I'm the worst

[wildflower57]

I can just tell by the way people look at me when I'm talking they're not interested with what I have to say.
I can just tell by the way they "uh huh" what I have to say and continue with their point, that they think what I say is bologna.

I'm disregaured, ignored, trampled over, people listen but they don't hear me. I rarely agree with anyone (because I KNOW they are wrong). Even if I don't
agree, I always come off as a universal thinker and understanding.

I always like everyone but it seems no one cares for me.

I don't understand. I'm not anti-social unless someone diliberately makes me uncomfortable...
I just feel like somethings wrong with me.

I think I'm crazy but I don't think any real crazy person would ask themself if they were crazy, right?

I feel like I've been under the impression of some kind of psychodelic all my life. The Buddism books I've read have told me that that was okay. You're supposed to feel like that.
If you don't feel like that, you don't know whats beyond the figuration of it.

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I don't think anyone understands me.

[Henri77]

I'd guess 95% of us are seen the same way by those around us.
As misfits, outsiders, dreamers, and a bit nuts...............

Even most seekers in my area would likely regard me as a fruitcake.
ET's, fairies, parallel universes, distance healing....... uh yeah sure bud!

It's fairly likely folks you meet don't understand what you think about..
Or care about such things.

That's why these forums are active.... so we can support-listen to each other.
You'd be surprised how many threads begin
"this probably sounds crazy, but........"


At 10 I was contemplating the meaning of life.
So I didn't talk all that much.. like who would listen?


Yet oddly enough the world really needs people like you...

[psychoslice]

Just stop living your life trying to please others.

[blackraven]

Wildflower57- Psychoslice is right. You have to not care what the world around you thinks about you to stop noticing and being misserable. You are in the habit of trying to look at yourself through the eyes of other people and using inaccurate harsh judgment on top of that as well. That's not even fair. You don't really even know how other peope really do perceive you. Look at yourself through the lens of your own loving eyes only. Use loving parental eyes toward an injured child if that helps. Do self-talk and tell yourself how wonderful and interesting you truly are. Secondly grow some tough skin and just don't care what others think of you. No one is any better than you are on this planet and don't you forget it! If someone is distracted and isn't listening to you, brush them off and move on down the road. You're just as important. Hold your head high with confidence and people with see that inner glow and will be drawn to you. Good luck.

Blackraven

[DeepForest]

I agree with psychoslice.

Earlier in life i described my situation in similar ways. Maybe you have a harder path in life at the moment because it is the foundation for developing a broader and deeper understanding about life. You will enjoy wisdom later in life.

I think many sane people think of themselves as crazy, and some crazy people think they are sane ;)

[Belle]

It's a dark place you're in but you have the power to change things. Be kind to yourself

[amy green]

We seem most in need of pleasing others when our self-esteem is low, so - if that were me - I would focus on bolstering this in whatever way was appropriate. It may mean stretching ourselves a little, e.g. to try something we feel we could do - just ways of gaining confidence. Remembering what virtues we have and compliments too would help redress the balance. Affirmations are worthwhile.

[Kaere]

I'm sad. I'm lonely. I don't think anyone understands me.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

I know that feeling.

[wildflower57]

When you spend everyday focusing on your actions, mostly your actions, you stop knowing what to say.
I show my feelings mostly through actions. I like things to be so that I can see them and not only hear them.
But I'm the only one who ever see's them. Rarely do I find people who pick up the same things that I do.
I feel so disgusted in myself because I think I'm right about everything. I'm willing to learn and
openly accept that there are things I don't know and things I still need to learn but when it comes to
the things I have learned already, I know I'm right.
But everyone has different views. We forget that its humane to agknowledge eachother as our own instead of dividing ourselves into comfort zones; "cliques"
I don't mean to bloat. I honestly just have the best interest in everyone. I don't crave power.
I crave love. Universal love for everyone.
I feel spectacular inside but so very few can actually see it. I don't know why.
As I write this, I can hear a Buddism vibe catching on telling me,
"Isn't it exhausting worrying like this? Relax, don't let that consume you"
...
That works for like a second until my mind starts racing again. I feel like its my job. How could I just SIT HERE?! I need to do something.
I need to be the change. I need to start it off. I'll give the credit away. No one has to know it was me.
Why won't anyone just hear me? :icon_frown:



--All I know is I took a vacation a couple weeks ago to the beach. Ever since I've been home and my tan has been fading, I feel with it goes my spirit.
I need the ocean waves, the salty air, the sea shells, the friendly people.
Theres something theraputic about the ocean and I consistantly need it in my life.
I miss it, I feel like I've lost a home, a parent, a true love. Just ripped away from me.
Anyways I'm moving there within the next year. COMPLETE leap of faith. Going alone. I've been alone all my life and I have NO IDEA what I'm doing
but I don't care. I have a deep personal relationship with the ocean.
Wish me luck!

[Belle]

wildflower57, you might not know what to say but you have a gift of words, you can write. That might be a good starting place for you to communicate with yourself and maybe with others? You are heard here, and I think you can be heard in your writings.

[wildflower57]

Thank you! I love to write. I always have. It was my therapy for years.
I don't write as much anymore. I always go back and read what I wrote later on
and it embarasses me.
I would usually just rip out the embarassing things and continue but now just
feel stupid and worse about myself.
I don't feel good enough for me or anyone else. I can be better and I don't know how.
I really just think I need the ocean.

[Belle]

Writing is indeed an amazing therapy. You don't need to keep it, I have discarded stuff that I wrote as I cringe - yuck yuck - but it does tend to slow the thoughts down.

Focus on the facts, not the feelings as much as you can. You might not feel good enough for you or anyone else - but you are more than good enough - you are perfect as you are.

[wildflower57]

Awee! Thank you so much :icon_flower:

[Neyzindagi]

Having just joined these forums I feel I could have wrote this first post. I really used to try with people and don't understand why I am unable to find forever type friendships.

I am always doubting myself...am I a boring so and so, or am I a bad person and others can see this.

There are some people that I feel like I have to talk to, this could be a complete stranger at a bus stop or at a checkout... I just feel they (or I ) needed to say something.

Now I rarely go out as I feel I am being judged.
I do think I am crazy but sometimes random people would come into my head and that evening I would see them or they would out of the blue call.

I don't even think my post makes sense but sometimes there is so much going on inside my head but when I write It out it even sound crazy...:icon_frown: