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ck10n3
28-12-2006, 07:51 AM
This experience has been a catalyst of self-exploration for me religiously, spiritually, and educationally. It all started like this. Bart and I were hanging out one night and decided to shroom. We had not hung out very often and this was going to be his first trip. I thought it would just be a recreational trip, but it turned out otherwise. We went and picked them up and took them at the dorms. I consumed about two grams of dried mushrooms. I had not eaten much the two days previously, maybe a sandwich and a few snacks.

The dorms are hell. They always had cops patrol every few hours and the rooms were very small, 9x13. With two lofted beds, a futon under one and a tv/refrigerator under the other, there is hardly any room. Well we were just sitting in his room and playing video games. He was having a blast but I started to feel very uncomfortable in these surroundings.

I started hyperventilating and just having a sort of panic attack. So I stood up and tried to breath slowly but I couldn’t get into the "everything is alright" mindset. I told him I had to go to my room to calm down, being where I felt at home most in this college town, so I just left. I got into my room but I kept wigging out. I didn’t know what to do. I knew that meditation was supposed to calm one down and at this point I was ready to try anything. I sat on the futon in a meditative posture, not quite sure which it might be called. I just tried to sit with my back as straight as possible with my legs crossed Indian style. I closed my eyes, and went somewhere else. I remember feeling as if I was in control of my breath, it had become a voluntary action, I had to think about breathing or I would not. It scared me immensely. My heart felt as if it were going to explode. I was within my mind. It was pure nothingness and I felt like I was dieing. I felt terrible that my mom and family would find out I died from having a heart attack or something from drugs. It was inevitable though. I knew I was fleeing from myself. I died.

I was just in the middle of nothingness, it wasn’t black or any color, it was like when your eyes are closed just nothingness and it was infinite. I knew I was dieing because I knew this was what life was at its deepest point. I was seeing everything that has been and that ever will be. I was not I then, there was no I. It really seemed like my life flashed before my eyes at that instant and I saw my entire life. All the things I had ever done, all the things I had ever learned, and it all culminated into what I was at that exact time.

I considered myself to be an atheist before this experience, but I experienced what religions call God. I then had a revelation about religions and how all of them are similar with a main person who usually helps out other people and tries to teach everyone "the way" to reach heaven or nirvana or whatever path it was to a transcendental being. It all made sense. Everything in life made sense and I had no regrets or doubts. I let myself go, die, because I knew this was right. It was the most righteous thing I have ever done.

I was in nothingness and my being was expanded infinitely everywhere, I became one with it all. I had this weird image of outer-space around me I could see it all. All was nothing and I was nothing thus I was all. Once I let myself go I realized this. That I was one with everything and all things are interconnected. I saw in this nothingness that all things are infinite. I saw this nothingness as the make up of all existence. This nothingness built upon itself to form what we perceive as the real world. One thing I picked up while going through this was that these were all just images in my head that I understood. If I tried to think a thought, in words, it would totally feel like this feeling of enlightenment, what I want to call this experience, would go away. I saw this because when I would use a word to say something I was automatically bringing up other memories associated with a word or a feeling that was brought up with it, this made it impossible to let things into my head freely and taught me how inadequate talking orally really can be. It is a distraction from being one with everything, and the stillness of the mind. I was learning so much from this that I wanted it to never stop. I ceased all thinking and let it come to me. When I started having strange dream like hallucinations, CEVs.

I looked around and I was lying in an endless meadow of healthy short green grass covered in leaves. There was one gigantic tree in the distance where all the leaves were coming from. I sat here and I was happy. And I was just sitting there with the breeze blowing leaves around me. It was one of the most relaxing and most vivid things I have ever had while tripping. Even though it was a CEV it felt like I was there. All my sense were responding to my surroundings. I felt and heard the leaves crumple beneath me when I moved. I felt the wind tingle the hairs on my body. I was there. It was almost like from a movie or something but I was there.

But I spun around for some reason and I was sitting on top of a large pyramid/temple type structure over looking what I understood to be Egypt. I had become a pharaoh or some sort of nobility. There were all these women around me with palm leaves fanning me off and I understood that them to be my concubines. It all seemed very wrong though because of the fact that I was in charge of so many people and they were all living in such terrible conditions while I lived such a lavish life. I realized it was selfish of me to hold so much power and have people consider me a sort of god when I knew I wasn’t, so I left that too. So I left that era and ended up feeling really sick of myself for treating all those people so badly and using everything to my advantage.

I went back into nothingness without anymore of these dream type things.

The whole nothingness experience was the most amazing ecstasy I have ever felt, I was in the moment, and I was being without thinking about past or future. I was completely submerged in life. That is what I saw. And I wanted to share it with everyone I knew. I started to think again about how I had died, which would have been okay at that time because I realized death was just ceasing to think, it was becoming one with everything, there was a very fine line between really living and not "living". Death was just the other side of life, it was not bad it was not good, it was just... as it was. But again, I felt there was a reason I could not let myself go yet. It was because I wanted to share this with everyone I knew, I didn’t want to be greedy with this ultimate loving abyss of the truth I had discovered. I wanted to somehow come back into "reality" and share this with the world. That is when I had another revelation about religion. So this is where it starts to go a little crazy but bare with me.

I saw that in all religions there was a leader, a guru, one who had seen the light at least, and I felt like I had seen what life was about. I felt like I knew the truth, and I wanted to share this.

I also saw that by truly knowing something it would occur. The most extreme example of confidence if you will, knowing without a single doubt, one could do anything. This is almost impossible for humans though because of the doubts we have created and the way we have categorized things. We have gone down the wrong path, and today’s world is so far from what it should be. By using language and placing things in categories we see things as separate now. Language is so inadequate. Nothing is separate. Everything is the same thing. Evolving with orally communicated language has led us down a harsh road. This is where I want to say I believe that telepathically communicating would be one of the best things humans could come to in correlation with the enlightenment of all. We would feel what others felt and know what they thought. We would all be as one. But when the minutest doubt comes into play we are not able to do any of these things.

I went into another CEV, but all of these CEVs I was having seemed totally real to me. I didn’t understand they were not until my trip was over, and still I am not so sure if they were not real. What is reality though? That is for a different post. Back into the CEV world.

In this CEV I was sort of just sitting in my room again and it seemed like I could see with my eyes closed. I was just sitting in my room by myself like I had been when I first sat down on the futon earlier. Everything was the same and there were no outlandish things happening in my room. I did hear some unfamiliar noises that I usually didn’t hear, like a fan, and some people talking outside my dorm room door but it was nothing out of the ordinary. I thought I had come back with some sort of power given to me to spread the knowledge I had attained.

The TV flickered on all of a sudden and it started scrolling through all these channels. It stopped on a news channel. The news caster seemed extremely bewildered. She was saying how there were terrible natural disasters going on all over the world. I assumed this was the apocalypse. There were all these panned images in the top of the TV screen of volcanoes going off in different areas, earthquakes, lightning everywhere and even the studio the news caster was in was shaking because the camera was going wild, and outside my dorm room I heard a gigantic storm of lightning and thunder so loud it hurt my ears. So pretty much I saw the world ending before my eyes and it was because when I had left the point of enlightenment I had seen myself coming back as a god who would be able to just show everyone this by willing it. I started to get very nervous because this was my fault. I could not control the power yet. I got angry at the news reporter, the only other person I could take it out on, and accidentally killed her as I watched TV she just died. I did not mean for this to happen, but it seemed like all the things I was supposed to do were backfiring immensely as I could not control any of it. The slightest change in my emotion or feelings caused the most dramatic changes in the entire world. I had to stop this and I told God who was myself that I did not want these powers yet.

I wanted to share the knowledge still, but in a different way.

I woke up again and I was in my room. I was actually in my room though, not in a trip, and Bart was standing there saying, "Dude, are you okay? You have been passed out for like 2 or 3 hours, but I could tell you were alive because your eyes were REMing like none other." and I just couldn’t talk because I still had that vision in my head that I wanted to share and talking interrupted my train of no thought.

I didn’t know how I could share with him the truth I had seen without speaking. I just grabbed his hand and tried to telepathically send it to him. My friend Max ended up running in the door all the way from downtown because he had heard I was having a really bad trip and Bart had gotten worried. And it was great to see him because I knew he was looking out for me. Well I knew I had to tell Max too so he sat down next to me talking to me and trying to comfort me. I held his hand too. I just tried to radiate my experience to them by knowing that they would know. I don’t know why I had to touch them but I felt I was transferring some sort of energy. I felt like they were going to be my disciples and they would realize what I had seen. You don’t understand, if everyone in the world could have experienced this same thing it would have set the world into a new era. There is no way people could have a war, no one would be greedy, everyone would see each other as equal and love the world, because this knowledge or enlightenment was what human’s greatest achievement would be.

It would be the unity of all humans and love for everything. With the unity of humans together it would also be unity with the animals and Earth itself. So I hoped that by telling Max and Bart this they would see the light. Then they would know how to transfer the ideas to other people and it would spread exponentially, because by seeing what I had seen it would have made everyone want to share it with everyone else.

I went back under into another CEV trip like sedation I guess, and I was holding Max’s hand and it felt like eternity. There was a being next to me and at first it was Max. And I was still trying to transfer the energy to him. Slowly it felt like I had been sitting there for hundreds of years and time was flying by infinitely. Everything around me corroded and his body just decomposed next to me and fell into itself. It freaked me out something terrible because I had just traveled through the future if you will. I would have been the only being alive and I wouldn’t have shared it with anyone. Rather I would have pretty much stopped human existence. I didn’t like that one bit so I turned back time I guess and he came back to life filling back up and what not everything was how it was. Then I got kind of greedy and I guess I fell real deep into a dream because he became a girl and I thought if I was a god I might as well take advantage of my powers.

I turned Max into this girl I had really liked at the time and tried to have sex with her. I got totally greedy and the ego I had done so well to clear out of my head came back and ruined everything. I felt weird though because I knew I changed Max into this girl, but I was nervous to try anything because if I was actually just tripping I would be trying to get on top of Max.

So I woke up again, not in a trip, and no one was even there anymore.

I talked to Max a few days later thinking I had tried to hook up with him, but he said he had left and that never happened.

I called Bart because I didn’t know what was going on, I had just gone through all of that and I didn’t know if I was in reality anymore, it was around 5 am and I really needed someone to talk to. Bart came down and wasn’t tripping anymore but I was still going. I told him I really needed to see people so I could share with them what I had seen. So it ended up being like 5 of us sitting around in my room and me explaining all of that to them. I felt like I was just radiating this energy and I really hoped it would work.

Well it didn’t work obviously or else the world would be changed, but I talked to some people later. Bart said he felt nothing. Parker said he felt this weird tingling like his hair was raised on the back of his neck. Max said he knew I was trying to tell him something and he knew I was concentrating really hard on something.

But one thing I saw when I was doing this was that every person has a mental block up. As I was trying to feed them this experience through my mind to theirs they just would not accept it. People were afraid of this. You know, this is not supposed to happen kind of thing from a fantasy. And to be able to allow the experience to happen within themselves they would have to die the same way I did before first seeing this, which I am not going to lie was one of the scariest moments of my life. I forgot to mention that when I died I had to actually let go of everything, my life, my friends and family, my memories, the things I thought I loved, and let it all go. I thought I was going to be nothing.

I was nothing but it was as I had said ecstasy and transcendental. Well dieing to most people is not the easiest thing to accept even though you die mentally with a new mind born anew, this isn’t very clear. So that was my consensus after trying to reach all these people. Some I felt like I could get into more than others, those who were a little more spiritually inclined and more into thinking about life rather than the distractions today’s world is giving us. Today’s world is hard to give up. Materialism is hard to let go of, your stuff is hard to leave, and so most people cant understand this. So I couldn’t share that with those people.

So I realized people have to experience this on their own accord, there is no way I can do it for them which made me sad. A few times since this trip I feel this intense light come over me. I feel like I am going to die again but I cant let go for some reason. I do feel like if I let go again I might have even more control this time with sharing my thoughts. Because we have had some weird things happen with me kind of telepathically communicating with some friends. Its while we are tripping though and I don’t like to call it telepathically, because it sounds so sci-fi channel but it’s like putting my experiences, feelings, emotions, thoughts in someone else’s head without talking. It’s weird. But yeah that was my intense trip and I know I left a lot of small details out and some things were a little mixed up but that’s it. I try and share it with people I think will listen and see what they think about it. It really gives me insight on to what I should do with this; I feel it is a calling or something. I don’t think I am special. I just believe I might be able to produce a catalyst within other people. I feel I am God, but I feel that every other person is God too. We are all God, and we are united.

I forgot to mention a weird idea I had and maybe what contributed to my thinking I was supposed to be the new savior. My name is Christian. I am half Korean. My dad passed away when I was very young so I do not know anything about Korean culture, but when I was a baby they had a shaman do a ritual to choose my name and bless me. They chose my name to be Jesus, obviously in Korean though. I just remember thinking that sometime during the trip as a sign. I saw lots of signs and things pointing me to this when I saw my life and things I had learn culminate together.

That’s just when I start to feel a little insane though, they send you to mental asylums for thinking you can change the world. I want to do this though. I want to share this with everyone, and I want the world to be as one.

"Imagine there's no heaven, It's easy if you try, Nowhere below us, Above only sky, Imagine all the people
Living for today...

”Imagine there's no countries, It isn't hard to do, Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too, Imagine all the people, Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions, I wonder if you can, No need for greed or hunger, A brotherhood of man, Imagine all the people, Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer, But I'm not the only one, I hope someday you'll join us, And the world will be as one"

I told myself I would not be ready to experience this for a while. So I could be ready to "handle" the situation in the correct way (remember how I had lost control).

This makes a lot of sense to explain what has been happening. I have been having panic attacks that feel as if they are going to invoke this experience again while intoxicated on 'y' substances. It feels like it is trying to force itself upon me, but I won't let it come on. I am very scared of releasing my attachments again. I have even had the attacks while sober. It always feels like the midst of a panic attack must bring the void on though.

I can't even describe the way I fell into this with words. Saying that I was not thinking, was not even accurate. There is a totally different mindset and so much more to it than not thinking.

-----

I had my http://www.shroomery.org/forums/images/graemlins/psychsplit.gif experience almost 7 months ago. I felt and became the universal/god consciousness. It is slowly fading in my memory as an experience and becoming more of an abstract concept. I am not trying to grasp that one experience again, yet I am trying to find other ways besides tripping to bring it out in me again. I have not delved deeply into this area as I am not very aware of what paths lay before me.

Does anyone have any techniques or ways of going back into the void of everything? I know someone will understand what I mean, the oneness-godness-love-purity. I caught a glimpse of it and saw its truth which spoke to me and has changed my life.

Maybe it is wrong to think about it this way, sort of quick fix if you will, but is there a possibility I could use some sort of hypnotherapist to bring back my experience induced by hypnosis? I think it may be pushing some boundaries and buttons, as it probably should not happen that way. I am just unsure about how to approach this and if anyone has considered trying to merge again with something like this.

I realize one must build up and be ready for such extreme beingness. Would I be able to handle it if I went back? I know I could hardly go in it willingly the first time. Do you have to experience a death before you join the void? It felt as though I had to leave it all behind. Other times I have thought I was slipping was during panic attacks, I couldn't let myself go though. I was too afraid I wouldn't be able to come back.

I am unaware of what is said to happen. Could I die and not be able to return to my body if I fully merged myself with it? I know I do not want to do that yet. I am trying to unite with the cosmic conscious and then bring it back with me into this reality so I can help others who are far from the path understand it.

Is your body able to handle such intensity of being? Is that why you must meditate for years and years, so if someone is thoroughly ready they will be able to let it flow through them without it ending their "life" in this plane of existence?

Basically, I am seeking enlightenment again. All agreed it was not my time, and I was to come back to spread the love. I wonder how much deeper that rabbit hole goes? Once you have unified with the nothingness of everything, is there more past that?

I know if I can do this the right way I will be able to lift others who are ready with me. I would love to hear some critique and comments from you guys so I can get some incite. These two videos really explain a lot of my beliefs and I would like to share them with you and get your two cents.

Peace and Spreading Oneness (http://youtube.com/watch?v=TsvEkPNitdQ)
"This is not about talking about peace. This is about creating real peace." I believe that this to be true. I wish I knew more people who were interested in spreading it with me.

Meher Baba and the Evolution of Consciousness (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4327994994106106613&q=spirituality)
I would like to involve and bring everyone who wants to the ocean.

Peace, love, one

Enlightener
28-12-2006, 09:47 AM
Hi,

What a wonderful experience you had, I suggest you read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, you may find it envigorating.
Drugs are an easy way to experience divinity, but they are also prone to distort your mind, I think we all caught a glimpse of that in your story.
Something I have to say is that it is not advisory to pursue this divine state by taking heaps of drugs, you do need to moderate, and I know I can't really talk because I am indulgence-boy, but it is much more rewarding when done without the effect of drugs.


ck10n3: "Does anyone have any techniques or ways of going back into the void of everything? I know someone will understand what I mean, the oneness-godness-love-purity. I caught a glimpse of it and saw its truth which spoke to me and has changed my life.
Maybe it is wrong to think about it this way, sort of quick fix if you will, but is there a possibility I could use some sort of hypnotherapist to bring back my experience induced by hypnosis? I think it may be pushing some boundaries and buttons, as it probably should not happen that way. I am just unsure about how to approach this and if anyone has considered trying to merge again with something like this."

Ha! Now you have experienced the spiritual and you yearn for more, the same thing happened to me. :)

"I am unaware of what is said to happen. Could I die and not be able to return to my body if I fully merged myself with it? I know I do not want to do that yet. I am trying to unite with the cosmic conscious and then bring it back with me into this reality so I can help others who are far from the path understand it."

Don't make it such a religious thing, think of it as a more spiritual conquest, something that will eventually happen but something that you are helping along.

"Is your body able to handle such intensity of being? Is that why you must meditate for years and years, so if someone is thoroughly ready they will be able to let it flow through them without it ending their "life" in this plane of existence?"

I think so, yes. I think that is reason why we are here, to experience thus state of being.

"Basically, I am seeking enlightenment again. All agreed it was not my time, and I was to come back to spread the love. I wonder how much deeper that rabbit hole goes? Once you have unified with the nothingness of everything, is there more past that?"

Enlightenment is a state of being and you can acheive that any instant you like. It is just a matter of knowing what enlightenment feels like.

Philip
28-12-2006, 02:05 PM
You have already gained from this extensively descibed experience. In my experience the way to proceed is to allow this to settle in you.

Do not try to remember parts, or some, or all of it. It is already a part of you and though, at the moment, you may feel somewhat cast adrift on an unknown sea, simply allow it to settle and all will become clear. The immediate after-effects of such an experience may best be understood in the analogy of the river.

The river trundles its' war along its' course moment by monment and becomes to us a familiar and even comforting presence. Then along comes very heavy rains which swell it and may even cause it to burst its' banks. The great increase in its' volume and speed of flow can make it quite unrecognisable as the river we are habituated to see. Within it are increased ammounts of silt and matter whaich was otherwise not part of it (wood, rocks, debris and the like).

But, as with all things this passes and the river returns to what appeares to be its' former state.

Yey wait! Look again, for now there at that bend it is a little wider, and there where it was quite shallow it has been deepened, and there the bank has been eroded so that cattle may now come down and drink of its' waters.

It is very easy to imagine, in the immediate aftermath of an experience such as yours, that that which was attained to has in some way been lost or made less by the return to seeming mundanity. Nothing could be farther from reality. In fact you have been changed and when the turmoil of the spiritual 'waters' settles you will see that you have become a little wider and are able to contain more than before, and there you have become a little deeper and are able to reach into previously inaccessible depths, and there a little of your walls has been eroded and 'others' may get be able to get refreshment for their spirit from the you spiritual flow.

NOTHING which we experience in this manifestation leaves us unchanged and the process now will move from knowing to experiencing. This is an eternal joy which refreshes and revitalises the weary and gives strength to the weak and succour to the downcast.


Sit a while........................................

.................................................. ......and enjoy. :icon_cheers:

ck10n3
28-12-2006, 08:48 PM
Drugs are an easy way to experience divinity, but they are also prone to distort your mind, I think we all caught a glimpse of that in your story.
Something I have to say is that it is not advisory to pursue this divine state by taking heaps of drugs, you do need to moderate, and I know I can't really talk because I am indulgence-boy, but it is much more rewarding when done without the effect of drugs.

True, but right now I am very interested in shamanism. To each his own. I am not sure where you got the assumption that I take heaps of drugs, but I do not. Moderation is key. This is something I have always known and tried to live by with all aspects of my life.

I would like to try reaching the state both ways. Like I said, to each his own, and I don't feel that by using drugs I am experiencing anything less or more than others. It is about what I gain from the experience, not the experience itself. We are always experiencing. If I could just be in that state without the experience, that would be grand.

----

Don't make it such a religious thing, think of it as a more spiritual conquest, something that will eventually happen but something that you are helping along.

No, I am not making it religious at all. I am following it as a spiritual grounding. I do not know about the word conquest though, that does not seem to be the right word.

For example, I feel I have grown up in a universe of immense social problems. From the beginning it started out all wrong. Greed was the seed. The seed grew in to a marvelous tree. It was a massive beast in the forest--dark, few leaves, and shadowed the rest. That is society.

I am a piece of lichen on that tree. I grow from it. I get all my necesities from it, because of this I have taken in a part of this ominious character that is the tree. I want to rid myself of taking in from that tree at least as much as possible. I want to fall off, and live on the rocks next to that tree. I spread, and move onto other trees.

Other trees being different universes, or states of consciousness.

(I think this is one of infinite universes where in every other there are the possibilities stemming from possibilities. Indra's net if you will. I also apply Indra's net to the cosmic conciousness as I feel that is somehow every universe, pieces within the universe--ideas, beings, nonbeings, etc. within the nothingness.)

---

I understand what you are both saying. Let it be, let it be.

Though, when I relinquish my hold of this experience I feel I am slipping back into the mud of societal subliminal brain washing. How can I live like this in a society so adverse to such a thing?

Lapis
28-12-2006, 10:40 PM
"How can I live like this in a society so adverse to such a thing?"

Phunk that old society I say, and am doing everything I know to do, to point out the Exit Door to those ready and searching for a higher better way. No drugs required :D just heart!