Resentment, Hurt, and Distrust - how in the world do I begin?

[Dawn]

(I hope this is the correct section for this. Mods, if I'm incorrect, then please move to the correct section. I'd appreciate it.)

I'm going to try and keep this short, for everyone's sakes (because it can get a bit long).

We all get hurt sooner or later. I understand that.
We all get betrayed by someone we trust.
We all have a moment or even moments where we get a bit too full of ourselves, get way too emotional, then come crashing down off our pedestal. Left to learn from the situation, pick the pieces up, be more humble, and move on.
My problem is, I've always been rather soft hearted. I'm one of the quickest people to come to your defense and fight in your honor, but also one of the people who'll take it the most personally if she gets hurt, intentionally or not. And when I do get hurt, I'm not quick to forgive or forget.
Not sure if that's just my nature all-in-all or because I'm a Libra. I just know that this is how *I* am for better or for worse. It's not often I'm confronted with strenuous emotional situations, but when I am, even if the moment itself is short-lived, the memories and emotions from it stay around for a long time.

This past year hasn't exactally been the best for me on the emotional front. Yes, sure, quite a few situations came up because I was jealous and got an ego. I dealt with it by simply walking away from the situation without saying a word to anyone (I have the tendency to avoid rather than confront, even if I've been really hurt), but I've had much more of a temper with people. I've trusted people less.
Even people, though I've held them at arm's length emotionally, I've cared for on some level, now simply being around them irritates me. I'll smile and listen when they talk, but inside I'm just begging them to be finished and be quiet.
I just want everyone to be quiet and let me be. I don't feel like talking.
I hate that I've gotten to be like this. I hate that I've been feeling this way, especially towards others who've shown me nothing but kindness over the years. They deserve better than my unhappiness, even though I may not always let my unhappiness show.
And, worse yet, when I get angry, I want to be mean. Not simply that, but a part of me likes it. 'Aw, having a bad day? Eff you! Nya!'
'Oh, you want me to feel sorry for you? I don't. Now go away.'
~*heavy sigh*~ http://forum.tdu-central.com/customavatars/avatar33110_1.gif

I shouldn't be behaving or acting this way and I know it.
I don't know. Maybe the last bit comes from a lot of years of repressing practally every emotion, including anger and now, here at 32, I'm finally not.
I have no idea.

This isn't me. I'm not use to being all hurt and angry and short tempered. I'm the happy one. I'm the bubbly one. I'm the cheerful one that helps others smile and make their day just a little bit better.
I'm not this hurt, angry, resentful, bitter, brooding person. I'm so much better than this, but, right now, that's all I really am and I don't like it at all.

I want to get past this. I want to move on. I want to be myself again, but I just have no idea HOW.
Sure someone can tell me 'well just let it all go!', but that's like telling someone who's got super stretchy, super sticky bubble gum stuck to their entire body (hair, skin, and clothing included) to just take it off like it's no big deal or telling someone who's really depressed to just 'snap out of it'. It's nto that easy. (Though I wish it was.)

I understand that I'm feeling this. I understand the emotions from these situations that've made me feel this way. Now I need to try to understand how to deal with it and move on.

So, if anyone out there is reading this and has any suggestions or advice on how in the world I even begin to try doing this, getting past this anger and hurt, I'm all ears.

Thanks for your time.

[Nameless]

Just a suggestion. I have come to the place in my life where I realize that to not feel my emotions, especially strong ones like you are speaking about, is to bottle them up and keep them inside and resist them. They can't get out of you until you allow yourself to feel them. Cry, scream, do whatever you do when you allow yourself to feel them going through you. Crying is always cathartic, because it releases them. Laughing is always cathartic as well, it is just on the other end where happy is. So, to be back to being happy, feel them, so you can let them go.

I channel and recently I was given a channeling by Seth where he said we choose, each and every moment, how we feel. And we leave ourselves little feeling markers in our journey. If you are sad, you can get happy by thinking about a happy moment in your life and feeling what that felt like and being with that feeling.

So, I would do 3 things. I would let yourself feel the emotions of it all, just go for a walk if you want to do it in nature, hide in your room if that feels better so you can cry, however you want to do it. Another way is to write yourself up the emotional scale about it. So, just start writing about the way you are feeling and just let it flow and put all your thoughts about it down and feel the emotions as you do and vent vent vent and then, try to think something that feels a little better about it. Then vent about that for awhile. Then reach for a little better feeling thought. Do this until you have written it all out and you are feeling better about it. That's just another way to go with that.

Once you have felt the emotions, then reach back into your past and pick one moment when you felt good, felt happy, felt bubbly. See if you can change the way you are feeling now - it can be on a totally unrelated subject.

Then focus on that for awhile. It will just feel better and you can feel better. But only you can do this for yourself, no one else can do it for you.

Then try and Get Happy. Do something else pet your cat or dog, do something fun that you like to do and Get back to your Happy Place.

Hope this helps...

[Seawolf]

What works for me is to love my thoughts and emotions, even the 'bad' ones. I've found they're more willing to come out that way and be released. I think basically everything needs love, even our emotions.

[amy green]

It sounds like you're not being authentic around those people that you now find irritating just to be around, i.e. you smile and listen but clearly this is a facade from the emotions you describe going on within you. You say you are no longer emotionally repressed....? It's natural that, in life, we often outgrow certain people. You are clearly finding it more intolerable to paint on a happy face so maybe a time to reassess how to approach this?

I am wondering whether you might be a people-pleaser and so find it hard to show anything other than positive reactions, even though they may not be genuine and betray what's really going on with you. It takes a certain level of self esteem to be strong enough to not care what others may think of ourselves. I have no way of knowing where you are on this scale...just bringing the matter to your awareness. I hope you manage to find a positive way forward.

[Xan]

Dawn... There are energy healing methods that can be very effective for releasing negative emotional patterns like you describe.

Here are three I personally recommend you might explore:

MIR-Method for self healing - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=41211

The Healing Code - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=31115

EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4478


Xan

[Silver]

Hey Dawn, I think you and I are on a similar roller-coaster - of late, anyway. I understand a lot of what you're saying. I started using EFT and I thought it was one of the best things since sliced bread. Nowadays, I tend to forget to use it. oops~ One of the best things is find someone IRL you can talk to, and for me that has been 'impossible' - yet I have a couple online people that are 'go to's' - Sometimes I look around to see what I got to use that's handy.......we got to use whatever we have. {{{}}}

[Miss Hepburn]

Boy, this sounds so much like me during my
Saturn cycle or Saturn return!!
Wonder if your chart could give you some indication of what's
Happening...at least you might find out it is a passing phase and hang in there...
Mine ended just before 30.

[Belle]

You sound tired. I might be wrong - forgive me if I am. Allow your soft and kind heart to direct the kindness towards yourself. Give yourself space.

It also sounds as if you are changing, growing, developing. Allow the journey to go where it will, where the guides will take you, where the source will take you. Release, let go, and receive from the universe the energies that you need.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

I have a premonition that your worries are about to dissipate and float away.
Let them.
I direct lots of love in your direction.
be well.