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soulauraz
14-12-2006, 07:21 AM
Hi everyone,
Let me start this new thread by giving all of you out there a bit of background insight to my life.

In my own opinion, I have matured (in this reality) faster than your average joe (whatever that means) since the age of 10. At that age I knew exactly who I was and what my purpose was in life, at 10!!!! Then my father changed my life in a catastrophic way,(meaning negative way - of course I created this) however I missed out on a vital part of my childhood - the transitional period between child and adolescent and by that I have lost who I am and why I am here, (i am obviously having one of my depressing days). I haven't exactly had a "normal" life compared to most people. I moved back and forwards between my newly divorced parents to try and find myself again. The problem was and still remains is a gap between my parents and myself and increases in size and pain every year. With my mum, our personalities clash because we are so much alike, and with my dad, is communication. I have not communicated properly with my parents for 9 years!!! I am a 19 year old female who lives with her dad in brisbane.
In my parents eyes, ( i feel) as though there is "NO LOVE" towards me anymore.
In my father's eyes I can see his disappointment through the years and that I feel I have failed. Even though (on my good days) I see it differently:

"daring to fail is the key to my success"

I feel like I have lost the most important two people in my life. My siblings are even disappointed in me. I see it in their eyes too!!

As I stated previously the gap increases in size every year and has affected my life in such a way that when I take time out to heal the wounds of my past, I find myself bed-ridden for 3 days (when I put max effort into healing myself - as always). When I become bed-ridden, my parents see it as an excuse to not find employment (as I am unemployed at the moment) and that I don't want to do anything with my life, which is not true!!! I want to be independant and have my own life and surviving and living everyday to the max doing something which heals myself and inspires the world to heal themselves to create a better life for all humanity this lifetime.
I am not financially nor emotionally stable enough (umemployed and very sensitive) to handle/heal myself to be ale to help the world one step at a time.

My spiritual journey started when I was 10, (9 years ago) to be able to find myself and my passion for life that could/would inspire the world. I have made it my life mission to somehow help the world but that can only happen if I find a way to heal myself first.

So to everyone here in this forum; I humbly ask for your advice/help on the situation above would be greatly appreciated and will return the favour in kind.

Thankyou for letting me share my story/troubles here.

Unconditional Light and Love to absolutely everyone.

Soulauraz