In need of some help :) x

[Emilyanne-x]

Hi guys, I have been doing healing work recently to help with some emotional issues caused by problems with my boyfriend, and I have been starting to feel so good and so much better as a result!

However, because I was in the wrong frame of my mind about I and my boyfriends relationship just a few nights ago, I cheated on him, and I feel so so awfull; I have never been so sorry for something in all my life, and I feel so so guilty. Despite doing this I still love him so much.

Could the cheating on my boyfriend be related to the healing work? Is it a sign maybe that I prefer the single life? Is it a spiritual lesson?

Also, I have been feeling quite bad these past 2 days even though previously I felt so good, I feel quite low, sad and like I ant be bothered with much. Is this the healing work doing this to me? Because I just hope to god that it isn't a sign my emotional issues are coming back, especially when I am going on holiday in 6 days :(

Thanks guys, lots of love x

[Emilyanne-x]

Also, I am in dilemma whether to tell my boyfriend about this or not, I have always promised I wouldn't cheat on him, but cheating on him was a total one off situation as I was very drunk and imthe wrong frame of mind. I just need help :(. I am sorry for what I have done

[innerlight]

I don't think there is anyone that can help you feel better about what happened with you and your boyfriend and you cheating on them. That is something you need to come to terms with and work out. How you handle it is up to you. We can all tell you what would be the best way to deal with it but it will always boil down to what you feel is best.

I would say you should look at what happened and how you would feel if it happened to you. Would you want to know about it? And then go from there. If you don't tell him there is always the possibility he does find out and things get worse.

Guilt and remorse are toxic emotions to hold on to. Until you resolve the issue you will not be able to forgive yourself to start the healing process. While you hold onto guilt and remorse it will make it hard to continue doing any healing work on yourself.

Trying to use the excuse you were drunk or was in the wrong state of mind may not help you and may make things worse. As it can be seen as one trying to use it as an excuse instead of admitting what they did. In other words trying to use a scapegoat.

[Xan]

Emilyanne... You'll be able to forgive yourself for your foolish mistake when you look more deeply into the feelings you had that lead you into it, whatever they might be... and resolve or heal them within yourself first.

From this deeper looking you may become clear about what to tell your boyfriend... and get beyond the possibility of making similar mistakes in the future.


Xan

[Emilyanne-x]

I understand what you Are saying, the problem is I am I two minds about whether to tell him that I cheated on him or not. I want to be honest with him because I love him, but at the same time, I am scared to tell him because I don't want to mess up our relationship:(.

I think I should explain my story first, as my first post in this thread did not explain it very well.

In June, last year me and my boyfriend were so so in love with each other, then in June we had an argument which caused me to feel emotionless about him, not the same, and as though we were disconnected from each other. As a result of this, I worried for so long about whether I actually loved him or not, and whenever I got a feeling that the relationship with him 'wasn't right' I'd panick, which them caused me anxiety. I also tried to force myself to love him as I couldn't stand feeling so emotionless about him which then caused further anxiety. I then got into a full intense loop of severe anxiety, which only lasted for a month. ( I was still with my boyfriend at this point, and I hadn't told my boyfriend about feeling emotionless, he knew anoint the anxiety but I was scared of hurting him if I told him the anxiety was about him).

Anyways, after a month of severe anxiety, I fell out of the anxiety, and I could live fairly comfortably. I didn't exactly feel good all the time, like I did before any of this happened, but I'd say I was in what I'd call a neutral mental and emotional state; I didn't feel good, but I didn't feel bad.

This was at the point when I realised it would be a good idea to do some energy healing work to shift me from that neutral state into a more positive one, as I was so sick of not enjoying life.

After 3 weeks of doing energy healing work, I started to feel SO much better. Lots of my worries faded and I felt good in several aspects of life, unlike before, and I also gained some clarity on the issue with my boyfriend (just before gaining clarity on the issue I was still actually unsure as to why I got the anxiety). When I gained clarity on the issue with my boyfriend and my anxiety, I realised the reason behind my anxiety was because I had forced myself to love my boyfriend, I put so much pressure on myself and it was stressful, when really I felt emotionless about him. When I forced myself to love him I neglected my life by stopping doing things I enjoyed, such as talking to other males so I didn't look like I was flirting to him. I even forced myself to cry about my boyfriend just so I knew I cared about him.

So once I gained clarity on the whole issue, I decided I would reverse all the things that caused my anxiety in order to get out of the anxiety. For example, instead of forcing myself to love my boyfriend, I just went with the flow and seen how I felt, whether that meant feeling like I loved him or feeling emotio less about him. Instead of forcing myself to stop talking to other males (which I enjoyed anyways), I just let myself talk to whoever I wanted. And by doing this I felt SO much better.

Just a week or so ago, despite how good I was feeling, I landed myself in a little dilemma. I realised I was really enjoying talking and flirting with other boys, and feeling good like my anxiety was gone. I realised I was acting as though I was single, which lead me to question whether being in a relationship with my boyfriend was the right thing for me or not. The thought which persistently span through my head was 'well I enjoy flirting and having the freedoms of being single so much, yet I love my boyfriend at the same time too.. Do I stay with him or leave him?' . I also thought that since the situation with my boyfriend caused my awfull anxiety, why would I want to be in a relationship that caused me anxiety.

So only a few days ago, when I was still in this dilemma (I still am in it too), I was at a party at my friends house, and I started talking to this boy who I found rather attractive (he also had a girlfriend). Things got really flirty with him, and we started kissing. Afterwards we both felt bad, so we said we would just forget we kissed. Little did we know what was going to happen later on...

As the night progressed, everyone started to get more and more drunk, and since it was getting late the girl hosting the party said everyone who was there could sleep at her house, and we all agreed to sleep. To put it in a nut shell, I ended up having sex with the boy I had been flirting with, and we fell asleep together. And I have just left myself confused about so many different things as a result; do I tell my boyfriend what happened? Was it best for my own emotional well being to just let myself flirt with other boys, since I decided stopping doing so contributed towards my anxiety? How can I still love my boyfriend if I cheated on him?

My gosh, it is all so much, I just do not know that to do!


The day after I cheated on my boyfriend, I felt so unbelievably guilty. However when he came to my house the other day, I felt exactly the same around him.

What I am about to say is not linked to the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend, but for what appears to be no reason, I feel like I can't be bothered with anything, I feel quite sad and depressed. I have heard this sometimes happens in a healing crisis, so I thought, maybe the whole situation (the one about cheating on my boyfriend and feeling depressed for no reason) is a result of the energy healing work I've been doing, and maybe just a part of the whole healing process?

Hmmm

[Xan]

Then I suggest just going ahead and start forgiving yourself... letting it go. Anyone can make mistakes. Just don't make a bigger one by punishing yourself for it.


Xan

[Emilyanne-x]

I have thought about doing so, Xan. I do not want to lie to my boyfriend by any stretch, but I don't want him to loose trust in me on a silly one off mistake.

So maybe just letting go is the answer, instead of wasting time and energy worrying and stressing pointlessly over the situation. Worrying is not going to achieve anything anyways, it will only put me in a worse situation, and despite not worrying, it doesn't mean I do not care. I care a lot and I am sorry.

Letting go seems to be the right thing :smile:

You've just helped me come to this decision, Xan, thank you:smile:

I feel relief

[fire]

Guilt and remorse are toxic emotions to hold on to. Until you resolve the issue you will not be able to forgive yourself to start the healing process.
I personally disagree with this statement. It's my understanding that self-forgiveness is a program that can be applied to any emotion in any situation. However, the efficiency of it may vary between individuals, while it also requires a small degree of detachment in order to apply it from a focal point close to one's spirit.

Taking the situation in consideration, I feel that regret is a mental state induced by guilt, so the first step would be to allow yourself to accept that you feel this guilt. If you find it difficult, you can approach this by taking a few deep breaths, focus on the breath, and state "I accept that I feel guilt" (repeat it as you feel necessary). Then, while still focusing on your breath to remain as detached as possible, make the statement "from the lord god of my being, my divine spirit, I forgive myself for having allowed myself to feel guilt". By using the "holy" part of the statement, you imply that these words are spoken from your spirit through your soul, which I feel may give more power to it. You might also want to apply further statements in conjunction, like "from the lord god of my being, my divine spirit, I forgive myself for having allowed myself to blame myself and feel that I did something wrong".

Now, before you consider to judge the latter statement, please understand that you deserve better than being ailed and disempowered by any emotion. Your spirit does never blame you for what you do, and this is a rather innocent situation, in my opinion. After all, you didn't intentionally cause anyone harm; and even if you had, you would know from the guilt – in conjunction with common sense – that you simply made a mistake, and still allow yourself to shed the pain.

On that note, I can't guarantee the efficiency of this process for you. But it's a tool that you can apply directly for yourself, if you find that it has any resonance for you. I use it frequently for non-traumatic / non-overwhelming issues, when I find myself able to. However, the releases are kinda sluggish for me and usually leads to several minutes of heavy yawning. Sometimes it helps, though.

Alternatively, you might be interested in checking out healing videos on YouTube. It may seem far-fetched, but I've actually had the fortune of experiencing a couple of releases in my browsing through the subject; so here's one (www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxH8tTt-hf8) to get you started. Might be of help.

As for why you did what you did: well, I think you might already have answered that question yourself. You were uncertain of your relationship; you were drunk; you bypassed a barrier of social conditioning and went with your human instincts. *shrugs*

In context of the healing you've had, I suppose the aftermath of it would depend on what kind of healing modality you went through. If only one layer of a specific issue was cleared, then another underlying layer is likely to take its place in your system. It could also be that the guilt you've built up recently is weighting you down. You may want to ask yourself what you feel is going on and listen for the answer from your heart.

Anyhow, what you'll want now is healing. I know everything about how painful guilt can be (on behalf of completely different matters). I'm sure someone here is willing to pour in some goodness for you. Just remember: you deserve better.

Edit: Well, it seems my effort came in 4 posts late. Heh. Glad you feel better, Emilyanne-x. Just go with the flow ~

[Henri77]

Truth is a wonderful attribute, yet so is responsibility for ones actions. ( yes,including irresponsible alcohol consumption)

By being totally truthful we shift the burden of our actions to another... and they have to deal with it instead.

You'll pay a price either way, but do you really want to test, possibly hurt him, just so you can feel free of the burden? After making "a foolish mistake in judgement".

Adults have dealt with this scenario for eons......and grown in the process. Each in their own way,
We all do things we regret, and eventually forgive, and learn from.

[Emilyanne-x]

Yeah, I have been doing some healing work, thanks for that link to that healing video, whilst watching it I felt a sense of peace evoke inside me.

I am currently using a healing video on YouTube named 'The Pulse Technique' and 'The Wish Project' founded by a lady called Jo Dunning.

The lady speaking on the video for The Pulse Technique said healing can take hours, days, weeks or even months, so since I addressed a large problem of mine to be healed with The Pulse Technique I can imagine it may be a few weeks or so before I start to notice changes. There has been nothing miraculous as of yet.

[Emilyanne-x]

Thanks for all the help as well guys, I take it into account :smile:

[Emilyanne-x]

There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do right now just to be happy <3