PDA

View Full Version : Miscarriage


MissVirgo
20-10-2010, 12:15 AM
I am currently grieving from a miscarriage which I found out about yesterday. This was my first pregnancy. The baby is still in my womb, the heart stopped beating at 8 weeks. I am supposed to be 11 weeks and it will probably be yet another week before my baby is removed. I don't understand why this happened. I did everything I possibly could. I prayed every night. Is there a spiritual reason why miscarriage happens? What about the baby's soul? Does my baby not realize the heartache that has caused me? Why is this? I think I'm a good person. I am a complete emotional wreck, finding it so hard to cope, and I appreciate any answers that might give me some understanding or peace of mind.

Lovely
20-10-2010, 12:34 AM
I'm sorry for your loss :(
This may sound cliche but every thing happens for a reason.
Perhaps your soul needed this particular experience for some reason.
As to when a human gets a soul I wouldn't know.
I read that a soul enters there body at difference time.
For example one soul may enter there body when the body is 9 months old while
another one enters there body at 4 weeks.
It's possible a being on the other side offered to be your child
for a short amount of time to help you grow from this experience.
There's a quote by Helen Keller that goes:
"Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."


I honestly don't think you did anything to deserve this.
It's just happen for a reason that no one can really tell you.

Silvergirl
20-10-2010, 01:26 AM
That is so incredibly sad, MissVirgo, and I am so sorry your baby didn't get to meet you. (Or did he/she?)

My son was born in 1987. He passed away on Valentine's day of this year.
But, when I was about 2 weeks away from delivering him, I had a dream of him standing there as a young adult, and he stood there and simply smiled at me with love in his eyes.

Whether one is able to figure out 'why', or not, it's still something that will take a lot of time to go through the grieving over your loss.
:hug:

Lynn
20-10-2010, 01:33 AM
Hello


I too am sorry for one's loss too things happen for a reason. I too had a miscarage ( well two) I was about 8 weeks in both times. It is upsetting but I had faith that there was a reason this happened as I did come to have three kids. When me mate and I were TOLD NO kids would ever come to us.

Lynn

mac
20-10-2010, 01:35 AM
I am currently grieving from a miscarriage which I found out about yesterday. This was my first pregnancy. The baby is still in my womb, the heart stopped beating at 8 weeks. I am supposed to be 11 weeks and it will probably be yet another week before my baby is removed. I don't understand why this happened. I did everything I possibly could. I prayed every night. Is there a spiritual reason why miscarriage happens? What about the baby's soul? Does my baby not realize the heartache that has caused me? Why is this? I think I'm a good person. I am a complete emotional wreck, finding it so hard to cope, and I appreciate any answers that might give me some understanding or peace of mind.
Here's my take on this situation. We lost our son at full term, just after starting what seemed a normal labour. He died in my arms - we went home to an empty home all prepared for the arrival of our son. You've lost your darling baby, just an earlier stage but otherwise no different. You were looking forward to the arrival just as we were.... My heart breaks for you at what is happening to you now. But now I have to tell you some stuff which I hope will help you make some sense of this all - yes, sense can be made but it may take time.... I've been building my understanding for quite some years because I had no one to explain.

So, point by point...."I don't understand why this happened. I did everything I possibly could. I prayed every night. Is there a spiritual reason why miscarriage happens?" NO!

Stop right now beating yourself up with these thoughts and stop right now listening to others who either haven't been in our situation and/or haven't progressed much in their understanding. It's pretty easy to put your loss into one of two classes.

Firstly - despite my first reply of NO, there are just a few special situations where it's possible that some special arrangement was agreed by consenting parties all round for this to happen. Do I think that's the case? Well....maybe, just a small maybe.

Do I think it's much more likely that something just wasn't right with your developing child? ABSOLUTELY! MUCH MORE LIKELY.

Was the loss intended as some form of spiritual lesson? Just possibly and that's all - just possibly. BUT children are lost all the time and not for one instant do I accept that they were all lost as a result of either or all of the above reasons. Now...." What about the baby's soul? Does my baby not realize the heartache that has caused me? Why is this? I think I'm a good person." The first bit's easy. Your child will grow to maturity in the dimension from which we all came, to which we'll all return and will be nurtured and cared for at every stage.

The child will know you as it grows and will stay near enough to you as she or he develops to know what's happening in your life. If you both want to meet when it's your time to pass over, this will happen.

Second bit. Your heartache? What of the heartache of your child who misses you? She/he didn't do it to hurt you or to be hurt her or himself. And yes your child knows or will later know how you are hurt - but your child didn't deliberately do it to you.

I've had to keep this as brief as I can consistent with giving you something to cling to.

Emotional wreck? Oh yes I know that feeling - went through all that stuff but eventually the blackness began to lift although the missing of our son stays - that's how it should be - we both miss one another but both understand it won't be forever.

And neither will yours.:smile:

PM me if you wish. with concern and love

mac

Greenslade
20-10-2010, 07:46 AM
Miss Virgo

I am sorry for your loss, it's never easy to lose a child you want so much. Sometimes words just aren't enough.

Please, don't blame your child for the pain. It wasn't intentional and it's a dark Path that should never be walked. I can understand you need to blame someone or something, but not the child. The child will have his/her own trauma because of this.

My wife had a miscarriage a few years ago. While it was a lot of pain then the pain does subside and if you open your mind enough you can start the healing process. If you ask when the Soul and the body are one, you will get a variety of answers. I believe the Soul enters the body as soon as the egg is fertilised, so the Soul of your baby was already there. Bear this in mind when asking if your baby realises how much pain you have been caused, because he/she will be going through something of his/her own. It wasn't until much later that I understood why it had happened. The child was never meant to be born, but the connections had to be made in this Life.

Since then he has spent a lot of time with his sister. She asked me about him one day, she was too young to really understand what was happening and seemed to take the miscarriage in her stride at the time. Perhaps that was a reflection of how much she understood. Years later though, she asked about my wife having been pregnant because she seemed to remember something about having a brother. I quizzed her about it a little more and it turned out that her brother had been visiting her, she had felt his presence and had seen him in dreams. By the way she was talking it wasn't the pregnancy she remembered but that she had an actual, physical brother that wasn't there with her. To her understanding at that moment, he had been born but might have been fostered out or something similar. Once I explained what had happened it made sense to her. The two of them have always had a special relationship and sometimes she comments on how the two of them had been talking or she felt him close. I have always had a relationship with him, and although he's not here in body I know he is in Spirit. All I need to do is play rock music and he comes steaming in, and he slaps my Heart with so much Love often it brings me close to tears.

It happened for a reason, MissVirgo, and I doubt anyone can tell you what that reason is right now. That is only for you to find out later, and the only way to do that is somehow find the strength to carry on. While you're in a world of hurt right now it will pass, but that might come across as little consolation. For what it's worth, I believe the connections have been made and will manifest themselves later on your Path. You will find your reasons and answers but it won't be any time soon.

Give yourself time to grieve, no matter how much Spiritual stuff we spout we're still very human. Give the human part of you what it needs right now and the rest will come later. Perhaps think of the child returned to Spirit, and think of the Love that will never allow you to be too separate. If you Love someone, set them free.

abikisses
20-10-2010, 08:33 AM
Your pain is unbearable, I know that. I lost three babies in the womb between 8-12 weeks.

I let that pain eat away at me for years, became depressed, took antidepressants and became negative towards myself and to others.

I thank God for my two wonderful children now, nearly 4 years and a 6 month old. I was greeted by them both before I became pregnant. They were two of the same souls that were attached to my previous pregnancies.

I learnt that the conditions were not right for them but also it was a lesson for me, that I had to suffer to grow... I had to learn ways of means and coping. I'm done with that now. I also learnt that from the moment of conception the soul of that child can enter whenever they want and then be in spirit, multidimensional if you like... I learnt that our children are not necessarily children when they return home but in fact fully formed 'adults', in tune with their higher selves but will take on the appearance of a child to the parent or family members so they realise who they are or get a sense of who they are...

There are of course many explanations as already mentioned to you above.

You will heal one day and this special soul will always be near and maybe choose to come at a later stage.

I see you in your well of despair, hopelessness, of darkness and misery... it's ok to stay there for a short time but remember to come out.

Blessings
Abikisses

Native spirit
20-10-2010, 11:45 AM
:hug3: Hey Miss Vergo,


Im sorry for your Loss, you ask the same question many people who go through the same thing ask, why? there is no answer im afraid its just unfortunate it doesnt lesson the pain at all,
i lost 2 babies one through ectopic at 14 weeks and my other at 12 weeks only 6 months after my ectopic,
it is devestating but you will go through the motions of grief,
there is no real answer as to why your baby didnt make it into the outside world.
but like the others have said, everything happens for a reason.
i will send Healing thoughts out to you,


Namaste

Spiritlite
20-10-2010, 03:21 PM
Firstly I am so so sorry for your loss, it's tragic that you are still carryign your baby I can't even begin to imagine how horrific that must be for you.
My mother miscarried at 10 weeks. And after she had my brother (I came first after the misscarriage then my brother) she had a dream, and the dream was a baby and the baby said (she knew this was the baby she lost and it was a boy) the baby said "my soul is in your living son's body now" then dissapeared.
Spiritlite

autumnrose
20-10-2010, 04:52 PM
Hi
I went through the very same thing a few years back. It's heartbraking. I was eight weeks when it stopped developing and by the time it was confirmed and i had a D&C i was supposed to be ten weeks. I completley understand what you are going through. It's a hard time.
Before the site went down i had posted something very simular to you, about the soul of the baby. It's a shame it was lost because it had some very lovely thoughts from other members on that really helped. You've certainly come to the right place. :)
I have two children, but i always have and always will feel the one i lost too.
Its something that is so hard to understand but it is not your fault. You did not do anything wrong and nor did the child.
Some say the soul will come back to you at a later stage, when it's the right time, some say it's with you in spirit. Either way, i belive it's always with you. You were it's mother and thats a very stong conection, one not broken so easily. :)

MissVirgo
20-10-2010, 07:20 PM
Lovely, Silvergirl, Lynn, mac, Greenslade, abikisses, Native spirit, Spiritlite and autumnrose. I thank you all individually, as your words not only comforted me, but contributed to some of my healing. I am not on the computer nearly as much, I spend the whole day in bed. I barely eat and can only mutter a few words to my boyfriend who is also grieving.

I wish I could reply individually to you all, but please know that I am grateful that you took the time to read my story and added your words of condolences. My heart breaks for all of you who have went through this same ordeal. It's a tragedy that is difficult to overcome and gather strength.

I know this is a very special site. I joined up last year, but had to rejoin, as I lost my old account as "Virgo". Whether or not my baby chooses to be incarnated by a future child I might have, it's assuring to know my baby's soul will be attached to me always.

Bless you all, and again, thank you ever so much for posting.

Jules
20-10-2010, 08:17 PM
((((((((( MissVirgo)))))))))

Sending many blessings of love and hugs at this tragic time for both you and your partner.
The replies you've had have brought many wonderful replies of condolances and of hope.
But what I'd like to add is, remember one thing. EAch and every one of us have own experiences and whilst a lot of those shared have been virtually identical situations, we all deal with death and grief differently.
Know that your baby's soul is where he's meant to be. See your Doctor and accept any help that is offered or available to you, including any councelling. Don't look on it as being 'weak'. If he feels you need medication for a short while, and you're in agreement then take his advice. YOU are in control of your own body and know it best. But most of all, don't hold in your emotions. With lots of love and healing thoughts. Jue xxx

Greenslade
21-10-2010, 07:31 AM
very welcome, MissVirgo

The bond between mother and child is always special, it will always be there. Although - in human terms - someone dies we can still carry them with us in our Hearts. There is no set time for grieving, take your own time. However, I'd agree with Jules that counselling is an option. You could also sit down one quiet spell and light a candle for your baby and say your farewells - for now. Tell him/her that you'll meet on the other side where things will be different. Tell him/her you'll always carry them in your Heart. Some closure might help.

MissVirgo
21-10-2010, 03:26 PM
Jules, thank you for your support. Unfortunately, counselling is not easy to come by in this city where I live. I have a wonderful support network of family and friends. I generally write to ease my sorrows, it helps me sort out my thoughts. I know not to rush the grieving, and although I spend most of my time in bed upset by this tragedy, I try to do a little more each day.

Greenslade, I will take your advice and hold a quiet memorial service for my baby. I will wait until I have the D&C because that will be another traumatic experience for me as the baby will no longer be in my womb. (I had a missed miscarriage, so I am still carrying my deceased baby.)

ThinkingAloud
21-10-2010, 11:53 PM
I am currently grieving from a miscarriage which I found out about yesterday. This was my first pregnancy. The baby is still in my womb, the heart stopped beating at 8 weeks. I am supposed to be 11 weeks and it will probably be yet another week before my baby is removed. I don't understand why this happened. I did everything I possibly could. I prayed every night. Is there a spiritual reason why miscarriage happens? What about the baby's soul? Does my baby not realize the heartache that has caused me? Why is this? I think I'm a good person. I am a complete emotional wreck, finding it so hard to cope, and I appreciate any answers that might give me some understanding or peace of mind.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

As I understand it from what I have read, a child's soul still exists within the spirit world much like a young child's would if they passed at an early age.

Personally, I wouldn't get too caught up in why it happened and certainly feel no guilt as it is no no one's fault.

Best wishes :)

Greenslade
22-10-2010, 02:04 PM
Take your time, MissVirgo, only when you and your boyfriend are both good and ready.

LightFilledHeart
22-10-2010, 02:43 PM
As painful as a miscarriage is, I always believe that the soul that has chosen to enter in through the body of that child has had a change of plans, for whatever reason, and now must abort the mission. Sometimes a change of circumstances in the lives of the parents-to-be can alter what will be available to the soul preparing to enter in, in terms of medium for growth and expansion, and the soul will thus abandon the mission and find another vehicle through which to enter. Although knowing this does not ease the pain felt by the would-be parents, it may at the very least apply some soothing and comforting balm, knowing that at the right and perfect time another soul will likely be drawn to them and their present circumstances, and will complete the cycle to enter the earth as their child.

Starbuck
22-10-2010, 03:12 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. My niece lost her baby at 21 weeks and I went to the funeral just three weeks ago. It was heartbreaking. I know how you feel right now. The others here have given some good advice and support. You are not alone and you didn't do anything wrong. No one knows why things terrible things happen, they just do.

MissVirgo
27-10-2010, 01:25 AM
Thank you all for your supportive words and your condolences. My apologies that I haven't been on here much, due to the emotional overload running through me at this time.

nephesh
27-10-2010, 05:30 AM
Thank you all for your supportive words and your condolences. My apologies that I haven't been on here much, due to the emotional overload running through me at this time. I think that's understandable.

I am truly sorry for your loss sometimes these things just happen. I have read that sometimes the body will miscarry if there is something wrong with the baby.

In some books I recently read an author stated that a baby that is miscarried/stillborn may have made some type of arrangement to return to that physical parent/parents at a later point (in another body), not always but sometimes. Something else said that when someone is pregnant that the soul can come and go as he or she pleases but starts to stay for longer periods when they are closer to their physical birth.

Those we love and lost to physical death never truly leave us even if we cant physical see them. Your lost child might become a spiritual guide if he /she does no return physical to you during this lifetime.

Perhaps this is just something that you had to go through and it will make your stronger in the end, hard to see now I realize.

Know that you are not a lone there are many women who have had miscarriages (I have read that majority of miscarriages go unnoticed as they are lost before the mother even knows she’s pregnant) or stillborns there is a support group out there for you (even an online group) if you feel you need one. Also know that everyone has to deal in their own way with their grief and there is no time period just take as much time as you need. A part of us will always miss someone that we have lost until we are back with them in some capacity.


I will be praying for you. :hug2:

Moon Willow
27-10-2010, 06:06 AM
Sending my love to you MissVirgo.

My daughter was still-born at 27 weeks, and they also made me carry her for a week before I went into labour so I know how hard this time is for you. I know that you are going through a terrible time at the moment but just thought I could send a little bit of light to you.

Before I knew anything was wrong, my daughter came to me in 2 dreams and showed me why she decided not to come through this time (she had a severe form of spinabifida and her best-case scenario wasn't good). I feel her around me lots and now that I've accepted the situation and made good progress in my healing journey she comes back to me in dreams. Quite a few people have told me that she is in-training and in the future will be working with me to help other people who need a little guidance in their healing process.

Earlier this year when I found out our good friends baby has lost his battle with a heart problem I heard a little voice in my ear "I'm holding his hand mummy" which was a beautiful moment in such a difficult time.

Now 3 years have passed I can honestly say that even though this was the hardest and saddest thing I could ever imagine happening that I have learnt so much, it has made me a much better person and opened up many new opportunites for me. I know it doesn't feel like it now but just thought I would share so you do know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though you probably can't see it right now.

And a service is a wonderful idea. We had a very low-key one for our daughter and it was great to have a chance to say "see you for now" and have all your support people around you. Also, friends and family are also greiving for your baby and for you so it can be nice for them too. We were blown away when we had over a 100 people show up, weren't expecting many.

I found reading Doris Stoke's book very comforting - if you don't know already Doris Stokes was a brilliant Medium who also had a young son pass over.

Sorry, my post is a bit over the place but just wanted to send you and your family my love and support.

And like my signature says A person's a person no matter how small :love1:

Moon Willow :hug:

MissVirgo
30-10-2010, 08:22 PM
Thank you nepesh and Moon Willow. Like I said before, I'm not on here very often, so I apologize for the delay.

I want to thank all of you who took the time to read and reply to my post. I appreciate all of your input.