What do I "want"?

[shehari]

Hi!

before I go on writing I must say that my english isnt that perfect. I've been living here for a long time and I have lost some of my english skills.

I have been always been somewhat melancholic as a child due to traumatic experiences, which turned to a depression (Now I know this word "depression" is being understood by everyone in a different way!) I can only say that I felt as if I was sleepwalking all my life... things happend... and I was just there... felt so isolated from everything.

After 2-3 years of therapies, I am now more stable and able to handle things.

2 years ago I came across Eckhart Tolle, I was as usual very skeptical about religious/spiritual/esoteric literature or other sources.
After reading "stillness speaks", "NOW" it did began to make sense.

But there is always this small little voice in the back of my mind (I guess we all know that) Now it is the always questioning mind... endlessly, that's the nature of it.

I began to read some books of , Ramesh balsekar, Jiddu krishnamurti, ramana maharshi, Rupert Spira, jeff foster, and there are so many (Not that I read them all the end ;-) When this consciousness is being described why is this consciousness always something.... hmmm I dont know how to put it, why is it "peaceful", why is this origin of ALL filled with LOVE, STILLNESS, PEACE and whatever.... I wonder: Who knows that???

I feel as if we/ or ME/I am fooling myself? What if there is NOTHING, there... but still there is ofcourse something there, because we are here alive. I just dont know how to make it clear through words, it is as if I can do whatever I want to and it never would have any consequences...

Does this make sense, can someone understand?


Sorry for writing in such a ambiguous way!

Thanks for reading.

Shehari

[storymaker]

Hare Krishna!

Dear shehari,

It pains and at the same time gives me pleasure reading your posts. I am, no doubt, moved by your thoughts in those posts. Over the long years of walking through this lifetime I have gathered that everything that happens with or around us is all in the Divine Game of the supreme power (I do not know what or how you would like to call it.)

Your experiences and thoughts are not at all unnatural, the way you think and the way the doubts generate are all very logical. I can only tell you that for sure you are one of the chosen and blessed ones to come into the realm of 'spiritualism'. You are getting confused only because it is just a beginning for you and you are not prepared.

It is a great pleasure for me that you have already read a few books. I would like to advise a few more books to help you in a vast way (They will take you miles ahead). Those are :

1. Saint Therese of Liesux (A biography)
2. Autobiography of A Yogi (By Swami Yogananda)
3. The Pilgrims of The Stars (By Dilip Kumar Roy)
4. The Rounding Off (By Dilip Kumar Roy)
5. Gospels of Sri Ramakrishna (By Sri M)
6. Yogi Sri Krishnaprem (By Dilip Kumar Roy)
7. The Life Divine (By Sri Aurobindo).

Dear, to conclude, I must also say that for sure you are not fooling yourself, and nothing is false. Everything is true as everything originates and comes from the Divine. With your advancement you will know that by yourself. Of course you will go for meditation but before that little preparation for what you are expecting is necessary. For heaven's sake please believe that the Divine loves you and so does the whole world. Please look forward, whatever had happened to you in the past can be all wiped off by the deluge of love that is waiting for you. Please forget the past, live in the present momemt and for the future. Please cheer up and wake up into a new beautiful, fragrant and blissful life.

At long last I must honestly tell you that your english is quite good.

With lots of love and best wishes,

SM

[shehari]

Hey Storymaker,

thanks for your reply! Thanks for suggesting those books, I'll check them out.

Thank you very much!

She

[Arcturus]

krishnamurti's cool as! if you're reading him yer on the right track. can't get on with tolle...apparently the books are good but i've watched him on youtube and just don't feel it at all. krishnamurti only rarely sat down to write books and even then had no idea what he was going to write before he started and same with his talks (of which there are many on youtube worth watching). he was in the stream, not looking at it. if you're reading k then you're on a good start i think, bon voyage!

[shehari]

@ necta3: I checked out UG/j.krishnamurti: UG very provocative in his way of explaining, but thats upto each individual to decide. Yes J.k is inspiring in a way, but I never have been any follower of any gurus/philosophers or whatever... Yes Tolle wasnt always appealing to me either, I kind of dislike that sweettalking, sentimental stuff.


Well... guess we just have to find it out to ourselves...

[Arcturus]

found ug to be aggressive, folk don't need waking up and that implies that there's one who can do it? if you saw k as a guru and/or someone you followed then you missed the point entirely...

"You seek out a guru, a teacher, a leader, political or other, only when you are confused. Otherwise you never follow anybody. If you are very clear, if you are inwardly a light unto yourself, you will never follow anyone. But because you are not, you follow; you follow out of your confusion, and what you follow must also be confused. Your leaders as well as yourself are confused, politically and religiously. Therefore, first clear up your own confusion, become a light unto yourself, and then the problem will cease."

krishnamurti, quotes on gurus: http://www.buddhasangha.com/jkrishnamurtiquotes/jiddu_krishnamurti_gurus.htm

we may do away with the external guru, which is right and good, but do we deny the inner guru we set up of ourselves; the moral arbiter. folk say that organised religion and following is wrong, which i agree with, then without even realising it we set up our own personalised organised religion with ourselves at the head of it, as high priest or priestess, and follow the inner/personal guru...it's the same thing i feel. maybe we might come upon it when "ourselves" stop trying to "find out".

and inspiration was an anathema to k: http://krishnamurtidiscourses.blogspot.com/2009/10/jiddu-krishnamurti-we-go-from-one.html

""Why do you want to be inspired? Is it not because in yourself you are empty, uncreative, lonely? You want to fill this loneliness, this aching void; you must have tried different ways of filling it, and you hope to escape from it again by coming here. This process of covering up the arid loneliness is called inspiration. Inspiration then becomes a mere stimulation, and as with all stimulation, it soon brings its own boredom and insensitivity.""

doesn't seem like you really read the words if i may, peace

[shehari]

Hi necta

"Why do you want to be inspired? Is it not because in yourself you are empty, uncreative, lonely? You want to fill this loneliness, this aching void; you must have tried different ways of filling it, and you hope to escape from it again by coming here. This process of covering up the arid loneliness is called inspiration. Inspiration then becomes a mere stimulation, and as with all stimulation, it soon brings its own boredom and insensitivity."":

Why people are here, for what reason, is upto them/myself


"Why do you want to be inspired"

Thats what I said previously, you have to walk your own path. Not being dependent on others.

"doesn't seem like you really read the words if "

Words are always been understood differently... if I may. Thank you

She

[Arcturus]

heya, the inspiration bit was a quote from the passage not me and it wasn't meant to have any baring on why, or not, folk are here. i don't want inspiration myself and as for walking your own path, it's the same as following anothers was my whole point as we create out of desire and need and whether takes up an external influence or our own is of little difference. i don't think you did understand his words and your conclusions showed that to me. if i come over as abrupt and impolite then please excuse as communication is not my strong point. i'd tried to find common ground but as i saw it you used him as an example of what's wrong with following and i was putting out that, that conclusion was clearly incorrect and moreover that you/we had not really moved from that point anyways. you condemned the guru (who wasn't) to justify yourself (who is, but then so am i). sorry that's curt too, i don't mean to be, peace m'dears

[shehari]

Thank you necta3 :)

[Mr Interesting]

Just enjoy the ride... want need greed feed lead steed... not much rhymes with want.

Lot's of words rhyme with need bleed creed speed... but wants almost out there on it's lonesome... why's that?

[Swami Chihuahuananda]

Just enjoy the ride... want need greed feed lead steed... not much rhymes with want.

Lot's of words rhyme with need bleed creed speed... but wants almost out there on it's lonesome... why's that?

It's on a jaunt with your aunt , looking for a house to haunt , probably in Beaumont , possibly a restaurant :cool:

[Mr Interesting]

Yer stretching it there Dar far jar bar.... nah!

I think it's the accent. Godzone kiwi english don't have any words rhyming with want... maybe font... yup, only font. Baptismal and style of letters.

Never thought of that before, in the sense of accents, even as I've always liked an idea that words have resonances to feeling and emotions that hide in plain site but I haven't thought about how that idea might also include how an accent might define an underlying karmic pattern within the user group.