Dave7heHuman
06-12-2011, 05:48 AM
Hello everyone, I hope I have stumbled upon this website most likely for a reason. I am a 22 y/o Aquarian and have come to an "Awakening" of sorts but am unsure what I can do at this point. Let me start you off with a little background, moving into the "Awakening" experience and finally my current predicament (I will try to keep as short as possible bear with me please).
Background:
Ok so to begin my life has been what I thought one disaster after another (or so I thought) From poverty, Unbelievably sinister family members, foster homes, Group homes, Homelessness, literally false imprisonment for over a year, to dead end jobs (that I never had any interest in as I knew even then they were a waste of time productively and for horribly greedy companies) amongst other things those are the most pertinent. Now I went through life never (truly) scarred or sour, just depressed that a practically pure hearted kid (think what you may but I've never personally met anyone with such deep seeded "good" beliefs as I (Sad I know, and I know of course you guys exist just havnt met any) couldnt catch a break. so about 5 months ago I started questioning everything un-expectantly, Became extremely interested in the symbols present on everything, began changing my habits, ect, ect (sure you've all gone through this stage) and finally came to my first realization that I've been living a lie and have made my life comfortable but with no real meaning, on top of which I was in a completely dead end relationship of 4 years but both of us couldnt move on for fear of new. so after feeling that something was trying to tell me something (through all sort of things) finally made my decision to break up with my GF and move somewhere new. so I left Bradenton and went to south beach to stay with one of my childhood friends who I had helped a few years back scared of what was going to happen but excited at a new chance at life, man am I happy I did!
Awakening:
Every day I was there I became more and more aware that I was right where I need to be be but still not knowing why. About a week after staying there and landing a job at a bistro already I felt good but still missing that peice. The day came of my friends birthday (he was working the dayshift so I didnt get to see him till that night) now something inside was telling me I should be meditating and practicing yoga in preparation of something (I had begun both around the time of questioning everything months back) and sure enough when my friend got home he had stated that he had been saving these two hits of LSD (Please dont judge I only have done psychedelics and smoked pot in moderation and it DID seem to speed up a lengthier process) for 3 months now and didnt know why. He also stated that the sheet he got them from had a giant pyramid across it, the sun on one side, the moon the other, and one of the "inventors" of it (Guy on a strange bicycle?) but when he stated the first 3 symbols I immediately knew that this night would be one I would never be the same from. I also knew the one hit would be all I needed and for some reason also took into consideration that this may very well be my 7th LSD trip (The amount for supposed legal insanity but in my mind the opening of the 7th crown chakra). Long story short I came to MANY realizations about time, space, micro/macrocosm, fears inherit were our own a reflection of our own anxieties (You create your own prison), we are all the same person (consciousness I guess?) on a certain level, We are all "god's in training" practically about 50-100 or so more it was quite en-lighting. I faced all my fears that night (other than an EXTREMELY deep seeded one of hieghts) amongst the greatest of which was that nothing we perceive with the 5 senses is real and that the reason people "come down" from an LSD induced enlightenment period is because one has predetermined a comedown in there own mind. I felt magnetism on many levels, became aware that I did not possess just 7 chakras as I had been reading, but an unknown number as I had many orbiting me as well. I came to so many realizations that I felt I had conquered this realm, and there was no longer a point in me being here, I was ready to move on. As I sat in meditative pose with eyes closed I came to the final realization of how I must leave, through a supermassive black hole that we are all tied to in order to enter the next level of attainment. Holy **** I stated and became extremely nervous and scared, with eyes closed the world felt like it was falling apart in inception but knowing I could be part of something greater, something incredible. Scared out of my mind I summoned all the courage in me and said in my head cautiously "Take me away" as I did the computer suddenly Dings and says (LITERALLY!) "Exit application now?" I had a second chance, I almost back out so scared but said "yes! yes! yes!" as I did I envisioned neo awakening from the matrix and seen/felt a cord ripped from the back soft part of the skull, I should note that earlier upon realizing we were all the same on this certain level I had a huge rush of energies and felt as if "wings" unfolded from my back. the night was filled with other things such as realizing intuition is REAL and as long as you trust yourself anything and everything is possible. I realized why I cannot relate to anyone is because we are ALL very very different, what some documented at that time was most likely pertinent to them, but holds very little for me. everything I needed to know would have to be taught by self through reflection and inner guidance. I also realized I had a purpose though I only slight feelings to what it is (I dont think it can be what my feelings is though I know it probably is, I just dont see it happening) and knew that I had fulfilled my purpose in south beach. My friend had come to some of the realizations I did throughout the night but had let them slip unfortunately upon coming down (which I tried to help him contain but realized we were at different points in our spiritual progress so to waste energies on something that cannot be helped is otherwise futile and detrimental to both our beings). After realizing my purpose fufilled in SB that night I asked myself where to next? the answer being obvious (to me at the time) as it had been calling all along, I just didnt want to go there. So against my friend will I responsibly left my job (They had no problem whatsoever and said anytime im in south beach I have a job there.) called my friend in Bradenton (Stoked to see me return!) and took off on my honda metropolitan scooter with basic needs (I had already been downsizing my junk months prior this was just getting rid of the last of it) I had no map, phone, and very little money (like 10 bucks) but knew I would make it with no problems. Everyone thought I was insane! lol little did they know. I made it about 6 hours later with NO snags! just as I knew (not that I needed more proof though)
Current:
So I got stuck (or so I thought) in Bradenton for about a week and a half (much longer than I expected) in which I learned many more "serious" realizations about this life while constantly re-wiring any faulty thought process's (judging, lust, ect.) which came as a breeze. After I finally truly felt I had gotten everything I could out of Bradenton I was then able to leave (If you havent figured out I was broke at the time, and still am for the most part. before I left the first time I had paid back every debt I owed and in the process exhausted all my monies, possessions, ect but was most definitely for the best as I may be broke, but I get more than I need through miracles daily and actually receive extra which I re-invest into the karmatic pool whenever I can) So after a PLANE RIDE (Of course it had to be a plane -.- I had to face my fear of heights and get on TWO planes, it was so freaking hard I almost didnt get on but once again decided anything for soul expansion/attainment. Up there my body went through some very unique changes that I still dont understand, My entire body was vibrating insanely like all chakra's especially the core. My telepathic lobes and other unknown parts of my brain (I had have telepathic conversation before on a previous lsd experience) began to do the same VERY strongly pulsating, Numbing, other weird feelings I cant explain but I'm sure it hold some importance (any thoughts on this?) so after arriving here I am a few days here, but My Goal keeps eluding me. Every time I think I know my divine purpose fate does something to show me its not that. At first I thought it had to do with my music (I sing and play the guitar pretty well) and how I would make a cd within a month (I am capable of such) to get enough money to get some of my friends and family out of there situations and be able to provide a deep, deep shelter in preparation of the pole shift (I understand now that was futile bear with me), But aside from I had to leave my guitars in SB with my friend (couldnt take them on the Scoot) and just overall realized its most certainly not that. Then I thought perhaps I'm supposed to donate my life to a NPO or NGO group but aside from them costing atleast 5k apeice (I still dont understand why they make you pay so much when your donating your time/life to help them?) and ultimately upon reflection realized thats not it either. I keep doing this with every Idea from the scope of all humanitarian careers to natural gifts and keep coming to dead ends. I am missing something. I really wanted to go to a temple or something where I could re-align and get my head strait as since the "awakening" my body is uncomfortable and my sleep is quiet unstable. I feel like I should be surrounded by people such as myself or am in desperate need of a teacher as I keep getting these feelings that I may possibly (dont bash me please these are accumulative feelings that keep re-occuring) be of somewhat importance in the "shift" and am just needlessly wasting precious little time. even my meditation seems empty at this point. Whats even funnier is my mom (quite complicated person to describe, Seems like a insane bum to most ((like the drunkard soothsayers in old movies)) but after awakening I started to realize she knows more than most and is very knowledgable, just refuses to collect her energies and is therefor EXTREMELY scattered) also stated my initial "Crazy thought" and I didnt even speak with her in any way about it. I dont want to say it as its quite the assumption and I dont want to seem like Im prophetic or anything but I'll just say it to clear the air... I think I may possibly be related, Compound soul of or (even more impossible) just be David... Like THE David from the bible... Let me go over quickly why I even think this, months before the awakening I looked up at the north star and suddenly a thought shot through my head out of no where "What if your the David from the bible?" I laughed hard but that smile faded as I realized my extreme underlying passion for "Being the hero" and doing the right thing, saving the day ect... but the thought faded as I rationalized thats the craziest thing Ive thought up yet. But it stuck with me a little bit and as I kept studying Astrology, Runology, Mythology ect. I realized all these things were completely connected and anytime My name showed up in the mythology I felt a strong connection with it and the beliefs on the core level were the same. I discovered david was one of adams favorite friends (I think adam rules this universe for some reason as well) and if thats true then aside from the aesthetic **** Ive had to face, Ive been one of or the most blessed/fortunate people you'll ever meet. Now other smaller things have led me to humor the idea but this one being the most prominent, When I saw my mother for the first time in years she was all drugged up and such so I was trying tell her my realizations Ive come to and that she didnt need that horrible stuff encompassing her in its viscous circle of self destruction and what have you. We talked a bit but I'll cut to the dramatic part, Before she left she stated with tears in her eyes "Thats easy for you to say david, Your not like us, You would never understand." I interjected from the heart stating she was wrong until she said "You wouldnt even beleive me if I told you" (I thought this was somewhat humorous as she wouldnt believe half of the stuff I believe to be true, also for some strange reason I already knew what she was going to say...) She stated "You are the north star. You are king David" and left. At that point I took it into more consideration but still cant believe it. I feel like neo from the matrix, with signs telling me I'm the one but just as neo I cant accept it... I mean if anyone I do think it could be me... But anyways anytime I feel this way I just humble myself back down since I dont want to be wrong and be almost egotistical as it IS quite the assumption. Please dont judge, I did not come on here to start false propheting myself or anything I honestly didnt even have the intention of disclosing this with you guys at all just trying to make sense of this mess. But now I'm starting to think maybe this may be the thing I was supposed to do all along but once again thats even further speculation, I just hate how its a constant circle of guesswork with this stuff. OK Seriously sorry for the essay I was not expecting to write all of this, does anyone have any thoughts or know of any places that might be able to help me or guide me possibly? (BTW I have just since coming to this site even learned about indigo children so I thought I'd post it here as its appearant to me I am ((I already knew I was something very different just didnt have a name for it or trust it was common though I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone as well... *Sigh*)) Other important things I may mention is Though I'm deathly afraid of heights I somehow think I'm of an bird orgin (Eagle?) and when I come to the true realization of that it will be quite humorous indeed (A Bird afraid to fly lol) I've always been attracted to neon colors and believe the lighter the color the greater the purity, I for some reason am extremely attracted to Cassiopiea the stardust/constellation, the moon, cold weather (HATE heat), Gemstones, the earth, nature, (Fear of the ocean) and have a very strong unnatural fear of falling upward into the sky. Like unless I'm extremely grounded I cant even look up at it especially at night when I can see the stars (Though I want to look at them sooo bad) even when watching anything about space or heights my anxiety escalates to unreasonable levels where I feel I'd get sucked up into the sky at any moment... hope that helps some...
Background:
Ok so to begin my life has been what I thought one disaster after another (or so I thought) From poverty, Unbelievably sinister family members, foster homes, Group homes, Homelessness, literally false imprisonment for over a year, to dead end jobs (that I never had any interest in as I knew even then they were a waste of time productively and for horribly greedy companies) amongst other things those are the most pertinent. Now I went through life never (truly) scarred or sour, just depressed that a practically pure hearted kid (think what you may but I've never personally met anyone with such deep seeded "good" beliefs as I (Sad I know, and I know of course you guys exist just havnt met any) couldnt catch a break. so about 5 months ago I started questioning everything un-expectantly, Became extremely interested in the symbols present on everything, began changing my habits, ect, ect (sure you've all gone through this stage) and finally came to my first realization that I've been living a lie and have made my life comfortable but with no real meaning, on top of which I was in a completely dead end relationship of 4 years but both of us couldnt move on for fear of new. so after feeling that something was trying to tell me something (through all sort of things) finally made my decision to break up with my GF and move somewhere new. so I left Bradenton and went to south beach to stay with one of my childhood friends who I had helped a few years back scared of what was going to happen but excited at a new chance at life, man am I happy I did!
Awakening:
Every day I was there I became more and more aware that I was right where I need to be be but still not knowing why. About a week after staying there and landing a job at a bistro already I felt good but still missing that peice. The day came of my friends birthday (he was working the dayshift so I didnt get to see him till that night) now something inside was telling me I should be meditating and practicing yoga in preparation of something (I had begun both around the time of questioning everything months back) and sure enough when my friend got home he had stated that he had been saving these two hits of LSD (Please dont judge I only have done psychedelics and smoked pot in moderation and it DID seem to speed up a lengthier process) for 3 months now and didnt know why. He also stated that the sheet he got them from had a giant pyramid across it, the sun on one side, the moon the other, and one of the "inventors" of it (Guy on a strange bicycle?) but when he stated the first 3 symbols I immediately knew that this night would be one I would never be the same from. I also knew the one hit would be all I needed and for some reason also took into consideration that this may very well be my 7th LSD trip (The amount for supposed legal insanity but in my mind the opening of the 7th crown chakra). Long story short I came to MANY realizations about time, space, micro/macrocosm, fears inherit were our own a reflection of our own anxieties (You create your own prison), we are all the same person (consciousness I guess?) on a certain level, We are all "god's in training" practically about 50-100 or so more it was quite en-lighting. I faced all my fears that night (other than an EXTREMELY deep seeded one of hieghts) amongst the greatest of which was that nothing we perceive with the 5 senses is real and that the reason people "come down" from an LSD induced enlightenment period is because one has predetermined a comedown in there own mind. I felt magnetism on many levels, became aware that I did not possess just 7 chakras as I had been reading, but an unknown number as I had many orbiting me as well. I came to so many realizations that I felt I had conquered this realm, and there was no longer a point in me being here, I was ready to move on. As I sat in meditative pose with eyes closed I came to the final realization of how I must leave, through a supermassive black hole that we are all tied to in order to enter the next level of attainment. Holy **** I stated and became extremely nervous and scared, with eyes closed the world felt like it was falling apart in inception but knowing I could be part of something greater, something incredible. Scared out of my mind I summoned all the courage in me and said in my head cautiously "Take me away" as I did the computer suddenly Dings and says (LITERALLY!) "Exit application now?" I had a second chance, I almost back out so scared but said "yes! yes! yes!" as I did I envisioned neo awakening from the matrix and seen/felt a cord ripped from the back soft part of the skull, I should note that earlier upon realizing we were all the same on this certain level I had a huge rush of energies and felt as if "wings" unfolded from my back. the night was filled with other things such as realizing intuition is REAL and as long as you trust yourself anything and everything is possible. I realized why I cannot relate to anyone is because we are ALL very very different, what some documented at that time was most likely pertinent to them, but holds very little for me. everything I needed to know would have to be taught by self through reflection and inner guidance. I also realized I had a purpose though I only slight feelings to what it is (I dont think it can be what my feelings is though I know it probably is, I just dont see it happening) and knew that I had fulfilled my purpose in south beach. My friend had come to some of the realizations I did throughout the night but had let them slip unfortunately upon coming down (which I tried to help him contain but realized we were at different points in our spiritual progress so to waste energies on something that cannot be helped is otherwise futile and detrimental to both our beings). After realizing my purpose fufilled in SB that night I asked myself where to next? the answer being obvious (to me at the time) as it had been calling all along, I just didnt want to go there. So against my friend will I responsibly left my job (They had no problem whatsoever and said anytime im in south beach I have a job there.) called my friend in Bradenton (Stoked to see me return!) and took off on my honda metropolitan scooter with basic needs (I had already been downsizing my junk months prior this was just getting rid of the last of it) I had no map, phone, and very little money (like 10 bucks) but knew I would make it with no problems. Everyone thought I was insane! lol little did they know. I made it about 6 hours later with NO snags! just as I knew (not that I needed more proof though)
Current:
So I got stuck (or so I thought) in Bradenton for about a week and a half (much longer than I expected) in which I learned many more "serious" realizations about this life while constantly re-wiring any faulty thought process's (judging, lust, ect.) which came as a breeze. After I finally truly felt I had gotten everything I could out of Bradenton I was then able to leave (If you havent figured out I was broke at the time, and still am for the most part. before I left the first time I had paid back every debt I owed and in the process exhausted all my monies, possessions, ect but was most definitely for the best as I may be broke, but I get more than I need through miracles daily and actually receive extra which I re-invest into the karmatic pool whenever I can) So after a PLANE RIDE (Of course it had to be a plane -.- I had to face my fear of heights and get on TWO planes, it was so freaking hard I almost didnt get on but once again decided anything for soul expansion/attainment. Up there my body went through some very unique changes that I still dont understand, My entire body was vibrating insanely like all chakra's especially the core. My telepathic lobes and other unknown parts of my brain (I had have telepathic conversation before on a previous lsd experience) began to do the same VERY strongly pulsating, Numbing, other weird feelings I cant explain but I'm sure it hold some importance (any thoughts on this?) so after arriving here I am a few days here, but My Goal keeps eluding me. Every time I think I know my divine purpose fate does something to show me its not that. At first I thought it had to do with my music (I sing and play the guitar pretty well) and how I would make a cd within a month (I am capable of such) to get enough money to get some of my friends and family out of there situations and be able to provide a deep, deep shelter in preparation of the pole shift (I understand now that was futile bear with me), But aside from I had to leave my guitars in SB with my friend (couldnt take them on the Scoot) and just overall realized its most certainly not that. Then I thought perhaps I'm supposed to donate my life to a NPO or NGO group but aside from them costing atleast 5k apeice (I still dont understand why they make you pay so much when your donating your time/life to help them?) and ultimately upon reflection realized thats not it either. I keep doing this with every Idea from the scope of all humanitarian careers to natural gifts and keep coming to dead ends. I am missing something. I really wanted to go to a temple or something where I could re-align and get my head strait as since the "awakening" my body is uncomfortable and my sleep is quiet unstable. I feel like I should be surrounded by people such as myself or am in desperate need of a teacher as I keep getting these feelings that I may possibly (dont bash me please these are accumulative feelings that keep re-occuring) be of somewhat importance in the "shift" and am just needlessly wasting precious little time. even my meditation seems empty at this point. Whats even funnier is my mom (quite complicated person to describe, Seems like a insane bum to most ((like the drunkard soothsayers in old movies)) but after awakening I started to realize she knows more than most and is very knowledgable, just refuses to collect her energies and is therefor EXTREMELY scattered) also stated my initial "Crazy thought" and I didnt even speak with her in any way about it. I dont want to say it as its quite the assumption and I dont want to seem like Im prophetic or anything but I'll just say it to clear the air... I think I may possibly be related, Compound soul of or (even more impossible) just be David... Like THE David from the bible... Let me go over quickly why I even think this, months before the awakening I looked up at the north star and suddenly a thought shot through my head out of no where "What if your the David from the bible?" I laughed hard but that smile faded as I realized my extreme underlying passion for "Being the hero" and doing the right thing, saving the day ect... but the thought faded as I rationalized thats the craziest thing Ive thought up yet. But it stuck with me a little bit and as I kept studying Astrology, Runology, Mythology ect. I realized all these things were completely connected and anytime My name showed up in the mythology I felt a strong connection with it and the beliefs on the core level were the same. I discovered david was one of adams favorite friends (I think adam rules this universe for some reason as well) and if thats true then aside from the aesthetic **** Ive had to face, Ive been one of or the most blessed/fortunate people you'll ever meet. Now other smaller things have led me to humor the idea but this one being the most prominent, When I saw my mother for the first time in years she was all drugged up and such so I was trying tell her my realizations Ive come to and that she didnt need that horrible stuff encompassing her in its viscous circle of self destruction and what have you. We talked a bit but I'll cut to the dramatic part, Before she left she stated with tears in her eyes "Thats easy for you to say david, Your not like us, You would never understand." I interjected from the heart stating she was wrong until she said "You wouldnt even beleive me if I told you" (I thought this was somewhat humorous as she wouldnt believe half of the stuff I believe to be true, also for some strange reason I already knew what she was going to say...) She stated "You are the north star. You are king David" and left. At that point I took it into more consideration but still cant believe it. I feel like neo from the matrix, with signs telling me I'm the one but just as neo I cant accept it... I mean if anyone I do think it could be me... But anyways anytime I feel this way I just humble myself back down since I dont want to be wrong and be almost egotistical as it IS quite the assumption. Please dont judge, I did not come on here to start false propheting myself or anything I honestly didnt even have the intention of disclosing this with you guys at all just trying to make sense of this mess. But now I'm starting to think maybe this may be the thing I was supposed to do all along but once again thats even further speculation, I just hate how its a constant circle of guesswork with this stuff. OK Seriously sorry for the essay I was not expecting to write all of this, does anyone have any thoughts or know of any places that might be able to help me or guide me possibly? (BTW I have just since coming to this site even learned about indigo children so I thought I'd post it here as its appearant to me I am ((I already knew I was something very different just didnt have a name for it or trust it was common though I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone as well... *Sigh*)) Other important things I may mention is Though I'm deathly afraid of heights I somehow think I'm of an bird orgin (Eagle?) and when I come to the true realization of that it will be quite humorous indeed (A Bird afraid to fly lol) I've always been attracted to neon colors and believe the lighter the color the greater the purity, I for some reason am extremely attracted to Cassiopiea the stardust/constellation, the moon, cold weather (HATE heat), Gemstones, the earth, nature, (Fear of the ocean) and have a very strong unnatural fear of falling upward into the sky. Like unless I'm extremely grounded I cant even look up at it especially at night when I can see the stars (Though I want to look at them sooo bad) even when watching anything about space or heights my anxiety escalates to unreasonable levels where I feel I'd get sucked up into the sky at any moment... hope that helps some...