View Full Version : How can i help my parents??

11-11-2012, 05:24 PM
I would really appeciate any advice on how i can help them. The reason i want to help them is because they are ignoring their problems and nobody else wants to, also because i care about them very much.

My mother drinks every other night on her own (usually vodka) and a lot of cigarettes, at the kitchen table, sometimes it can be upto 8 hours at one time. Shes been doing this since i was a child. On the day in between she is in a horrible mood, angry, depressed and just generally gives off really negative energy. She usually watches TV on her own all day to block out what she's doing.

My stepdad lets her do it and always watches TV during her time in the kitchen, he's never said anything to her. The times i have mentioned about it she has shouted at me and has had an aggressive attitude. When she doesn't drink she is always so opposite and can be so lovely and funny but she can just switch instantly. She has a lot of deep underlying issues, mostly from childhood and a divorce but no trauma or anything like that, she won't allow help not even from a therapist or counseller.

My stepdad gets headaches because he doesn't eat, he smokes all day and only drinks milky tea and eats one unhealthy meal at night (if he can be bothered) i tell him he needs to drink water and make sure he gets the right vitamins and minerals everyday or he will get ill but he doesn't seem to care. My mother has a bad diet aswell, they are both overweight and with the drinking i am worried about them both, they both have jobs but i really don't know how they function.

I am only wanting to do this because i really care about their well being, i don't want to seem judgemental and i tell them often that i love them and appreciate them. They aren't that interested in my life. I would like it if my mum saw a therapist, stopped drinking and they both followed a strict healthy diet and found something new they love instead of watching television for hours on end, but they get so annoyed if i mention anything and i wish they could see what it was like for an outsider looking in.
I feel like their parent thats the worrying thing but I am a very spiritual empath and very conscious of my surroundings.

Thanks for any advice.

11-11-2012, 05:55 PM
Wow! That's a tough situation. My grandma was a little like that. Only she just smoked at the kitchen table and read romance novels all day, taking a break to watch her soap opera. Though she didn't drink, and was nice to us, I know it wasn't healthy to always have a cigarette burning beside her. She lived like that till the day she died though. Although I know several people (including my mom and sister) talked to her about her health she ignored them all. Ultimately the only person you can change is yourself. As hard as it is to watch someone poison themselves, there's not much you can do about it. You already tried talking to them, now you can send them unconditional love, which is probably the most powerful thing of all. :hug3:

Native spirit
11-11-2012, 06:10 PM
:confused: Hey Figaromelting.

I t seems your mother and step dad are stuck in a rut,they have being doing what they are for so long they wouldnt know how to change even if they wanted to.there is not a lot you can do.if they wont listen just be therefor them. ypur mother is an alcoholic unless she excepts this to be the case she will never change, im afraid all you can do is to be there.they wont except they have got a problem.


11-11-2012, 06:50 PM
Oh Figaromelting - that's so sad to see. There are two things that I can suggest. First is pray - light candles - incense - ask for the higher powers to wash them in love and give them strength and self-love to change this rut. Secondly, try and communicate with their higher selves? And reach out to them with authenticity, compassion.

Look after yourself in this.

11-11-2012, 08:43 PM
Its hard to see your parents like this but in the end they can only help themselves, I have a friend who is an alcoholic and smokes like a chimney, I said to him one day, do you ever want to change, he said no I enjoy what I do and if it kills me so be it, a lot of these people who on the outside to us look like a tradudy , but to them that's what they want to be, its their own way of blocking pain, its best to talk to them when completely sober, and leave it at that, love even though it sounds cruel, is to leave them where they are, if they want to change they will.