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Emmalevine
27-05-2011, 12:11 PM
Just need some input on how I can accept my life as it is now?

"Just accept it" doesn't seem enough...

I have major health problems. I don't know if they will ever improve, they certainly haven't for over ten years despite trying a whole manner of things and never losing hope I will improve. I want to let go of the struggle and accept I'm ill which is what I could never do. I want to surrender to it. I don't think the grief will ever go away, or the anxiety over my future, but how can i accept this regardless? How can I accept where I am right now? I feel very bitter in many ways. I don't understand why life is like this...but maybe I'm not meant to.

I'm sick of people saying have you tried this, that or other....I've tried eveything. I'm sick of books that say illness relates to emotions when many people who have suffered trauma aren't ill. I'm sick of positive thinking, of making plans for the future, positive affirmations that I'm well when I'm not! I've sat in taxis about to pass out while chanting affirmatioms over and over in my head....didn't work. I'm sick of people assuming I want to be ill when nothing could be further from the truth.

How do I accept where I am? I mean REALLY accept it in my heart?

Gem
27-05-2011, 12:22 PM
Just need some input on how I can accept my life as it is now?

"Just accept it" doesn't seem enough...

I have major health problems. I don't know if they will ever improve, they certainly haven't for over ten years despite trying a whole manner of things and never losing hope I will improve. I want to let go of the struggle and accept I'm ill which is what I could never do. I want to surrender to it. I don't think the grief will ever go away, or the anxiety over my future, but how can i accept this regardless? How can I accept where I am right now? I feel very bitter in many ways. I don't understand why life is like this...but maybe I'm not meant to.

I'm sick of people saying have you tried this, that or other....I've tried eveything. I'm sick of books that say illness relates to emotions when many people who have suffered trauma aren't ill. I'm sick of positive thinking, of making plans for the future, positive affirmations that I'm well when I'm not! I've sat in taxis about to pass out while chanting affirmatioms over and over in my head....didn't work. I'm sick of people assuming I want to be ill when nothing could be further from the truth.

How do I accept where I am? I mean REALLY accept it in my heart?

I don't know how (people will suggest stuff), but you're really talkin' my language.

Prokopton
27-05-2011, 12:26 PM
Hey Starbuck, sorry to hear about your difficulties.

I don't know all the practices you've used but I do notice a few things in what you say. It sounds like your approach has been to try and 'believe you are well already', which IMO doesn't work and often makes the person feel bad for not being able to make the problem go away. I do not think its about 'wanting to be ill', and I find that kind of talk very unhelpful.

However, if your goal is acceptance, then ironically enough the use of affirmations is ideal, especially when combined with some cognitive therapy -- you might find this book (http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Yourself-Cognitive-Behavior-Therapy/dp/1419687433/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1306498901&sr=1-1) helpful for example. This can help you work through the objections and feel more at ease with the nature of your personal reality. (Self-hypnosis can help too.)

Full acceptance is not meant to be easy-peasy of course, so you are right to say that 'just accept it' isn't enough. Acceptance is a major spiritual goal in many traditions and also in modern psychology even when there is no spiritual angle. It is a great milestone. It also doesn't prevent healing of course, if a way to heal can be found.

One more practice I strongly recommend is the Inner Smile. You can get a full description of it from page 39 of this (http://www.scribd.com/doc/2672168/Mantak-Chia-Awaken-Healing-Energy-through-the-Tao), absolutely free. It makes it easier to accept reality as it is. This is a great initial meditation for awakening internal energy.

Best of luck.

EDIT: BTW prayer for an accepting heart might work wonders too, if there is anyone you pray to. I don't use this practice but I have seen it work for others.

BlueSky
27-05-2011, 12:29 PM
Hi Starbuck,
From my expereince, long term illnesses or feeling like you have no energy or strength make looking at life in a positive way practically impossible.
Maybe what you can try accepting is that what you are going thru sucks. Trying to make believe it doesn't may just add to the suffering.
With that being said, don't lose hope either. I did as I suffered with Lyme disease
but somehow it all seemed to work itself out.
I wish you wellness.....James

NightSpirit
27-05-2011, 12:31 PM
I can see it is a very big struggle for you because these questions keep cropping up by you. I can't imagine myself in your shoes and what it would be like to be ill every day of your life, so I don't have the answers.

All I can do is put myself in your space by asking myself a similar question for something treasured by me. I thought for a minute on that and what came to mind was having to find the acceptance that I was going to lose my husband.
I had to find that place in me to let go of the denial and accept the inevitable. Its a price one has to pay for peace of mind and freedom from the constant struggle.

The difference is...I wasn't on the immediate firing line, like yourself. I imagine living with illness is very debilitating and depressing, which would make it extremely hard to find that acceptance within oneself. But I imagine when one learns to be at peace with it, then perhaps one will begin to see a turn-around.

Cheers

Squatchit
27-05-2011, 12:45 PM
Hiya Starbuck

It was only when I mentally accepted that I am disabled was I able to come to some sort of terms with it.

It still drives me bonkers some days and I could scream the sky down...but I'm more at peace than I was before I accepted it.

Not sure that helps, but that's my story. :smile:

:hug:

Squatch

Emmalevine
27-05-2011, 12:49 PM
Thanks all of you...really appreciate the thoughtful responses. There are no easy answers and so it's good to read posts that reflect that, if you know what I mean.

It isn't an easy life and it doesn't seem fair, but maybe accepting the unfairness is part of it all. Lots of people go through stuff, like losing loved ones, that isn't fair but it's the circle of life.

Things to ponder...will come back on this.

Thanks again.

Orbie
27-05-2011, 01:31 PM
Think Squatchit said it perfectly :smile:

SerpentQueen
27-05-2011, 01:32 PM
Acceptance is the final stage in the grief process. That's not where you are at right now. Right now, you are in the anger stage - that bitterness you feel, and the frustration with people.

I don't think you can force acceptance, or rush yourself through the process. It wouldn't be healthy for you to do that anyway. It's okay to be angry. Yell, scream, rant rave... get it all out. Just as a head's up - the next stage is depression. This is normal. When you hit that, don't be alarmed about it. I view depression as the body's way of forcing us to slow down... way down. Through depression, we heal. Not just mentally, but physically too.

The grief process isn't always nice neat and orderly - it's common to flip flop between the stages, back and forth from anger to denial to anger to depression again. What's *not* common is to bypass the middle stages and go straight to acceptance! No. You have to go through those middle stages. You can't skip ahead, so stop trying to force it.

Embrace what you are feeling right now, and that's anger. Really allow yourself to feel it. I am guessing that you don't like to feel angry? Why is that?

I am not familiar with your health issues, but I can fully relate. I supposedly have fibromylagia, and I've been dealing with issues for decades. It's been in remission now for a few years, but I know from experience it can come back at any time. I really hate when people would imply it's all in my head! Gggrrr.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this was coincidence or what, but it went into remission around the time I gave in to it. Yeah. It's not that I accepted the illness per se - what I accepted was that the illness puts serious limits on my lifestyle. I accepted that I can no longer run, because every time I do, it makes matters 100x's worse, not better. That was really hard for me to give up, because I love running. I accepted that I can no longer work in an office that requires a long commute and sitting in a chair for 8 hours, which means scaling back my career aspirations dramatically. My career was always important to me - that was really hard to accept. I accepted that I have to ask for help around the house from my spouse and kids. I accepted that I need a solid 9 or 10 hours sleep every night. Etc.

So I accepted all those conditions, and then went through separate grief processes for each thing I had to give up. It's been a long process. I do find it helps to focus on what I gained by giving up certain things. Slowing way way down has helped me "stop and smell the roses." That's good.

But I still miss running. :-(

Well, I fear I rambled. Hope something in this was helpful.

Orbie
27-05-2011, 01:38 PM
Thanks Serpent Queen, lovely post. Sorry you miss running but like you say pondering on positives our situations bring is so helpful. Your post was a great reminder for me that acceptance doesn't just happen. We have many things to go through before that point. Im taking my time learning to accept Im deafened, taken me twenty five years so far and Im only just at the grief stage, a testament to the stubborness of a human being! Hope others find your post as helpful :)

Silver
27-05-2011, 02:59 PM
It still drives me bonkers some days and I could scream the sky down...

Beautiful turn of words, Starbuck.
Everyone has left you with some great food for thought, anyway.
I just wanna give you a big hug or two.
:hug: :hug:

3dnow
27-05-2011, 03:04 PM
Nooo Starbuck I am so sorry to hear you about your problem.

I love you really. I read the post then I looked who who is the poster. I saw your name and I was really sorry.

That's all I can say I have no idea how difficult it is what you are going through but I admire you.

:hug::hug::hug:

3dnow

Emmalevine
27-05-2011, 04:19 PM
Acceptance is the final stage in the grief process. That's not where you are at right now. Right now, you are in the anger stage - that bitterness you feel, and the frustration with people.

I don't think you can force acceptance, or rush yourself through the process. It wouldn't be healthy for you to do that anyway. It's okay to be angry. Yell, scream, rant rave... get it all out. Just as a head's up - the next stage is depression. This is normal. When you hit that, don't be alarmed about it. I view depression as the body's way of forcing us to slow down... way down. Through depression, we heal. Not just mentally, but physically too.

The grief process isn't always nice neat and orderly - it's common to flip flop between the stages, back and forth from anger to denial to anger to depression again. What's *not* common is to bypass the middle stages and go straight to acceptance! No. You have to go through those middle stages. You can't skip ahead, so stop trying to force it.

Embrace what you are feeling right now, and that's anger. Really allow yourself to feel it. I am guessing that you don't like to feel angry? Why is that?

I am not familiar with your health issues, but I can fully relate. I supposedly have fibromylagia, and I've been dealing with issues for decades. It's been in remission now for a few years, but I know from experience it can come back at any time. I really hate when people would imply it's all in my head! Gggrrr.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this was coincidence or what, but it went into remission around the time I gave in to it. Yeah. It's not that I accepted the illness per se - what I accepted was that the illness puts serious limits on my lifestyle. I accepted that I can no longer run, because every time I do, it makes matters 100x's worse, not better. That was really hard for me to give up, because I love running. I accepted that I can no longer work in an office that requires a long commute and sitting in a chair for 8 hours, which means scaling back my career aspirations dramatically. My career was always important to me - that was really hard to accept. I accepted that I have to ask for help around the house from my spouse and kids. I accepted that I need a solid 9 or 10 hours sleep every night. Etc.

So I accepted all those conditions, and then went through separate grief processes for each thing I had to give up. It's been a long process. I do find it helps to focus on what I gained by giving up certain things. Slowing way way down has helped me "stop and smell the roses." That's good.

But I still miss running. :-(

Well, I fear I rambled. Hope something in this was helpful.

Thank you, this has helped me a lot.

I also have FM, but am more affected by M.E which consists of viral-like symptoms rather than pain, although I do get leg pain frequently. I am pleased to hear yours is in remission but I totally get the fact it could come back anytime. I went into remission and led a near-normal life for 5 years before mine reappeared, although I was always aware I couldn't run.

I miss walking terribly and grieve everyday for this. On the odd day where I can walk a short distance without crutches it means the world.

I have lost full time care of my child due to this illness and I hope for a way forward everyday. Yes maybe acceptance is about grief.

Emmalevine
27-05-2011, 04:19 PM
Beautiful turn of words, Starbuck.
Everyone has left you with some great food for thought, anyway.
I just wanna give you a big hug or two.
:hug: :hug:

Thank you Silvergirl. Those words were spoken by Squatch, but I echo her sentiments entirely!

Emmalevine
27-05-2011, 04:20 PM
Nooo Starbuck I am so sorry to hear you about your problem.

I love you really. I read the post then I looked who who is the poster. I saw your name and I was really sorry.

That's all I can say I have no idea how difficult it is what you are going through but I admire you.

:hug::hug::hug:

3dnow

Ah thanks 3dnow. This site gives me so much peace and hope.

NightSpirit
28-05-2011, 01:23 AM
Thank you, this has helped me a lot.

I also have FM, but am more affected by M.E which consists of viral-like symptoms rather than pain, although I do get leg pain frequently. I am pleased to hear yours is in remission but I totally get the fact it could come back anytime. I went into remission and led a near-normal life for 5 years before mine reappeared, although I was always aware I couldn't run.

I miss walking terribly and grieve everyday for this. On the odd day where I can walk a short distance without crutches it means the world.

I have lost full time care of my child due to this illness and I hope for a way forward everyday. Yes maybe acceptance is about grief.

I'm sorry to hear that :hug3:

It's incredible that in this day and age, there still isn't a drug to halt many of these illnesses and the likes of cancers.

I don't like to say this very often...but I believe Pharmaphuedicals holds back many cures because there's too much money invested in sicknesses and diseases. :rolleyes:

You've probably done this yourself, as you say you've tried almost everything, but its worth saying to you. Ignore it if you have. I always count my blessings. It doesn't matter about their content...to me, its about feeling blessed for all i'm given to experience to make me a stronger, more caring person.

Even when something is devastating in my life, I find that place within me to say "thank you for giving me this experience. For I know there is wisdom and compassion in there to help me learn a better way." Doing this seems to lessen the trauma and empowers me more.

zipzip
28-05-2011, 04:23 AM
Hi Starbuck,

I read your post and just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through such difficulty.

I don't really have much advice, just that embrace all your emotions and know that it's Ok to feel anger and frustration. With me, the more I feel I hold back on those more negative emotions, the more they fester. Let them out then you can move onto acceptance and with acceptance you will find more peace.

:hug2: take care

zipzip

Gem
28-05-2011, 03:17 PM
Hi,

I don't think you need be pleased with everything, it's just things are the way they are, and the way you actually feel about it is the way you feel... things are not some other way, and you feel this way, not another way.

Best wishes,

Gem

seeker2011
28-05-2011, 04:57 PM
Sterbuck,I console myself with this:
Had it not been for the extreme pain of having my life situation of several years ago, I would not have cried so hard [B][I]inward[I][B so loudly enough to attract the attention and response of God, actually, Who felt my pain and started showing me that this physical existence isn't all there is. Sure, a whole lot more pain follows, but it's different pain. I still have been shown enough to know that it will end when it needs to, and not before, and I will continue beyond that.
This post will not take your pain away. It's intended as an example showing you are not alone.

seeker2011
28-05-2011, 05:19 PM
My personal key to acceptance is to remove (stop) the judgement of that which needs accepting.

Emmalevine
29-05-2011, 09:04 AM
Thank you Zip, Gem and Seeker - I appreciate your words so much. I will keep returning to this thread - so much wisdom here. I wish there were easy clear cut answers but I know life isn't like that.

Gem
29-05-2011, 01:14 PM
Thank you Zip, Gem and Seeker - I appreciate your words so much. I will keep returning to this thread - so much wisdom here. I wish there were easy clear cut answers but I know life isn't like that.

As it turns out there are no answers at all, no clear cut ones and no obscure abstract ones. The mind is like why? how? when? were? what? but these are only the expression of gentle and innocent curiosity... just like a baby who sticks leggo in his mouth... what's this taste like? (puts in mouth) Oh I see.

Sapphirez
28-06-2011, 09:08 AM
I came to the forum today to see if there were any answers about Lyme Disease which my online friend just discovered she may have.. well she would have gotten it years ago but anyways she has had fm; they have a lot of the same symptoms and I am sorry but I can't for a minute believe there is a such thing as fm.. I am not saying that you have Lyme disease or anything, I just brought that up cuz it was relevant to why I posted here and a segue into my disbelief of things like fm and cfs.. I just don't really think that it's possible with all the possibilities, that there is a disease that broad and bland. it's **. I never feel good either, physically or mentally, but I would not rest with that diagnosis if I saw doctors.. I am getting my teeth taken care of first and then if I am still unwell after I address my mental/emotional issues with EFT then I will keep searching.

I also have to say that they do have many cures for many things and some are right under our noses or in our cabinets (I mean like baking soda as a potential cure for cancer) but whether there is a simple or complicated answer available, don't you think that mainstream medical's jazillion dollar industry is going to want to keep these things from the public's knowledge?? Magic Johnson goes n gets cured for AIDS, plenty of people have gotten rid of cancer and so on.. I believe that we can heal ourselves more but I also can't deny the prospect of the US Government (and whomever else) having a heavy hand in the shelter of these novelties.

ok sorry for getting offtrack..

I know you didn't ask for this but I think there is much hope in your case and SerpentQueen who brought the fm up.. I loved your post SerpentQueen up until the fm, I am sorry but I really don't think it's what you have as I really don't think it is a "such thing" and I can pretty much guarantee you that as time goes on the fm fad will be debunked and real diagnoses will become more and more prevalent.

now, sorry about that.. as for the real inquiry at the heart of your thread, perhaps healing your mind as much as you possibly can is a crucial part.. I mean, I need to heal my physical self before I can do that personally, but that is me and I know things that are wrong with me and can be changed.. but I think about other cases because of course not every malady can be healed.. I'd like to think otherwise but at this point I can't say it's so.. anyways, your inquiry made me think of my dad, who now has two amputated legs. one was like 5 years ago and the other this past December.. both are cut off below the knee, but of course it's still devastating beyond words..
as for my dad, he's maybe never even tried to heal emotionally/mentally.. I think it's a legitimate vein disease that caused his legs to be amputated but we (my siblings and mom who divorced him many years ago) thought it was excelled by poor lifestyle and substance abuse and that is probably true; which he wouldn't have been so inclined to use had his head been healed.. that's another tangent, sorry, I just mean to say I thought of him as a prime example of coming to terms with what you're dealt. I will work to help him be healthier mentally but there isn't a lot to be done other than fostering peace of mind and zeal for life and what is still offered to you..
the grief process Serpent brought up was profound.. but maybe you shouldn't grieve over something that isn't entirely lost and perhaps that's why it's so much trouble, because it's not relevant =X

I don't want to say much more because I am naive of many of the details of your and other peoples' conditions, but I believe in at least part you are trying to accept things that you shouldn't be accepting.. You said you tried *everything*.. seriously?

psychoslice
28-06-2011, 09:28 AM
Well you can't be anywhere other than where you are now, if you change your life for better or worse, your still going to be where you are, here and NOW.

Emmalevine
28-06-2011, 03:27 PM
I came to the forum today to see if there were any answers about Lyme Disease which my online friend just discovered she may have.. well she would have gotten it years ago but anyways she has had fm; they have a lot of the same symptoms and I am sorry but I can't for a minute believe there is a such thing as fm.. I am not saying that you have Lyme disease or anything, I just brought that up cuz it was relevant to why I posted here and a segue into my disbelief of things like fm and cfs.. I just don't really think that it's possible with all the possibilities, that there is a disease that broad and bland. it's **. I never feel good either, physically or mentally, but I would not rest with that diagnosis if I saw doctors.. I am getting my teeth taken care of first and then if I am still unwell after I address my mental/emotional issues with EFT then I will keep searching.

I also have to say that they do have many cures for many things and some are right under our noses or in our cabinets (I mean like baking soda as a potential cure for cancer) but whether there is a simple or complicated answer available, don't you think that mainstream medical's jazillion dollar industry is going to want to keep these things from the public's knowledge?? Magic Johnson goes n gets cured for AIDS, plenty of people have gotten rid of cancer and so on.. I believe that we can heal ourselves more but I also can't deny the prospect of the US Government (and whomever else) having a heavy hand in the shelter of these novelties.

ok sorry for getting offtrack..

I know you didn't ask for this but I think there is much hope in your case and SerpentQueen who brought the fm up.. I loved your post SerpentQueen up until the fm, I am sorry but I really don't think it's what you have as I really don't think it is a "such thing" and I can pretty much guarantee you that as time goes on the fm fad will be debunked and real diagnoses will become more and more prevalent.

now, sorry about that.. as for the real inquiry at the heart of your thread, perhaps healing your mind as much as you possibly can is a crucial part.. I mean, I need to heal my physical self before I can do that personally, but that is me and I know things that are wrong with me and can be changed.. but I think about other cases because of course not every malady can be healed.. I'd like to think otherwise but at this point I can't say it's so.. anyways, your inquiry made me think of my dad, who now has two amputated legs. one was like 5 years ago and the other this past December.. both are cut off below the knee, but of course it's still devastating beyond words..
as for my dad, he's maybe never even tried to heal emotionally/mentally.. I think it's a legitimate vein disease that caused his legs to be amputated but we (my siblings and mom who divorced him many years ago) thought it was excelled by poor lifestyle and substance abuse and that is probably true; which he wouldn't have been so inclined to use had his head been healed.. that's another tangent, sorry, I just mean to say I thought of him as a prime example of coming to terms with what you're dealt. I will work to help him be healthier mentally but there isn't a lot to be done other than fostering peace of mind and zeal for life and what is still offered to you..
the grief process Serpent brought up was profound.. but maybe you shouldn't grieve over something that isn't entirely lost and perhaps that's why it's so much trouble, because it's not relevant =X

I don't want to say much more because I am naive of many of the details of your and other peoples' conditions, but I believe in at least part you are trying to accept things that you shouldn't be accepting.. You said you tried *everything*.. seriously?

Thank you for your post. Sadly there are a lot of misunderstandings in regard to CFS (I prefer the term ME) and FM..mainly because many people are getting diagnosed with it who don't actually have it! And if that makes me sound arrogant, well, imagine someone who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis seeing hundreds of others who simply can't relate on any level to the terrible symptoms they experience going to the doctor and getting diagnosed with MS due to a lack of test, and you get the idea how difficult it is for someone who does have ME. People simply don't know where the real disease is because so many people who are purely tired, got allergies, odd aches and pains, run down, burnt out, glucose intolerant or whatever else being told they have a strange condition called ME that even doctors don't understand. In short: many do not have it!

Proper ME is the result of a severe immune system malfunction. It is caused by a virus and results in a long term, delibitating condition very similar to chronic glandular fever, which is caused by the Epstein Barr virus. It causes ongoing viral symptoms after any slightest over exertion. I am housebound, I cannot walk anywhere without crutches because my muscles deteroriate. My heart pounds when I walk up the stairs, when I lift something too heavy, when I sit up too quickly. My heart is also a muscle that cannot work properly. My legs lose power when walking; as a result I cannot drive any longer. When I overdo it I experience leg muscle failure, nausea, heart palps, faintness, dizziness and overwhelming flu-like malaise.

People have died from proper ME. Over extertion to the point of pushing the body well over its limits can result in heart failure and often in people being bedbound. Many, many people are bedbound because doctors have forced them to exercise. This is like having flu and making yourself run a treadmill.

If this sounds stupid, people with MS, autism, Polio and plenty of other diseases were once dismissed as not being 'proper' illnesses or 'in the mind.' You'd think these arrogant medics would have learnt their lesson, but sadly they seem determined to keep the secrets of this illness very quiet, or down to psychological factors.

And as for have I tried everything, oh crikey yes! I have tried alternative therapies, counselling, thought patterns, visualisation, diet, pacing, rest, pills, non acceptance (this put me in hospital with my heart), now acceptance.

I only hope one day this illness is taken more seriously. I don't want to indulge in it, I don't want to make my life about it, I simply want to live.

Sapphirez
28-06-2011, 08:52 PM
what does ME stand for? I am sorry that you have such horrible symptoms and that life is so hard for you to live but I still cannot accept it that you are sol... even something like cerebral palsy has been helped to at least some degree with EFT and it's helped many other things, I am sure fibromyalgia and/or whatever else too.
I just did a quick search but here's a video *shrug* you never know..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p2yFhDPXCE

I just think that there is a lot of healing potential and even if this is a new thing they don't really know about, I don't think that you are destined to suffer with it for the rest of your life. I think you can overcome it and I know that you have not tried everything because trying everything would be impossible frankly (and there is so much not on your list)


http://tapyourpower.sourceforge.net/cases/eft_case_1622.html

I could find more links but that should be a start for you if you are interested to find out the possibilities. I think EFT can help pretty much anyone but of course there are other tactics you can employ as well.. if nothing else, EFT can help you to gain the acceptance you desire.. but I don't think it is time for you to accept this, I think you should not give up on finding a healthier life for yourself ♥

Emmalevine
29-06-2011, 07:38 AM
Yep tried EFT as well...good with symptom relief but not for overall health improvement. Remember 'alternative therapies' covers a whole manner of approaches including homeopathy and reflexology, reiki and more.

I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I've lived with this illness for 13 years and quite frankly I'm tired of always looking for the next thing that could help. Several years ago I would have been agreeing with you wholeheartedly but I don't want to spend my life searching for what may never happen. If I just lived in the present, accepting where I am and what I've got, it doesn't mean giving in to it, it means RIGHT NOW this is how I feel. It doesn't mean things can't change next minute, next week or next year, it means RIGHT NOW this is how it is, and I can live my life regardless. I guess this is what I'm aiming for by this thread.

I'll always carry hope - always have done. But I'm not going to keep struggling when perhaps life is telling me to float for a bit.

Mountain-Goat
01-07-2011, 04:02 AM
Starbuck,
If you're not content with your current life situations, then good, this means you want to change.
Accepting your current state does not mean you accept it in the sense you are welcoming it in your life like a dear old friend.

Aceptance in this context means you acknowledge what is happening, you are not avoiding or denying the situations.

The first thing a new member of AA has to do it admit they are an alchoholic.
This is accepting the reality of the situation.
That is the first step only, but it has to be the first step.
The other steps cannot follow if that first one is not taken.

You've had your illness for 13 years... I had depression from day one and I had it for 40 years.
I too spend many days tired of looking and trying this that and the other, with no results.
But here I am, cured. Don't give up Starbuck.
You have no idea what's around the corner on your healing journey.

But hey, "don't give up" are bitter words when you're exhausted from all your efforts so far.
I know, I crashed and burned once a year for many years till I was totally healed.
And the last thing I wanted to hear when I was at my lowest point was some bloke telling me to never give up.

But that's the best thing I can tell you.
I do not know of what thing or practice will be of benefit for you, but I do know that your healing is further along your path, so keep going.

But's it's not what I know, it's what are you going to do.
Are you going to totally give up, or are you going to regather your energy and continue your journey.

The quirky thing about journeys is they can be extremely painful and arduous,
and it's not till you have obtained that which you seek can you look back and laugh with profound joy of why the journey was so hellish.
Only till you have obtained does it all make sense, and the pain of the past, even 40 years of it has simply disappeared.

But within the journey, that's where there is darknes and pain and uncertainty and confusion etc.
But look deeper and you will see your courage, determination, faith in self etc.
The journey through hell is where Starbuck transforms into an amazing person...one day at a time...one step at a time.

Edison apparently tried 10 000 times till he found the correct filament for his light bulb.
Many thought he would give up even after 1000 goes, be he simply said to them after each failure,
"Ah, but I am one step closer to success."

Everything that has not worked for you is one step closer to your cure.
It's a process of elimination.

Healing journeys are not fun. They are painful and hard, and can take some to the bring of death.
The fun is after you are healed.
Do the hard yards and you will receive your reward of all that effort.

I was in hell for 40+ years of my life.
Since 2009 I have been living a life of joy power and abundance.
Was the 40 years worth it...hell yeah!

mattie
01-07-2011, 04:20 AM
Surrender is a term that is quite popular, but sometimes misapplied. It is possible for Ďsurrenderí to not have a negative connotation, but for many it has the meaning of victor/conquered or subjugated. Accepting something as what IS isnít necessarily surrender or being beaten, but acknowledging that we are where we are at this moment.

When others offer suggestions they are trying to help, often giving tips about what worked for them. It is probably well intentioned even if it isnít what works for you.

To move forward it is important to accept where we are. If we donít accept where we are, whatever this IS, then it is difficult to move on. You will make the decision when you are ready to move past this present state. You have complete control over this.

How you accept where you are is something that you have to work out on your own. As youíve noted othersí suggestions have not applied. Being unwilling to accept your condition doesnít change it though, it just gives you personal anguish about it. Accepting it will likely allow you to take the next steps in moving past it.