In need of rescue

[HalfaMan]

Hi everyone, not been about here apart from my own blog thing here.

I am right in the middle of a big faith crisis :confused:

Its coming up on 2 years since my wife died and is over a year since mum died.

What has kept me going was my faith that at least my wife would try to get back in contact with me, she said she would on her death bed!

Well I have tried to learn things, joined this and other forums and had various readings etc.

Also, I have been working hard on providing a bridge to help my lady get back in touch.
Initially via meditation but this failed.
Then by electronic means, EVP, DRV and many others even light to sound and IR to sound.
Various radio based projects, done the research, built the kit.

Apart from some very tenuous sounds, this has all failed.

Then at my wifes sisters suggestion (she is a platform medium) I placed a very special ring that my wife loved on a sheet of paper, drew around it and asked her to move it.

Nothing, not a MM :-(

I am fed up with being told I am trying too hard or that its my pain that stops it!

Now we have the renowned scientist Stephen Hawkings saying that the after life is just a fairy tale.

I feel so alone, so isolated and devastated and now I am starting to come to terms with an even more dreadful truth that, there is nothing and all my hope bleeds away.

Sorry this is negative, but I want to feel better and need someone to say something that will help me have faith again.

Regards

Mike

[Silver]

I shared something earlier within the past 24 about some of my feelings about having lost my son 2-14-10. It's not much to offer, but it's something anyway>>>

It's been a while since I visited here...I never knew some day would come when I could feel the burden of the pain lift a bit. Although from past experience with my brother and my mom, I knew it would come to pass. I've been working hard, thinking about my son, my brain seeming to not want to stop reaching out to see if I could touch him, find him, sense him. I do sense him strongly and with a sense of satisfaction, but I selfishly want that feeling all the time. For once, I was working in the area where his bed used to be and not feel the horror that I once thought would NEVER leave and felt faint guilt, so today was proof that the pain, the guilt does fade. I doubt that it will ever go completely.

[BlueSky]

One thing we know for sure is that we live on in the loved ones that we affected most.
Our very breath changes the world we live in for us and for those after us.
This alone makes life a beautiful place IMO.
Anything else (afterlife) is just gravy..............
James

[Emmalevine]

I'm sorry Mike. Grief is so hard and I can imagine the lack of faith.

I don't know why at present your wife isn't giving you a sign, but don't give up.

I have seen two mediums who gave me very accurate evidence of people in my life who have passed, including a small baby. They could not have guessed or known. I never give any information away. One medium even got names.

I realise my evidence can never convinced anyone else, but I hope that you can find the strength to hold on during this dark time. Crises of faith are hard - been there - but often they give way to greater strength.

Thinking of you.

[Silver]

I've never doubted our spiritlife existence. But I never assumed how or when or under what circumstances they would be 'in touch'. I feel our spirits need to be respected, honored, not assuming they just hang around and be at one another's beck and call. Whatever you were to each other that relationship is forever gone. It exists but it's changed, whether they are on some sort of mission or duty calls them and they will be out of touch for a long while or they are on a vacation of sorts. Our need for them no longer matters. We are in even less position to call any of the shots than before.

[theophilus]

Now we have the renowned scientist Stephen Hawkings saying that the after life is just a fairy tale.

I feel so alone, so isolated and devastated and now I am starting to come to terms with an even more dreadful truth that, there is nothing and all my hope bleeds away.You shouldn't pay any attention to what Stephen Hawking says about life after death. He is one of the most intelligent men alive today and knows a lot about the universe and how it works, but human intelligence alone can't tell us anything about what lies beyond this life.

God is the only source of information about what lies beyond the material world. He has given us the Bible as a revelation of his will and why our world exists. Here is a site where you can learn what the Bible teaches about what happens to us after we leave this life:

http://christianity.co.nz/life_death.htm (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fchristianity.co.nz%2Fl ife_death.htm)

[Mystique Enigma]

The Dark Candle
A man had a little daughter-an only and much-beloved child. He lived for her ~ she was his life. So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best obtainable physicians, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health.
His best efforts proved unavailing and the child died. The father was totally irreconcilable. He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends and refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self. But one night he had a dream. He was in Heaven, and was witnessing a grand pageant of all the little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne. Every white-robed angelic tot carried a candle. He noticed that one child's candle was not lighted. Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl. Rushing to her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and then asked: "How is it, darling that your candle alone is unlighted? "Father, they often relight it, but your tears always put it out."
Just then he awoke from his dream. The lesson was crystal clear, and its effects were immediate. From that hour on he was not a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates. No longer would his little darling's candle be extinguished by his useless tears.

[Silver]

MystiqueEnigma, in spite of the moral, I find myself crying...

[Mystique Enigma]

that story was the human side of me.. the other side would advise you to wake up and stop wallowing in self pity. It is not you who is dead there are a dozen others around you who need you more.

[Mystique Enigma]

There is this ... Cure for Sorrow
Cure for Sorrow
There is an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and said, "What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?"
Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, "Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life." The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed.
She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door, and said, "I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me."
They told her, "You've certainly come to the wrong place," and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them.
The woman said to herself, "Who is better able to help these poor, unfortunate people that I, who have had misfortune of my own?" She stayed to comfort them, then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow. But wherever she turned, in hovels and in other places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune. She became so involved in ministering to other people's grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had, in fact, driven the sorrow out of her life.

[HalfaMan]

so that's it is it? "Whatever you were to each other that relationship is forever gone" and "wake up and stop wallowing in self pity"

[Emmalevine]

That's not how I feel about it. It isn't how you have to feel either if you feel differently.

Grieving is important. Your wife mattered to you and continues to now and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course over time you will start to move on and accept the loss, but it doesn't mean your wife is ever 'gone' or the relationship you shared. They are always a part of you.

Grieving is NOT self pity and I find the mere suggestion offensive, especially considering this is a spiritual site. Grieving is healthy and a natural response to a loss.

[HalfaMan]

That's not how I feel about it. It isn't how you have to feel either if you feel differently.

Grieving is important. Your wife mattered to you and continues to now and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course over time you will start to move on and accept the loss, but it doesn't mean your wife is ever 'gone' or the relationship you shared. They are always a part of you.

Grieving is NOT self pity and I find the mere suggestion offensive, especially considering this is a spiritual site. Grieving is healthy and a natural response to a loss.

Thanks, I aligned with you here.
If, my wife and soul mate is no longer that when I pass over then there is no reason for existence.
And I don't think I am in self pity either, I saw my mother through her death, pulled the family back together, all just 7 months after ,losing my lady, have not let myself go, have continued to work and carried on with my union work looking after other work mates.
Self pity no, I honour my wife and mum.

But I am also falling to bits inside and thought I'd seek some help here.

[Silver]

so that's it is it? "Whatever you were to each other that relationship is forever gone" and "wake up and stop wallowing in self pity"


I only said the first half of that sentence and I only meant it in the obvious way plus the mystery that is beyond us to know.

I am all about self pity, I do it a lot over losing my son. Heh.

But I also see to the future, when it's my turn to go. I guess now, I see it as the fledgling leaving the nest for the first time. In order for a baby to be completely born, you have to cut the umbilical cord. It doesn't mean they're not still a part of you, y'know...
I know you're hurting, I know!
:hug2:

[HalfaMan]

I only said the first half of that sentence and I only meant it in the obvious way plus the mystery that is beyond us to know.

I am all about self pity, I do it a lot over losing my son. Heh.

But I also see to the future, when it's my turn to go. I guess now, I see it as the fledgling leaving the nest for the first time. In order for a baby to be completely born, you have to cut the umbilical cord. It doesn't mean they're not still a part of you, y'know...
I know you're hurting, I know!
:hug2:

:hug:

..........

[Medium_Laura]

My dad comes to me in dreams. Spirits don't "perform" on command. There are many reasons as to why your wife hasn't communicated with you yet. I will tell you this, which you may know, that their time and ours is totally different.

When I asked my dad "What took you so long to tell me you made it??" He said "What? I only just left!" "Dad, it's been a year!" He said "A year? pfft that is mere seconds to us here! 40 years is like a day! PATIENCE!!" and then he left.

I pass that on to you. Patience.

By the way.. I've died. I know there's an afterlife. I also know that spirit CAN communicate to us, when...we are ready. You may "FEEL" ready, but only they know exactly when you are. :)

[HalfaMan]

My dad comes to me in dreams. Spirits don't "perform" on command. There are many reasons as to why your wife hasn't communicated with you yet. I will tell you this, which you may know, that their time and ours is totally different.

When I asked my dad "What took you so long to tell me you made it??" He said "What? I only just left!" "Dad, it's been a year!" He said "A year? pfft that is mere seconds to us here! 40 years is like a day! PATIENCE!!" and then he left.

I pass that on to you. Patience.

By the way.. I've died. I know there's an afterlife. I also know that spirit CAN communicate to us, when...we are ready. You may "FEEL" ready, but only they know exactly when you are. :)


Hmm, interesting.

Thing with my lady is she loved me with such an intensity, I trust her to come back to me if she is there, I trusted, trust her above all others.
But, and without being dramatic or hoping to put pressure on her or others, I really find I am nose diving just now such that I am scared everything will fall apart in what's left of my existence here.

Its never been easy since she went, but I had reached the stage where I thought I might be doing ok, but then as I say my faith has just gone almost.
Maybe it is the time thing, poor thing might be having a bit of a rest or her famous 5mins LOL trouble is, I am going to be looking an old bloke soon, so how can I still be her toy boy hahahah

[Mind's Eye]

Greetings Mike;

I am truly sorry for your losses and pain.. And also for all of people who keep saying that you are blocking everything with your pain. I know this kind of thing can really make one feel alone and hopeless in the universe.

I would first like to say; Hawkings, take him with a grain of salt. He compares the human consciousness to a computer? He says that believing in an afterlife is like believing that when a computer breaks down, that it exists somewhere else. For a man that is supposed to be so intelligent, to compare a human being to a lap top is quite foolish. A computer has no consciousness or self awareness. It cannot make a decision or think for itself... It cannot dream or think or manifest with mental energies... To say that we, as human beings are no more than the lap tops we see in a Best Buy store is beyond obsurd.

Second; I would like to say that I have seen angelic beings, ghosts, spirits and have been visited by relatives who had passed away. I was not crazy, in a trance, asleep or dreaming. I was not intoxicated or self delusioned. I was wide awake and of sound mind... and other times in a group and there it was, as big as life in front of us all out of the blue.

And yet, I have seen relatives and friends pass that I was really close with. I was sure that I would see or hear something that would let me know that they were okay or saying hello or goodbye.... but I never did.

We cannot possibly know how and why these things are in the grand scheme of life and eternity. But one day we will. It can be very disheartening to live with unanswered questions and mysteries sometimes... but I suppose it is part of the job.

Your wife and mother are alive and well.... somewhere. I would not tell you this if I did not have much personal evidence as to life beyond the grave and life beyond our own dimension. I wish I could tell you why you have not heard from either of them as of yet... but I cannot.

Chin up my friend .... You may be having a crisis of faith right now. But at least trust that what I have shared with you is the truth and from the heart.

Be blessed.

[Medium_Laura]

Hmm, interesting.

Thing with my lady is she loved me with such an intensity, I trust her to come back to me if she is there, I trusted, trust her above all others.
But, and without being dramatic or hoping to put pressure on her or others, I really find I am nose diving just now such that I am scared everything will fall apart in what's left of my existence here.

Its never been easy since she went, but I had reached the stage where I thought I might be doing ok, but then as I say my faith has just gone almost.
Maybe it is the time thing, poor thing might be having a bit of a rest or her famous 5mins LOL trouble is, I am going to be looking an old bloke soon, so how can I still be her toy boy hahahah

Aww I know what you mean but you need to realize we are not our bodies. She will know your soul honey. :) She will always be waiting for you on the Other Side, whether you get that sign or you don't. Maybe not giving you a sign is a sign.... sounds cheezy, but what if you are so caught up in that sign that you are losing sight of the reason you're still here.... to live your life.

I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but you are still here and you have work to do. She will be with you every single step of the way and when you least expect it, you'll see that sign and you'll smile. xoxo

Blessings and love to you.

[iolite]

Mike...

I just had a thought...have you considered going to a spiritualist church? With all that concentrated ampage of psychic energy, maybe you'll make contact with her there?

http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Religion_and_Spirituality/Spiritualism/Spiritualist_Churches/United_Kingdom/

[Tiss]

Dear Mike,

I cannot less than agree with most of the suggestions that our wonderful companions have posted above. I am going through the same situation, as I my beloved passed last November.

What I could add is that the most you raise high expectations about communicating with her, here and now, the worst will be the result. Such contact happens when it have to happen and not early, and less, they cannot be forced by our exclusive will.

Be patient. I suggest you to relax, to let the time go by but keeping yourself alert and active. You should prepare for your future communications with her -I am sure that they will eventually happen- as once you prepared, surely at your common very beginning, for your loving encounters. I mean be kind to yourself. Right now you should take care of yourself a little bit more and also you should try to find your center or some kind of inner peace. Get some rest, away from your desperate intends. It will make contacts easier for sure.

For example, try to relax when you go to bed, say a prayer of any kind and ask her to talk with you during your dreams. It is not important if you remember what you said when you wake up, but the real thermometer of any success is perhaps when you start to waking up with a sense of peace. Don't expect amazing results at the very beginning, just incremental progresses, step by step.

Also, be flexible concerning the way you will go to communicate, don't expect only the kind of conversations that you had when she was on her earthly life, rather, be open to new and amazing ways to contact her. It could be also telepathically in your own mind.

And take into account that this situation you are going through is a part of your life journey and of your learning. Please, don't lose your faith, ask your guides for help and you will be protected. She will be waiting you when your time comes, not before.

Grief is one of the most difficult experiences of a life but it is also a huge opportunity of growth. Give yourself permission to grieve all what you want but keep yourself positive and on the light side. Give all the love you can, and you will feel much better.

Concerning Hawking, he is only a good physicist, but not necessarily a spiritual reference. I don't know why you should follow his personal thoughts, which are only the result of his experience of life and not of yours.

I wish you the best. :hug:

With love and light,
TISS

[HalfaMan]

Thanks all, some hope there I feel.

I think what has thrown me so badly is the cockeyed way things have gone.
Never should my wife have been taken, and never before my mum was taken.
My wife was a very spiritual lady and even a medium! she always said she would be there when the sad time came for mum & dad to pass, but my wife was taken 7 months before mum, so that it was in fact my poor dear mum who despite her ravaged body was doing a great job of lifting my spirit and was there when I needed to talk.
But then of course she was taken away as well.

Now I am left with a dad who has declared himself 'like a child' and is only able to offer rare advice to me along the lines of 'well she is dead son'
So I am required to help dad when all the time I am in need of my surviving parent.
Sadly dad is only interested in dad, yes I know he is in grief but I never lost sight of others suffering!

Relax and my mind goes mad, sleep is restless and not refreshing at all no matter what I do, its almost a relief to wake up and get away from it.

Isolation.

Well thanks for the advice, I'll try and do what is suggested.

[HalfaMan]

Aww I know what you mean but you need to realize we are not our bodies. She will know your soul honey. :) She will always be waiting for you on the Other Side, whether you get that sign or you don't. Maybe not giving you a sign is a sign.... sounds cheezy, but what if you are so caught up in that sign that you are losing sight of the reason you're still here.... to live your life.

I know it's hard, I know it hurts, but you are still here and you have work to do. She will be with you every single step of the way and when you least expect it, you'll see that sign and you'll smile. xoxo

Blessings and love to you.

Thanks :-) this is the crux of the matter, why am I still here, I was here as a part of my lady, she was my reason, inspiration my universe.
When asked to describe how I feel, my best description is I feel like a computer, carrying out its last set of instructions over and over as gradually the programme degrades.

Yes I try hard and fight to be of use, but I feel so very lost.

[HalfaMan]

Dear Mike,

I cannot less than agree with most of the suggestions that our wonderful companions have posted above. I am going through the same situation, as I my beloved passed last November.

]


Oh Tiss, that is no time at all, bless you for your care.

Mike

[NightSpirit]

Hmm, interesting.

Thing with my lady is she loved me with such an intensity, I trust her to come back to me if she is there, I trusted, trust her above all others.
But, and without being dramatic or hoping to put pressure on her or others, I really find I am nose diving just now such that I am scared everything will fall apart in what's left of my existence here.

Its never been easy since she went, but I had reached the stage where I thought I might be doing ok, but then as I say my faith has just gone almost.
Maybe it is the time thing, poor thing might be having a bit of a rest or her famous 5mins LOL trouble is, I am going to be looking an old bloke soon, so how can I still be her toy boy hahahah

I can't offer you proof, as I have none myself. It's been 3yrs for me now and ive given up clinging to hope of a physical sign. All I have is my belief and a good imagination which is some comfort.

I will not offer you false hopes. I am like you.....my belief is what keeps me trusting that some way in some kind of manner, I will know him when I pass. If there isn't such a thing, then I won't know once I've gone anyway. So faith keeps the candle burning.

Do I want to leave this plane? Not on your nelly! My husband would be mortified to think I would entertain such a thought. Life here is too precious a thing to give up on before my time and I will see it out. If somehow soul lives on, then that day will come too quickly for me to be at rest in the arms of those waiting.

Bless

[mattie]

I couldn’t disagree more w/ Stephen Hawkins. He is very smart, but that doesn’t mean he is an expert about this area. There are millions of others on this planet that would disagree w/ him vigorously about this. Hawkins recently came out w/ a public statement that was VERY fear based about ETs. He was immediately & publicly countered by another astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. Scientists tend to not give much credibility to spirituality. This is changing & will continue to change as science & spirituality become closer, but Hawkins is VERY old school about this. Keep in mind that once the planet’s most learned scientists told us the Earth was flat. Well, we now know they were wrong about this. No shortage of such examples.

Examine why you are allowing Hawkin’s opinion change your belief system. What does your own instinct tell you about whether we have a nonphysical energy that survives our physical body’s death? As your dear spouse was a medium do you doubt her work in this area just because of what Hawkins said? I suspect that since you’ve spend so much energy on trying to contact her that you were inclined to believe that what he said as this would explain why you’ve not been able to reach her, but there are countless other reasons why this may not have happened.

Looking at a much more subtle method than requiring your departed wife’s spirit to move a physical object or come through w/ an actual voice or interact w/ a device. TRUST that you can make this connection your self. Perhaps just hold the ring or put it on your little finger, or wear it on a chain under your shirt. Just ⇒➔➢ FEEL ↵↵↵ her presence. KNOW you can. Feel the joy you had w/ her in a real sort of palpable way. Allow her to come through in subtle ways such as just feeling her presence, love, support, & reassurance. KNOW she is there for you 24/7. She is, of course as is the rest of your spiritual team. There are countless ways we can make these type of connections. How another does may not be our conduit. Keep it simple. Say Hi & send her your love.

You have written eloquently about your loss w/ your wife. I’m sure the 2 of you had a wonderful relationship. It is likely that she would want you to be happy right now. Celebrate the gift of joy she gave you w/ recreating this joy in your life in the HERE & NOW every single day. Honoring her daily w/ love & JOY, not commemorate her w/ sorrow & loss.

Why others have likely told yo that your pain is blocking you being able to connect w/ your wife is that it lowers one’s frequency, thus increasing the frequency gap between the frequency your departed wife occupies & the one you do at the moment. Joy is a very high frequency, so if you plug into the joy you felt w/ her, really immersing your self in it as if she was here & just walked into the next room, it will be much easier to connect to reach her. Be very aware of your thoughts. If you have the underlying thought of something such as I’ll try this, but I know it will fail just like everything else will, then this is a powerful manifestation & you can bet you won’t connect.

Reach out to others & the Universe to feel their energy. It is there as support for you.

It’s OK that you wrote about how you felt. Sometimes it helps just to write about it.

[NightSpirit]

I couldn’t disagree more w/ Stephen Hawkins. He is very smart, but that doesn’t mean he is an expert about this area. There are millions of others on this planet that would disagree w/ him vigorously about this. Hawkins recently came out w/ a public statement that was VERY fear based about ETs. He was immediately & publicly countered by another astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. Scientists tend to not give much credibility to spirituality. This is changing & will continue to change as science & spirituality become closer, but Hawkins is VERY old school about this. Keep in mind that once the planet’s most learned scientists told us the Earth was flat. Well, we now know they were wrong about this. No shortage of such examples.

Examine why you are allowing Hawkin’s opinion change your belief system. What does your own instinct tell you about whether we have a nonphysical energy that survives our physical body’s death? As your dear spouse was a medium do you doubt her work in this area just because of what Hawkins said? I suspect that since you’ve spend so much energy on trying to contact her that you were inclined to believe that what he said as this would explain why you’ve not been able to reach her, but there are countless other reasons why this may not have happened.

Looking at a much more subtle method than requiring your departed wife’s spirit to move a physical object or come through w/ an actual voice or interact w/ a device. TRUST that you can make this connection your self. Perhaps just hold the ring or put it on your little finger, or wear it on a chain under your shirt. Just ⇒➔➢ FEEL ↵↵↵ her presence. KNOW you can. Feel the joy you had w/ her in a real sort of palpable way. Allow her to come through in subtle ways such as just feeling her presence, love, support, & reassurance. KNOW she is there for you 24/7. She is, of course as is the rest of your spiritual team. There are countless ways we can make these type of connections. How another does may not be our conduit. Keep it simple. Say Hi & send her your love.

You have written eloquently about your loss w/ your wife. I’m sure the 2 of you had a wonderful relationship. It is likely that she would want you to be happy right now. Celebrate the gift of joy she gave you w/ recreating this joy in your life in the HERE & NOW every single day. Honoring her daily w/ love & JOY, not commemorate her w/ sorrow & loss.

Why others have likely told yo that your pain is blocking you being able to connect w/ your wife is that it lowers one’s frequency, thus increasing the frequency gap between the frequency your departed wife occupies & the one you do at the moment. Joy is a very high frequency, so if you plug into the joy you felt w/ her, really immersing your self in it as if she was here & just walked into the next room, it will be much easier to connect to reach her. Be very aware of your thoughts. If you have the underlying thought of something such as I’ll try this, but I know it will fail just like everything else will, then this is a powerful manifestation & you can bet you won’t connect.

Reach out to others & the Universe to feel their energy. It is there as support for you.

It’s OK that you wrote about how you felt. Sometimes it helps just to write about it.

here here! :smile:

[mattie]

... I feel like a computer, carrying out its last set of instructions over and over as gradually the programme degrades.

... but I feel so very lost.

If you choose to feel your life is over w/o her, it will be.
If you choose to continue to live by her words of inspiration, you can. These are just as valid today as when she said them.

Wouldn’t your wife want you to debug your mind's computer program to restore it to robust health? You know she wouldn’t want this for you. Honor her wishes.

[NightSpirit]

That's how I feel mattie. I don't have the words....but its all about feeling right about what we had and to honour that. I do that. I honour that short time we had together that I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so blessed to have had that experience that I know not many can claim they've had. I'm sticking around here (on earth) to honour that.

[NightSpirit]

Love what you've had Half. Don't dwell on what you don't have. Honour it for what it is and count your blessings, instead of drowning in your sorrow. Find a worthy cause for this. Build something to honour her.....i don't know...just do it and be thankful that you had that in your life. Live life man. Don't throw it away. It was given as a gift to you to use as a positive experience....don't waste it in wallowing.
Sorry......I had to say it.

[Medium_Laura]

Honoring her daily w/ love & JOY, not commemorate her w/ sorrow & loss.
This is the best advice !! Grief takes time but you must remember her with love and joy. :)

[HalfaMan]

Hi all

Thanks for the further advice.
I was doing OK about two months back but then hit dark times again.
I do honour her as much as I can, I carry on making music videos featuring her and many other things, but yes I agree its more of a commemoration and is indeed with a lot of sorrow and pain, but also pride in what she was, did and that she chose me!

But, when all said and done I just need a bit of solid proof from her to help me carry on, I know I am asking a lot.

[Silver]

...and that she chose me!


That is just so sweet~*

http://r15.imgfast.net/users/1511/18/40/02/smiles/136621.gif (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fredir.php%3Flink%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww .spiritualforums.com%252Fvb%252Fredir.php%253Flink %253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.spiritualforums. com%25252Fvb%25252Fredir.php%25253Flink%25253Dhttp %2525253A%2525252F%2525252Fwww.spiritualforums.com %2525252Fvb%2525252Fredir.php%2525253Flink%2525253 Dhttp%2525253A%2525252F%2525252Fjavascript%2525253 Aemoticonp%25252528%25252526%2525252339%2525253B%2 525253Apsychjar%2525253A%25252526%2525252339%25252 53B%25252529)

[HalfaMan]

That is just so sweet~*

http://r15.imgfast.net/users/1511/18/40/02/smiles/136621.gif (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/redir.php?link=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spiritualforums.co m%2Fvb%2Fredir.php%3Flink%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww .spiritualforums.com%252Fvb%252Fredir.php%253Flink %253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.spiritualforums. com%25252Fvb%25252Fredir.php%25253Flink%25253Dhttp %2525253A%2525252F%2525252Fwww.spiritualforums.com %2525252Fvb%2525252Fredir.php%2525253Flink%2525253 Dhttp%2525253A%2525252F%2525252Fjavascript%2525253 Aemoticonp%25252528%25252526%2525252339%2525253B%2 525253Apsychjar%2525253A%25252526%2525252339%25252 53B%25252529)


LOL, I am still as amazed even now :-) bless her.

Mike

[mattie]

...
I was doing OK about two months back but then hit dark times again.
I do honour her as much as I can, I carry on making music videos featuring her and many other things, but yes I agree its more of a commemoration and is indeed with a lot of sorrow and pain, but also pride in what she was, did and that she chose me!

But, when all said and done I just need a bit of solid proof from her to help me carry on, I know I am asking a lot.

The comment that you were doing OK ‘two months back but then hit dark times again.’ made me think of several things. First, your own internal wisdom prompted you to recognize this, after which you took the step of seeking out help by posting here rather than just wallowing in a low energy pit. While you may be still in this energy pit, you are taking control of the situation by actively seeking help & this is VERY positive. It is very likely that your wife is helping steer you in seeking help to move past this phase.

This onset of ‘dark times‘ may have something to do w/ processing energetic refuse. While this is a natural part of our energetic expansion & absolutely vital to clear our energy field so we can safely exist as in a higher frequency, it can often startle us as old issues emerge seemingly for no reason. I’ve had this hit me vigorously & unexpectedly too. It baffled me. Fortunately I had read enough about the process to figure out after several weeks that it was more of an energetic growth issue than run of the mill emotional stuff. We have the ability to clear our energy field of this energetic debris.

Discharging Energetic Refuse That Arises As We Expand Our Consciousness-
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?p=189540#post189540

Don’t consider your self to be lesser than her even if she was further along in her journey. She was a wayshower for you. We are all on the same journey together, a precious few steps apart.

I make no claims about being a psychic, but when writing replies about this I’ve gotten a VERY strong feeling (Like a flashing neon billboard!!!) that she wants you to know she is there for you 24/7 & wants you to apply the strength that you recognized in her to YOU to have that same pride you have in her to your self. She will be proud of you to take her example, gift of strength, & KNOWing & to grow into what she KNOWs you are. This is the most exquisite way to honor her. Move past mourning her passing & create a living tribute to her in downloading her JOY & KNOWing to your living body. She KNOWs you miss her terribly. In this way you TRULY honor her teaching by recreating her energy in you & celebrating her JOY instead of your pain about her death, continuing her beautiful light for this world. This would be the ultimate gift & tribute you could do for her.

✥✥✥ YOU CAN DO THIS. ✥✥✥

Another poster shared an apt story about a stranded person on a desert island asking god for rescue, yet waving off 3 boats while expecting god to show up personally. She IS guiding you RIGHT NOW, albeit in subtler ways that you would prefer her presence to manifest itself.

[Tiss]

Wonderful words mattie!

I also need to read such kind of things from time to time.

Thanks!
TISS

[HalfaMan]

WOW! Mattie thanks. I need to consider the points you make.
To truly honour her, would be an acceptable reason to live.
I try to do this as much as I can, may I suggest you view the last few posts in my halfaman's place here (our blog thing) where you can see a music video I made for her to mark her birthday just gone.

[deepsea]

[quote=HalfaMan]Hi everyone, not been about here apart from my own blog thing here.

I am right in the middle of a big faith crisis :confused:

Its coming up on 2 years since my wife died and is over a year since mum died.

What has kept me going was my faith that at least my wife would try to get back in contact with me, she said she would on her death bed!

Well I have tried to learn things, joined this and other forums and had various readings etc.

Also, I have been working hard on providing a bridge to help my lady get back in touch.
Initially via meditation but this failed.
Then by electronic means, EVP, DRV and many others even light to sound and IR to sound.
Various radio based projects, done the research, built the kit.

Apart from some very tenuous sounds, this has all failed.

Then at my wifes sisters suggestion (she is a platform medium) I placed a very special ring that my wife loved on a sheet of paper, drew around it and asked her to move it.

Nothing, not a MM :-(

I am fed up with being told I am trying too hard or that its my pain that stops it!

Now we have the renowned scientist Stephen Hawkings saying that the after life is just a fairy tale.

I feel so alone, so isolated and devastated and now I am starting to come to terms with an even more dreadful truth that, there is nothing and all my hope bleeds away.

Sorry this is negative, but I want to feel better and need someone to say something that will help me have faith again.

Regards

Mike[/quote
Take heart Mike.
I lost my hubby 5 years ago and tried everything to enable me to get one message through that convinced me that he was still around.

It took time but those messages started coming in.
As for the moving of an article which belonged to your wife.
Have patience.

I tried that,it took four days for hubby's signet ring to move.
But move it it did.
Not much but I proved it by measuring before and after to make sure I was imagining it.

Spirit have a hard job getting through to us,and your wife had been not long over.
Try to relax and keep your mind off the subject,let your mind go into relaxation.

Good luck!

Deepsea

[mattie]

... view the last few posts in my halfaman's place here (our blog thing) where you can see a music video I made for her to mark her birthday just gone.

Haven't seen them all yet, but 'The Rose' video was very nice.

[Greenslade]

Sorry this is negative, but I want to feel better and need someone to say something that will help me have faith again.


Hi Mike,

Let her go. If you want to have faith in something then have the faith that she is in a better place. Emotional bonds are strong, and you're only holding her back. In my beliefs, you're not helping her any and I believe she feels the ties that you still place there. That means she'll find it difficult to move on, to carry on with whatever it is she needs to do in the AfterLife. Have faith that you'll meet again, because you will. One day, one Lifetime. Anything else is two Souls in pain.

[HalfaMan]

The request to let go falls oddly on me.
She has been snatched away thus I have little to hold on to.
What I do have, the hope that she may soon contact me can not be let go.
Should she herself find a way to ask that of me then, with great pain I would try and do so. But I have to know what 'she' wants and with great respect not anyone else's opinion.

I read that back and see that some may read that as selfish. That is not my intent, but then neither of us wanted to be parted so if there is 'love' out there maybe its time it showed us some.

[NightSpirit]

The request to let go falls oddly on me.
She has been snatched away thus I have little to hold on to.
What I do have, the hope that she may soon contact me can not be let go.
Should she herself find a way to ask that of me then, with great pain I would try and do so. But I have to know what 'she' wants and with great respect not anyone else's opinion.

I read that back and see that some may read that as selfish. That is not my intent, but then neither of us wanted to be parted so if there is 'love' out there maybe its time it showed us some.

Mourn as you will. Love as you will. No one can tell you differently. Consider this my friend, perhaps its in your spiritual learning that this was all planned regardless of our human nature to look upon it as heart-wrenching. So you will go through the rest of your life living for her and not yourself. If that makes it all worth it then Bless you...indeed! Bless you and be mindful. :hug3:

[HalfaMan]

Thanks NS, that is a harsh lesson for sure and a most cruel one.
We both hated to be apart even for a day or so.
Often when I was working and my lady and her sister would arrange a day or two away at a spiritual convention etc, my wife would look forward to it greatly, on arrival I'd soon get a phone call saying she missed me and could not wait to be home!

It was the same for me, when I was training for my current job I had to move back in with mum and dad, 230 miles from my wife, of course I'd phone often and rushed back every weekend to be with her, but that was painful enough, but at least we had the phone, I so miss her lovely voice.
That was us for the short 18 years, hated to be parted.

I guess what I am after now, is that phone again, if there is an afterlife then it must be possible even if infrequently??????

[Silver]

It seems a paradox (right word maybe) that you are filled with knowing how you two lived a near perfect love life with each other, now that beautiful love is the same thing that causes pure torture, even though we all have awareness of our mortality. That 18 years thing strikes me because my mom's first husband were together for 18 years before he died of asthma, my brother (his 2nd son and my younger half brother) was killed in a car accident at 18 years of age.

[HalfaMan]

It seems a paradox (right word maybe) that you are filled with knowing how you two lived a near perfect love life with each other, now that beautiful love is the same thing that causes pure torture, even though we all have awareness of our mortality. That 18 years thing strikes me because my mom's first husband were together for 18 years before he died of asthma, my brother (his 2nd son and my younger half brother) was killed in a car accident at 18 years of age.

Yep you are right there! also yes the numbers seem to be weird as well!

18 years together, 18 months from diagnosis to death, met in August and torn apart in August.
Her birthday was on the 26th and she died on the 26th. There are others but I am just in from work and very tired.

Sorry for your losses!

[mattie]

The request to let go falls oddly on me.
She has been snatched away thus I have little to hold on to.
What I do have, the hope that she may soon contact me can not be let go.
...

What you need to ‘let go’ of is pain or remorse about her dying. Restore your energies as she would want you to do to that place of love & JOY that the 2 of you had. Letting go will enable you to move forward instead of staying locked in the past to achieve this love & JOY. Even if the past was desirable, staying stalled in it isn’t productive. Staying stalled in the past will inhibit your being able to restore your energies to be ABLE to make contact w/ her.

It may be that she has important work to do elsewhere right now. It is likely that your work is to move past having to have her physically by your side to appreciate that SHE IS THERE FOR YOU 24/7, albeit nonphysically. Trust, Trust, Trust that this is the case. I completely understand how you would prefer to have her w/ you physically, but this is not the situation right now. Treasure what the 2 of you had.

Letting go of the painful longing for her isn’t to throw away your connection to her. The more you can shift your BEing into one of joy, of representating her energies on Earth, the more you will bring your self energetically closer to her. The more you exist in pain the further you will be from her energies.

She is likely making a constant energetic overture to you, but it is one that you will have to accept on her terms, not the ones that you are guessing about how she will make contact w/ you. Shift from looking at the more obvious means of her contacting you to subtler ones such as KNOWing you are recreating her energy. TRUST her to guide you in these subtle ways. As you acknowledge her subtler energy it will be increasingly obvious to you that it IS HER, very clearly.

[HalfaMan]

Hmm, OK Mattie, I can accept letting go of the pain, yes that is not productive even if its understandable.
So I do want to let go of that, but how?
I feel pain, I really understand why 'broken hearted' is a phrase, because my heart physically feels broken, clamped up and hurts!

I do try to be open to other chances of communication from her, there are some things.
But, for about three weeks after she passed, I felt a presence here, that was so strong it made me feel a bit uncomfortable!
At the time I was in the deepest of shock, grief had not fully set in (my docs words) I did not really know what to do about the feeling! and now feel very guilty for feeling uneasy instead of embracing it.
If it could feel like that then, why can't I feel it now?
It was really strong, I'd be sitting here at the computer and there would be little clicks and shuffling sounds on the stairs, as if someone was coming up them, many times I dashed to see if someone was, checked around for insects etc, then I had the feel of someone standing and looking at me.

But now the house is just and endless silence and I feel nothing :-(

Sorry for being so needy here.

[deepsea]

Ah,you have had some signs?
That is good.

But there are lots more than that to look for.

Listen for music your wife may have loved.

Look for the small signs that we may not notice at times.
You say you are feeling her standing beside you?
Good.

She is near to you.

There are so many stages of mourning.

Grief...... that she is not with you any more
Anger......that she has left you.
Desertion....You feel she had no right to leave you.

Always remember the spirit world is right with us.
Not based hundreds of miles away but in the same room.
She is so near to you,she is trying to comfort you.

Do you dream at all?
Sometimes they come through to us in Lucid dreaming.

deepsea

[Medium_Laura]

I agree to ask for her in dreams. Dreams are the easiest forms in which spirit can manipulate early on in their passings. :) Ask for dreams ! :)

[Tiss]

You surely cannot guess how I understand you,

I could add that maybe you don't remember what you dreamed BUT, if you wake up feeling an unexplainable sense of peace and renewed optimism, it means for sure that she has been with you during your dream.

I tried that and it works, so when you go to bed ask her to come with you while you sleep.

Love and light :hug:
TISS

[zipzip]

Hi Mike,

I just wanted to add how sorry I am for your loss. I don't really have any words or advice.

:hug3:

zipzip

[HalfaMan]

Hi Mike,

I just wanted to add how sorry I am for your loss. I don't really have any words or advice.

:hug3:

zipzip

That's kind of you to say :hug3:

[HalfaMan]

Hi all

@ deepsea, thanks, I have anger yes but not at her, she did all she could to stay I am content with that.
There are musical times when the radio seems to speak to me.
I do indeed dream, sometimes I am glad to wake up and get away from it, many are dreadfully disturbed such that I wonder how such thoughts arrive with me.
There have been a few nice dreams with my lady in.

I will continue to ask her to come close as I dream.

[zipzip]

Hi Mr Halfaman,

just wanted to see how you are doing....

zipzip

[HalfaMan]

Hi Mr Halfaman,

just wanted to see how you are doing....

zipzip

Hi

Thanks for checking in, its funny as I have not long woken up after sleeping longer than planned! very messed up dreams.
Mostly around the house we had before this one and the job I had before this one back in Glos, we left there in 1999.
Don't think my lady was in the dreams, there was a feel of disconnection being out of place.
I woke up very disturbed and have just been pleading with he to come back to me or come and get me.
This happens a few times a week.
Just now starting to feel guilty for putting such demands on her.
But my defences and controls are low at times like this so my desperation and sadness spills out!

I'll be better in a while, but it helps to come here and find your message :-)

[zipzip]

don't feel guilty about "making demands". I really doubt that your wife would want you to feel that way. You want to get in contact due to your strong connection and sadness. Maybe in some way writing this thread and expressing your feelings has helped in a way. I find that just expressing myself helps me.

:hug:

zipzip