Is it unhealthy to cry so much? [Archive]

mysterious

23-09-2011, 05:26 PM

You tell yourself to stop when it goes beyond an inner cleansing and develops into a 'pity party'. Only you will know this point.

I find it hard to distinguish between cleansing and pity, since emotional crying when you are upset seems like all pity - to me it does anyway.

It also depends on the origins of the emotion and what is being released, and why.

What do you mean:
"it depends upon the origins"

since I normally cry a lot when I am emotionally upset and feel pain

Enya

23-09-2011, 05:33 PM

I find it hard to distinguish between cleansing and pity, since emotional crying when you are upset seems like all pity - to me it does anyway.
Okay, so who defines it as pity? You? Or does that come from someone/where else in your life? Is that a judgemental statement? Does it have some factual basis?

What do you mean:
"it depends upon the origins"
since I normally cry a lot when I am emotionally upset and feel pain
Okay, so you stop crying, detach and rise above the emotion so it no longer has control and ask yourself - where does this come from? *Is* it self pity or has it a basis in some buried hurt/desire/pain which I am not looking at?
You might have to work at getting to a true answer, but at least you will have begun to take control back from the emotion and stepped toward understanding what is going on inside you.

Silver

23-09-2011, 05:34 PM

mysterious

23-09-2011, 06:50 PM

Crying is ok Crying a lot is ok I lost my son on Valentine's Day 2010. Because of that, yeah, I cry heaps. I don't feel apologetic for it or embarrassed. I can cry out loud every once in a while in my apartment home. My manager will come to my door later to see if everything's ok, but she won't stop loud annoying music. That's how much emoting bothers the average person! So don't feel bad about it. Well the only thing is, if it keeps you from doing the daily things you actually need to do, maybe. If that's the case, maybe pick up a good book about a sad story and you can see that you're not alone or that someone else's troubles are worse than yours. We need balance in our lives, if you don't mind giving me an idea why you cry ~

Sorry to hear about your loss. And thanks for answering.

Well, if you really want to know...here goes, but its not pretty.
Well lately I got talking to a guy online and we both felt loved inside, due to our company together. But when I realized that this couldn't last forever I got upset. It brought up emotions within me of how much I want someone and how much I long for affection. And since I am not a strong person who finds it easy to initiate change for myself I know it will be a long time until I actually do meet someone in real-life.

Silver

23-09-2011, 06:59 PM

If you tell yourself it will be a long time, then what we believe has that danger of the self-fulfilling prophecy to it. I don't know your whole situation, but I don't think it has to be a long time...? We all need to find things in our lives that are fulfilling, whether it's a job, a hobby, anything that lifts our spirits just a little bit more.

Medium_Laura

23-09-2011, 07:14 PM

mysterious

23-09-2011, 08:28 PM

If you tell yourself it will be a long time, then what we believe has that danger of the self-fulfilling prophecy to it. I don't know your whole situation, but I don't think it has to be a long time...?

I know what you are saying that basically like attracts like, but I am just going by my experience to date. Thanks.

mysterious

23-09-2011, 08:47 PM

May I ask why it can't last forever? I met a guy on an online game 7 years ago. We did long distance for 4 years. We would take turns flying to see each other until I had the savings to move to where he lived.

Are you afraid of it getting that personal? That you can't handle anything but online right now?

Thanks for answering. Its interesting and amazing to hear your story, very romantic.

I dont know, maybe I am scared of it getting that serious. But then I would be scared of it getting that serious with anyone.
Its just that I don't think its love, may be infatuation for now. This is because of two things. One; how can you fall for someone so fast so soon (like in a matter of days). Two; eventhough we have shared a lot of things we don't know everything about each other - so how can that be love?
Then I realized that we both must love the fact that we have someone to talk to i.e that we no longer feel lonely.

Enya

23-09-2011, 09:00 PM

Well lately I got talking to a guy online and we both felt loved inside, due to our company together. But when I realized that this couldn't last forever I got upset. It brought up emotions within me of how much I want someone and how much I long for affection. And since I am not a strong person who finds it easy to initiate change for myself
Okay... he brought up feelings of loneliness in you because you fear you don't deserve love.
I know it will be a long time until I actually do meet someone in real-life. Excuse me - you don't *know* any such thing! :hug2: You know what? Years ago I decided that if there was someone for me, that was fine. If there wasn't, that was also fine, but either way, I wasn't going to fret about it any more. Six weeks later, I met my husband. We met in January, got engaged in May, married in July - same year. 21 years later, we're still together. He wasn't looking for another relationship; heck, he was about to emigrate! Then I came along. :wink:

Its just that I don't think its love, may be infatuation for now. This is because of two things. One; how can you fall for someone so fast so soon (like in a matter of days). Two; eventhough we have shared a lot of things we don't know everything about each other - so how can that be love?
Then I realized that we both must love the fact that we have someone to talk to i.e that we no longer feel lonely.
Yep, it might be infatuation. It might be lust. It might be the beginning of a long-term friendship at the very least. He might just have come along to help you to heal and move on in your life - and you do the same for him. If you back off, you'll never know and probably spend precious time and energy fretting over 'what if's.

Dry your eyes, thank him for helping you release that toxic stuff and see what develops. :hug2:

mysterious

23-09-2011, 09:15 PM

..........

mysterious

23-09-2011, 09:18 PM

Yep, it might be infatuation. It might be lust. It might be the beginning of a long-term friendship at the very least. He might just have come along to help you to heal and move on in your life - and you do the same for him. If you back off, you'll never know and probably spend precious time and energy fretting over 'what if's.

Dry your eyes, thank him for helping you release that toxic stuff and see what develops. :hug2:

I was very close to throwing in the towel and I am still not sure, but when you talk about me wondering what could have been - that makes me think and wonder if it shouldn't.
Ok so everything is mutual for now, but once things aren't any more i.e one of us meets someone closer to home, then the other one will get hurt and that frightens me enormously. I mean I am hurt by that right now.

stillwater29

23-09-2011, 09:30 PM

I understand where you are coming from, i have in the past suffered from the same affliction. I sometimes do get caught up in the what ifs but i think it all comes down to just going with the flow and not blocking and instead of thinking about the long term . maybe think of it as a experience and if nothing else you will gain at least one lesson from this interaction. From my experience focusing on the what ifs can make you miss the experience whilst it is happening or throw in unnecessary complications.
i believe everything happens for a reason. There is no need to fret just tap into you intuition it will tell you all you need to know and you can go forth accordingly.

Medium_Laura

23-09-2011, 09:44 PM

Thanks for answering. Its interesting and amazing to hear your story, very romantic.

I dont know, maybe I am scared of it getting that serious. But then I would be scared of it getting that serious with anyone.
Its just that I don't think its love, may be infatuation for now. This is because of two things. One; how can you fall for someone so fast so soon (like in a matter of days). Two; eventhough we have shared a lot of things we don't know everything about each other - so how can that be love?
Then I realized that we both must love the fact that we have someone to talk to i.e that we no longer feel lonely.

Thanks. :) Very true but I fell in love in a week with the man I'm with. Why does love have some time limit to it? Sure you don't know each other, but you haven't agreed to marry him yet... nor live with him. So you have PLENTY of time to get to know him. I didn't move in with mine for 4 years, I knew so much about him by then. Talked to his parents on the phone, his siblings, etc. I knew he had some quirks and issues. I also knew that I loved him enough to work through them and not change him. That change was up to him. (Change he did by the way! lol). Don't go by what people say it's "SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE". No one is YOU. No one can tell you what it should be like.

You need to find out why you are so afraid of commitment. What is it holding you back? Were you severely hurt by someone in your past that caused this? I feel you are afraid to be hurt and abandoned. Who has done so to you in the past?

You don't have to answer them here on the board, just take time and find out why and don't give up just yet. :) THIS IS A LESSON! If you don't figure it out, you will keep repeating it.

mysterious

24-09-2011, 12:56 AM

You need to find out why you are so afraid of commitment. What is it holding you back? Were you severely hurt by someone in your past that caused this? I feel you are afraid to be hurt and abandoned. Who has done so to you in the past?

You don't have to answer them here on the board, just take time and find out why and don't give up just yet. :) THIS IS A LESSON! If you don't figure it out, you will keep repeating it.

Thanks for your insight.

I guess years ago my best friend wanted to hang out with other ppl and I guess I found the rejection insulting and hit my self-esteem like saying your not good enough. That was 10 years ago and I have kind of kept a wall around me since because it did hurt.She didn't even have the decency to tell me, she just gradually hung out with different ppl. I admit I did act kind of clingy. Then I thought fine I don't need anybody. So I did learn to be more independent but then I took it too far and became isolated because I didn't know how to make new friends. I had this attitude that I have now, I would rather be alone then unhappy meaning I would rather be alone then have unpleasant (mean, b*tchy) friends. So that and being bullied may have contributed to me feeling I am not good enough.

I have had first dates and brief encounters but never really had anything serious, and this doesn't seem serious yet anyway but I will stick around to see what becomes of this because we must have met for a reason.
When there has been a guy I have liked I mess things up because I am afraid he will reject me before I reject him so I end up self-sabotaging my situation. It has a lot to do with control. If I really do go with the flow and then somebody rejects me all of a sudden then that will hurt really bad, so I guess I am trying to lessen the pain by "controlling" the situation by throwing the towel in early. This obviously doesn't get me anywhere and is a crazy way of dealing with things, but that’s what I do.

psychoslice

24-09-2011, 01:05 AM

To do anything too much is unhealthy, even crying.

rajakrsna

24-09-2011, 01:39 AM

We cry when we see a vision of our Guru. I cry when I see myself having difficulties in life. I cry when a love one dies or separates from me & will never ever see him/her again anymore in flesh.. I cry when I`m mad. I cry when I do Kriya yoga. But I can laugh all the time.

Enya

24-09-2011, 03:01 PM

I had this attitude that I have now, I would rather be alone then unhappy meaning I would rather be alone then have unpleasant (mean, b*tchy) friends. So that and being bullied may have contributed to me feeling I am not good enough.
When there has been a guy I have liked I mess things up because I am afraid he will reject me before I reject him so I end up self-sabotaging my situation. It has a lot to do with control. If I really do go with the flow and then somebody rejects me all of a sudden then that will hurt really bad, so I guess I am trying to lessen the pain by "controlling" the situation by throwing the towel in early. This obviously doesn't get me anywhere and is a crazy way of dealing with things, but that’s what I do.
Good, so you recognise the pattern. That's a major first step. Now you decide what to do. The assumption you have based your life on is not logical, but emotions never are. The pattern most likely began in childhood, when something happened to make you throw up defenses against being abandoned or rejected again. Kids see things in black and white, their world revolves around them and all events are the 'fault' or themselves or others.

Luckily, we can choose to release those fears and set new patterns in our lives. You're not alone - many, many people self-sabotage. I suggest the books by Catherine Myss would help you or you can google self-sabotage. It's a beggar to work with, but the rewards are self-confidence, inner strength and a greater sense of worth.

Embrace this new friendship as a chance to deal with this pattern in your emotional life. Take baby steps, be aware of what you do and why - and teach yourself how to change the 'tune'.

sesheta

24-09-2011, 04:15 PM

I find myself crying a lot these past 6 months due to my own life situation..and yes, it's good to get those emotions out, but you do also have to be able to tell yourself to stop! Personally I find that laughter is definitely a big help - even if it's just at something totally silly! Other than that...you need to remember and be grateful for the good things, too (which is easy to forget/take for granted). Things like being in good health, having family/friends that care about you, having a roof over your head and enough food to eat; having a job. I know how easy it is to just let yourself always see the glass as half empty...but it only hurts more if you keep dwelling on it.
Also - getting angry seems to work for me too! Once I stop with the pity and "poor me" routine, I start to get frustrated and kind of mad that things aren't going the way I want...and that makes me determined to change them! How dare the world tell me I can't have what I want!! How dare someone tell me I "can't" do something!! Accept the challenge, and start fighting to prove them wrong! Even if it doesn't always work...you'll feel a lot better knowing you at least gave it your best shot, and didn't give up.

mysterious

24-09-2011, 07:43 PM

Things like being in good health, having family/friends that care about you, having a roof over your head and enough food to eat; having a job. I know how easy it is to just let yourself always see the glass as half empty...but it only hurts more if you keep dwelling on it.
Also - getting angry seems to work for me too! Once I stop with the pity and "poor me" routine, I start to get frustrated and kind of mad that things aren't going the way I want...and that makes me determined to change them! How dare the world tell me I can't have what I want!! How dare someone tell me I "can't" do something!! Accept the challenge, and start fighting to prove them wrong! Even if it doesn't always work...you'll feel a lot better knowing you at least gave it your best shot, and didn't give up.

Great advice.

I was also thinking about the fact that I do tend to dwell on things, but needed other perspectives on this. I do this with good and bad things. I find that I always indulge in my emotions, but when I obsess about the bad things its no good due to going in a downward spiral for no reason and should tell myself to stop. I guess I need to recognise that I am doing it in order to stop it, which is easier said then done.

sesheta

24-09-2011, 07:50 PM

Trust me.. my tears have been coming in waves over the past day or two, so I know it's hard not to let yourself curl up & pull the covers over your head :) But I am also stubborn...I refuse to give in..at least until I absolutely have to....physical exercise also helps...endorphins are a wonderful thing!

Medium_Laura

24-09-2011, 08:04 PM

Good, so you recognise the pattern. That's a major first step. Now you decide what to do. The assumption you have based your life on is not logical, but emotions never are. The pattern most likely began in childhood, when something happened to make you throw up defenses against being abandoned or rejected again. Kids see things in black and white, their world revolves around them and all events are the 'fault' or themselves or others.

Luckily, we can choose to release those fears and set new patterns in our lives. You're not alone - many, many people self-sabotage. I suggest the books by Catherine Myss would help you or you can google self-sabotage. It's a beggar to work with, but the rewards are self-confidence, inner strength and a greater sense of worth.

Embrace this new friendship as a chance to deal with this pattern in your emotional life. Take baby steps, be aware of what you do and why - and teach yourself how to change the 'tune'.

Yep Enya is right. My advice as well :)

mysterious

25-09-2011, 01:52 AM

Okay... he brought up feelings of loneliness in you because you fear you don't deserve love.
I know it will be a long time until I actually do meet someone in real-life. Excuse me - you don't *know* any such thing! :hug2: You know what? Years ago I decided that if there was someone for me, that was fine. If there wasn't, that was also fine, but either way, I wasn't going to fret about it any more. Six weeks later, I met my husband. We met in January, got engaged in May, married in July - same year. 21 years later, we're still together. He wasn't looking for another relationship; heck, he was about to emigrate! Then I came along. :wink:

Didn't get a chance to thank you.

I really love your amazing story, yours and Medium_Laura's story are so amazing and inspirational. Thanks for the love - this all has helped a lot, thanks a lot.