My pain

[ShapeShifter]

So i just got out of a really long relationship.. It ended really bad and it has torn me up so much. Im sick of letting the pain of it turn me dark, and i really really want to return to myself. To love, and forgiveness. To compassion, and understanding. Thing is i lost myself so much in her that i dont know where to start. All i do know is that im really hurt. This is pretty personal but i dont mind sharing.. She got pregnant and didnt tell me. Went and had an abortion behind my back. Its like my trust and love have been completly destroyed.. i feel really bad and dark inside... i was just wondering if anyone knows how this feels, and how to return back to your true self.. of love and honor. I put this in the healing section, because im really needing to heal. thankyou for listining. I promise i usually am alot more uplifting. lol.. just trying to find my way back to that.

[Silver]

My heart goes out to you, ShapeShifter. I realize I can't approach this totally from a man's point of view, but I know loss. I'd like to ask if you broke up specifically because of the abortion. It sounds like everything was fine until that. Once mankind awakens to what the reality of women has been like throughout our entire history, it may help to put things in perspective. I can't say it enough ~ I am so sorry this happened to you.

[sesheta]

It certainly sounds like you're going through a very rough time...I can empathize. If you're sure that it's over for good, then only time will really make it better.
I ended a long-term relationship myself about 7 months ago now, and went through a period of having a lot of mixed feelings about myself...but finally I got to the point where I realized that I needed to forgive..both him and myself, for everything that had happened. Once I decided that, things started to get better, and I was able to really let go of a lot of it.
If it has ended, try to get to that place - where you can truly, sincerely forgive her for the decisions she made...and also forgive yourself. It may take some time to get there, but it will help. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason - we may not be able to see that reasoning for a long time..but eventually it all becomes clear.
Just my own insight....

[ShapeShifter]

Well i tried to make it work even after the abortion.. but she couldnt handle the guilt of it. She said that every time she looks at me she thinks about what she did.. She wont even talk to me now.. and it just hurts so much. I do forgive her, i just wish that she would forgive herself. I mean we were together for two years. Living together and falling more in love everyday... and now shes just vanished from my life. I dont know how to deal with the abandonment, and really i dont know how to be alone. She is all i have come to know and i feel so lost. I have no idea where to begin to heal... or how to become comfortable with myself. I spend more time thinking about her and her life than about my own... Thankyou both for the insight. It means alot to me

[Silver]

I'm thinking maybe if she understood her motivations for doing that, would help...if only you could have explored that with one another. Did she move away without telling you where she is, and do you have any idea where she may have gone to? That is an awful lot of unfinished business for both of you. I will keep you two in my prayers.

[sesheta]

Well then maybe there is hope. Maybe she just needs time to deal with what happened. If you let her know that you still love her and you are willing to try again, then maybe with time she'll heal and realize your relationship can still work.
Keep us posted...

[ShapeShifter]

She moved out and went back to her moms.. Today i bought her flowers and a card. Left them on the porch for her to find. She sent me a text saying that she still loves me and shes sorry for the way she handled everything. She doesnt want to see me though... so i guess im just going to let her take as much time as she wants.. I told her im here for her when shes ready and she said that it meant the world to her so that is comforting.. this burden inside still burns so dark.. Thankyou guys so much for the actual support. It means so much to me. My family isnt very deep, and ive always kind of been the sensitive odd one. Makes me smile that there are kindred souls out there with similar hearts.

[ShapeShifter]

I cant help but feel a bit selfish starting a thread all about my self absorbed pain.. I promise my future posts will be projecting beauty rather than this negativity.

[Silver]

It's not everyday you find a tiny piece of hallowed ground where you can feel free to be and to feel whatever it is ~ sad, happy and in-between. Enjoy the fact that you are not just being allowed, but welcomed to lay your burdens here with other human beings most of whom have been through some tragedies of their own and know how you feel and where you're coming from, even if it is only within our power to say that we are so sorry that you find yourself going through this tragedy. You're not being self absorbed at all.

[ShapeShifter]

Thankyou so much :)

[sesheta]

Absolutely agree - we all have things that we go through, and unfortunately, our own family & friends can't always be the best help, because they're biased, or see us through the eyes of what they've always known us to be. I have just discovered these forums since my split with my ex, and it is comforting to have this place where we can all just vent and express views and opinions and share :) We'll all share the good, the bad and the ugly! Keep us posted on how things go :)