Language is leaving me

[Emmalevine]

I woke up with Annie Lennox's song 'No more I love yous' in my head so I used a line from it as the title for this post!

As I progress on my spiritual path I feel less need for language. Does anyone else find the same? I've always been an introvert who dislikes social chatter, but language has become even more futile than before.

This morning I was at the seafront with a friend. Language was a distraction. Then someone we recognised but don't know very well walked past with their dog. They began talking and laughing together about the dog. I couldn't think of anything I particularly wanted to say. I stroked and fussed the dog. I knew I probably seemed very anti-social but I really didn't want a conversation. It was enough to take it all in...the dog, the beach.

I really do wonder about myself. It's not surprising my son is autistic!

[Silver]

I couldn't just leave you standing there, Starbuck. *that would be the joke, wouldn't it, lol.* I've had those moments where I don't feel like saying anything - a warm smile says plenty, methinks. I'm sure everyone else has had those relatively rare moments, as well. I think you're a couple of hearbeats away from the long spiritual journey you've been on to where you don't link up your special quiet spiritual moments with your son's autism. No guilt. I've been struggling - as you know - with guilt over my son's death and it's been just over 3 years now, and am just beginning to step away from that inappropriate feeling of responsibility. A great many blessings to you.

[Squatchit]

Hiya Starbuck

I go through periods where speaking seems so...what's the right word....pointless I guess. I spend a lot of time in silence anyway given that I live alone.

When I first began taking notice of what people said, I was amazed at how much we use stock phrases repetitively (myself included). The little quips that are not funny after the second time of hearing them, but are still laughed at each time seemingly out of politeness. I think a lot of noise from our mouths is simply social etiquette.

There's nothing nicer than being in the same room as someone else in comfortable silence. :smile:

And, I just had to response to this thread being a big Annie Lennox fan. As soon as I read the title, I was singing the song! :D

Big Silent Hugs to You! :hug:

[Emmalevine]

Silvergirl - thanks for your kind words. I know you've struggled a lot and am pleased you're able to let go of some of the responsibility now. I don't really blame myself to be honest, it's more interesting for me that I'm the way I am and my son is the way he is...the introversion.

Squatch - Yes that's how I feel. I also live alone and spend the majority of day in silence apart from when people are visiting. I like comfortable silence too :smile: Hmm I've also found that people repeat the same old stuff. One particular friend of mine tells me the same story over and over at different times and doesn't seem to realise it. As you say we seem to be conditioned into talking even when there's nothing new to say. Perhaps it stems from our fear of being alone and separate?

Annie Lennox is great!

[Racer X]

:smile::smile::smile::smile::angel9:

[Louisa]

I've given up on trying to talk normal conversations with most people. First of all, I don't have normal social brain capacities, I feel (I think I am fairly certain I have some variant of autism spectrum disorder, though never officially diagnosed). When I try to talk in normal social chatter, my mind draws a blank and when I force words out people look at me like I must be crazy. I guess the things I come up with are just plain strange when I force that flow.

I can chatter endlessly about my favorite subjects, so get me with a group of people who share my strange interests and obsessions and I will be considered extremely talkative and extroverted, but I'm usually the quietest person anyone has ever seen - I mean seriously, I don't know how to do normal small talk and hellos, general social etiquette (but I'm not rude - I'm just silent. I don't think silent is rude, anyway) - things that come super easily to others. I've tried to learn, but that's been a failing endeavour.

I take comfort in the fact that silence and not speaking too much or supplying too many details and comments is valued as a sign of respect and thoughtfulness in certain indigenous cultures. It allows another person space to think and shows them that you know they can fill in the blanks with their own thoughts, draw their own conclusions, etc. Some cultures actually value just being silent when you first meet someone, I think I read - maybe Aboriginal societies?

I got to a point where I couldn't think straight from excruciating headaches once and I went through hours of pain and exhaustion where there was literally no room for thought in my brain. I hated it on the one hand, but I love it looking back, as a learning experience. I think what I experienced taught me a kind of meditation. And to enjoy the moment, in my own mind, without the internal commentary. Now I can wait in waiting rooms for hours, and do other inane things and I feel happy (sometimes, when I can tap in that state) because I can more easily tap into that silence.

[Kaere]

I go through the same thing Starbuck... where I just want to be with people and not have to talk or type or do anything other than just feel myself there.

[Belle]

Sometimes just being in the moment is too beautiful for words. I remember a situation similar - or rather lots of situations where i have been somewhere and just happy with my company, the air, the scenery, and it's wonderful just to have that moment of simply being. It's rare, wonderful and precious.

[charly233]

The truth of love lies beyond all our stories about God, ourselves and our philosophies and religions etc. What matters is beyond language, although it can be fun to attempt to use language in a vain attempt to point towards that which is formless and indescribable.

[Emmalevine]

Thanks for the replies. Glad to hear others have experienced similar. I agree Belle that being in the moment is sometimes all that is needed. I've often felt that other people dilute it somehow. As a child I felt the same but my world was a fantasy one, inside my head! Others had no part of it.

Charly I like what you say that what matters is beyond language. And of course, the world existed long before we, and our language, came on the scene.

[7luminaries]

This thread speaks deeply to me (no pun intended :smile:).

I have also felt a growing awareness by many of the limitations of spoken language. A growing frustration that, more than ever, we cannot always seems to "read" or "be read" clearly by others. What we mean to convey is, how I can I get past these words/limits to communicate what is in my head and even more so, what is in my heart?

I think that language is often difficult unless people are aware and open. Aware of where they are at and open to the sharing of that. Not only in words. But also in the sharing of their presence. As we all know, that can communicate volumes and can give you an underlying context from which to interpret their moods, intentions, or their words.

Relying on words alone is a very limited and hollow way to have to communicate. I think we've all seen the studies that we get 90% of the meaning from the presence and manner of a person...only 10% from what they say. Seems about right!

Peace & blessings,
7L