Tough love

[3dnow]

Hi forum,

Do you believe in tough love? Beating people for their good? It is useful?

Personally I don't. It is bad. It is crazy. Knows not what he does etc.

Also I realized that religion is all about tough love. Not believing in religion does not make sense if we believe in tough love. Means that we still believe in something similar to religion.

Tough love is not love.

What do you think?

3dnow

[Silver]

I'm mystified that you believe tough love equates to beating people. That's not at all my introduction to the philosophy. I learned about it so long ago and it has to do with parents with children who are having a rather strong defiant streak (they defy all the wrong things, that is) and make everyone's lives torture. Poor choices, etc. Tough love involves a lot of things, but it doesn't involve physically beating someone. It involves letting them loose, setting them free so they can see what it's like to be responsible for themselves, see the cause and effect their choices and defiance and attitudes have on their lives directly. When they're old enough to emancipate, that is. I don't know the whole 9 yards of what tough love means for younger minors/children, but it doesn't involve 'beating' them, last I heard.

[3dnow]

I'm mystified that you believe tough love equates to beating people. That's not at all my introduction to the philosophy. I learned about it so long ago and it has to do with parents with children who are having a rather strong defiant streak (they defy all the wrong things, that is) and make everyone's lives torture. Poor choices, etc. Tough love involves a lot of things, but it doesn't involve physically beating someone. It involves letting them loose, setting them free so they can see what it's like to be responsible for themselves, see the cause and effect their choices and defiance and attitudes have on their lives directly. When they're old enough to emancipate, that is. I don't know the whole 9 yards of what tough love means for younger minors/children, but it doesn't involve 'beating' them, last I heard.
True. It is not necessarily "beating" of course (although I know it exists). My interpretation was biased.

Can you give examples? How do people save others using tough love?

Thanks,

3dnow

[Silver]

Well, I thought that paragraph was pretty descriptive, Idk about 'saving' people ~ tough love tries I guess, to save people from their own faulty choices and attitudes, hoping to turn them around, put them in a position to see directly how their poor choices causes their own selves and not just others trouble, pain and heartache.

[3dnow]

Well, I thought that paragraph was pretty descriptive, Idk about 'saving' people ~ tough love tries I guess, to save people from their own faulty choices and attitudes, hoping to turn them around, put them in a position to see directly how their poor choices causes their own selves and not just others trouble, pain and heartache.

I mean what is their method? What is "tough"?

Don't answer if you don't wish of course.

3dnow

[Silver]

I mean what is their method? What is "tough"?

Don't answer if you don't wish of course.

3dnow


As I said, it's been a long time since I used to read about it in the media or pick up a book or magazine article about it, but it seemed that their method was allowing the person to get out on their own, emancipate, whether in a closed system or just out in the world, that way they see if they want a roof over their heads and to be collected enough in their thoughts and feelings to operate in the 'real world' and make a go of it instead of seemingly hate or resent their parents who are doing their best to provide a decent loving home for them, etc.

[3dnow]

As I said, it's been a long time since I used to read about it in the media or pick up a book or magazine article about it, but it seemed that their method was allowing the person to get out on their own, emancipate, whether in a closed system or just out in the world, that way they see if they want a roof over their heads and to be collected enough in their thoughts and feelings to operate in the 'real world' and make a go of it instead of seemingly hate or resent their parents who are doing their best to provide a decent loving home for them, etc.
Bah this is not really tough love. Not what I saw, not what I heard.

Definition from Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tough_love

3dnow

[Silver]

OK, let me check that out.

Btw, I don't think terms like that can hold fast to their original intentions, so it could mean anything, lol.

[Silver]

Yeah, yeah, I know all that. But you may want to make your specific point(s) about it, instead of guessing...?

[3dnow]

Yeah, yeah, I know all that. But you may want to make your specific point(s) about it, instead of guessing...?
Just that I cannot think of any good example of it. Even if it first looks like it serves a purpose, it will lower the self-esteem of the person in the long run if that person accepts tough love as good. Proof that it cannot be good.

As for religion, the major tough love system, it also lowers the self-esteem of people.

3dnow

[Silver]

I'm quite certain there were/are professionals (therapists and what-not) who've applied it in an appropriate and non-abusive way, but clearly there were plenty who made hay while the sun shone on this idea, and anybody can take an idea and put their own spin on it, sadly enough. There are a million abuse stories out there involving 'tough love'.

[3dnow]

I'm quite certain there were/are professionals (therapists and what-not) who've applied it in an appropriate and non-abusive way, but clearly there were plenty who made hay while the sun shone on this idea, and anybody can take an idea and put their own spin on it, sadly enough. There are a million abuse stories out there involving 'tough love'.
Don't get it. Real therapy is showing the benefits of self-love. Other than this approach is non-sense.

3dnow

[Silver]

Tough love doesn't have to be administered in a formal setting like a camp or that kind of thing. It can also be applied by individuals who make their own tough love 'therapy' with their own wisdom, knowledge, etc. by setting limits like I mentioned earlier, they simply allow the older teen / young adult to emancipate (fancy way of saying they 'kick them out' of the family home, whether they are addicts or bums or any other type of disrespectful and sometimes dangerous young people, whatever their situation may be...

[3dnow]

Tough love doesn't have to be administered in a formal setting like a camp or that kind of thing. It can also be applied by individuals who make their own tough love 'therapy' with their own wisdom, knowledge, etc. by setting limits like I mentioned earlier, they simply allow the older teen / young adult to emancipate (fancy way of saying they 'kick them out' of the family home, whether they are addicts or bums or any other type of disrespectful and sometimes dangerous young people, whatever their situation may be...

What is tough here?

3dnow

[Silver]

What is tough here?

3dnow

That the person has to make it on their own with no help from their parents, financially or otherwise.

[3dnow]

That the person has to make it on their own with no help from their parents, financially or otherwise.

Sounds like the parents were the problem here.

Anyway we seem to agree that tough love is not love.

Thanks,

3dnow

[Silver]

Sounds like the parents were the problem here.

Anyway we seem to agree that tough love is not love.

Thanks,

3dnow


How could you conclude such a thing from a small scaffolding of a story?

I don't think that's correct AT ALL. What's your beef anyway?

I'd be very interested in knowing that.

[3dnow]

How could you conclude such a thing from a small scaffolding of a story?

I don't think that's correct AT ALL. What's your beef anyway?

That's what I'd really like to know.
I don't know? In your story the kid is a drug addict, as a solution they take him away from his family. :confused: So I thought the problem was with the family. I don't understand.

3dnow

[Silver]

I don't know? In your story the kid is a drug addict, as a solution they take him away from his family. :confused:

3dnow


Where are you picking up this??? I was talking in very general terms, saying it could be the kid was into drugs (or not!!!). I'm talking in very general terms, 3dnow. I would say my story starts out with a kid who is very defiant, mouthy and very disrespectful to his parents and so they turn him loose onto the world and see if he can understand the need to be at least civil, not steal or have temper tantrums and the like enough to make his way like everybody else has to do. That's what I'm talking about. If you had brought up a specific set of circumstances at the beginning of the thread, we could talk about specifics, then. OK?

[northstar]

boy... i hope i'm not taking this thought the wrong way... but in order for truth to be revealed sometimes, you have to honestly face them... be-cause emotions dont follow logic and reason... and you know (i hope i'm not going one step too far on this)... 'sometimes it just hurts dammit... it just friggin HURTS!'... and the 'tough' in the love is actually gentle... but sometime you just have to deal with it... face it, come to terms with it, and move on after you've come to some understanding... be-cause 'dammit!... sometimes it just hurts'...

[3dnow]

Where are you picking up this??? I was talking in very general terms, saying it could be the kid was into drugs (or not!!!). I'm talking in very general terms, 3dnow. I would say my story starts out with a kid who is very defiant, mouthy and very disrespectful to his parents and so they turn him loose onto the world and see if he can understand the need to be at least civil, not steal or have temper tantrums and the like enough to make his way like everybody else has to do. That's what I'm talking about. If you had brought up a specific set of circumstances at the beginning of the thread, we could talk about specifics, then. OK?

Still don't understand but I trust you! I wanted to be as general as possible in the thread.

Thanks,

3dnow

[northstar]

when dealing with a persons soul... one should walk on egg shells... the mental ego is easy... the emotional animal... you better know what you're doing... the 'enlightened' ones have a tendency to forget that sometimes imo...

[Internal Queries]

i found this mocking bird in the yard. it's legs had been crippled. i don't know by what. anyway, i made a little nest for it in a cage and it sat in that nest being hand fed and given water with an eye dropper. it's condition did not improve. it wasn't until i removed the nest from the cage and it was force to exercise it's crippled legs that it's legs gained strength so i didn't have to hand feed it anymore. no doubt the bird would have been content to sit in that nest being hand fed for the rest of it's life. removing the nest thus forcing the bird to to use it's legs was "tough love".

[3dnow]

when dealing with a persons soul... one should walk on egg shells... the mental ego is easy... the emotional animal... you better know what you're doing... the 'enlightened' ones have a tendency to forget that sometimes imo...

I have a problem with this part. Who gives the permission to deal with the other's soul.

3dnow

[northstar]

yes... that is a good analogy IQ...

[northstar]

when they ask...

when they reach out...

the proverbial 'cry in the wilderness'...

[3dnow]

i found this mocking bird in the yard. it's legs had been crippled. i don't know by what. anyway, i made a little nest for it in a cage and it sat in that nest being hand fed and given water with an eye dropper. it's condition did not improve. it wasn't until i removed the little nest from the cage and it was force to exercise it's crippled legs that it's legs gained strength so i didn't have to hand feed it anymore. no doubt the bird would have been content to sit in that nest being hand fed for the rest of it's life. removing the nest thus forcing the bird to to use it's legs was "tough love".

How do you know that? Cool story though.

3dnow

[Internal Queries]

How do you know that? Cool story though.

3dnow

how do i know? because it just sat there being fed. it made no effort to get off it's feathered butt. why should it when everything it needed was being handed to it?

[Squatchit]

Hiya 3D and all

Here is an example, albeit not too dramatic...

When I was little I asked my Dad what would happen if I put my fingers on the hot cooker ring. He told me they would burn and it would hurt.

As I went to put my hand on the ring, my Dad did nothing to stop me. He watched as I burnt my fingers.

As soon as I'd learned for myself what he had told me would happen, we had a huge hug and I cried hiding my face in his neck because I was ashamed that I hadn't trusted him. He was lovely with me. :smile:

He loved me enough to allow me to see the truth of the outcome of putting fingers on hot cooker rings.

:smile:

Squatch

[3dnow]

how do i know? because it just sat there being fed. it made no effort to get off it's feathered butt. why should it when everything it needed was being handed to it?

I don't know it would be a bad act to not do what you did. So it is not really tough love I don't know.

I don't even know if it was tough for him really.

3dnow

[3dnow]

Hiya 3D and all

Here is an example, albeit not too dramatic...

When I was little I asked my Dad what would happen if I put my fingers on the hot cooker ring. He told me they would burn and it would hurt.

As I went to put my hand on the ring, my Dad did nothing to stop me. He watched as I burnt my fingers.

As soon as I'd learned for myself what he had told me would happen, we had a huge hug and I cried hiding my face in his neck because I was ashamed that I hadn't trusted him. He was lovely with me. :smile:

He loved me enough to allow me to see the truth of the outcome of putting fingers on hot cooker rings.

:smile:

Squatch
This is really a cool story Squatchit. But though love here would be to punish the child or something like that hoping that it learns to listen to his parents. No?

3dnow

[Squatchit]

This is really a cool story Squatchit. But though love here would be to punish the child or something like that hoping that it learns to listen to his parents. No?

I think it was more to do with letting his daughter (me) learn for herself what he had taught me. He knew I had to find out for myself. It wasn't enough to simply trust another person.

'Soft love' (rather than tough love) would have been him grabbing my hand before it touched the hot ring. As a father, I imagine it must be hard to watch your daughter burn their fingers.

But he was teaching me an underlying lesson...and allowing me to learn the 'hard' way. Or the 'tough' way.

Not so much that I should trust everything he said...but that I should find out for myself.

:smile:

[3dnow]

I think it was more to do with letting his daughter (me) learn for herself what he had taught me. He knew I had to find out for myself. It wasn't enough to simply trust another person.

'Soft love' (rather than tough love) would have been him grabbing my hand before it touched the hot ring. As a father, I imagine it must be hard to watch your daughter burn their fingers.

But he was teaching me an underlying lesson...and allowing me to learn the 'hard' way. Or the 'tough' way.

Not so much that I should trust everything he said...but that I should find out for myself.

:smile:
I think your father is real God here. Sets free.

Soft love (protecting) and tough love (punishing) is biblical God

Just an analogy.

3dnow

[Silver]

I don't know it would be a bad act to not do what you did. So it is not really tough love I don't know.

I don't even know if it was tough for him really.

3dnow


I've observed you seem to be have a problem releasing the idea that tough love is very negative. I wonder if you have a personal reason why you think tough love the way we're trying to portray it is so negative. We've already spoken of the horror stories at some of the camps, etc.

[Squatchit]

I think your father is real God here. Sets free.

I might just tell him that next time I see him. He'll be well chuffed. :smile:

[3dnow]

I've observed you seem to be have a problem releasing the idea that tough love is very negative. I wonder if you have a personal reason why you think tough love the way we're trying to portray it is so negative. We've already spoken of the horror stories at some of the camps, etc.

(yes personal problem)

Tough love is EVIL. :D Really!
So bad that it looks good if the victim is naive.

But the ones who perform it you cannot blame them either. They don't know what they do. They have no idea. What will you do.

3dnow

[Silver]

I'm taking it you're emotionally unable at this time to talk about it, then. I'm sorry that you've been hurt by it.

[3dnow]

I'm taking it you're emotionally unable at this time to talk about it, then. I'm sorry that you've been hurt by it.

No problem anymore it is forgiven. I am able to talk lol. Just that it is dangerous.

3dnow

[Silver]

No problem anymore it is forgiven. I am able to talk lol. Just that it is dangerous.

3dnow


...but you've obviously chosen not to do so here for your thread about it.

[3dnow]

...but you've obviously chosen not to do so here for your thread about it.

About my personal experience? It is personal and not so important. I am more interested in the philosophy behind the so called tough love, if any. If there are people who see it useful or not, etc.

Thanks,

3dnow

[tainamom]

I feel that the term 'tough love' is subjective according to a person's belief system. What one might call 'tough' in one's household, can be considered 'soft' in another. One family might find beating as a way to show 'tough love', while another will scream, another will 'push away', etc. - to each their own method. Every thing happens for a reason and I feel that karma plays a role in how we receive our lessons.

The hardest part about learning life lessons comes from ourselves and our reluctance to 'let go' or ask for help from the higher source to 'let go and learn' from these lessons. When we hold onto those difficult moments that we've experienced, we believe we're stronger by holding onto the resentment, hatred, judgement, etc that we have, but instead it keeps us in bondage and in suffering. (Lord knows how many times I pray to help me 'let go' of some bad baggage.)

For me, on a personal level, 'tough love' can mean to step back and let the person learn or intervene if they are truly in danger, but if I'm told to step back by the person, then I must back off. If I get a feeling that I must let the person go on their own, then I must. It might seem like 'tough love', but it's actually for their own benefit. It's all grey matter, never black and white on this earthly plane.

[Silver]

About my personal experience? It is personal and not so important. I am more interested in the philosophy behind the so called tough love, if any. If there are people who see it useful or not, etc.

Thanks,

3dnow

It is important if you're going to call what you were subjected to as evil, that's what we're all here for, to air our opinions, share, compare, learn from one another and it's tough to accomplish this by simply alluding to 'things' in way general terms.

Ty tainamom, that was very helpful.

[tainamom]

Ty tainamom, that was very helpful.

Silvergirl, it's always a pleasure to share some of my 'tough' learned lessons in life. :)

[3dnow]

I feel that the term 'tough love' is subjective according to a person's belief system. What one might call 'tough' in one's household, can be considered 'soft' in another. One family might find beating as a way to show 'tough love', while another will scream, another will 'push away', etc. - to each their own method. Every thing happens for a reason and I feel that karma plays a role in how we receive our lessons.

The hardest part about learning life lessons comes from ourselves and our reluctance to 'let go' or ask for help from the higher source to 'let go and learn' from these lessons. When we hold onto those difficult moments that we've experienced, we believe we're stronger by holding onto the resentment, hatred, judgement, etc that we have, but instead it keeps us in bondage and in suffering. (Lord knows how many times I pray to help me 'let go' of some bad baggage.)

For me, on a personal level, 'tough love' can mean to step back and let the person learn or intervene if they are truly in danger, but if I'm told to step back by the person, then I must back off. If I get a feeling that I must let the person go on their own, then I must. It might seem like 'tough love', but it's actually for their own benefit. It's all grey matter, never black and white on this earthly plane.
Hi tainamom,

I am surprised that setting free is viewed as tough love by most folks. Setting free is tough for the one who sets free for the most time.

I think the definition may have changed in some countries (wikipedia definition is correct though). Tough love is a selfish love and consist of badly treating someone assuming that they would get better with such treatment. Crazy.

Thanks,

3dnow

[Silver]

Hi tainamom,

I am surprised that setting free is viewed as tough love by most folks. Setting free is tough for the one who sets free for the most time.

I think the definition may have changed in some countries (wikipedia definition is correct though). Tough love is a selfish love and consist of badly treating someone assuming that they would get better with such treatment. Crazy.

Thanks,

3dnow


For me, it's not enough that you say 'tough love is horrible evil bad' without quantifying it. Obviously, some 'forms' of it were truly horrible, but it's still a mystery why your particular experience made you respond in that fashion. Some people think truly 'normal' middle of the road parenting style is 'tough love' in your sense of the phrase. The rest of us won't know quite what to make of your declaration without knowing the specific reasons why. But it's your choice to give your personal reasons or not, but you did start the thread.

[3dnow]

For me, it's not enough that you say 'tough love is horrible evil bad' without quantifying it. Obviously, some 'forms' of it were truly horrible, but it's still a mystery why your particular experience made you respond in that fashion. Some people think truly 'normal' middle of the road parenting style is 'tough love' in your sense of the phrase. The rest of us won't know quite what to make of your declaration without knowing the specific reasons why. But it's your choice to give your personal reasons or not, but you did start the thread.
What about your reaction Silver? I am clearly try to learn something here. I am giving the context of my question, my view of tough love, and asking if people think it is useful sometimes like: I think it is horrible and you?

What is wrong here?

3dnow

[Silver]

Nothing's wrong per se, it's just like someone walks in a room and says Fudge is yucky and giving no reason why they think Fudge is yucky.

[3dnow]

Nothing's wrong per se, it's just like someone walks in a room and says Fudge is yucky and giving no reason why they think Fudge is yucky.
Don't get what you mean. You can say no I adore Fudge.

I think I gave reasons why I think it is not good, I mentioned bad treatment etc.

No problem I think no one thinks tough love (the wikipedia definition of it) is good otherwise they would show up.



3dnow

[Silver]

Well, a few have, but it's an old old phraseology and a method perhaps that has long since fizzled.

[3dnow]

Well, a few have, but it's an old old phraseology and a method perhaps that has long since fizzled.

Well not really in fact. Religion (huge success) is all about tough love.

Healing via judgment/punishment with love :D

(I don't mean ALL religion, you know what I mean)

3dnow

[Silver]

Well not really in fact. Religion (huge success) is all about tough love.

Healing via judgment/punishment with love :D

(I don't mean ALL religion, you know what I mean)

3dnow

Oh, I see what you're finally getting at, I guess~*

[3dnow]

Oh, I see what you're finally getting at, I guess~*

Yes and I have a theory ;-)

Saying that we don't believe in religion is useless. Saying that something doesn't exist doesn't save us. It is all about us in fact.

We should understand that religion is all about "tough love" and tough love is bad. So we have to refuse tough love patterns in our unconscious mind.

Forgive though, tough love doesn't know what they do, lost their mind. Forgive otherwise it persists.

Thanks,

3dnow

[moke64916]

Hi forum,

Do you believe in tough love? Beating people for their good? It is useful?

Personally I don't. It is bad. It is crazy. Knows not what he does etc.

Also I realized that religion is all about tough love. Not believing in religion does not make sense if we believe in tough love. Means that we still believe in something similar to religion.

Tough love is not love.

What do you think?

3dnow
It really doesn't get the child to learn with tough love. Out of fear will the child follow the rules. That is not good parenting. Violence is never the answer in parenting. It just builds resentments. What about when that child grows up and becomes bigger than his dad. Will he try to give him tough love then. Will the kid use violence on his dad? Tough love never works. Nothing works out of fear. Respect and trust is the best way for a kid to follow rules. Not violence. The child might grow a resentment towards his father. Tough love has always failed. It doesn't work. And is illegal in the United States anyways. If it is Abusive.

[Internal Queries]

um 3d? i can think of no mammalian critter than doesn't discipline it's offspring. discipline IS "tough love". of course, i'm not talking about beatings and psychological torture but the setting of perameters and the enforcing consequences when those perameters are breached are necessary lessons all offspring need for their survival in the real world.

PS. this is coming from a person who suffered maternal abuse as a child.

[Lisa]

i can think of no mammalian critter than doesn't discipline it's offspring. discipline IS "tough love". of course, i'm not talking about beatings and psychological torture but the setting of perameters and the enforcing consequences when those perameters are breached are necessary lessons all offspring need for their survival in the real world.

PS. this is coming from a person who suffered maternal abuse as a child.

IQ is right. One example, if you watch a mother raccoon with food, and with her babies, she completely ignores them while she eats. The babies have to just get in there and eat what they can. If the food is running out, the mother will growl at them and make them back off so that she can finish the food. She isn't disciplining them on purpose, but the way of raccoons is "no one's gonna give it to you, you got to learn how to get it for yourself." It's building independence and more brain power. Raccoons are opportunist- and have to learn to be one. It's an instinctual form of tough love.

(And I am sorry IQ- I know something about that.)

[3dnow]

It really doesn't get the child to learn with tough love. Out of fear will the child follow the rules. That is not good parenting. Violence is never the answer in parenting. It just builds resentments. What about when that child grows up and becomes bigger than his dad. Will he try to give him tough love then.


:D:D:D


Will the kid use violence on his dad? Tough love never works. Nothing works out of fear. Respect and trust is the best way for a kid to follow rules. Not violence. The child might grow a resentment towards his father. Tough love has always failed. It doesn't work. And is illegal in the United States anyways. If it is Abusive.

I agree.

(and thanks for laugh!)

3dnow

[3dnow]

um 3d? i can think of no mammalian critter than doesn't discipline it's offspring. discipline IS "tough love". of course, i'm not talking about beatings and psychological torture but the setting of perameters and the enforcing consequences when those perameters are breached are necessary lessons all offspring need for their survival in the real world.

PS. this is coming from a person who suffered maternal abuse as a child.
Sorry to hear that man. :hug:

I don't see why tough love is necessary for teaching survival. Teaching nicely makes a better effect. No? Otherwise you LOWER the self-esteem of the person I don't see how this is good for them in life.

3dnow

[Internal Queries]

Sorry to hear that man. :hug:

I don't see why tough love is necessary for teaching survival. Teaching nicely makes a better effect. No? Otherwise you LOWER the self-esteem of the person I don't see how this is good for them in life.

3dnow


well, "tough love" is necessary because the real world can be dangerous. a parent teaches a child how to safely cross a busy street and then re-enforced the lessons with discipline. if the child fails to learn the lesson the child will likely get whammed by a car and be maimed or killed so it behooves the loving parent to set up consequences for stupid behaviors. "if you run out into traffic you're gonna get punished. no cartoons or ice cream for you.".

[3dnow]

well, "tough love" is necessary because the real world can be dangerous. a parent teaches a child how to safely cross a busy street and then re-enforced the lessons with discipline. if the child fails to learn the lesson the child will likely get whammed by a car and be maimed or killed so it behooves the loving parent to set up consequences for stupid behaviors. "if you run out into traffic you're gonna get punished. no cartoons or ice cream for you.".

I don't see where tough love is here? You the child should be treated badly if he fails to learn the lesson? I don't think so?

3dnow

[Internal Queries]

I don't see where tough love is here? You the child should be treated badly if he fails to learn the lesson? I don't think so?

3dnow


you, the child, should come to understand that there are consequences for stupid and/or harmful behavior. why? because stupid and/or harmful behaviors endangers your survival and that of others.

[3dnow]

you, the child, should come to understand that there are consequences for stupid and/or harmful behavior. why? because stupid and/or harmful behaviors endangers your survival and that of others.

Give him a chocolate :D or love him each time he is a good boy. This doesn't work?

The opposite is treat him badly each time he is a bad boy.

Why choose the second one?

3dnow

[Internal Queries]

Give him a chocolate :D or love him each time he is a good boy. This doesn't work?

The opposite is treat him badly each time he is a bad boy.

Why choose the second one?

3dnow


lol 3d? so reward a child for doing something dangerously stupid? righto. that'll surely cause him not to do it again.

i love ya, 3d but please don't procreate unless/until you understand what responsibility entails.

[3dnow]

lol 3d? so reward a child for doing something dangerously stupid?

i love ya, 3d but please don't procreate.
Reward him when he listens the lesson! (you got me wrong)

Instead of punishing him when he did something stupid.

No?

3dnow

[Internal Queries]

Reward him when he listens the lesson! (you got me wrong)

Instead of punishing him when he did something stupid.

No?

3dnow


sure! reward him when he listens and learns but provide him discipline when he doesn't. it's a balance of contrasts.

[3dnow]

sure! reward him when he listens and learns but provide him discipline when he doesn't. it's a balance of contrasts.

I would never do that it would lower the self-esteem of the child.

3dnow