Fearing hurting others

[silent whisper]

I have been in a few discussions lately and noticing the fears of others coming up around hurting others and giving away their own power in that space...by being afraid to stand in theirs fully for fear of hurting others.......

Not wanting to hurt in their sharing, or what they have to say. This often can be the case of emapths who can read others emotions, because much of the interaction opens up those unexpressed spaces which can be witheld but most often come about to clear the passage of connection.

Sometimes it cant be helped, other times it can of course.

Trusting fully in the share and the connection is something I have learned to do. Sometimes what we share will be rejected or accepted and we might perceive that it will hurt others, but in trust what we express one with the sharing is a clear trusting share, that will be felt in anothers own resonation of that space of sharing.

I noticed today, a young man asked me a question. It was direct and challenging. I pondered over it to answer, didnt rush as I wanted to feel fully and let my response be clear. As I was doing this. He then said. I am not trying to dominate you. At this point, I felt his fear and shared with him what I felt. He then went on to share in his honest self reflection of our interaction, that he was fearing he had hurt me in the previous question. I assured him he didnt and that I was pondering my answer to be from my fullness of truth. In that recognition of his own underlying fear one with his second question, I told him that he was in fact projecting his fear in being caring not to hurt. I shared with him that those who cannot separate their own fears from others in that space, might not see his true intention, because his hidden fear was being projected with his concern as one.

He realized this in that moment, because I expressed his fear for him that I felt in me as it was not being fully felt in himself.. Sometimes fearing to hurt others, leads us to unintentionally hurt others, when our intention is not to do this at all. If someone unaware of feeling others, takes on that feeling in themselves, they may react to the fear as their own.

Expressing fears honestly helps to open up those hidden fears we hide behind, to release ourselves from the ongoing pain of having people react to our fear, not to our true intention...empaths especially who feel others.

[Ivy]

This is very true...good post.

[Belle]

Hi SW

This resonates exactly where I am at. I've discovered the role of myself as an empath which has been strange, explains a lot but once known, I can work with it.

Moreover, I have a shadow magnet so other people's negative energies run into mine, leaving them in a good space and me swamped - that is if I open up my heart.

So, having recognised these aspects, I can learn how to manage them more easily. The last two weeks have been really bewildering as these aspects of myself have worked hard to get them noticed within me. Grr.

Expressing fears honestly helps to open up those hidden fears we hide behind, to release ourselves from the ongoing pain of having people react to our fear, not to our true intention...empaths especially who feel others.

I would go further than that and dare to suggest perhaps love the fear, acknowledge that it plays an important part in keeping the self safe, it has guarded you, it is part of you and to honour it and look to work in conjunction with it. A degree of fear will keep you safe, and if fear is your friend then it will serve you well.

Sometimes fearing to hurt others, leads us to unintentionally hurt others, when our intention is not to do this at all. If someone unaware of feeling others, takes on that feeling in themselves, they may react to the fear as their own.

Absolutely. If you care too much about being part of the solution when helping someone, then your "help" will have so much of yourself in it. When trying to help someone, I used to attach greatly to my message and if they rejected it, they rejected me. Indignation would then come into the fore. Now, and very much in my fledgling days and so excitingly stepping into a new world, I noticed last night throwing out suggestions to a friend and not attaching, not caring where they landed. I think she was able to accept the suggestions as they didn't have "me" asssociated and had she rejected the ideas, I would have known that it was simply because they didn't resonate.

It's good to care, indeed, and I do care about her and that my words won't hurt her of course, but it is holding the care with a love and power and a lightness - rather than attaching to it.

[silent whisper]

Hi SW

This resonates exactly where I am at. I've discovered the role of myself as an empath which has been strange, explains a lot but once known, I can work with it.

Moreover, I have a shadow magnet so other people's negative energies run into mine, leaving them in a good space and me swamped - that is if I open up my heart.

So, having recognised these aspects, I can learn how to manage them more easily. The last two weeks have been really bewildering as these aspects of myself have worked hard to get them noticed within me. Grr.



I would go further than that and dare to suggest perhaps love the fear, acknowledge that it plays an important part in keeping the self safe, it has guarded you, it is part of you and to honour it and look to work in conjunction with it. A degree of fear will keep you safe, and if fear is your friend then it will serve you well.



Absolutely. If you care too much about being part of the solution when helping someone, then your "help" will have so much of yourself in it. When trying to help someone, I used to attach greatly to my message and if they rejected it, they rejected me. Indignation would then come into the fore. Now, and very much in my fledgling days and so excitingly stepping into a new world, I noticed last night throwing out suggestions to a friend and not attaching, not caring where they landed. I think she was able to accept the suggestions as they didn't have "me" asssociated and had she rejected the ideas, I would have known that it was simply because they didn't resonate.

It's good to care, indeed, and I do care about her and that my words won't hurt her of course, but it is holding the care with a love and power and a lightness - rather than attaching to it.


thankyou Belle, your share is so informative, I especially like that space of you reaching that awareness of sharing without caring too much how its going to be taken, thats a major point of growth for you. It allows for your true nature to shine as you are fully in a non attached way and regardless of how its accepted, you know your true intention and that is whats most important.

As one empowers their own fears as I have done, the old fear space becomes simply a tool of recognition in others. As an empath now having cleared those fears in me on all levels, I can feel others fears and share with them when they are felt in my own light and love space of the old fear itself. That recognition is a gift if shared in trust to help them empower themselves. So yes loving your fears is wonderful for when you feel them in others and return them in love.

[Mr Interesting]

I've read through this stuff and gone and made a cup of tea and various things have gone through my head and they all go back to a situation I found myself in a week ago.

I wasn't with someone on a personal level talking things out so much as being in a place doing work that was asked of me and this person is a friend.

But usually within talking to most people I am aware of where their fears reside, as I am aware of my own, and so I can go to the edges and beyond if the requirement is within that space to do so, or it feels like that anyways, but within this work I was doing what was merely work for me, with purely physical things I understood, what happened took on a totally metaphorical and emotional angle for the person I was working for which baffled me as this objective work took on greater and greater subjective meaning for the friend and become quite simply a wave of fear and it's irrationality.

It was totally perplexing even as I understood her fears simply because for me the work wasn't difficult or even remotely life threatening but for her her lack of understanding of the mechanics prompted a full on emotional response.

Interestingly enough the work was in a bathroom and specifically around the toilet and after I left, quite quickly as it happened, I realised the metaphor of waste removal.

The next day I had to go back, even while I felt her reluctance, because the state I'd left things in. whilst easily sorted, were still in the realm of life threatening for her, but I went back regardless and sorted things, doing it in a way she was reasonably comfortable with even while I knew I'd have to go back again and fix it properly.

Anyways over the space of a day or two more she softened and apologised, and even related that after her own irrationality she'd gone out and been encountered by someone who became totally irrational to her, but as she calmed down the mechanisms she uses to have order in her life became obvious as did the reason why these mechanisms are faulty and will bring more irrationality into her life soon enough.

So I suppose for me the question isn't so much whether fear can be brought to the surface and dealt with but are the mechanisms in place to deal with it properly. I'm almost of the opinion that the fears are a result of ill chosen mechanisms... actually I don't know at all, but what I do now understand, to an extent, is that if we are at all interested in helping people who might have fears they need to bring forth that without a proper grounding in resolving those fears they will just keep being created.

This has been a biggy for me and I'm learning that some people just can't be helped, at least by me, and also the extent to which the help is asked, which levels are used to ask for it even.... because I do go out and work with people in their houses fairly often and have been aware in the past of the metaphors involved with that but I'm going to have to turn up my awareness and realise when and where it will not be worth doing... and possibly how I could define a way for those people to help themselves first.

[silent whisper]

I've read through this stuff and gone and made a cup of tea and various things have gone through my head and they all go back to a situation I found myself in a week ago.

I wasn't with someone on a personal level talking things out so much as being in a place doing work that was asked of me and this person is a friend.

But usually within talking to most people I am aware of where their fears reside, as I am aware of my own, and so I can go to the edges and beyond if the requirement is within that space to do so, or it feels like that anyways, but within this work I was doing what was merely work for me, with purely physical things I understood, what happened took on a totally metaphorical and emotional angle for the person I was working for which baffled me as this objective work took on greater and greater subjective meaning for the friend and become quite simply a wave of fear and it's irrationality.

It was totally perplexing even as I understood her fears simply because for me the work wasn't difficult or even remotely life threatening but for her her lack of understanding of the mechanics prompted a full on emotional response.

Interestingly enough the work was in a bathroom and specifically around the toilet and after I left, quite quickly as it happened, I realised the metaphor of waste removal.

The next day I had to go back, even while I felt her reluctance, because the state I'd left things in. whilst easily sorted, were still in the realm of life threatening for her, but I went back regardless and sorted things, doing it in a way she was reasonably comfortable with even while I knew I'd have to go back again and fix it properly.

Anyways over the space of a day or two more she softened and apologised, and even related that after her own irrationality she'd gone out and been encountered by someone who became totally irrational to her, but as she calmed down the mechanisms she uses to have order in her life became obvious as did the reason why these mechanisms are faulty and will bring more irrationality into her life soon enough.

So I suppose for me the question isn't so much whether fear can be brought to the surface and dealt with but are the mechanisms in place to deal with it properly. I'm almost of the opinion that the fears are a result of ill chosen mechanisms... actually I don't know at all, but what I do now understand, to an extent, is that if we are at all interested in helping people who might have fears they need to bring forth that without a proper grounding in resolving those fears they will just keep being created.

This has been a biggy for me and I'm learning that some people just can't be helped, at least by me, and also the extent to which the help is asked, which levels are used to ask for it even.... because I do go out and work with people in their houses fairly often and have been aware in the past of the metaphors involved with that but I'm going to have to turn up my awareness and realise when and where it will not be worth doing... and possibly how I could define a way for those people to help themselves first.

Thanks Mr I...
They key if you change your view to one of sharing yourself fully and not helping so much, you then just get to be you, the thought processes just fade away about when, why, should I do it this way, should I not intervene......you just trust fully in your own flow and your natural discernment is already engaged..and you natural gift for that moment is already preset...for the highest good of all..:)

Yes and all connections within, Mr I, link to our physical reality, even the tiniest little screw going missing...lol!!

[Belle]

So I suppose for me the question isn't so much whether fear can be brought to the surface and dealt with but are the mechanisms in place to deal with it properly. I'm almost of the opinion that the fears are a result of ill chosen mechanisms... actually I don't know at all, but what I do now understand, to an extent, is that if we are at all interested in helping people who might have fears they need to bring forth that without a proper grounding in resolving those fears they will just keep being created.

This has been a biggy for me and I'm learning that some people just can't be helped, at least by me, and also the extent to which the help is asked, which levels are used to ask for it even.... because I do go out and work with people in their houses fairly often and have been aware in the past of the metaphors involved with that but I'm going to have to turn up my awareness and realise when and where it will not be worth doing... and possibly how I could define a way for those people to help themselves first.

The fear is part of you, or whomever, it just rages slightly out of control, unloved and unwanted and knowing that it creates an angry response. When you walk in harmony with your fear, then you can move forwards more easily.

Talk to your fear and tell it that it is ok and thank it for protecting you all these years. Start to love it and it will walk in harmony with you, protect you and keep you safe and give you good counsel. Fear is a part of you, reject it and it will just shout louder and more awkwardly.

[Ivy]

The fear is part of you, or whomever, it just rages slightly out of control, unloved and unwanted and knowing that it creates an angry response. When you walk in harmony with your fear, then you can move forwards more easily.

Talk to your fear and tell it that it is ok and thank it for protecting you all these years. Start to love it and it will walk in harmony with you, protect you and keep you safe and give you good counsel. Fear is a part of you, reject it and it will just shout louder and more awkwardly.

I like this very much :smile:

[Mr Interesting]

The situation has passed and excuse me for using help the way I did. I was not there to help this person in the sense we use help here, in these forums, but simply as in help offered as a paying job.

And it may be that I'm defending myself, but as within the work I did, I'm not necessarily defending anything as much as illustrating with words what I feel to be the substance of the situation. Within the work I did I was attacked, as it were, but it was what I was doing and how I was doing it that caused the attack, the how as opposed to the why, and excuse my resounding use of I which is simply used to express that 'me' was there.

I was sharing my faith, and here I'll use the proscribed wording, within being paid to help. My faith that what was before me was solvable and that answers would come as they were needed and it felt that that's what was attacked. when I was attacked I didn't defend myself and agreed many times that I couldn't know the outcome and put myself in a position of being the medium for what needed to be done.

So what I'd tried to illustrate within my first post is that when we do something for someone that we are asked to do serving that requirement as a task to be completed 'and' realise that within the task it may actually be of a greater subjective metaphor than it is an objective task then we can acknowledge that these people may create hurt within the doing but it is still the task that is foremost. The task is foremost because it is a concrete thing and in the doing the emphasis must stay within objectivity to allow any subjectivity that arises to be as it should be.