Turn The Table

[sesheta]

I wasn't sure which forum to post this on, but this seemed like the most logical choice!

The issue I want to address is this: Does anyone else find themselves being disrespected, or treated unkindly, because they are skinny? I have always been "petite" - about 5 foot 4, and have never in my life weighed more than 125 pounds soaking wet (I battled & survived cancer over a decade ago and, since then, have not weighed more than 115...)
Anyway, my point being that, throughout my life, I have heard all kinds of condescending, petty comments from other females (including friends) due to this. If I went shopping with them, I heard things like "oh, yeah, well YOU could wear that..."(very sarcastic). If I wear something form-fitting, it's comments like "must be nice to be able to wear that!"
Heaven forbid the conversation ever turns to food, diet or exercise! If I make any comment at all, it instantly gets turned on me with things like "oh, this from the person who doesn't HAVE a weight problem!"
It's like they blame me for not being overweight....I am lucky enough to have had parents who were never overweight, so I think part of it is genetics...I have a high metabolism, so I tend to burn calories quickly. However, I also do try to maintain my weight as much as I can - I never use any special diets, but I try to watch what I eat - more portion control than anything else- and I do try to make sure I exercise when I can.
But I find it hurtful when people make these types of sarcastic comments. I do not make the opposite type of comments about people who are overweight, and it seems to be the common consensus that, if you make those types of comments about overweight people, it is insensitive. But to make sarcastic comments about naturally skinny people seems to be OK - why? To make us feel guilty? Is it our fault that our system is the way that it is, any more than it's the fault of an overweight person that their system is the way that it is?

[Silver]

It's a shame. The human condition where the abuse gets passed on, intentionally or not. It gets confusing when we want to feel a sense of belonging and it's denied someone ~ so when a person with a weight problem feels the pain and irony of a situation involving scenarios such as you described, the pain comes out and they don't realize what they're doing because for that moment, it's all about them and their pain ~ they may or may not know of your situation, your story, so yeah, it's rude / thoughtless. I'm really sorry you've had to go through that, sesheta.

[psychoslice]

We all laugh at over weight, under weight, color, baldness, you name it, but this is just each and everyone's likes and dislikes, even animals fight with different species, different color, and so on, it can hurt but we must realize that its nothing but preference, there are probably things that you yourself don't like in another.

[Baile]

there are probably things that you yourself don't like in another.Along things about yourself you don't like, and which others pick up on. I was scorned in my youth for being overly quiet and introverted. When I was in my 30s, it dawned on me that the reason for that no doubt had quite a bit to do with my extreme impatience with people who say what I consider to be stupid things whenever they open their mouths. Something I need to work on in myself, in other words. :smile:

[mattie]

You’re right that the comments are insensitive, but the real issue here is not others snarky comments, but why you’re letting them affect you (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?p=176685#post176685).

[sesheta]

That is a fair statement :) Why do I let it affect me?
Maybe because I have never spoken that way to others about their weight - many of my female friends have been larger, but I would never make comments like that to them....those types of comments don't affect me so much when it comes from people I don't know that well...but when your "friends" who are supposed to love & support you, and who know everything about you - say those things, it stings a bit more!
But I guess that is what I need to work on in myself- to just let the comments slide, and ignore them....

[Jules]

That is a fair statement :) Why do I let it affect me?
Maybe because I have never spoken that way to others about their weight - many of my female friends have been larger, but I would never make comments like that to them....those types of comments don't affect me so much when it comes from people I don't know that well...but when your "friends" who are supposed to love & support you, and who know everything about you - say those things, it stings a bit more!
But I guess that is what I need to work on in myself- to just let the comments slide, and ignore them....it is indeedy .. and to recognise and accept that it's THEIR issues (and more than likely jealousy) and not yours. If they can't accept you for being you - then they don't deserve to be in your life. there's a great saying that I live by, (Its part of a poem actually) people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Each and everyone of the teaching you valuable lessons about SELF. You've got to know who and what your not before you understand who you truly are.

Hugs
Jue

[knightofalbion]

Ah! Such is the world! People see the physical aspect, rather than the heart and soul of a person.

But it's what you are inside that counts.

[DebbyM]

Maybe their comments aren't all about you but are actually all about the emotional pain that they deal with on a daily basis because of their struggles with weight. Our society tells us that thin is in and fat is wrong/bad/ugly/unhealthy and that heavy people are lazy/ugly/stupid. And they have to live with all of that negativity. Maybe when they are commenting on your thinness, they are thinking about their 'fatness' if you know what I mean and aren't actually disrespecting you.

Sometimes when someone says something to us, we hear it one way, but they actually meant it another. I've done this time and time again and particularly when I talk to my mom. I hear it as a criticism and she actually means it in a rather benign way, and it's also worked the other way too. I say something innocent and she gets all bent out of shape.

Try not to let it get to you and maybe think about how difficult it must be on the other side of the weight issue, when all around there are goodies to tempt them and they know it will be one more pound to add to the 'too many' that they're already carrying. They might be looking at you when they say something in frustration, but is it really you they are thinking of....or themselves?

Besides, if you don't pick up their 'negativity baggage', they'll have to carry the load themselves. And you walk in lightness and serenity.