JasperAriel
20-01-2012, 09:22 PM
Hello all,
Today is my first real day on this website, I've browsed around and I love it! Everyone here is kind and helpful, so I'm hoping you will be kind and helpful with me. I noticed some posts similar to what I've been wondering, but they don't have all the information I was looking for. I hope I am posting this in the right section, but it has a few questions about a few different subjects I saw also had their own section. Please forgive me if this is in the wrong section, this is my first post and I have yet to figure out how things work on here. I'll try my best to keep this short, but I just adore writing!
Growing up, I've been surrounded by many down to earth, whole, grounded people who just seem to have this sense about them that lights up the room and makes me feel safe. I know a few intuitives, if that's the correct wording, as well as a born healer. I am so interested in developing and exploring my abilities, but I am somewhat at a stall. The past year I've been exploring the spiritual world on and off, and just the past month or so I have been really diving into it. I love it so much! I love how peaceful I feel, how alive and awake I am, and how much my life seems to be improving.
When I was younger, I had a lot of trouble with what was diagnosed to be anxiety. But the only time I would ever get anxious is when I had to go to school or an enclosed large area with crowds. I would also get anxious when my mom would leave on vacation or even just to work because as soon as she left, the house would suddenly get colder(literally drop in temperature) and it would seem really negative and just...dark. Luckily I am able to be on my own now, but the house still drops in temperature and gets this negative vibe whenever she leaves. I'm still very close to her, she played both parental roles for me growing up and I've always felt safe when I was with her. I remember when I was around 4-5 I used to have reoccurring nightmares, or possibly visions, I can't remember all too clearly, of a man in a 1960-70s space suit bouncing around(like he was in outer-space with no gravity) my room at night, which led me to sleep in the same bed with my mom up until I was around 13. Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but as soon as I started sleeping in her bed, I had no nightmares, not even once in those 8 years. When I would sleep over at a friends house, I'd get nightmares and she'd have to pick me up in the very early AM hours. Is it possible that my mom could have some type of ability to ward off negative energy?) Anyways, every time I would go out to an area with a lot of people, I would pretty much block myself off from everything around me and shut down. Doctors said that it was anxiety, but my mom(very religious, used to be spiritual in her past, not as active today) thought that I might actually be an empath because I would always come home in a different mood each day, ie depressed, angry, mostly negative emotions, when I had nothing to be depressed/angry about. I would also feel what I thought to be the pain of others around me, such as I'd feel the pain of a sprained ankle if I didn't have one but my best friend did, I'd feel like I had just been scratched if someone I was looking at just got scratched. I was in the nurses office almost every day complaining about the same symptoms the kid next to me was complaining about. I noticed this more and more and it eventually got so bad that I feared going to school and I became depressed. That only lasted about a few months or so, though. It's been ruled out by the doctor that I don't have any other illnesses or diseases such as bipolar, etc. I will also get highly involved in every movie, tv show, book, and stories told by others, so involved like I'm feeling the fear or the love, sadness and joy. Some people tell me that I'm just over emotional, but if I'm upset, I'm able to control my feelings, as opposed to me being helpless to the emotions I receive from others around me. Is it possible that I am an empath? And if it is possible that I am, how can I prevent other people's emotions from effecting my day? And is it possible that I could be a "healer", I'm not sure about the correct term. I have been able to imagine a white light engulfing me and filling me with love and positive vibrations, then I'll put my hands on whatever I plan to "heal" and I just focus on that white light filling up with each breath in and then leaving my fingertips and entering the being I'm touching and just cleansing their body of all negative energies. I have done this with both my mother and dog on many occasions and my mom says that it feels like this wave goes through her and washes away her pain(She's currently going through menopause, has elbow problems and "frozen shoulder") and the same results have happened when my dog was sick, she was energetic, waging her tail and happy afterwards. I usually feel somewhat drained and as if some of my positive energy has been taken, which is completely fine if it's benefiting someone else. But it seems like after 24-72 hours, the being that I put energy into is right back to feeling the same way, just usually not as bad. Could it be that I'm not powerful enough? Could it be that I'm not actually a healer but since I have this feeling to be one, I act as one and will get temporary results? If that's even possible. I'd love to look into ways I could better myself as far as healing goes!
And I also have a question about visualization. I do try to meditate daily, it ranges from 30 minutes to an hour and a half depending on my plans for the day, I also meditate until I am able to go to sleep, but that is more of putting my mind in the sleepy/calm stage rather than seeking spiritual development/enlightenment. I know some people are able to put themselves on a relaxing beach or a calm forest during meditation and actually see that beach or forest in their minds eye as well as feel the warm air and even hear birds or waves. I have friends who are able to imagine a person or a figure and draw it exactly how they see it in their head. But whenever I try and think of something beautiful to draw, it seems like I have a brainfart and it just fizzles, like my creativity leaves whenever I try to put it to use. I've listened to guided meditations and tried to imagine walking down a staircase or through the woods, but my mind is just black. When I close my eyes, I sometimes see white blotches, solid dark-colored lines horizontally and vertically, electric/lightning bolts, multicolored specks, etc. I also feel like I am unable to communicate with my spirit guide. While some describe hearing voices, seeing the spirit guide in the mind’s eye, I am still unable to feel that connection. Sometimes I think that I'm trying too hard, but then when I don't focus, my mind wanders and I feel a small sense of guilt and make my mind focus on meditating. I would love to get in contact with my spirit guide and I would love to eventually put myself in the scenery I think of while meditating and be able to see or feel it. Is visualization different for everyone? Does it matter if I cannot picture or see anything? How do/did you get in contact with your spirit guide? I know I'm not required to have a spirit guide, but I have this sense that it would help me on my path of spiritual development.
I'm very curious as to what I'm capable of doing and I do believe that I have the ability to do it, I'm just not sure if it's being done correctly or not. I have this sense of self that makes me feel like I was put on this earth to do something great, to help people, or something along the lines of that.
Once again, this is my first post, so I apologize very much if there is something wrong with this post. I also apologize for it being so long, I just have so many thoughts and questions that I figured I should put it into one post instead of making multiple ones and getting mixed up. Just until I get to know my way around this website better! I'm sorry if there are posts that are just like this one, but I tried my best to go through as many as I can. I feel like since I don't exhibit certain traits others do, that I should be asking about my own instead of comparing a few things I have in common with others. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, and thank you very much, ahead of time, for any information or tips you are able to share with me!! Everyone's input matters.
May peace and love surround you
~~~~
Today is my first real day on this website, I've browsed around and I love it! Everyone here is kind and helpful, so I'm hoping you will be kind and helpful with me. I noticed some posts similar to what I've been wondering, but they don't have all the information I was looking for. I hope I am posting this in the right section, but it has a few questions about a few different subjects I saw also had their own section. Please forgive me if this is in the wrong section, this is my first post and I have yet to figure out how things work on here. I'll try my best to keep this short, but I just adore writing!
Growing up, I've been surrounded by many down to earth, whole, grounded people who just seem to have this sense about them that lights up the room and makes me feel safe. I know a few intuitives, if that's the correct wording, as well as a born healer. I am so interested in developing and exploring my abilities, but I am somewhat at a stall. The past year I've been exploring the spiritual world on and off, and just the past month or so I have been really diving into it. I love it so much! I love how peaceful I feel, how alive and awake I am, and how much my life seems to be improving.
When I was younger, I had a lot of trouble with what was diagnosed to be anxiety. But the only time I would ever get anxious is when I had to go to school or an enclosed large area with crowds. I would also get anxious when my mom would leave on vacation or even just to work because as soon as she left, the house would suddenly get colder(literally drop in temperature) and it would seem really negative and just...dark. Luckily I am able to be on my own now, but the house still drops in temperature and gets this negative vibe whenever she leaves. I'm still very close to her, she played both parental roles for me growing up and I've always felt safe when I was with her. I remember when I was around 4-5 I used to have reoccurring nightmares, or possibly visions, I can't remember all too clearly, of a man in a 1960-70s space suit bouncing around(like he was in outer-space with no gravity) my room at night, which led me to sleep in the same bed with my mom up until I was around 13. Somewhat embarrassing to admit, but as soon as I started sleeping in her bed, I had no nightmares, not even once in those 8 years. When I would sleep over at a friends house, I'd get nightmares and she'd have to pick me up in the very early AM hours. Is it possible that my mom could have some type of ability to ward off negative energy?) Anyways, every time I would go out to an area with a lot of people, I would pretty much block myself off from everything around me and shut down. Doctors said that it was anxiety, but my mom(very religious, used to be spiritual in her past, not as active today) thought that I might actually be an empath because I would always come home in a different mood each day, ie depressed, angry, mostly negative emotions, when I had nothing to be depressed/angry about. I would also feel what I thought to be the pain of others around me, such as I'd feel the pain of a sprained ankle if I didn't have one but my best friend did, I'd feel like I had just been scratched if someone I was looking at just got scratched. I was in the nurses office almost every day complaining about the same symptoms the kid next to me was complaining about. I noticed this more and more and it eventually got so bad that I feared going to school and I became depressed. That only lasted about a few months or so, though. It's been ruled out by the doctor that I don't have any other illnesses or diseases such as bipolar, etc. I will also get highly involved in every movie, tv show, book, and stories told by others, so involved like I'm feeling the fear or the love, sadness and joy. Some people tell me that I'm just over emotional, but if I'm upset, I'm able to control my feelings, as opposed to me being helpless to the emotions I receive from others around me. Is it possible that I am an empath? And if it is possible that I am, how can I prevent other people's emotions from effecting my day? And is it possible that I could be a "healer", I'm not sure about the correct term. I have been able to imagine a white light engulfing me and filling me with love and positive vibrations, then I'll put my hands on whatever I plan to "heal" and I just focus on that white light filling up with each breath in and then leaving my fingertips and entering the being I'm touching and just cleansing their body of all negative energies. I have done this with both my mother and dog on many occasions and my mom says that it feels like this wave goes through her and washes away her pain(She's currently going through menopause, has elbow problems and "frozen shoulder") and the same results have happened when my dog was sick, she was energetic, waging her tail and happy afterwards. I usually feel somewhat drained and as if some of my positive energy has been taken, which is completely fine if it's benefiting someone else. But it seems like after 24-72 hours, the being that I put energy into is right back to feeling the same way, just usually not as bad. Could it be that I'm not powerful enough? Could it be that I'm not actually a healer but since I have this feeling to be one, I act as one and will get temporary results? If that's even possible. I'd love to look into ways I could better myself as far as healing goes!
And I also have a question about visualization. I do try to meditate daily, it ranges from 30 minutes to an hour and a half depending on my plans for the day, I also meditate until I am able to go to sleep, but that is more of putting my mind in the sleepy/calm stage rather than seeking spiritual development/enlightenment. I know some people are able to put themselves on a relaxing beach or a calm forest during meditation and actually see that beach or forest in their minds eye as well as feel the warm air and even hear birds or waves. I have friends who are able to imagine a person or a figure and draw it exactly how they see it in their head. But whenever I try and think of something beautiful to draw, it seems like I have a brainfart and it just fizzles, like my creativity leaves whenever I try to put it to use. I've listened to guided meditations and tried to imagine walking down a staircase or through the woods, but my mind is just black. When I close my eyes, I sometimes see white blotches, solid dark-colored lines horizontally and vertically, electric/lightning bolts, multicolored specks, etc. I also feel like I am unable to communicate with my spirit guide. While some describe hearing voices, seeing the spirit guide in the mind’s eye, I am still unable to feel that connection. Sometimes I think that I'm trying too hard, but then when I don't focus, my mind wanders and I feel a small sense of guilt and make my mind focus on meditating. I would love to get in contact with my spirit guide and I would love to eventually put myself in the scenery I think of while meditating and be able to see or feel it. Is visualization different for everyone? Does it matter if I cannot picture or see anything? How do/did you get in contact with your spirit guide? I know I'm not required to have a spirit guide, but I have this sense that it would help me on my path of spiritual development.
I'm very curious as to what I'm capable of doing and I do believe that I have the ability to do it, I'm just not sure if it's being done correctly or not. I have this sense of self that makes me feel like I was put on this earth to do something great, to help people, or something along the lines of that.
Once again, this is my first post, so I apologize very much if there is something wrong with this post. I also apologize for it being so long, I just have so many thoughts and questions that I figured I should put it into one post instead of making multiple ones and getting mixed up. Just until I get to know my way around this website better! I'm sorry if there are posts that are just like this one, but I tried my best to go through as many as I can. I feel like since I don't exhibit certain traits others do, that I should be asking about my own instead of comparing a few things I have in common with others. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, and thank you very much, ahead of time, for any information or tips you are able to share with me!! Everyone's input matters.
May peace and love surround you
~~~~