Expectations

[Moonglow]

Hello,

Something was said to me hear on the forum a while back and it has really stuck with me. It was "Spirit expects nothing."

So this got me thinking and a question came to mind.
"What happens when one drops their expectation?"

What causes one to judge another? Could ones own set expectations of another play into this?

I finding myself in a place where my set expectations towards another is lowering. Find that some of the frustration I would have with another were found in what I expected from him/her. Upon lowering and even in some cases letting go of these, found that my frustration level would go down.

It is like let them figure it out for themselves. Help where I can, but also recognize, that perhaps that is the place they are at and perhaps need to work through it and if they don't, then that is their choice, but I don't have to clean up after them (so to speak).

Upon this lowering/letting go also find that my judgment of others reduces.

It seems to connect to spirit expects nothing. It is I who sets up these things and thus project them upon others at times or upon how I react.

Going on a bit here, but I am interested in what you all think about this.

What sets up expectations and how do they affect our relationship(s) with each other?

Peace

[daisy]

What sets up expectations and how do they affect our relationship(s) with each other?

I think you're right saying it is is US who sets up these expectations, we expect people to behave pretty much as we do and are disappointed when they don't, i've seen this so often and the person with the expectations ends up getting very chewed up and bitter and hurt about these 'thoughtless unfeeling' people.

We are all so very different.

Don't expect too much of anyone would be my advice.

[mattie]

While your thread addresses our expectations of others, this also applies to how we look at self.

We often are critical of self because we have goals of abc-xyz, not appreciating what we’ve accomplished. This is particularly relevant to doing the various work to expand our awareness as gently relaxing into it is virtually always more effective than trying to push it too hard.

When others don’t live up to our expectations this is a good time to use our distanced observer skills. Even if this entails a huge amount of drama, we don’t have to own their drama.

[Rivendoah]

We live in a state of expectancy... in all things... always judging what is, along side what we think it should be... we can only strive to let go of expectancy as much as we are able... experience life... rather then judge it...

[zipzip]

I admit it, I am really bad at expecting things from people. Not all, but from certain people. And I get really upset or disappointed when they don't act like I feel they should. I can say I don't expect anything from them 1,000 times, but the truth is I do, and I can feel the disappointment and that is just how it is with me.

this is just so bizarre, I'm dealing with this issue now....lol

zipzip

[Xan]

Moonglow: "Spirit expects nothing."

a question came to mind.
"What happens when one drops their expectation?"


So... since our own spirit expects nothing, what is it in us that does have expectations?

The mind, with its hopes and fears.

What happens when we see through and let go of our hopes and fears?

What's left when we let go of our mind's expectations?

umm... well.... There's only one way to know.

Try it and find out.


Xan

[zipzip]

I have been thinking of this all day long. How can we not expect certain things.?

zipzip

[nightowl]

So is hope and expectation the same ???

nightowl

[moke64916]

Maybe expectations can be part of the illusion of need. I think once mind, body, and spirit are unified expectations can be the minds way of asking self. But Being is in control. Maybe they all work together like that. I don't know.

[Enya]

So is hope and expectation the same ???
nightowl
No. Hope is the anticipation, the deepest wish for something to come about or a deep knowing, an uplifting emotional state.
Expectation in the form discussed here is a definition or judgement, often rooted in ego or even fear.
One of the first things I learnt working with Spirit is that expectation limits and defines something which should be free-flowing and simple.
My teacher always said - don't expect, just anticipate joy, love and adventure...

[nightowl]

No. Hope is the anticipation, the deepest wish for something to come about or a deep knowing, an uplifting emotional state.
Expectation in the form discussed here is a definition or judgement, often rooted in ego or even fear.
One of the first things I learnt working with Spirit is that expectation limits and defines something which should be free-flowing and simple.
My teacher always said - don't expect, just anticipate joy, love and adventure...

So do expectations take a form of a type of standard preconceived by the one doing the expecting?

[Moonglow]

Hello,

I quite enjoy the insights and responses here and thank everyone for them.

Just sharing what these have brought to mind.

I don't feel that one needs to let go of hope for to me this may lead into despair. Perhaps it is when one gets to caught up in the hope, but takes no action to fulfill or demands everyone else follow the same hope that it may cause conflict. Perhaps this is a form of fear?

An expectation to me can be at times how one may feel or even demand how another should be. To me it can be limiting in the sense that it interferes with truly interacting with another and being open and enjoying the diversity of others. It can be perhaps a form of insecurity?

What I have been looking at with in myself is when I am being in this expecting state of mind, where is it coming from? My upbringing, beliefs, misunderstandings?

Now I mostly accept others the way he/she is being. May not always agree with it or understand it, but then again I have not walked in their shoes, so how can I fully?

So I look at myself and ask why do I feel agitated, frustrated, or disappointed with another? I find that it is mainly due to the expectation I place upon them.
How my mind has decided one should act.

When I reduce these thoughts and at times ignore them all together find myself being more open and understanding or not being drawn into someone else drama. It takes focus and paying attention for me.

Don't feel it is a matter of getting rid of anything, but noticing when these thoughts come up and directing them in a more open and positive way. Doing the best one can and yes lightening up on oneself and finding when I do this it tends to project out and reflect back.

Adding some other thoughts here.

Peace

[Adrienne]

Interesting topic and thoughts Moonglow. As I was reading thru the replies, a few questions came to mind ~ may or may not be related to your original question, but still within the realm of conversation I think.

do we live up to the expections we set for ourselves ?

do we/ should we ~ set up expectations for ourselves ?

do the expectations we set for ourselves, have a connection to the expections we have for others ?

Dream Angel xx

[Xan]

I have been thinking of this all day long. How can we not expect certain things.?

zipzip

zipzip... It's not about having no expectations because that would put us into the conflict of trying not to expect... see?

To get free we just don't hold on to them.

Notice how you have a habit of expecting in your mind, and just let go when it shows up.


Xan

[Xan]

So do expectations take a form of a type of standard preconceived by the one doing the expecting?

nightowl... Expectations come in two forms... hope for what we want, and fear of what we don't want.

These both come from our conditioned mind... we anticipate that what we experienced in the past will be repeated... for good or for ill.

We tend to stay involved with the mind's past memories and future projections, which keeps us from being fully present... where Life is actually happening.


Xan

[Silver]

It is like let them figure it out for themselves. Help where I can, but also recognize, that perhaps that is the place they are at and perhaps need to work through it and if they don't, then that is their choice, but I don't have to clean up after them (so to speak).

Upon this lowering/letting go also find that my judgment of others reduces.

It seems to connect to spirit expects nothing. It is I who sets up these things and thus project them upon others at times or upon how I react.




This is rather reminiscent of the "Detachment" thread / article, a good thing.

[Greenslade]

I have been thinking of this all day long. How can we not expect certain things.?

zipzip

You just stop. But it's not always that simple. I wonder if expectations are built into human nature (is there a shrink in the house? lol) What I do is stop seeing the Universe as I want it to be and try and see it as it is. It's like the exchange of favours. If you do someone a favour, do you expect one back? And if you don't get what you expect, are you disappointed? Quite a simple thing at first glance, but there is always more hidden away. If the person isn't in a position to repay that favour, or the Universe repays that favour by sending someone else to do you a favour? Does how the favour is given make a difference? If the person repays that favour not because they want to but out of some kind of morality - like they know it's what you expect? Personally I'd rather they didn't bother.

Is expectation born of some pre-defined standards? As Spiritual people shouldn't we realise that not everyone works with our standards. And if they do what we expect, where is the interaction for lesson/experience? Or is it ego?

We can do something in the hope that it works out in our favour, but that's all we should do. Hoping something will work out is different from expectation because in hoping you recognise there's a chance it might not happen the way you want it to. With expectation, it had better work your way or else.

It's like Spiritual Enlightenment. How many people expect to reach it on their current path, how many hope to? Because you read these books and have these thoughts, do you expect to 'get there'? Or do you let go of expectation, then you suddenly you realise you've already 'been there' and will be again? We are Spirit on a human Journey after all.

How can we not expect certain things? You trust, you have faith. You stop seeing the Universe as you would like it to be and see it as it is.

[NightSpirit]

I had an excellent teacher for recognising this and finally letting it go. sometimes i fall back into the old pattern because my husband is not alive now to remind me constantly. It makes the world of difference to one's peace and tranquility when letting go of expectations of others.

[Bluegreen]

Not to have expectations of people is much more interesting because you are completely open to them as persons.
If there is anything I expect of myself it is honesty, being honest with myself and other people.

[Xan]

When people ask me what I expect, I say "I expect to be present for whatever shows up."


Xan

[gentledove]

When people ask me what I expect, I say "I expect to be present for whatever shows up."

Awareness, attunement, trust in your ability to master any situation and flexibility are all wonderful spiritual qualities Xan.

I think it is safer to hold expectations/goals for ourselves because we have much more control over ourselves than we have over others.

We have free will and so do others. They don't necessarily have to live up to our expectations of them. Placing expectations upon others can lead to disappointment and disillusionment. Worse yet, if they try to live up to our vision of how they should be, in the process they might relinquish their ability to set goals and make decisions for themselves. Additionally they may end up spending their entire life doing things they feel no passion for.

I think it's OK to hold hope for improving the lives of others. I think it's OK to work diligently towards goals which could make the world a more functional place. However, it's also wise to realize that we're not all powerful and we can't force people to behave in ways we wish they would. So probably the best thing we can do in this limited state of being for ourselves and others, imo, is work towards the best world we can envision, do the best we can in each situation, and release attachment to the outcome.

Should we be able to expect that people will honor certain basic rights of others, ie, that they won't be allowed to work grievous harm upon others? If they do serious harm should we be able to expect that they will be stopped? If we couldn't hold these expectations would we be living in a society which felt safe?

[Xan]

Gentledove... Hope for growing, improving and working toward a better world are not the same as expectations, which add on "and if my expectations aren't met I'll feel.... disappointed, hurt, angry, punishing, etc. etc." Two different things, see.

In my experience we can never 'make' the outer world safe because it's a mixture of so many different people and unconscious conditionings. But we can find the place of genuine safety in our true self and learn to live from there. Surprisingly, the world around us becomes benign and even blessed in this increasing awareness.


Xan

[NightSpirit]

gentledove

Should we be able to expect that people will honor certain basic rights of others, ie, that they won't be allowed to work grievous harm upon others? If they do serious harm should we be able to expect that they will be stopped? If we couldn't hold these expectations would we be living in a society which felt safe?


If we let go of all expectations then wouldn't we also not recognise or expect safety or basic rights of others anyway?

[zipzip]

You just stop. But it's not always that simple. I wonder if expectations are built into human nature (is there a shrink in the house? lol) What I do is stop seeing the Universe as I want it to be and try and see it as it is. It's like the exchange of favours. If you do someone a favour, do you expect one back? And if you don't get what you expect, are you disappointed? Quite a simple thing at first glance, but there is always more hidden away. If the person isn't in a position to repay that favour, or the Universe repays that favour by sending someone else to do you a favour? Does how the favour is given make a difference? If the person repays that favour not because they want to but out of some kind of morality - like they know it's what you expect? Personally I'd rather they didn't bother.

Is expectation born of some pre-defined standards? As Spiritual people shouldn't we realise that not everyone works with our standards. And if they do what we expect, where is the interaction for lesson/experience? Or is it ego?

We can do something in the hope that it works out in our favour, but that's all we should do. Hoping something will work out is different from expectation because in hoping you recognise there's a chance it might not happen the way you want it to. With expectation, it had better work your way or else.

It's like Spiritual Enlightenment. How many people expect to reach it on their current path, how many hope to? Because you read these books and have these thoughts, do you expect to 'get there'? Or do you let go of expectation, then you suddenly you realise you've already 'been there' and will be again? We are Spirit on a human Journey after all.

How can we not expect certain things? You trust, you have faith. You stop seeing the Universe as you would like it to be and see it as it is.


Very well said, Mr GreenSlade. I read this a couple times as again today, I was thinking "how can we not expect anything?" lol I still think it's not always that simple and I realize that, but I enjoyed your answer and I agree with you. I liked your definition of hope too.

Xan, when I start to expect something (depending on the situation) I will push those thoughts away. I trust and have faith.

zipzip

[NightSpirit]

I like Greenslade's response to zipzip...thanks for bringing it to my attention because it slipped by me until now. It's reminded me again of how I sometimes write things....like "I expect dah,..dah..", when really, I'm not expecting any outcome...so my wording is wrong-choice. But perhaps my brain might pick up the signals of what i'm thinking and subconsciously 'expect' something.....hmmmm :smile: And if i substitute it for 'I antisipate', then I'm left with the same idea...double hmmmm

[Greenslade]

Very well said, Mr GreenSlade. I read this a couple times as again today, I was thinking "how can we not expect anything?" lol I still think it's not always that simple and I realize that, but I enjoyed your answer and I agree with you. I liked your definition of hope too.

Xan, when I start to expect something (depending on the situation) I will push those thoughts away. I trust and have faith.

zipzip

Thanks, Zipzip. Perhaps getting rid of expectation is a bit like cutting out your spleen with a plastic spoon :-) But no matter how far up this Spiritual ladder we think we've climbed there's still a part of us that's very human. We have these things for a reason, each to their own. Perhaps in climbing that ladder we forget why we came here in the first place.

I like Greenslade's response to zipzip...thanks for bringing it to my attention because it slipped by me until now. It's reminded me again of how I sometimes write things....like "I expect dah,..dah..", when really, I'm not expecting any outcome...so my wording is wrong-choice. But perhaps my brain might pick up the signals of what i'm thinking and subconsciously 'expect' something.....hmmmm :smile: And if i substitute it for 'I antisipate', then I'm left with the same idea...double hmmmm
Thank you, and you're welcome. Try 'wouldn't it be nice if...' instead of 'I expect....'. The Universe will work it's own way through and bring you to where you need to be. There's no harm in hoping it will happen the way you want it to, we're all human after all. If things don't happen the way you would like them to, then there are reasons for that and the trick isn't to be disappointed because they didn't happen but to understand the reasons the Universe gave you something else. It's all in the mask :-)

[NightSpirit]

thanks Greenslade. I understand how that works...i guess its more that i say..eg..."I expect you'll find your answer in dah..dah.." Sort of like that? So what would I substitute for that then?

[aser's homie]

Hello,

Something was said to me hear on the forum a while back and it has really stuck with me. It was "Spirit expects nothing."

So this got me thinking and a question came to mind.
"What happens when one drops their expectation?"

What causes one to judge another? Could ones own set expectations of another play into this?

I finding myself in a place where my set expectations towards another is lowering. Find that some of the frustration I would have with another were found in what I expected from him/her. Upon lowering and even in some cases letting go of these, found that my frustration level would go down.

It is like let them figure it out for themselves. Help where I can, but also recognize, that perhaps that is the place they are at and perhaps need to work through it and if they don't, then that is their choice, but I don't have to clean up after them (so to speak).

Upon this lowering/letting go also find that my judgment of others reduces.

It seems to connect to spirit expects nothing. It is I who sets up these things and thus project them upon others at times or upon how I react.

Going on a bit here, but I am interested in what you all think about this.

What sets up expectations and how do they affect our relationship(s) with each other?

Peace

Father is to love despite desires, but seldom any toned up expectations that is why father is unconditional, that is why father cares.

The spirit releases, it gives a high. Contrary to brick the spirit does not drop on people but sustains peoples up.

I have expectations on my own, things I can push on to the next level. Making them bounce off me like I am more by now makes me feel more immenced. I on my own am not going to maintain myself to the same standard and criteria 10-7 years down the line, that to me is like good food out on regular temp. for so long.. Basically what I am trying to grow with time after time in evolution of self is not to dance to foolishness.. But once I bypass the perfection I had as a young boy I can feel less tense as a person despite of being aware that making out to overcoming is fuedal to some people in spiritual bound. I want to go on about to the level that I don't care who you are as long as you make the first step to like appreciation, that's being as good as on a plane of not depending on people's faults to feel that you or I am really that plainly deserving.

I am on the level that I don't need socializing or entertainment to feel fullish.

[Greenslade]

thanks Greenslade. I understand how that works...i guess its more that i say..eg..."I expect you'll find your answer in dah..dah.." Sort of like that? So what would I substitute for that then?
You're very welcome. Perhaps suggesting they might find their answer there would work? If they actually find it or not is down to their perception of what the answer is, whether they can accept it or not or whether it's the answer they expect or not :-) The best answers are questions.

[Moonglow]

Hello,

There seems to be the individual expectations, then there are social expectations.

Individual expectations seem to be based on what the individual chooses to believe or hope for. While social expectations seem to be based on maintaining some sense of order and in some cases perhaps preserving the power structure in place.

On an individual level can find it easier to see and perhaps change or let go of set expectations. On a social level don't see it as being so cut and dry.

For on a social level looking at not only how I may feel about it or desire to do, but also on how others may look upon it and the effects upon the community.

Find this to me is a bit more complicated. For when is social expectations acceptable and when does it become perhaps oppressive?

Do these social expectations affect how we interact with each other and perhaps view ourselves?

Looking at how one may affect the other and in turn affect ones sense of security and contentment. Is there a balance with this we can obtain as a world community?

Peace

[gentledove]

Gentledove... Hope for growing, improving and working toward a better world are not the same as expectations, which add on "and if my expectations aren't met I'll feel.... disappointed, hurt, angry, punishing, etc. etc." Two different things, see.

In my experience we can never 'make' the outer world safe because it's a mixture of so many different people and unconscious conditionings. But we can find the place of genuine safety in our true self and learn to live from there. Surprisingly, the world around us becomes benign and even blessed in this increasing awareness.


Xan

I agree entirely with you Xan.

[Moonglow]

Gentledove... Hope for growing, improving and working toward a better world are not the same as expectations, which add on "and if my expectations aren't met I'll feel.... disappointed, hurt, angry, punishing, etc. etc." Two different things, see.

In my experience we can never 'make' the outer world safe because it's a mixture of so many different people and unconscious conditionings. But we can find the place of genuine safety in our true self and learn to live from there. Surprisingly, the world around us becomes benign and even blessed in this increasing awareness.


Xan

Hello Xan,

Seems I overlooked the insight you presented to Gentledove and here.

It seems to also fit into what I was inquiring in post #30. What it brings to me at this moment is bring peace with in and one may find peace with out.

Also perhaps what I expect or hope for in the world may not be how things are/are to unfold.

Thank you.

Peace and Blessings

[Xan]

Yes... What we increasingly experience within tends to show up around us too... peace, harmony, abundance, love........


Xan

[NightSpirit]

You're very welcome. Perhaps suggesting they might find their answer there would work? If they actually find it or not is down to their perception of what the answer is, whether they can accept it or not or whether it's the answer they expect or not :-) The best answers are questions.

ahh good thanks...so instead of saying "I expect you may (fill in blank)"...change it to "you may...." or "you perhaps might..." :smile:

[Greenslade]

ahh good thanks...so instead of saying "I expect you may (fill in blank)"...change it to "you may...." or "you perhaps might..." :smile:

Then you can sit back and watch the Universe unfold in front of you, letting it do what it does best. It lets you relax enough to get the lessons/experience, it shows you have faith and hope and lets you live a little more in the Now :-) Oh, and the best bit? You can concentrate on your beer and popcorn - or whatever hits the spot.

[Xan]

The main trouble with expectations is they are of the future, whereas Life is really happening only Now.

If we want to create a future that is more positive with more awareness, more love, more simple honesty, more harmony, more creativity, more abundance, more joy we need only to keep choosing to let go into this higher frequency within... now... and now... and now...


Xan