What gives????

[Gsquared61]

I have had 6 years of absolute hell. I have had the worst luck anyone could have had for the last 6 years. It was so bad that no one would believe it was even possible for that much bad stuff to happen to one person. 6 years of all bad and little to no good. It was so bad I even went to an energy healer (I was referred too) to see if I was cursed and I don't believe in curses or energy healers. But I was so desperate and lost I would have gone anywhere if they said they could, or even might be able to help me. I was so depressed and lacking hope that I thought about packing it in every day for years. Now after I endured all that they have now found a mass on my brain that could be cancer. Is this why I went through all that just to die at the end of it? I don't get it, I am one of the good guys, I never intentionally hurt another person, I was kind and caring and loving, and I don't have a judgmental bone in my body. If I have a fault it is trusting too much and being taken advantage of allot. The thing about this that really bothers me is I am going to be going into the unknown with a very negative perspective about life and God. I might have to head off with 6 years of hell as my leaving reality. Right now I hate god, I just don't get why I see so many mean and nasty people have great luck and get rewarded for being that way, while I and other nice people get clobbered for being nice. I blame god for that (if there is one) and there is no way I can see another perspective as being possible given the circumstances. Like if you are being tortured for years on end it is hard to see the torturer as anything other than the enemy you hate. And I can safely say I hate anything that would do this to me!

Like why do the selfish get catered too and the kind get used? Why is it that the good die young? Why is it that no good deed goes unpunished? And why would god take me out with this negative perspective as my parting reality? Haven't I been through enough? I have no family left, no home of my own, no girlfriend, no career, no friends who have me as a priority in their lives, and no hope left. I lost everything I cared about and had every comfort removed. I mean I lost everything. It has all been ripped out of my life and the only thing that kept me from killing myself was the fear of the unknown. Now I have to face the fear of the unknown with nothing but a fearful and jaded perspective of god and life. I was terrified of dying and now I am facing it with 6 years of hell leading me out. If I go out now with this negative and fearful perspective where will I end up on the other side? All I want to know is what Einstein called the most important question "is the universe a friendly place?" It sure does not appear that way to me and that makes me fear death, god, and life itself. I was not born that way, life formed me that way by the horrible life I have had as of late and I don't get why. Why do so many of the so called bad people have great lives and so many of the so called good people have horrible ones? How can god be about love and life be so painful?

[silent whisper]

I hear you...

Its good you offloaded this lot..its heavy, intense and I am gathering your very afraid yes?

Is it really the end or the end of that big cycle of pain you have endured...Have you had a full diagonsis..I am lead to believe not yet?

Your post takes me back to a time where I had endured a dark night of the soul, a spiritual awakening, and a fire took my home and belongings all in the space of a few years..When the trauma of that space..kicked in later on, my underlying fears from the trauma of those years, made me think that what I endured was only to die. I thought how can one go thorugh all this stuff, endure and then suddenly it was only to die and leave. It was after processing fully the trauma from all events that I was able to see the fear lift and I rebuilt my faith and trust with new awareness and understanding

Well I cant say what you may have to go through with this brain mass, but if my story offers you any hope, I hope it does..

I feel in many ways, like I have been given a second chance at life now. I see that the truama of those events took me to the core of facing death and back up again...I am back up..and give thanks every day for this second chance...

You have so much to process, give yourself time to let go of all that you need to in the face of this next challenge and remind yourself, it may be simply the end of a cycle to find peace...I cant say that for sure..but I hope it gives you some faith...to work thorugh this all..and take the next step with some hope in your heart...

[silent whisper]

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
— Harriet Beecher Stowe

[silent whisper]

The big challenge is to become all that you have the possibility of becoming. You cannot believe what it does to the human spirit to maximize your human potential and stretch yourself to the limit.
— Jim Rohn

[silent whisper]

There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet.
— William Frederick Halsey, Jr.

[sesheta]

I know how you feel, believe me - I lived through mine: Within the past 12 years (starting in 2000) I have gone through:

- Being diagnosed with, treated for, and surviving - cancer
- Losing both of my parents
- Being diagnosed with, and will now probably always be dealing with - a kidney problem
- Splitting up with my ex, who then tried to commit suicide. He then ran off & declared bankruptcy, leaving me high & dry... Due to this, I had to sell our home, re-home most of our cats, and am now renting a town-house, until I can finish paying off the debt still owing.....(and I just turned 40 in November, so my thirties were not exactly a stellar time, as you can see!)

So, yeah, I know what it's like to feel like the universe is against you, and that you get kicked again every time you try to get back up!!!
But - I have come to the conclusion that there is only one reason for this:

To challenge you - to see if you are strong enough to survive, or if you're just going to give up...Personally, I have never been able to resist a challenge, so I think that's what has saved me & pulled me through everything - I refused to give up!!

Yes, I know it's hard, and scary, and some days you just want to pull the covers over your head & act like the world doesn't exist....but it does exist, and you have to keep coming out swinging...DO NOT GIVE THE UNIVERSE THE SATISFACTION OF DEFEATING YOU......

[Mr Interesting]

I could start off with my own dealings of loss but they weren't really loss they were just change. Change that took me to other places that were actually much more interesting.

It's like if I look back at it as having gathered up a bunch of stuff then losing it all then I've lost everything, except books and tools (sorry but no none can have those... yet), then it's happened three times where I've had to start from scratch but I've never looked at it that way. I always looked at it as a challenge and just changed my orietation and saw the chance to look at building some new skills.

First time I was a Landscaper with four employees then the '87 crash took me out with extended credit... oops, but I'd been collecting up car parts to build a sports car so I got into that for a while. Eventually I couldn't find enough money to keep going so I decided I needed a guitar to get back into music and built my own which led to repair jobs and eventually got a shop. Lost that and decided alll I had left was art so I just started drawing again and went to art school to see the lay of the land... then in '97 I had a warehouse in town I'd built a house in and a shop in a busy trendy road, rented stuff, then lost all that and ended up sleeping on a mattress stored behind my Mum's sofa for about a year. 13 years later I have my own illegal buildings in a backyard in a poor part of town and do a little maintanence of the section and the house my Mum lives in at the front. I have workshops built from found objects on the side of the road that gets chucked out by others.

The thing is it isn't about losing anything, stuffs everywhere and always will be, or even having anything. It's about what you do with what you have and how you percieve yourself in regard to that stuff. I figured out early that it was about being useful to others, having skills they needed, but eventually I realised it was about feeling useful to myself.

This kind of attitude thrives on challenges almost to the extent where we create our own falls to see what we'll come up with in getting back on the horse... which may be a cow or even an antelope.

So many get thwarted by the accumulative process they forget that doing a lot with little is actually one of the most inspiring places to be... it's a godsend to be able to have so much supposedly wrong with our circumstance then dig deep and claw our way out simply because we decided to accept that change of circumstance and let it reveal the hidden potential within any supposed denial of what should be.

At the moment I get offered hardly any work but I get enough to go to the beach a few times a week and go for a swim. The beaches are empty 'cause everyones working and that just makes me laugh. Funnily enough is the fact that while I only get a tiny fraction of what most people need to live on only the very richest people could afford my lifestyle.

So you gotta get over this measuring yourself against what others do with what they've got and realise what you have to work with is totally unique and it's the most special gift you could ever be given. We all got the same eyes but what we choose to see with them is entirely up to us!

[declan]

We are the authors of our fate.You sound like you are whingeing to me.Brain tumor , death, no friends ,no family, no career, 6 years of hell, god hates you.Look at how you perceive your life.It will only get worse until you change.good luck.

[mom]

There are many in our world suffering daily from diseases....longer than 6 yearsbstraight, and have that to look forward to for the rest of their life. Some start out developing the beginnings of a life of suffering at a very young age. I've been in the shoes of having to answer these very same questions to my own young child. My answers have had to be stripped from a lot of what the majority of us are taught mainstream...as thise answers dont really comfort i these moments, and you dont realize this until you are standing in those shoes seeing it all for the first time. All i know is that your God loves you, cries when you cry. Why is your life this way? God doesnt step in and fix everything daily for us. When it comes down to it...we are living in an unpredictable world, on a planet we have continuously damaged, with many others that choose to treat eachother horrible. How do you make it through with a smile? That is only something you can figure out. Open your eyes...wider...and find something in your world that holds a smidge of goodness to you and let it fill you up.

[Ciqala]

I just posted this link in another thread literally a second ago and shall post it here too: http://theherbprof.com/IncurablesProgram.htm There is no such thing as an incurable disease or incurable cancer, I'd suggest looking into naturopathy to heal yourself :)

I had/have bad luck, but I now look at it as beautiful learning experiences that make me strong and full of light and able to heal others. My entire life was absolute hell, but it's not getting me down anymore.

I've really only been incarnated on earth in preparation for this life about 2 times before, so I'm a new soul that has suffered by far more than most people because of such, but i'm a powerful soul and i've taken a lot of purpose and assignments here this life, so I had to experience hardships. My first life I was a serial killer, and I do remember this, and i'm sure you can only imagine what it is like to have to live with that. My second, wasn't any better.
This life seemed to be a lot worse, but it is the life that I have come through it all.

In brief, I've had more injuries and hospital visits than anyone I know LoL my nickname is Crash. I am always injured, and right now, I probably have more than 4 injuries all together. Just when I think I haven't experienced one thing, I am handed it.
I was adopted, and I don't care what anyone says, it sucks.
I was born with something wrong with my eyes.
I underwent several eye surgeries, abuse, and trauma in my entire childhood.
At the age of 12 I was diagnosed with cancer and my nose was cut off.
Soon after I developed anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Was hospitalized AGAIN.
I died many times. And nearly died many times. Tried to kill myself too. But I kept being brought back for A REASON.
Diagnosed with many mental illnesses, BPD, ASPD personality disorders. And spent my entire teenage years in mental asylums.
Became an alcoholic and sex addict.
Lived on the streets, got into prostitution, lots of criminal activity.
Locked up for various murder attempts.
Through out my life, tons of terrible, awful things happened to me, I always get diagnosed with weird freak physical ailments.
I recovered from everything 2 years ago.

But I still have bad luck, which to me is a blessing, as without it I never would have gotten here.

Why do good people suffer? Because suffering is truly a beautiful thing, it's just the human perception that makes it seem horrible.

I incarnated here to learn, and I cannot learn without transformation.
What about people who aren't suffering? Well, they aren't learning anything or getting anywhere in their growth, and you can consider yourself wiser than them LoL

So, one thing I learned throughout my life journey is that my negativity attracted even more major **** storms.
I vibrated at a frequency of fear for so long.
As a child, I was harmed, and it wasn't fair, nor was it right. It's not, BUT i have the choice of whether or not to let it continue to harm me.
I sacrificed a lot in my life, in order to be here, and in my eyes, so that someone else didn't have to go through what I did.

Do you wanna know the truth?

I was about ready to fail and kill myself, just like thousands of times I have tried to in my life a long time ago - i was just a child. I shouldn't have been having thoughts of suicide at my age, but I was.
And my soul gave up.
That's when I died.
And then another soul came into my body and saved my life.
At first my soul battled this other soul. I had wanted to leave, but the pain of betraying myself was too much to bear. So I channelled all of my intense power into rage, hate and anger, and I fought this other soul with all my might. For years, as my new soul tried to save me, my rebellious soul tried to lose both of us. Finally, they united.
And now I am grateful that I stuck through my life.
Sometimes, every now and then, my other soul departs and my original soul feels alone and scared and often resorts back to an old thought of suicide.
But I no longer want that.
I love my life. I am thankful, and grateful for having my other soul come and save me and give me more strength to carry through all the pain I had to endure.
I am glad I suffered. Because it was definitely worth it. I wouldn't want to be any one else. My life path is special and unique and beautiful. The things I have, the gifts, and although I don't have many people in my life, it still is the best life for me.
And you know, although I know I could easily exchange souls with someone, I wouldn't change lives with anyone given the chance. Never, ever would I betray myself again.
My life is special and means a lot.
I did come here for a reason!

If you look at your life, you will find that too.

[Emmalevine]

I understand your anguish and pain. I've had my share of difficult life events too and continue to struggle with them. I've asked pretty much the same questions that you are asking and gone around in circles with it all.

Now I realise that no one knows why people go through what they do, but I do believe it's for a purpose. Challenges can give people strength, courage, dignity and a whole host of other things. As wonderful as it would be if nothing bad happened in life, we simply wouldn't grow.

We have a choice how to manage what life has dealt us. We can let life defeat us or we can rise to the challenge and do the best we can. The latter doesn't mean not grieving because grief is an important part of growing through life's trials. We need to feel - it's healthy. Grief itself can change our perspective and lead to more awareness of the meaning of life.

You may like to read 'Swamplands of the soul' by James Hollis for a more in depth understanding of what life's difficulties and challenges might be about. There's nothing transcendual or religious in there, it's written by a Jungian analyst who I believe writes with real clarity and understanding of human suffering.

[WmBuzz71]

Sorry about the bad luck, as I had to go through it the first 40 yrs of my life. I now know why I had to go through what I had gone through, its called Karmic debt. Now my debt is paid, my life is beginning to look up.

I thing karma debt can be split in half during ones life, or be divided in to quarters, or thirds. I don't know to much about it, all I know it varies person to person.

Sorry to see one go through this, especially when the person is good-hearted, so hang in there, I now its tough, as I felt like I was abandoned most of my life.

[skeptical]

I hear you...

Its good you offloaded this lot..its heavy, intense and I am gathering your very afraid yes?

Is it really the end or the end of that big cycle of pain you have endured...Have you had a full diagonsis..I am lead to believe not yet?

Your post takes me back to a time where I had endured a dark night of the soul, a spiritual awakening, and a fire took my home and belongings all in the space of a few years..When the trauma of that space..kicked in later on, my underlying fears from the trauma of those years, made me think that what I endured was only to die. I thought how can one go thorugh all this stuff, endure and then suddenly it was only to die and leave. It was after processing fully the trauma from all events that I was able to see the fear lift and I rebuilt my faith and trust with new awareness and understanding

Well I cant say what you may have to go through with this brain mass, but if my story offers you any hope, I hope it does..

I feel in many ways, like I have been given a second chance at life now. I see that the truama of those events took me to the core of facing death and back up again...I am back up..and give thanks every day for this second chance...

You have so much to process, give yourself time to let go of all that you need to in the face of this next challenge and remind yourself, it may be simply the end of a cycle to find peace...I cant say that for sure..but I hope it gives you some faith...to work thorugh this all..and take the next step with some hope in your heart...

This. I too have been through much, times of sheer terror and grief and hardship. By all means, give yourself time to feel it all and let it all go. No matter what the outcome, you're still alive and I hope that by feeling it all and letting it go, you can make your life count, all the remaining instances, regardless of whether it's a few years or decades. None of us has any guarantees and life may surprise you yet in wonderful ways. Also, someone else had a very good point; there are many alternatives out there to traditional treatments of cancer that I know have yielded very good results. A friend of mine had stage 5 ovarian cancer and conventional chemo treatments were killing her even faster so she walked away, tried something else against the advice of her doctors. She is alive and well many years later. Please don't give up hope.

One more thing, you mentioned being nice to the point of being taken advantage of...that could also be a source of your past hell...it's ok to stand in your truth and not waste your time with people who treat you poorly. You deserve much better and it's up to you to decide to be with those who treat you and others well.

Again, for now, just work through all the feelings in you; it's ok to feel them all, to rail and cry and be angry, to grieve. :hug3:

[Sojourner2013]

I'm a reincarnationist, so my explanation is that there is a past life that requires justice/balance within this life. if you succeed in making the balance, your life gets turned around and becomes the wonderful life that you seek. I have done past-life regression and here's an example of what I'm talking about: A man in this current life becomes recently divorced and with it, loses his most treasured relationship--his young son. He's mad, depressed, etc., doesn't understand why he's so upset and "losing everything in his life". I regress him. The past life that immediately comes to him is a factory worker in Ireland around the potato blight (1800's). He has seven kids and a frail wife. He's an angry, poor, man who works long days. He hates his life and hence, beats his children on a regular basis. One day, he comes home, hungry, tired, angry and he beats his children. He consequently kills two of his children from this particular beating. He is heartbroken by his actions. He comes out of the regression and realizes that the current wife and child were the wife and one of the children from that life. He has lost them because he didn't change much from that life and lost his chance to make better choices in this life. By the way, she left him because he had a horrible temper and she feared he would hurt their child during one of his violent temper fits. Change your decision-making, make drastically different choices than you have previously made and I would surmise that you will immediately see some good changes in your life. Best wishes.

[Seawolf]

I would find a real spiritual healer that uses their native practices going back for centuries, which would probably be difficult to find and dangerous because of all the ****. out there. You would have to be perceptive and careful about those kinds of things, and also be lucky to find someone who could actually heal you. I believe happens, so I would search the world if it was me because luck can turn around. Also you'd have to find your own spirituality for sure, you'd have to prepare yourself.

[B_Tarot]

There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet.
— William Frederick Halsey, Jr.


Love this quote, thanks for sharing.

[Zyther]

I know exactly how you feel. Years of negativity just seems like too much. For someone that is being kind and caring doesn't deserve it. But I learned that most people who go through a lot of negativity have a very, very positive outcome sometime after it. It's just the waiting game of reality. It can be so slow but if you can just get through it, be strong about it, you will get a huge amount positive things come toward you. You see nasty people get good things at first, but that won't last long. Good people like you, me and others have to suffer at first so that we can appreciate things me and learn of spirituality. It's only after we get through the negativity the positive things will happen which will last for a lifetime. I know this may seem hard to believe at first, but it WILL happen because you deserve it.

[Michelle11]

I think a lot of good advice an insight has been give I am not sure there is much I could add except to send my deepest sympathy to you. I send you love and strength as you walk through this darkness.