Soul Sickness

[Coming2]

I dont even know how to start this post. I am feeling very lost and afraid right now and it feels like everything is crashing down around me. My income is being threatened, my medical conditions are getting worse and I feel I am harming my children emotionally with all my personal drama. I try very hard to allow them to be free of the grown up world we live in....I want them to know how it is out there but at the same time I try so hard to preserve their youth. Believe me its not easy. I am just feeling very lost and alone right now and my Spiritual Team feels light years away. I am so disconnected that I dont know how to regain communication. I actually do but feel like it is just too much work right now to even try. Is that a horrible thing to say?? That I dont have the energy or time to commune with God. To be honest I am afraid of being judged. I have posted that several times before in the Death and Afterlife forum. I have not lived a noble existence and even in the good I do I dont feel it outways the negative I have done in my life. Maybe I just need to forgive myself but in order to do that I have to stop the action that causes the guilt and I am not in a place to do that right now....what can I do??

[ROM]

Why don't you put on a song you really like and sing a long to it; it cheers anyone up.

[Natalia]

:icon_frown: Coming2 I do feel your pain.
Even the smallest task can seem overwhelming when these waves hit. Like a sail boat gliding smoothly along the sea and all of a sudden a big wave threatens it's destruction to the boat. These waves come and go in our lifes and learning to grasp on of your boat and go with it is the scary part. Then you open the squinted eyes and see behind you the wave and realise you're ok!!! All the wave did was apprach in a roaring fearsome manner yet it only lifted you in your boat up and over it and travled on.

My point is. You'll be ok hun. Right now i know it seems frightening but you and your children will be ok. Love to you and your wee ones.

Bright Blessings :color:

[Emmalevine]

Coming2 I can hear what you're saying and know it's a very difficult place. I am experiencing a disconnection to spirit and a fear of judgment, as well as a general feeling of everything crashing down and being out of control. It is a very scary time but it can also be a time of growth if you can sit with the chaos for a bit. Easier said than done...and I find it hard to practice what I preach...but I believe it helps to sit with this rather than fight it. It sounds like you need to stand back from the drama, observe yourself and breathe. Maybe do some daily meditation if you don't already. In time this does help you come to a calmer and more peaceful place in yourself. I have a severe long term medical condition and I know it's very difficult to accept this, but try focussing on TODAY, not the long term, not the future, not what may happen tomorrow. Take things a day at a time. It's amazing the power of the moment can have when you discount the pain caused by over-thinking, analysing and judging the past and future. Sit and try to be with what is. It might sound blase but I do know how painful and overwhelming life can be and am slowly trying to regain some peace in myself and therefore my connection. Hope this helps.

[moke64916]

I dont even know how to start this post. I am feeling very lost and afraid right now and it feels like everything is crashing down around me. My income is being threatened, my medical conditions are getting worse and I feel I am harming my children emotionally with all my personal drama. I try very hard to allow them to be free of the grown up world we live in....I want them to know how it is out there but at the same time I try so hard to preserve their youth. Believe me its not easy. I am just feeling very lost and alone right now and my Spiritual Team feels light years away. I am so disconnected that I dont know how to regain communication. I actually do but feel like it is just too much work right now to even try. Is that a horrible thing to say?? That I dont have the energy or time to commune with God. To be honest I am afraid of being judged. I have posted that several times before in the Death and Afterlife forum. I have not lived a noble existence and even in the good I do I dont feel it outways the negative I have done in my life. Maybe I just need to forgive myself but in order to do that I have to stop the action that causes the guilt and I am not in a place to do that right now....what can I do??
I totally feel your pain. I have been where you are at and worse. I am 21 and have a life threatening heart condition. I have been abused in ways I will not say publically as a child. I used to have PTSD. I have lost my sanity before, and felt fear at it's highest level everyday for 6-8 months straight. I have been to hell and back several times. Just remember this, things always get better. Every time you feel low, you are in the growing process of feeling wonderful. Everyone needs mental resistance in order to grow emotional intellectually. In other words how do you know who you are unless you experience who you are not? I know financial situations can be a bit** to deal with. I look at it this way. For each downfall there is another opportunity. I grew up with money, down to nothing. Not even all basic necessities to survive such as enough food, and no mobility. But you know what, another opportunity presents itself, and you'll get out of the rut. I've never seen a time where a downfall did NOT turn into an opportunity. Believe this, that once you are past your pain, you will be happier than ever, and nothing will bring you down.

[Silver]

I have not lived a noble existence and even in the good I do I dont feel it outways the negative I have done in my life. Maybe I just need to forgive myself but in order to do that I have to stop the action that causes the guilt and I am not in a place to do that right now....what can I do??

If there's a god in heaven and if your judgment about yourself were true, he'd want you to be around here long enough to make up for it. I'm not sure that is how 'He' operates, though. This forgiving one's self seems to be a common theme today. There is only one courtroom ~ and you're playing all the roles, judge, jury, defendant. Everyone else in the world is doing their thing, and some of them are doing it to themselves just like you are. It - doesn't - help - anyone to sit in judgment on one's self. That's energy that you're taking away from yourself and your children.
Much love to you, Coming2~*
:coffee2:

[Greenslade]

I dont even know how to start this post. I am feeling very lost and afraid right now and it feels like everything is crashing down around me. My income is being threatened, my medical conditions are getting worse and I feel I am harming my children emotionally with all my personal drama. I try very hard to allow them to be free of the grown up world we live in....I want them to know how it is out there but at the same time I try so hard to preserve their youth. Believe me its not easy. I am just feeling very lost and alone right now and my Spiritual Team feels light years away. I am so disconnected that I dont know how to regain communication. I actually do but feel like it is just too much work right now to even try. Is that a horrible thing to say?? That I dont have the energy or time to commune with God. To be honest I am afraid of being judged. I have posted that several times before in the Death and Afterlife forum. I have not lived a noble existence and even in the good I do I dont feel it outways the negative I have done in my life. Maybe I just need to forgive myself but in order to do that I have to stop the action that causes the guilt and I am not in a place to do that right now....what can I do??

I've often wondered, what will happen when we get to the 'other side'? Will we stand in front of a committee or God/gods like some naughty schoolchild ready to be scolded? Will someone judge us for our perceived sins, or will they try and help us work through them? And who will be the harshest judge of what we have or haven't done in this Life? I think we'll be that harshest of judges, we will do the judging of ourselves because there are so many things we haven't seen or let beliefs cloud our vision. Perhaps our guides, Loved Ones or whomever will be there to help us see the things we don't immediately see, that there were reasons for what happened to us and what we did - or didn't do. Who defines right and wrong, who defines noble? Judgement is a human thing, as are the concepts of right and wrong - judgement both. Let it go, let it all go and see the real reasons behind your Life, whatever shape or form it took. If you want to understand Spirit, you have to think like Spirit. Trying to understand Spirit while thinking like a human doesn't work.

There are reasons for the things that happened to you in your Life, reasons why you feel disconnected. Find those reasons and things will begin to make a little more sense. Look behind the mask, because everything that happens in this Life is but a mask. It is the reasons that are behind the mask that are important. Drop your judgement of yourself and you will begin to see there is nothing to forgive yourself for, because there is only forgiveness if there is judgement.

Stop clouding your own vision, find the reasons.