your now, because when you get a handle on it, your life will change. Everyone has ****** that happened to them. I don't know anyone who hasn't had any - the thing is not to judge if yours was worse than others, because none of us can really know, but know that it is a rite of passage to get beyond it, to allow yourself to find the why you bought into everything that everyone else wanted you to buy into about yourself and to realize YOU are the you that you came here to explore, and no one else gets a vote on how you do that.

change your beliefs and your life changes. change your patterns of behavior that came from those beliefs and heal yourself. only you have the power to do that.

be well.

[Sojourner2013]

I think it is wonderful that you are now experiencing the anger that you have repressed from your childhood/upbringing. Anger indicates LIFE is still in someone. I would be concerned if you couldn't feel anger, because that would indicate that you have severed yourself from your emotional being. Example would be a serial killer who simply can't feel his anger or empathize with another human being. I believe you should look into repressed anger, as everything you wrote indicates to me that you have stumbled upon a leak in the dam--and this leak is definitely a good thing in you developing the emotional body that, for whatever reason, you could or would not develop while growing up. The real challenge in dealing with this DEEP well of anger is where, not so much how, to channel it. You often see this dilemma within families where there was a physically abusive authority figure. Example: A family with four kids didn't learn how to express anger because the physically abusive father figure would not allow anyone to get mad or be mad. If they did, he would simply beat them. The kids become adults and now they are "unreined"--so to speak-- and now don't know what to do when feelings of anger arise. Some become drug addicts to numb with the feelings, some become sex addicts to avoid the feelings, etc. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to get a counselor (if you really need assistance) to talk it out with or figure out ways that you can channel the anger SAFELY. I used to have my clients drop a brick onto a glass bowl that sat in a large pail. It is a cathartic process that allowed the ENERGY of the anger to destroy something, but in a safe manner. Best wishes!

[Gem]

I guess you're asking for a way to vent, and there's ways to that, depends what suits you best.

[Nada]

How about getting some couples counseling with your future wife and enroll yourself into an anger management therapy?

If you two are having that kind of major issues in addition to your anger problem, marrying each other anytime soon probably is not a good idea.
I am just saying.

[Seven]

EDIT: Now that I think about it, you might want to hit ctrl-f and search your name because this is one hell of a reply.

You have taken the first most important step in admitting your anger, you know exactly what is happening, because of this you are aware and not blind to what is going on, you certainly are not childish and because of this you will soon drop the anger, but don't fight it, this will only give it more power. See the anger for what it is, realize that it can only come from the past, realize where you always are, here, NOW. While you are in the NOW, anger can not survive.

This resonated with me when I read it, at the time I didn't have time to reply, but it gave me good grounds to start on, thank you. Since then I have released a lot of anger in expressing it in a (non violent) verbal way with my fiance, she has been able to tune in to me perfectly with acceptance and understanding, deterring my aggression, repression free :). I've worked out world's of issues and I've gradually become more at peace, I still have a little way to go, but I feel it's going to be a process of exponential progress in my development, I'm feeling more and more confident about it.

I think you may be using these states of 'heaven frequency' to escape from dealing with the real difficulties in your life. Perhaps your problems are in fact growing by not tackling them head on? Do you think you may be emotionally repressed? Please try your best not to harm others.

I am so sorry to hear about your experiences in childhood. They sound deplorable. People can be exceedingly cruel sometimes.

Therapy may be a good option to explore. It can be a great process when you find a skilled therapist that you can really relate to. Also, if you deal with any mental illness, please don't feel any shame in recognizing and treating it. Remember to respect yourself!

I wish you the best in transforming your situation into a more positive existence. And I hope you find many quality people and blessings in your life.

I don't feel this is a matter of escaping, as how I came to that state was out of pure joy in the moment. Because times were so incredibly ROUGH and followed up by GREAT times, I was continuously gratuitous of every moment, it was just too easy to BE, never had any resistant feelings for so long that I guess I fell into "alignment."

As for therapy, my fiance has played the PERFECT part in helping me work through things. It's been very smooth. As for mental illness, I've come to understand the source of it and am currently dissolving it. Thanks for your consideration and advice. ^^

Becoming 100% emotional is the right thing to do? When there's no thinking involved with it, you just do things? What kind of mentality is that? No really, what kind of mentality is that? You'd learn from them if you actually take the two seconds to think about what you're doing before you actually do it.
My goal is not to logically control myself as I have my whole life. But to synchronize logic with the will of my heart.
I should have inserted a comma in place of the period as not to throw off what I assume was your skim reading.

Detriment doesn't exist? Of course it exists, no one is invincible. You think that raising your vibration so you don't feel pain will make you invincible? It's like someone destroying your nervous system so you don't feel anything, but still stabbing you. You don't feel the pain, but it's still happening.[quote]

The way in which I raise my frequency is by doing as I desire as I'm desiring. I've yet to ever raise it for the sake of raising it specifically, or to avoid pain or specifically to experience freedom from pain. It has to do with being true to yourself. When I wrote that, I was not entirely true to myself or you, I can be delusional sometimes when I want to boost my ego. I also lied about being able to find heaven frequency after waking each day in under 30 minutes, though not intentionally as far as I'm aware right now, it actually took me around half the day. Currently I can't seem to do it at all anymore because my mind has imprisoned me in feeling I have to do specific things to get there. I'm actually in a depression now lol. Also, you don't become free from pain because you are invincible, you are free from pain because you are free from the illusion that causes you pain. It's just an added benefit, kinda.

[quote=EnlightenedDragon181]But you are right though, taking it out on people who are just rude, manipulative and everything else that is just completely wrong with us as a race is the right thing to do.

I never claimed this was right.

Also, just for example, how would you like me to hurt you? Emotionally, physically, spiritually, your soul, your confidence, your relationship, your job, your thinking, your ideas on life

I'd like it, because I'd take advantage of it to look into the source of your action and dissolve the illusion causing me pain so that I further my mind/body's experience of truth. Also, you can't hurt soul, it is more or less god, if you wanna call it that, it's you.

I want to share with you my personal understanding regarding your personal opinions but I'd also like to respect your personal opinions specifically right now so I won't unless you give me specific questions. I Love you man :)

I think there are two sides to be considered... Anger can consume us which is not good. on the other hand letting both barrels off creates a depletion in personal energy,

In my experience. catharsis actually has some merit. be that a good work out or indeed blasting alien zombies to destruction in an RPG.. Venting, seems natural enough , especially given the potentially catastrophic consequences of an emotional bottle neck, however with some care and consideration that venting can take place with no harm to anyone and be really beneficial in the liberation to the harbourer of the nest of vipers.


I do fully accept however that circumstances alter cases:smile:

Both barrels?
I enjoy your input, thanks. :)

I like Psychoslice's & Missrachel's approach to the issue.

I can relate to anger and destructive notion you have expressed which I went through when I was younger & naive.

As I read your blog up the top, I can't help but think of some image of an angry guy who is losing it (control of himself/his anger) who excuses himself from his associates then goes behind the bush and starts venting, cursing and beating the bushes around him. Lets it all off, gathers himself together-then goes back and resume his place with his friends.
This also reminds me of Japanese placing a board (complete with the picture of the boss or anybody else hated) down the basement or another convenient place where the people having some grievance & frustrations over the character can let off their anger.
Another way I see-like some tenants we had do-is having a punching bag hanging somewhere where they also can let off and direct their anger
although I haven't seen them mount a picture of the main landlord up the top of it :D :D
Ok, over the beating of these bushes,
my point is that it is good to address your anger which you already have anyway, and find a way of letting it off. This is where Missrachel's idea of contemplating and digging deeper to the roots of your issue; in letting all out.
You are lucky Teri:hug: is giving you open arms and is trying to keep some understanding.
Just my opinion.

Hope you find your peace of mind soon over the matters aggrevating you.





I like the way you express yourself and I love your imagination! ^^

I definitely feel very grateful for her patience and understanding, it's been absolutely enlightening and liberating. Thanks :)

It might be that some basic therapy, such as CBT would give you the tools you need to let your emotions out without hurtning others or yourself.

Thanks, I'll look into this.

Anger/Jealousy overshadow our more feminine energies of acceptance and compassion. The high frequency energies of your heavenly experience are only useful for learning absolute levels of truth. The truth in the absolute can be very freeing and enlightening, but it cannot create the harmony with nature and our surroundings here in life. Your anger/emotional imbalance is what stimulates you to seek the higher truths, but it does so in order for you to bring the absolute truth back into your life and free yourself from the original issue. Which is exactly what you are doing. Here's how the process went for me:
1. Anger/repressed emotions caused a self-destructive imbalance in my life.
2. The imbalance became so great that I moved into the higher frequencies of truth. This gave me incredible feelings of bliss, enlightenment, victory over the world, freedom from suffering etc. The downside was that I became incredibly "righteous". The original anger still existed, but now it took the form of righteous indignation and self absorbed condescention.
3. I was forced to examine my repressed emotions and anger, but this time I had a perspective from the higher truths to help me understand the relative truths of our emotional lives.
4. After much(still on-going) reflection through contrasting higher truth with relative truth I eventually came to a balancing point between my damaged emotional self. This requires developing a compassion for all beings. Forgiving the world so I could forgive myself. Ultimately leading to an acceptance of higher/relative truths as they are.

I am VEEEEEEERY thankful for your words of wisdom, I'm glad to see you've shared my experience. What you said about the truth in the absolute not giving us harmony with nature and our surroundings in life resonated with me greatly.
The form your anger took was quite like mine although I didn't feel condescension, I just felt too loving and understanding. Teri says I laughed at her a lot but I only remember laughing at my intrigue of the moment or the irony of her words, it's possible I did though, I was drunk on my state of being, my mind wasn't quite ready for it, unless it was. I could have been crazy.

"3. I was forced to examine my repressed emotions and anger, but this time I had a perspective from the higher truths to help me understand the relative truths of our emotional lives."

This is where I'm very jealous of you and resentful of my actions... I almost feel further behind than I was before my great depression. I resigned myself from that high frequency completely... It's like having thrown away a trillion dollar gem that people have been searching for billions of lifetimes, and after having done so, my mind is stuck on believing that it's probably impossible to get there again in this lifetime. I know I'm just depressed, but it feels like the only way to do it this lifetime now is by completely resigning myself from my attachment to absolutely everything...which is something I do NOT want to do because, despite my depression, I might as well be in heaven already with how much I love my son, fiance and I. Why I can't let go of my addiction to the memory of my ascension? I don't know..it was just that great. I'd probably make the same choice again if it were the same situation, to be honest.

"came to a balancing point between my damaged emotional self."
What do you mean by this specifically?

Well, if you are asking for things to try, I have some things in my magic bag of tricks...they are just some tools you might like to try.

#1) would be to express your anger with words, the words that you felt you couldn't speak as a child. Open a word document, or get some paper and a pen, and just start writing and write until you can't write any more. Just vent. Give in to the feelings and allow yourself to feel them, no matter what. you are entitled to your feelings, no one can take that from you, and EVERYONE is entitled to anger -it is just a feeling. So stop thinking there is something wrong with anger and just vent. If you do it on paper, it will be much more powerful than taking it out on someone else, and you will feel more in control and connected and it will be easy to focus. This is a process from "Ask and it is Given" - writing yourself up the emotional scale. When you are done and have no more to say, DON"T go back and read it. That does not help. I would suggest you destroy it, because it was for your benefit only, and no one else's. Then, if and when you feel like it, sit and take one of those things that you vented about and see if you can't reach for a little better thought about it. Just something that feels a little better - something honest, that you can feel it honest. There are a lot of examples in that book to get you going...

#2) Once you have vented, maybe a few hours or a few days later, something will occur to you that was the underlying thing about all that. the underlying feeling, the reason behind the feeling. (As an example, in my case it was abandonment of a parent. I vented about something else entirely, and came across this idea a few days later, that I handled what happened because that's the way I always handle rejection - I get angry and I shut off that person that made me feel rejected.

Google whatever comes up - how to deal with X. And read some articles about how to deal with it, how other people dealt with it. Doing that unlocked something inside me, about the third article I read that said the same thing. something will occur to you and you will have an Ah Ha moment. For me, it was how do I deal with rejection when it happens again? And I found a different pattern of behavior to try the next time. And it will come up again, whatever you find, but it is finding the patterns of behavior that you are stuck in that is the key. find the behavior that you always do, and try and change that.

#3) There is a thread on here (sorry, don't know where) about connecting to your inner child. I can tell you what I posted on there, but there was also lots of other posts that were helpful in this regard. You are wanting to connect with your inner child and doing that is a way to help you deal with these emotions by healing the inner child. What I did was find a process in the book "Soul Love" by Sanaya Roman. It is in the first few chapters, and was so very powerful for me, it changed me after only doing it once.

I commend you on dealing with this now, in your now, because when you get a handle on it, your life will change. Everyone has ****** that happened to them. I don't know anyone who hasn't had any - the thing is not to judge if yours was worse than others, because none of us can really know, but know that it is a rite of passage to get beyond it, to allow yourself to find the why you bought into everything that everyone else wanted you to buy into about yourself and to realize YOU are the you that you came here to explore, and no one else gets a vote on how you do that.

change your beliefs and your life changes. change your patterns of behavior that came from those beliefs and heal yourself. only you have the power to do that.

be well.

All of that resonated with me very well. Honestly, I've felt quite connected with you through your posts and responses now and in the past. I'm definitely giving this stuff a try. Thank you. :)

I think it is wonderful that you are now experiencing the anger that you have repressed from your childhood/upbringing. Anger indicates LIFE is still in someone. I would be concerned if you couldn't feel anger, because that would indicate that you have severed yourself from your emotional being. Example would be a serial killer who simply can't feel his anger or empathize with another human being. I believe you should look into repressed anger, as everything you wrote indicates to me that you have stumbled upon a leak in the dam--and this leak is definitely a good thing in you developing the emotional body that, for whatever reason, you could or would not develop while growing up. The real challenge in dealing with this DEEP well of anger is where, not so much how, to channel it. You often see this dilemma within families where there was a physically abusive authority figure. Example: A family with four kids didn't learn how to express anger because the physically abusive father figure would not allow anyone to get mad or be mad. If they did, he would simply beat them. The kids become adults and now they are "unreined"--so to speak-- and now don't know what to do when feelings of anger arise. Some become drug addicts to numb with the feelings, some become sex addicts to avoid the feelings, etc. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to get a counselor (if you really need assistance) to talk it out with or figure out ways that you can channel the anger SAFELY. I used to have my clients drop a brick onto a glass bowl that sat in a large pail. It is a cathartic process that allowed the ENERGY of the anger to destroy something, but in a safe manner. Best wishes!

I'm happy you shared your thoughts and advice, it refreshed my mind and clarified my thoughts on children doing as they're told in place of being taught to listen to their hearts. I'd like to hope a lot of people read your post. Thank you. I'll consider your advice. ^^

I guess you're asking for a way to vent, and there's ways to that, depends what suits you best.

Interesting. I was, but I've been given so much advice it's hard to imagine I could ever need help venting again hahaha.

How about getting some couples counseling with your future wife and enroll yourself into an anger management therapy?

If you two are having that kind of major issues in addition to your anger problem, marrying each other anytime soon probably is not a good idea.
I am just saying.

Nah, everything is grand now, she is working from a much higher frequency now and has near infinite patience and understanding with me at the moment. Thanks for the concern though. :)



Sorry if I didn't give all of you great replies. I've been absorbed in lots of thoughts, then again, I'm not sorry, being selfish is important to me. Thank you veryyyyyyyyy much!!!! ^^

[Aurora Borealis]

#3) There is a thread on here (sorry, don't know where) about connecting to your inner child. I can tell you what I posted on there, but there was also lots of other posts that were helpful in this regard.

This (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=48503) thread?

[Gem]

Interesting. I was, but I've been given so much advice it's hard to imagine I could ever need help venting again hahaha.


I don't intend to give you advise, it's just that you said 'how to vent', and how depends on how you want to do it.

I know spiritualists have a lot of advise... but it's actually about what you want to do. What venting strategies are you already aware of?

[wstein]

Buried stuff does not go away. No matter how 'high' a state you achieve, that festering stuff WILL find its way to the surface eventually. The sooner you can deal with it, the less difficulty there will be in clearing it.

You have been given the best opportunity ever to let that stuff out. Your fiancee has opened her arms and given you a safe space. No more can be asked of a mate other than to follow through. Seems like allowing yourself to do so would be a gift to you, her, and you two as a couple. This is where trust comes in.

As to where to start, set aside an hour or two and just start with her listening and you describing in detail things that happened to you. If possible include how you felt about them. If you get stuck, get her to prompt you by asking about situations you have mentioned in the past. It's likely to feel like you are burdening her with your stuff. BUT, as you are about to be a permanent couple, all your stuff and all her stuff is now shared stuff. Know that in the future, she will need you to be there for her stuff (as per her actions there IS her stuff). Assuming you are open, intense feelings will come up and open the flood gates to allow you to get that stuff out. A note here, with that much stuff buried in there its going to take many such sessions to get it all.

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Be aware that change is hard and no one adjusts instantly.