Do I need healing?

[CatChild]

I tend to keep people at a distance, yet I powerfully love those who are close to me. With those close peeps I am extremely demonstrative. (Family/friends). Yet I am polite and friendly to others.

I am a minimalistic person- I hate clutter and chaos.

I prefer to recharge by myself, and rarely feel I 'need' anyone other than my close family members.

I just don't want to be in a relationship- I am single by choice and suspect that I always will be.



I Guess I wonder why I am like this and if it is healthy. I wonder if I am a little avoidant of deeply connecting others, and reluctant to enter into an intimate relationship with anyone ever again- and that just strikes me as silly...

This all came about because of a text message conversation I had today with one of my ex boyfriends. He was stating that he was so lonely and needed female companionship. I have noticed several guys say this quite often. I hear them talk about it... yet most females I talk to do not need a man to feel complete.

Is this a healing issue, or am I just fearlessly independent? (And this is all just pure curiosity). Any takers? :D

[MYFIGO]

I think it just may not be yet time for a relationship for you. I went through a period of wanting a relationship so badly and being in terrible ones and then quit looking and worked on my spiritual growth and learned to heal. I was so focused on the healing that when love did present an opportunity, I was afraid to take it and trust.

I had many visions about this "challenge" as it was called. From more visions, I learned that learning to open myself to a loving relationship and truly let someone in was my next lesson. I'm so glad I had the opportunity and took it. I've been very happy and am with someone who treats me better than I ever imagined possible.

I do believe that growing into who I am now allowed me to only accept a relationship with someone who would respect me and what I do. No one in my previous life would have given me an ounce of respect for what I do. None of them were right for me after all.

There is nothing wrong with being you... just as you are. And it's never too late to meet that perfect person for you!

[Xan]

CatChild... Healing is called for when there is pain, frequent discomfort or dysfunction that makes life conflicted and unsatisfying. Otherwise you're fine as you are.

Unless, of course, you want to go deeply into freedom. In that case everything in the mind will come up for healing and transformation.


Xan

[CatChild]

CatChild... Healing is called for when there is pain, frequent discomfort or dysfunction that makes life conflicted and unsatisfying. Otherwise you're fine as you are.

Unless, of course, you want to go deeply into freedom. In that case everything in the mind will come up for healing and transformation.


Xan

Hmm, Xan that triggered something in me. I'm going to ponder it for a while- Thanks.

[CatChild]

I think it just may not be yet time for a relationship for you. I went through a period of wanting a relationship so badly and being in terrible ones and then quit looking and worked on my spiritual growth and learned to heal. I was so focused on the healing that when love did present an opportunity, I was afraid to take it and trust.

I had many visions about this "challenge" as it was called. From more visions, I learned that learning to open myself to a loving relationship and truly let someone in was my next lesson. I'm so glad I had the opportunity and took it. I've been very happy and am with someone who treats me better than I ever imagined possible.

I do believe that growing into who I am now allowed me to only accept a relationship with someone who would respect me and what I do. No one in my previous life would have given me an ounce of respect for what I do. None of them were right for me after all.

There is nothing wrong with being you... just as you are. And it's never too late to meet that perfect person for you!

This entire post speaks to me. Thank you MYFIGO.

[7luminaries]

CatChild...only you can say what is right for you. There may yet be someone for you in your future. And there is nothing wrong with being alone.

Here is my story...in case there is anything relevant for you...
I was in a few serious relationships in my early & mid 20s before I married. There was back & forth with one but I moved on. I never dated otherwise & felt no need.

I ended the engagements (prior to my marriage) because once engaged, I realised that they were not my lifetime partner.
Looking back, it was the soul connection that I needed.
Like you, I gave deeply to those in my inner circle, including my partners, but there was a never a truly intimate, face to face "soul connection" with those partners. And I always perceived the lack.

Looking back, I realise I was looking for that soul connection and from the start, I only responded to those with whom there was some connection.
But it was not deeply resonant...and eventually I felt like I came to the end of their soul rope, whilst mine went on by itself.
The sense of lonliness within the relationships was often overwhelming.

I married and then within a few years he melted down from increasingly severe depression & anxiety, for which he repeatedly refused treatment (sadly).
After several years, I divorced, had a child and have been raising him on my own.
My son healed my burnt out soul immensely, as did walking my own path spiritually.

I felt no urge whatsoever for partnership connection until my son was 5. Now he's 7. I'm still alone ;)
because the soul mate love has been difficult...when you are ready they are not or perhaps vice versa...

But that interest in a partner was ONLY because I met a soul mate. And had never experienced that level of connection and love.
If it weren't for the deep experience of soul mate love, my heart might well still be closed.
And yet soul mate love doesn't yield anything real in your daily life unless they rise to it and say...come be with me and be my love ;) and all that lot.
Soul mate love has really broken my heart thus far, for all the love & growth.
So there is good and bad there.

But ordinary relationships, without a deep, foundational soul connection, just don't appeal to everyone.
And it doesn't start with attraction first or sex first and then "become" a soul love.
That backwards approach is the "quick fix" that some use over an entire lifetime rather than getting hold of their inner fortitude,
landing somewhere, and getting to know one person and walking your paths together.

And yet I think this is how most women are built, more or less, to walk their paths with a committed partner...
and ideally one with whom you can share all your heart and soul.
And you do reach a point (and sometimes we're just born that way) where you'd rather be alone than lonely with someone else.

That's currently where I'm at...even though I know that long-term I want to keep my heart open
and try to be open to the possibility of a companionship partner with whom I may not have a truly deep soul connection...
because that may be all there is...no expectations, in other words...none...
because soul mate love gave rise to hope...and I have to let all that go...

And BTW I do agree that most women don't need sexual intimacy AT ALL unless there is love and commitment....especially once past our first blush of innocence...

And this is where you may have to wait.
You're not 18 anymore (thank God, yer?). But it seems some gents may need to hit not just 30 but 35, 40, 45, 50+ (LOL...yes I'm srs...& sometimes it's never...)
before they realise that emotionally mature women don't necessarily go there. Or won't do so.
Unless it's real and committed.

It all depends on when they themselves grow up and realise that we all have value and worth, and it's not just all about them.
And that means you have to be willing to get to know a person and let real love...soul love...bloom.

Otherwise, even though my soul may truly long for and miss my soul mate...
I was perfectly happy before being alone
and aside from the feeling the loss of the presence of soul mate love in my daily life...I still am.

It's a blessing to be content in your solitude and in the love of your family and friends. It truly is.

Peace & blessings :hug3:
7L

[John32241]

Is this a healing issue, or am I just fearlessly independent? (And this is all just pure curiosity). Any takers? :D

You have learned to be authentically true to yourself. How this evolves over time is any ones guess. Life is about change.

Healing is a fond subject of mine. Until we can demonstrate our essence at the level of a master like Jesus Christ, we are involved in some form of inner healing.

Those are my brief thoughts on this subject.

John

[LadyTerra]

I tend to keep people at a distance, yet I powerfully love those who are close to me. With those close peeps I am extremely demonstrative. (Family/friends). Yet I am polite and friendly to others.

I am a minimalistic person- I hate clutter and chaos.

I prefer to recharge by myself, and rarely feel I 'need' anyone other than my close family members.

I just don't want to be in a relationship- I am single by choice and suspect that I always will be.



I Guess I wonder why I am like this and if it is healthy. I wonder if I am a little avoidant of deeply connecting others, and reluctant to enter into an intimate relationship with anyone ever again- and that just strikes me as silly...

This all came about because of a text message conversation I had today with one of my ex boyfriends. He was stating that he was so lonely and needed female companionship. I have noticed several guys say this quite often. I hear them talk about it... yet most females I talk to do not need a man to feel complete.

Is this a healing issue, or am I just fearlessly independent? (And this is all just pure curiosity). Any takers? :D


I love your name--it really says it all.:hug:

Why should being independent indicate that you are somehow in need of healing? Since when does being your own person equate with ill-health?

If and when you are meant to be with someone that person will come along--if they don't--oh well--life will go on!

IMO--you hear more men making statements like that (as opposed to women)--because men are used to being taken care of and women are trained to be the "self-less care-givers". When women like you and me come along--who are perfectly fine on their own--there are those who try and make us feel inadequate and incomplete--but they are simply projecting and (in truth) are probably just a little jealous of the fact that we live our own lives without having to answer to anyone.

I had 20 good years with a one in a million guy. We raised our family. He died and now I am trying to learn to live my life for myself and make choices that are right for me (as an individual).

I am more than content spending the remainder of my life in pursuit of what happiness and fulfullment mean to me (personally).

Peace and Love on the path of your choice...

Blessed be...

[michael55]

As I understand it, psychological research shows that humans in partnered/intimate relationships tend to be happier. But, that is just an average. You could be an exception. Some might say that you are perfect all ready so of course healing is not needed and impossible simply because you cannot heal something that does not need healing.

[CatChild]

Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts with me. I do actually feel like I am just fine as I am and on my own.

I've been dealing with some really hard situations with regards to my family and without much support from other people. And when I stand back and look at everything that I take responsibility for, and I see that I don't have another person to job share with so to speak, I really do feel very proud of Me.

I was always really independent though. I learned really young that most other children were learning about themselves through a balance of power that was shared with their interactions with other kids. And while they were busy doing that, I was off by myself somewhere pondering what made the grass green and the sky blue. :smile:

I have experienced being in deep, deep love with another Human Being and that not working out. I've learned about him and about myself and everything else in between. So I don't feel the need to replace that, as even though the relationship wasn't perfect and we simply struggled with irreconcilable differences, I know that the love I felt was Perfect- and that is good enough.